All It Takes Is A Little Love

Einstein proclaimed that time is relative. It certainly has been that way for me since I had a total knee replacement. The day of the surgery flew by as though someone had stolen many of the hours that usually make up the passage from one date to the next. The first days following dragged along as though someone had forgotten to the wind clock and so I was stuck in a seemingly forever moment. What we don’t always talk about when discussing Einstein’s theory of relativity is that even emotions like joy and pain are also relative.

We’ve all had the experience of having such an enjoyable day that it felt as though time had speeded up just when we wished it would slow down. So too whenever we are feeling sorrowful or the pain of a bodily injury time seems to be infinitely sluggish. An hour seems like a day. A day seems like forever. 

When I first announced that I was going to have surgery for a total knee replacement I received a variety of comments. One woman was only five weeks from the same kind of procedure and her words were disturbing. She insisted that the days and weeks and hours after the surgery were riddled with almost unbearable pain. That is something that few doctors mention when providing information about what lies after the procedure is done. 

As it happens I tend to be a stoic capable of enduring great pain in a somewhat positive way. Nonetheless I understand that each of us has varying abilities to deal with aches that plague our bodies. I have a set of twin grandchildren who literally are on opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to pain. One seems like wonder woman when subjected to intense discomfort. Her twin, on the other hand, is so acutely aware of the body’s efforts to heal itself that he suffers mightily like the woman who attempted to prepare me for the unpleasantries that would lie ahead.

I have to admit that the whole aftermath has been far more uncomfortable than I ever imagined. Most of the time I managed to grit my teeth and work my way through the soreness but there were times when I winced and tears appeared in my eyes. It is a much more serious and difficult surgery than I had dared to believe. I think my friend was attempting to prepare me and she certainly did. 

It stands to reason that if something artificial is placed in your body there will be reactions. The body sees the foreign object as an invader and has to go into a mode designed to heal. That healing process requires lots of hard work to keep the knee from becoming stiff and immovable. For weeks the daily routine has to include physical therapy sessions and home exercises. Even just sitting for an hour without moving results in a stiffness that makes the knee feel as though it has been encased in concrete. It’s up to the person who has had the surgery to keep moving and sometimes that does not feel so good. 

I am nicely along at this point in time. I can bend my knee one hundred twenty degrees with effort. It is till not a pain free movement but it is one of which I am very proud because it took many hours to get that ability. I can also keep my leg so straight that it hits a flat surface at zero degrees. That too has required stretching and building back the muscles in my leg. Time for me has been built around icing the knee to reduce swelling, elevating the knee for the same reason and working out even when I wanted to do something else. I can totally understand the frustration of my friend for whom the pain was unremitting. I know the experience of being unable to sleep on some nights when nothing seemed to stop the constant throbbing. I had to concentrate on the fact that all of that activity at night was a sign that my body was attempting to be normal once again.

Time has been relative for me. I mostly stay at home to be certain that I don’t catch a virus or otherwise get sick and only add to the recovery time that continues. I feel a bit better with each passing week and I have resumed regular activities like teaching my homeschooled students and cooking and doing light cleaning. I’m banned from yard work. which is my form of relaxation, until I reach three months from the date of my surgery. I can’t go to the dentist until six months after the surgery. I obey the demands of my surgeon and his team because so far everything they have told me has been very true. 

My life is moving at a slow pace right now. Each day seems very long as I am anxious to wake up one morning and feel as though I am all healed. This moment in time has made me so much more aware of those who suffer for any reason. I find myself thinking of them and doing my best to help them to get from one day to the next. I know that wonderful people have done that for me. Everything about life is relative and so we would all do well to understand rather than to judge. Each of us have different levels of tolerance for the painful times that come our way. It’s up to us to help each other along.  

Saturday, March 7, was the anniversary of Bloody Sunday when protestors were met with extreme violence as they attempted to cross the William Petit Bridge in Selma Alabama in 1965. Their intent was to bring attention to the voting rights of Blacks that were being trampled in areas all over the United States. When the peaceful marchers came over the horizon of the bridge they were met with snarling dogs and angry white men ready to beat them over the heads with clubs. It was an horrific incident that burned into my sixteen year old brain and cemented my determination to spend my life providing opportunities for all people. 

Years later I was in the final days of my life as a mathematics teacher working at a school that sponsored a Civil Rights tour of the south for students who had just completed their freshman year. The high school was the first of its kind in the KIPP Charter School system and most of the students came from minority neighborhoods in Houston, Teas where life was often difficult. When I was asked to be one of the chaperones for the trip I looked forward to sharing the tour of historical places that I only knew from the news of my youth when I was not much older than the students with whom I would share the trip. 

I had told a group of the young people how devastated I was witnessing the events of Bloody Sunday on my family’s black and white television. I mentioned that I cried every time I saw old films of that horrific day and that I would probably be moved to tears once again when we visited the place in person.

We first stopped at Toogaloo College in Jackson, Mississippi where we heard from a minister who had accompanied students who took part in sit ins back in the sixties. From there we traveled to Memphis, Tennessee and went the the hotel where Martin Luther King was assassinated. My emotions were jumping all over the place and I felt as though I was experiencing a sacred pilgrimage with my Black students as we visited each site. Eventually we traveled to Selma, Alabama to walk across the bridge that was so burned into my memory. 

We left the buses in front of the church where the original march began. We walked slowly and solemnly down the street with cars from the local police following us. As we came upon the bridge the old images of the people who had been there on March 7, 1965 flooded my brain. Somehow it felt right that I was honoring them with my students who also seemed to understand the impact of that moment in history. 

When we had walked the length of the bridge and gathered in a nearby field one of my students came up to me where I was standing alone deep in my thoughts. He hugged me and asked, “Are you alright, Mama B?” That is when the dam holding back my tears broke. 

I retired a few years later and time passed. It was 2020, and Covid 19 had overtaken the world. On a day in May a man whom I might otherwise have never known died at the hands of a police officer after crying out that he could not breathe while entreating his mother to help him. Once again I was mesmerized by the film showing the cruelty of the police officer whose knee bored down on George Floyd’s throat without pity.

Soon afterwards I received a private message from the student who had comforted me on that journey over the William Pettit Bridge. He begged me to help his people as he believed I would. That is when I began writing about political issues and justice. I was on fire in my defense of the frustration and anger that our Black citizens were feeling so many decades after the Civil Rights efforts had seemed to bring prejudices to an end. I realized that we were still fighting the same kind of battles in our nation that were so violent back when I was a teen. It was as though I had circled back to a time that I had naively believed was long gone. 

My student awakened me in that moment. I realized that I had assumed that the fights for justice for all people in the United States were over. I had travelled in circles where I was sheltered from prejudices even though my students and many of my minority colleagues had insisted that the battles were not yet over. I wore rose colored glasses that fooled me into thinking that all of the civil rights issues were settled. In May of 2020, I finally faced the truth. 

It has been tough for the past six years because an underbelly of our nation has come roaring back with confidence that they can roll back many of the programs that insured that all people of all races and beliefs would be free to express themselves. I have watched with a certain level of guilt as many of the old prejudices have resurfaced often from the man who serves as our president. It has broken my heart but not my spirit to see such things. Now on the anniversary of Bloody Sunday, the day after the funeral for freedom fighting Jesse Jackson, I see that our work is not done until all people whomever they may be are respected and given an equal chance just to be. Because I believe that human rights are not optional I will carry on as long as there is still work to be done. None of us can afford to look the other way as long as any of as are being treated unfairly.

Since I am now retired I spend my early mornings playing the words games in The New York Times while I sip on my tea and listen to the sounds of the neighborhood children waiting for the school bus. It’s a leisurely time that I rarely enjoyed during my working years when I had to dash out of the house at six in the morning to fight the Houston traffic on my way to work. Back then I would munch on my breakfast in the car and listen to morning news stations that kept me alerted to stalled cars and our ever quirky weather. 

These days my mornings are slow, quiet and uneventful which is the way I like things to be. I rise long before my husband and don’t bother to turn on lights. I open the blinds downstairs and let the rising of the sun illuminate my space while my wind chimes welcome me to the serenity of being able to pause for a moment from the hustle and bustle that I know is happening on those roads that I traveled for so many years and decades. 

I have earned the slow pace of things so I revel in my mornings even on the two days a week that I teach homeschooled children. I set our meetings at times after the morning rush so that I am still able to quietly enjoy my morning routines of checking that my brain is still working by successfully completing Spelling Bee, the Mini Crossword, Wordle, Connections and Strands. 

Once my word puzzles are complete I head to Facebook to greet friends celebrating birthdays with my best wishes. I read the daily essay from Heather Cox Richardson, an historian who relates the political happenings of the present to the events of the past. Then I post my weekday blogs and search my messages and posts to see how my friends are doing. 

Sadly of late Facebook has become a total mess. I’m lucky if I see five or six posts from the hundreds of friends with whom I have supposedly connected. I know that many of them, especially the younger ones, have abandoned Facebook over time, but others tell me that they are still active even as I no longer see their posts. The tech guys who run the site have created algorithms that they believe satisfy my needs but often they link me with people who are mostly acquaintances rather than friends and never show me the posts of the people with whom I really hope to stay in touch. 

Wading through the junk on my wall is like checking the mail that comes to my home. If I have one item that is personal and important I am lucky. Everything else is a paper held commercial for some person or product that I don’t want or need. My recycle bin fills every single day with brochures that are wasted on me. 

I find myself spending less and less time on Facebook or expending the energy to check my mailbox for the same reasons. Most of the time all I find in either spot is tons of garbage that I never requested and never want to keep. The book of faces that was once a lovely avenue for staying in touch and finding long lost friends is now a hodgepodge of irritating posts from people and organizations about which I do not care. 

I suppose that I might follow the lead of my daughters and many of my former students who have closed their Facebook accounts but I still learn about events that my Class of 66 is planing and sometimes I find out about life events of people that I know and love. I get to see the weddings and births and vacations of my former students and enjoy the travelogs of my former colleagues. I post my blogs and get a reader or two although not nearly as many as I once had. 

I suppose that I now mostly write my weekday canons for myself because I just like to write. I have always found joy in stringing together words to express myself and now that I am retired I have the luxury of doing it every single day in much the way that I exercise my body. I suppose that if I am totally honest writing is a vanity project for me because I am quite certain that only a few faithful followers read my posts mostly because they are kind and know that it makes me happy when they do so. 

I often imagine some stranger stumbling onto one of blogs and deciding that a wider audience needs to read what I have to say, but such thoughts are really unlikely to unfold. Writing is just part of my morning routine. A conscious act that makes me feel good. Who knows? Maybe in the long years to come someone might accidentally encounter one of my blogs and enjoy it. I can’t think of a better reason to keep honing my hobby than to bring a bit of happiness or a moment of pensive thought to even one person. If my post on Facebook manages that then it is all worth continuing for a bit longer. 

I attended private school during the fifties and sixties. Life for girls was quite regimented back then. We had to wear uniforms that consisted of plaid skirts, white blouses and either a sweater or a blazer. We had to wear socks with our shoes and eschew jewelry and other such things that might stand out from the uniformity of our appearance. 

I didn’t mind the uniform much because my mother was a widow and her clothing budget for me was rather small. I only had so many outfits that might have been appropriate for school and having a uniform made it easier for me not to stand out from the rest of the girls who might have owned a few more fashionable items than I did. Nobody really knew that my family was not as wealthy as some of the others which was probably the idea behind uniforms in the first place. I was a scholarship girl and nobody knew that either so I passed for just one of the many gals in our school.

That being said I always wondered why the girls had to wear uniforms but the boys were exempt. As long as the guys wore khaki pants with collared shirts that were tucked inside the belted slacks they were just fine. They did have to wear leather shoes and they had to keep their hair cut short and never even think of growing a beard so I guess they had their rules as well. Still, they were able to display their personalities a bit more than we girls were allowed to do.

When I got to high school a few of the girls attempted to defy the rules now and again. They pushed the envelope by rolling up their skirts to make them shorter than the below the knee length that made them look like the clothing of an old woman. Now and again they teased their hair too much and found themselves in front of the Dean of Women who sometimes made them wet their coiffures to flatten their efforts to have really big hairdos. 

There were always days when we had to begin the school day with uniform inspection. We’d stand by our desks while our homeroom teachers checked to see if our skirts were hiked up too high or if our makeup made us look like painted ladies. Most of the time we waited until school was over to ditch our white socks and make our skirts shorter more stylish. 

I remember that one of my good friends became the model for how were we supposed to look in our uniforms when we were freshmen in high school. The faculty members escorted her to the stage in the gym and explained the positive aspects of how she wore the uniform so appropriately. By our senior year that same girl was being ushered to the office over and over for her attempts to modernize the uniform with her own special touches. 

I was always a afraid to break the rules so I never worried about passing any inspections. Mostly I had no recourse but to wear the uniforms as they were. I owned two skirts, five blouses and the blazer along with a pair of penny loafers and five pairs of socks. That got me through each week without having to wear something that was dirty. Somehow I never really outgrew my uniform components from one year to the next so by the time I graduated they were rather threadbare. 

Our colors were brown and white which was a horror for some of my female classmates but I actually looked good in brown so I never minded that aspect of our enforced dress code. I suppose I was lucky in that regard because there are many colors that would have made me look sick with my sallow complexion. Green in particular would have been a terrible choice for me To this very day I shy away from anything emerald colored because it makes me look seasick or like I’m nursing a case of the flu. 

Winter time was the only time when I totally hated those uniforms because I had to walk to school and we were never allowed to wear pants of any kind. Braving the cold with legs exposed made my whole body feel numb. A concession was finally made to allow us to wear opaque skin colored tights with our white socks over them. Once again the tights were not exactly a fashion bonus but they kept the cold wind from hitting my legs like icicles. Sadly the open skirt still let the winter weather chill my bones. Luckily one of my friends at school always got a ride with her mother who was a teacher. If I timed my daily walk properly I would encounter them on my way and they would invite me into the warmth of their vehicle. Believe me. I got really good at making sure that I would be in the right place at the right time to get that ride. 

I suppose that all in all wearing a uniform every single day for most of my school years was not as bad as I make it out to be, but I longed for the no uniform Fridays that came along now and then. I saved my best outfits for those days. I’d spend more time on my hair and use the colors that enchanted my complexion. I felt a confidence that everyone was seeing the real me on those days. I always believed that I looked so much better because all of the other girls were more lovely as well. Sometimes I even blushed to get a compliment from a boy that made my ego soar. 

One year my mother gave me a beautiful royal blue wool pencil skirt for my birthday. I did not have an scintilla of fat on my body at that time and when I put it on I felt as though I actually had a figure for the very first time. Mama had included a baby blue sweater with a V neck to complete the ensemble and even as clumsy as I often felt I just knew that I look different and better as though I had finally grown up. As it happened it was also a no uniform Friday so I wore it to school with my head held high. So many people noticed how wonderful I looked that I felt beautiful for the first time. I must have worn that outfit hundreds of times whenever I got the chance because I always felt so confident in it. Of course my school days mostly kept me in that brown and white skirt with a white blouse that did nothing to boost my ego. 

I made it through all of that. I laugh now at my silliness because as a teacher I learned that nearly every young girl goes through a state of feeling plain and ordinary until one day she finds herself liking herself. I don’t know if wearing uniforms all the time helped me feeling better when I finally saw myself in the mirror in that blue skirt or if I would have felt that way sooner or later anyway. All that I know is that the only real plus of the uniform was how it helped me to fit in without the pressure of having something new and wonderful to wear each day. Maybe in the end that is the whole idea behind those ugly clothes. If so, it really isn’t all that bad to feel equal.

I have a vivid childhood memory of visiting my grandparents on their farm in Arkansas. Their white house stood in the long shadow of a peach tree that was filled with sweet fruit ready to be picked and preserved in Ball jars lined up in the cool cellar below the rooms of the house. Across from the front porch was a tidy garden filled with row after row of corn, potatoes, okra, green beans, squash, peppers, cucumbers and peas. To the right lay the chicken coop filled with feathered hens constantly engaged in a cacophony of bird language kept under control only by the rooster who ruled the area. A little farther away was a cow that mostly sat lazily in the shade munching on hay. In back of the house my grandmother grew her flowers of every sort that gave color to the lovely rustic palate. Guarding all of it was Lady, a border collie, who commanded the attention of people and animals alike. 

It was an idyllic place where time stopped and everyday felt a bit like what living in heaven must be. My grandparents had created a little paradise in fulfilling their lifetime dreams. Best of all was how much fun they had keeping the farm running with precision. 

My grandparents arose from their slumbers long before the sun peeked over the horizon each day. There was always work to be done even when visitors from the city came to spend time with them. They checked on their crops, making sure that insects would not eat the precious bounty before it was time to start the picking. They managed the water and kept the weeds from going wild. Only after several hours of work did they return to the house where my grandmother cooked a full country breakfast of bacon, eggs, and homemade biscuits served with butter churned from the cow and jellies made from berries. She brewed coffee for my parents and made cocoa from scratch for me and my brothers. It was all so fresh and delicious. 

On most days my grandparents saved the chores of milking the cow and gathering the eggs for me and my brothers. I remember the first time I balked at putting my hand around the cow’s teat and squeezing to get the milk flowing. After a time I became an expert who could not wait for the ritual. With the beautiful white liquid in tin buckets we then got to watch Grandma pasteurizing it and separating the cream from the milk to make butter and whipped cream for her famous strawberry shortcake. 

Finding the eggs was better than an Easter hunt as we moved from one nesting place to another. The wary but good natured chickens only tried to poke us a couple of times with their beaks and then grew bored with our presence. The eggs came in many beautiful colors and when used fresh were more tasteful than anything I have ever enjoyed. 

I marveled at the skills that my grandparents seemed to have developed without any formal training. They loved explaining why they did certain things and how important it was to keep things clean and healthy. My grandmother in particular was masterful in the kitchen making her best dishes without the aid of a cookbook because she was illiterate. Everything was just there inside her head. 

One summer we came just in time to help pick the peaches from the big tree which was bursting with the luscious fruit. Grandma warned us to cover our arms and legs but we thought it was silly to wear long sleeves and long pants in the heat of summer. When our skin began to itch so badly that she had to hose us down we finally understood why covering our skin before embarking on the picking was so important. 

Grandma was like that. She tried her best to teach us things but if we were too hard headed to listen to her she relied on the consequences of our choices to demonstrate why certain cautions were needed. She never fussed at us or insisted that she had told us what would happen. She knew that we sometimes learned our lessons from the hard knocks of reality. 

I loved exploring the hills in the back acres of my grandparents property. There were cool trails sheltered by ancient trees and in some places sparkling rivulets of water flowed under our feet. Grandma never let us drink the water as is, warning us that we would get sick without first boiling the liquid to kill any bacteria that might be hiding in the cold clear patches. She told us that we never knew what might have polluted the source of water, so we had to be very careful. 

Grandma was able to name every bird we encountered and call to them with sounds that imitated the chirps of each of them. She showed us how to find wild berries safely by rustling the patches with a stick before placing our hands where a snake might be lurking. She found beautiful rocks that we saved a souvenirs from our hikes. She told us about a nearby place where people were known to find diamonds in the raw and even suggested that if we took enough time we might find some in the hills around her farm.

At night the air became cool and we sat on the screened in veranda that ran the length of the front of the house. We watched hundreds of fireflies lighting up the yard like little fairy lights. Grandma showed us how to catch fireflies in glass jars that then became lanterns in the dark of night. When the evening was done we always had to let the little creatures go again because it was not our right to keep them hostage for more than a little time. 

Those were some of the most wonderful and relaxing times of my life. I looked forward to visiting there every single year but soon the time came for my grandparents to sell the farm and move back to the city. The pains that Grandma had felt in her belly had grown worse and the nearby doctor had found that she had end stage cancer. She and Grandpa moved to Houston only minutes away from where we lived. 

We visited often and Grandma was a stoic who still continued to grow lovely flowers and vegetables in her yard but her eyesight and her body began to fail. Her cooking for which she was renown became subpar. Her energy waned. Soon she was bed bound and dying at home because there was no safety net for the elderly back then. Medicare was still a dream project that was yet to come. My grandfather became her nurse using up his savings for the meager medical care that he was able to afford for her. She died being as strong and uncomplaining as she had ever been. She was an angel who somehow has never left my side even sixty years down the rode from when she took her last breath. Her memory is more than a blessing. It is a call for goodness and bravery on my part that I try to follow all the days of my life.