On this day in history in 1865, President Abraham Lincoln was assassinated by John Wilkes Booth, a Confederate sympathizer who thought that his action might somehow save the southern states from Union domination and tyranny. Of course public disgust with his murderous act not only derailed his ill conceived plan but also changed the course of post war reconstruction. Ironically it was Abraham Lincoln who had been the leader in emphasizing forgiveness and understanding for the rebel states and their citizens. Thus it has oft been argued that the schism between the north and the south might have healed more quickly under his leadership than it did without him. Instead the more punishing policies of carpet bagging only increased resentments that continue to this very day in some quarters of the south.

There are so many historical examples of split second moments in time that resulted in seismic shifts and left the world wondering, “What if these things had never happened?” I for one had sometimes naively considered how different our country might have been if only President John Kennedy had never gone to Dallas, instead heeding the cautionary advice of those who felt that it was not safe to travel to that city at that time. There is something about human nature that causes our minds to consider the possibilities of changing the course of history. Even Stephen King has written a novel in which a young man finds a way to time travel back to Dallas so that he might stop Lee Harvey Oswald from carrying out his dastardly deed. Mr. King wisely notes in his story that changing just one thing in the unfolding of time may actually produce even more dire situations. The fact is that somehow the events that we experience can never really be undone. What happens to us is the only reality that we have.

Each of us have multiple moments that we would like to change. I would give anything to stop my father from leaving the house on the night that he died in a car accident and yet how different my life would be if I had somehow been able to do that. It is unlikely that I would have grown up in Overbrook and attended Mt. Carmel High School. I would not know any of the wonderful people there who have walked with me right into my twilight years. Whether or not I would have encountered my husband Mike and fallen in love is uncertain. Without our union my daughters and grandchildren would not even exist. I wonder if I would be as happy and content as I am now. It is simply wishful thinking to believe that a do over might solve all of our problems and eliminate the sadness and grief that we have experienced. Life is going to have its ups and downs no matter how carefully we attempt to arrange it. None of us are immune to tragedy.

We become the sum total of all of our experiences. Often it is with our failures and disappointments that we ultimately grow the most. The very weaknesses of our humanity have the power of building character and determination. Some of the most interesting stories of success were begun after great losses and defeats. It is in how we pick ourselves up after the worst has happened that we often change the trajectory of our lives. By being unwilling to simply give up we show the world the greatness that lives inside our souls.

I’ve often written about Eleanor Roosevelt, a humble and gifted woman who is one of my all time favorite heroes. On paper she may have appeared to be a privileged kind of golden girl, but the reality of her existence was that she faced one obstacle and challenge after another from the time that she was a young child. She might have been just another sad little rich girl had she not chosen to think less about herself and more about her fellow man. It was Eleanor who insisted on inviting African Americans to the White House. Eleanor was an inspirational leader who always remembered what it was like to endure pain and suffering. She developed a genuine empathy for the poor and mistreated. Her own dreary and almost loveless childhood and the broken promises from those that she most loved might have defeated her but instead she overcame the neglect and mistreatment to become one of the most truly generous individuals the world has ever known.

History teaches us that people everywhere and in every time have always sought freedom, love and comfort. As they attempt to create better worlds for themselves they make mistakes, endure hardships, suffer from illnesses, lose loved ones and experience disappointments. It happens to every one of us and try as we may, none of us get a “ground hog day” moment when we might awake one more time to fix what we did wrong on a certain date. As attractive as that possibility might sound, I sometimes wonder if we would want to have the power to do so. Tampering with the natural flow of life might bring us more harm than simply dealing with our problems as they come.

They say that even the flapping of a butterfly’s wings changes the world. The impact that we each have during our limited time on earth comes from the way that we react to the many people and events that touch us. The most important power that we have is to change ourselves. We are learning and adjusting every moment of every day. We gain knowledge from studying the mistakes of the past but we should not dwell on them. If there is anything to be derived from the lives of great men like Abraham Lincoln and John Kennedy it is that they were both willing to take risks. We remember them not because they died so tragically but because they were willing to live without fear. So too must we if we are to become our ultimate selves.