All It Takes Is A Little Love

“I’m tired, boss. Tired of being on the road, lonely as a sparrow in the rain. I’m tired of never having me a buddy to be with to tell me where we’s going to, coming from, or why. Mostly, I’m tired of people being ugly to each other. I’m tired of all the pain I feel and hear in the world…every day. There’s too much of it. It’s like pieces of glass in my head…all the time. Can you understand? …”  Stephen King, The Green Mile

Stephen King is masterful at putting words together in such a way that we can viscerally feel them. Right now I find this quote from The Green Mile speaking to how I feel on some days. I too am tired of people being ugly to each other. It is contrary to who I am as a person and yet it seems to have become so pervasive in our society of the moment. The most horrific peddler of ugliness is our President of the United States who enjoys insulting people over and over again, most especially women and people who have the temerity to disagree with him. 

I am so tired. I have enjoyed a good life and for most of my days on this earth I found ways to be optimistic even during the most trying times. I seriously had no idea that there was an underbelly of pain in the world so horrible that it would one day reveal itself in the poisonous taunts of a man whose job should be to help us live together, listen to one another, and find mutually created ways to insure that all Americans enjoy the fruits of our democracy. Instead I watch the horror of the undoing of our common decency and willingness to work together while seeing the growth of the hatefulness that no longer festers in the dark. 

I recently returned from a sojourn in Maine, the home of Stephen King. I was enlivened there in the beauty that seemed to to surround me. I stayed in a little cabin with the windows open both day and night so that breezes swept across my face. I heard the wind whispering through the pines and listened to the everyday voices of people staying nearby. I had a bed, a two burner stove, a small refrigerator, a bathroom and a heater to chase away the cold at night. I realized that it was all that I really needed to feel comfortable and happy and I began to wonder why we humans seem to require more and more luxury to feel the joy that I realized in that tiny place that took me back to the basics of what we humans need. It made me realize that all of us may a be a bit too selfish in terms of sharing our good fortune. 

I thought of how that small cabin might become a haven for someone who is homeless. I realized that most of us only need a tiny bit of the riches that we have to feel safe and secure and satisfied and yet we fight over the idea of contributing for the welfare of all. We want to keep as much of our wealth as possible even as it becomes more and more apparent as we grow old that we cannot take any of it with us. 

I stood on a rocky shoreline not far from that cabin and witnessed the glory of nature as a strong wind from the ocean blew across my face. I thought of the thousands of years that those rocks had been weathered by forces that carved and changed them. I wondered about the people who had once stood where I was in the long ago. I somehow believed that what they wanted from life was probably not that different than my own desires. Somehow as our lives became easier than ever before in history we seem to have become too focused on artificial ways of being happy, methods for medicating our feelings with things. We party in extravagance while somewhere in the world there is great poverty and suffering and we only shrug at the suggestion that maybe we might spend less on frivolities and more on lifting others out of the horrific situations that seem to be drowning them. 

I suppose that I am a far too serious person. I lost the innocence of my childhood when I was eight and my father died. I felt the yoke of responsibility descend over me. I became more and more aware of how the people around me were feeling. I was able to channel my old soul into the profession of teaching where I shared my hopes and beliefs that everyone has the right to a safe and secure life. 

I felt good in that little cabin in Maine. I thought of Stephen King while I was there and understood how that place has always provided inspiration for him. Life was slow enough and simple enough to rest and clear my head. It is only in returning to the hubbub inflicted on the world day in and day out by a wealthy bully who somehow became the leader of our nation that I grow weary again. I witness his ugliness and how it inspires an underbelly of our society to be just as cruel and and I feel that glass in my head. I too am tired of the pain. Can you understand?

I am and always will be a teacher. I found so much joy in my profession even on the very worst of days. Ultimately my students were foremost in my mind. Of course I wanted them to be proficient in mathematics but more than that I wanted them to know how deeply I cared about them and their futures. I think of them to this very day and while I may not instantly recall every single name I see their faces yearning for understanding and someone to really care about them. 

Teaching was more than just a job for me. it was a vocation and along the way I was my own worst critic. I analyzed every lesson that I presented and determined what seemed to work and what fell short. Along the way I improved my craft always with the humanity of my students as the forefront of how I worked with them. 

Eventually I became a Dean of Faculty. I witnessed teachers who were captivating and some who struggled to understand the needs of their students. Mostly I saw genuinely dedicated individuals who gave their hearts and their souls to the young people who sat before them. Only those who have experienced the world of teaching will ever fully understand how truly caring most teachers are. The students become their extended family that grows and grows the more years that they partake in the joy of spreading knowledge. With my own lifetime of being a teacher and Mama B to thousands of students a short documentary on YouTube caught my eye. It is called The Last Class which features Robert Reich teaching his last semester of Public Policy at UC Berkeley.

While I initially believed that the film would feature the ideas of Robert Reich it soon became apparent that it was more of a tribute to his time as a teacher and the philosophies of education that defined his style of inspiring young men and women to think. Rather that expecting them to regurgitate facts Reich challenged them to study and understand how to define their own beliefs. His was a class in truly critical thinking about how and why each of us view the world. 

More than anything the film emphasized the joy that teaching brought to Robert Reich and his students over the course of forty years at many different universities. For Professor Reich teaching was as much a part of his being as breathing and even though he will no longer be formally in that business, he knows that he must continue spreading information and insights for the rest of his life. Teachers retire from the day to day presence in a certain classroom but not from the vocation that seems to almost define them. 

I greatly enjoyed the film and hung on Reich’s every word about his profession and his students. It was as though he was speaking for me in a way of understanding what it means to teach that those who have never stood before a group of students will never fully understand. My emotions rose to the surface as he expressed his love for his students and spoke of the difficulty in actually hanging up his hat and officially retiring. I too have felt those same feelings and as of this moment have been unable to fully refrain from working with young students. 

From the time that I worked my last day in a school until this moment I have tutored and worked with homeschooled children. Over time my responsibilities and energy forced me to cut down the number of hours each week that I reserved for the young people who were in a sense my last students. Now in the coming year I will be down to three youngsters and maybe a couple of students who need tutoring. Part of me wants to recruit new students and part of me knows that as I move toward my eighties I am not as hardy as I once was and I tire more easily. Nonetheless being with students invigorates me like no other activity. 

I began my career in the long ago with a rather challenging schedule. I look back and wonder if I gave the best of myself to my first students. I was experimenting with them and they were lovely enough to go along with me. Over time I became better and better but still had the sense that I might have done even more. I think of the students whose hearts I touched and those that I fear I did not reach. I love them all, even the ones who tested my patience. 

I remember one particular moment when one of my favorite students was discovered to be the thief of computers and possessions of other students. As he confessed he broke down in tears and asked if I hated him for his crimes. I told him that I only hated what he had done but would always love him and hope that he had learned enough to turn his life around. I felt that way about every young person who ever sat looking at me as I tried to help them make sense of mathematics and the world around them. They were my children and all I ever wished for them is that they develop the ability to navigate life with critical thinking and a way of using knowledge for the betterment of the world. 

I agree with Robert Reich that teaching is a noble profession and one that burrows into our hearts such that we never really give it up. It is a truism that only those who can, teach! 

I’ve always enjoyed working outside far more than doing the chores inside the house. When I was just a child my mother gave me and my brothers regular duties to perform to keep our household in good working order. My brothers had to take out the trash and keep the lawn mowed. My jobs included washing the dishes by hand (we did not have a dishwasher) and helping with the housekeeping chores. My mother taught me early on how to clean a toilet that would pass the white glove test. Somehow whenever I was on bathroom duty I felt a sense of envy that my brothers were outside in the open air taking care of the lawn. It never occurred to me that they were pushing a mower with no engine so that their labor must have been exhausting. I just wanted to be outside rather than being relegated to traditional female chores. 

Once I had my own home I literally volunteered to take care of lawn duties. I had a much better lawn mower than my brothers had pushed around and I reveled in being outside. For many years I joined the neighborhood men in Sunday afternoon trimming and edging and weeding. I supposed that my love of such work came from my farming ancestors and my desire to keep my yard looking tip top from week to week. 

Eventually I grew older and less energetic so that the joy of giving the lawn a haircut week after week waned to a point that made me dream of cleaning toilets once again. When my trusty lawnmower lost its mojo as well I decided that it was time to hire someone to do the job that had entertained me with joy for so many years. 

I often found flyers from individuals offering to take over on the outdoor duties so it was not difficult o find someone to do the job that I had done for so many years. Soon a man named Mario was faithfully beautifying my yard in less than a tenth of the time it had always taken me to complete the task. Amazingly not only was Mario fast but his efforts were far more impressive than mine. Thus I never again considered the idea of purchasing a lawnmower or suggesting that my husband might want to join the other men of the neighborhood in the weekly drill. 

Eventually we moved to a new neighborhood and Mario felt that it was too far away from his territory so I had to find a replacement quickly. A friend from work who lived in the same area had glowing praise for a man named Jose and so I forged new relationship with a very talented man. 

Jose has kept our lawn looking wonderful week after week since January of 2005. He is reliable and incredibly talented in his work. Whether we are in town or not I know that Jose will trim our lawn so well that I will never receive an angry letter from the HOA. He has had different sidekicks over the years and teamwork makes the job so fast that it is unimaginable. Over time other neighbors in the cul de sac have employed Jose and now he also takes care of my father-in-law’s property. 

I listen for the sound of his arrival each Saturday morning and smile when I hear him buzzing away with his string trimmer. He is as masterful as an artistic sculptor with that tool. He can weed a flowerbed in under five minutes and when he plants new shrubs or flowers for us they thrive. He feels like a member of the family even though we exchange few words. He keeps his head down and works quickly because he has many homes to visit and has to keep going before the sun goes down. 

As my husband and I have grown older many of the chores related to our yard have become too much for us. We used to mulch our flower beds but now Jose completes that task. We move our potted plants from the patio to the garage each fall to keep them safe during freezes. This year we surrendered that task to Jose. A job that took us hours only lasted about fifteen minutes with Jose. When spring came he brought the same plants back outside in record time and placed them exactly where they needed to be. 

Jose has been reliable and honest and superb in his work. Not once has he asked for a raise. I had to think of doing increasing his wages when prices began to rise. He never complains about any request we make no matter how strange and unrelated to yard maintenance it might be. If we need to move a heavy object upstairs he comes to the rescue. He even volunteers to hang and take down Christmas lights for a very small price. 

It is important to note that Jose has a regular job during the week. He fits in yard work during times when he is not busy at his main source of income. Based on what I know it is probable that he works seven days a week and sometimes does extra jobs on weekdays when the sun stays out until late at night. 

I would never underestimate the value of a man like Jose. He is exemplary in his work and I frankly can’t imagine not having him in our lives. I try to convey my appreciation of him but I’m not sure that I have been successful enough in showering him with enough well deserved praise to do that job. 

I hear so many derogatory comments about people who do hard laboring jobs like Jose. Some folks make ugly comments about people like him, insinuating or even saying outlaid that they need to go back to whatever country from which they came. I know that Jose is an American citizen but I suspect that his dark skin and thick accent leave him prey to pejoratives that he should never have to endure. He is a valued person and a good American who daily demonstrates the very traits that we all attempt to instill in our children. He is a treasure not just to me but to the many people for whom he so diligently works week after week, year after year. He is an exemplar for al that is good and I just hope that he understands how greatly we appreciate him. 

When my daughters were in intermediate school they attended South Houston Intermediate in Pasadena Independent School District. Their time at the school was fraught with the usual growing pains but they always felt safe and important because of the principal, Lucas Vegas. The foundation of their education was strengthened there and they would go on to excel in high school, college and life. 

Several years after my two children were students at South Houston Intermediate I applied for a job there. I had been reluctant to do so when they were still there but by that time they were launching themselves into adulthood and I was ready to use my educational expertise in service of my community. I had spoken with a couple of principals in the Pasadena district both of whom seemed to think that my recent background in a private school would not be a good fit with public school students. When I finally received a call from Mr. Vegas to set up an interview I was determined to overcome any preconceptions that he might have about my fitness for the job. 

I was amazed that Mr. Vegas remembered me and my two daughters and we mostly spoke about them at the beginning of the interview. Eventually he got around to asking me if I thought that I would be able to work with the underserved population of the school which included many students with low incomes and stressful backgrounds. I suppose that I was wearing my anger on my sleeve when he suggested such a thing and I shot back at him with the argument that kids are kids and that my well to do private school students had their own share of problems to overcome. In the middle of my rant Mr. Vegas smiled and asked me if I really wanted to work for him. When I nodded he picked up the phone and announced that he had found his teacher. 

I began my journey with Lucas Vegas as a hybrid teacher in the sixth grade who taught Social Studies and Science. Given that my educational background had focused on English and Mathematics I had to do lots of study to keep up with a curriculum that was mostly unfamiliar to me. Mr. Vegas would cheer me on, confident that I was up to the task and so it was. 

Even as I learned to enjoy both science and social studies I was elated when a teacher of mathematics left the school in the middle of the year to become an administrator. I marched straight to Mr. Vegas and asked him to put me in the math class but he had been overjoyed to see how well I was doing with science and social studies and was reluctant to make so many changes in one feel swoop. 

For a time Mr. Vegas brought in several teachers to try out for the job of teaching math. None of them lasted more than a few days and I kept up the pressure to land the job that was in keeping with what I had been doing for most of my career. Soon he saw the wisdom of my thinking and conceded that I should be the sixth grade math teacher. 

It was a tougher gig than I had expected because by the time I walked into the classroom the students had been without continuity for a fairly long time. They challenged me like few groups have ever done but I was determined and Mr. Vegas was supportive of my efforts like no principal for whom I had ever worked. By the end of the school year my course was set. I was switched to seventh grade mathematics and began working with a talented group of teachers under the guidance of Mr. Vegas who began enrolling me in one learning opportunity after another to further hone my skills. By the time I had taken course after course I was his choice for Mathematics Department Head when the former head decided to retire and move away. 

Working with Lucas Vegas was a wonderful experience. He was like a coach encouraging me to fulfill my dreams and improve my skills. His office was open whenever I faltered. There I would get a boost of confidence, always leaving more determined than ever to overcome the kind of problems that teachers face from day to day. I don’t believe that I would ever have achieved all that I eventually did without the encouragement from Lucas Vegas. He was not only a fantastic teacher of young people but also a motivator for those of us who were teaching. 

Lucas Vegas retired before I left South Houston Intermediate. A new principal came and eventually created a position for me that allowed me to be the kind of mentor to my fellow teachers that Mr. Vegas had been for me. I would move on to other jobs and other schools eventually becoming a high school mathematics teacher and Dean of Faculty. I knew at every moment that all of my success took root under the enthusiastic guidance of Lucas Vegas.

Lucas and I kept in touch with each other over the years. He would call me on the phone just to see how I was doing. We exchanged Christmas letters and sometimes met at local restaurants. A few year ago Lucas had a physical crisis and ended up in a nursing home near where I live. I visited him and he was as optimistic and chatty as he had ever been. I always knew that when I met up with him our visits would last for hours because he wanted to know how everyone was doing. 

Lucas Vegas died in May just as I was celebrating the graduations of twin grandchildren who were the children of my youngest daughter. I think that Mr. Vegas would have been pleased to know that his heritage was living on through them. Sadly I never got to tell him how much his influence has impacted the lives of thousands of students and teachers who once had the pleasure of being in a school with him. 

May Lucas Vegas rest in peace. He has earned a special place in heaven. I hope that his children and grandchildren and great grandchildren understand the incredible legacy that this great man left behind. We all will miss him.  

The whole system works because we are not all nuts on the same day. — Unkown

My mood regarding the heath of our nation goes up and down depending on what kind of news I am hearing. I try not to torture myself with too much information but I also believe in the importance of knowing the truth about what is happening even as I realize that we often are not privy to everything. In the past year and a half of Donald Trump’s presidency it has been difficult to stay calm given the massive changes not just to physical structures but to virtually every single federal department and often to laws emanating from the red states. It feels as though there is a purposeful dismantling of so much that I believe is important in the United States. Given that we are supposed to be in a celebratory year marking the two hundred fiftieth anniversary of the signing of the Declaration of Independence my anxieties are especially prescient. 

I keep thinking of Benjamin Franklin’s remark that we have a republic “if we can keep it.” Sometimes it feels as though we are standing at the edge of a precipice beyond which our nation will be doomed and other times I believe with all of my heart that the American people will ultimately keep the republic intact. 

There are some tacky things happening that are a matter of taste and a question of who has the authority to make them happen. There really was no reason to tear down the East Wing of the White House without a deliberation and agreement over whether or not we need a ballroom when there are nearby venues would be easy enough to secure and use for formal gatherings. It’s not so much that the idea of building a ballroom is totally bad, but the fact that part of the people’s house was torn down without any kind of consultation. Even if a ballroom is never built a great deal of costly damage has already been done. 

Then there is the lavish party for Trump’s eightieth birthday. He certainly has the right to celebrate his time on this earth. I gave my mother a surprise party when she turned eighty and it was lots of fun but not particularly costly nor did I tear up my yard to build an arena for a wrestling match for the occasion. I think that such an event is a bit tacky but I also say “to each his own” except for the fact that it is costing the taxpayers money that is desperately needed elsewhere. 

Of course these complaints from me are somewhat minor compared to the really serious things like a war with Iran that need not ever have happened and has been incredibly costly in lives and money. Trump and his followers seem to be unwilling to admit that the damage being done was never necessary. We have not in fact taken out Iran’s nuclear capability and the Strait of Hormuz was not closed before we attacked. The people of Iran are even less likely to rise up and protest than they were before Trump attacked Iran. We have expended also so much of our own arsenal that we are in a dangerous situation if a real need were to arise. The whole episode needed the formal agreement of Congress that the Constitution requires. What makes me the most angry and anxious is that Trump just does whatever comes into his head and then finds ways to justify his actions as though there are no restraints on a president the way our founding fathers intended. 

I could go on and on and on but each day feels so much like living in a house with someone who is mentally ill or a person who is a brutal bully. We don’t know from one minute to the next or one day to the next what the man who should be protecting us and our country will single handedly decide to do. He seems to stay up all night in a frenzy of anger and self pity that makes life unbearable for the rest of us and yet nobody says the true part out loud. Donald Trump is unfit to be in charge. His mind is focused on a revenge tour and a struggle for power that is personal, not about our national good. 

In the past there would have been good men and women who would have had the courage to speak up and make certain that nobody be allowed to run roughshod over our laws. What drives me particularly nuts in this moment is that a mad man is being protected by the very people who should be able to stop him. They bow and scrape and tell him that he is the greatest leader of all time for reasons that I cannot understand. The idea of honor is totally lacking in the members of the cabinet and in most of the Republicans in Congress. Whatever Trump wants he gets like a spoiled little brat that the elders fear. 

The only thing that keeps me sane and hopeful is that there are indeed people shouting from the rooftops that our president is not just an empty suit but a demented man who has no clothes. I see and hear their courage and I am able to keep from losing my mind in a situation that makes no sense to me. 

I have reached a point of not wishing to argue with many of the people who are ardent supporters of the madness of our president because I have learned that they are unwilling to see the truth about what is happening. I fear that they are blind to the danger that he represents so they go along with however he tells them to think. I don’t know if they fear him or they are just unwilling to accept that he is day by day destroying the country that we love. 

So for some time now I have vacillated between feeling as though all hope is lost and girding my loins to do whatever it takes to keep the United States free for all who live here. I have to believe that one day this nightmare will be over just as we made it through the revolution of long ago, the Civil War that tore us apart, and the world wars that brought down tyrants. We have struggled before and I believe that we will overcome this craziness once again.