Month: May 2016

Life is Shiny and Awesome

Published on by Sharron BurnettLeave a comment

13165981_10206207146842968_828197429741817811_nI’ll be the first to admit that the end of May through the beginning of June is not my favorite time of year. In fact, I tend to dread this period, for it cycles through the dates when each of my parents died. I’d love to be able to tell everyone that there comes a moment when I actually forget the trauma of Memorial Day, 1957, when my father was killed in a car accident, but that would be a lie. For fifty-nine years I have felt the same pangs of loss that I experienced way back when I was only eight years old. The fact that my mother died quite suddenly and unexpectedly on the very day before I was to celebrate my retirement five years ago, only compounds my solemn mood as I watch the calendar head to those two terrible anniversaries.

Of course I have learned how to cope and move on. It’s what we all must do, but somehow the sorrow that I felt upon the deaths of the two people who gave me life lingers in a back corner of my mind. The scars of those events have healed but the calendar annually reminds me of the magnitude of my loss and I experience a tiny itch of sadness. The faded memories return and always among them is remembrance of how wonderfully understanding my Uncle William was when my father died. It was he who took the time to check on me and my brothers amidst the confusion and chaos of that day. It was he who showed us what real love was when we needed it most. Ironically decades later it would be his son, Paul, and his granddaughter, Jan, who would lift up our hearts with stirring tributes to our mother at her wake.

The lovely spirit of Uncle William lives on so beautifully within the hearts of Paul and Jan. They are both special souls who bring a pure and innocent kind of sincerity to every situation. Like Uncle William they are both wise and far stronger than people might suspect. They provide me with important links to my past, stalwarts for the present and promise for the future.

Jan has seen her own share of tragedy of late. Perhaps the most shocking event was the death of her cousin last summer. In what seemed a horrible replay of my father’s death, Jan’s cousin was killed while on vacation in a freak motorcycle accident. He was young, full of life and Jan’s special confidante. He had a family that loved him and so much more that he needed to do. This wasn’t supposed to happen and yet it did, leaving Jan bereft beyond measure.

Jan and her family have struggled for months to deal with the emotions that have stalked them. In an almost unbelievable turn of events her mother’s father died within weeks of her cousin’s passing. Because she is such a loving person, Jan’s grief has been almost unbearable to watch. Somehow she has managed to keep herself together because she had a very specific goal. She was in the midst of earning a Masters Degree in Communications at the University of Houston. The demands of her coursework was unforgiving. She had to keep studying, researching, writing papers and defending theses. Somehow it was in the work that her healing process began.

I suspect that Jan still wishes that she might have one more conversation with her departed loved ones but she also knows that they would have insisted that she continue to move forward, and so she did. She graduated in early May with her degree and a host of honors. Somehow I saw in her the image and spirit of my Uncle William. He ever so quietly and humbly lived a most remarkable life. He was not as learned as Jan but he brought so much to every single interaction, even with strangers. He delivered mail in the same neighborhood for years and made a point to know the people on his route and to treat them with dignity and respect. He did odd jobs here and there so that he might provide his family with special treats. He always carried fifty cent pieces to give to us children and he often insisted that we have ice cream to celebrate even an ordinary day.

Jan is so much like him. She lights up a room with her generous spirit. My mother adored her and would have been touched beyond imagination to hear Jan’s praises. Jan is bound for a wonderful life just as my mom always said she would be.

On the occasion of her graduation Jan shared what she thought to be “wise nuggets” that demonstrate the depth of her character. “It’s what I’ve lost that makes me so incredibly thankful for what I have. It’s what I haven’t achieved that pushes me to achieve more. And it’s what I wait for that makes me excited for the future. I may be a dreamer, but I can guarantee that I will do anything in my power to achieve it, whatever it may be. Life is confusing and messy. You hit a few bumps and that frustrates you. Then, you see this light, and it’s awesome and shiny (because you life shiny stuff). What appears from the light? See, that’s the beauty part of life, you take the good with the bad until you reach that shiny light to find out what is there. Take the good with the bad and hold on to those you love.”

I imagine my mother, my Uncle William and all of the other folks who have always loved Jan are feeling rather proud of her right now. I know I am. I can’t wait to see which one of those six pending job offers she ultimately lands and where her journey will take her. One thing that I know for sure is that she will be not just fine, but remarkable.

Congratulations, Jan! We love you with all of our hearts. You bring us joy with your presence. You have a huge fan club and we plan to hold on to you with all of our might. You are truly shiny and awesome.

When We Would Rather Cry Than Smile

Published on by Sharron BurnettLeave a comment

EmotionsMost of us go about our business each day quietly bearing burdens that we rarely mention. We tend to downplay our worries and sorrows, instead displaying a stiff upper lip and carrying on as if nothing has happened. When things become too much for us and we feel broken, we may find ourselves unable to keep it together. We experience a moment when we confide our woes or shed tears without the usual filters that we place on our feelings. Then there are those among us who always manage to keep a public face of strength and optimism even when they feel as though they are dying inside. We each have our unique ways of dealing with death, disappointment and hurt.

In today’s world there are so many avenues for venting our feelings, sometimes anonymously. We may adopt a pseudonym and comment on Disqus without anyone ever knowing who we are. We write in our diaries and journals and then lock them away for nobody’s eyes but our own. It is when we take our thoughts to the places of public discourse that we open ourselves to the slings and arrows of misunderstanding and criticism. Casually written words lack the meaning and nuances of a one on one conversation. Our ideas become twisted into the perceptions of someone who doesn’t really understand us. There are no intonations or facial expressions to bring subtlety to the discussion. It becomes difficult to clarify our intent after the fact or to exclaim, “That’s not what I meant at all.” Once we have to defend ourselves the true effect of what we had hoped to say is lost. Others have decided who we are.

Most people use public discourse to simply keep in touch with the outside world. They maintain a lighthearted front and may even be just naturally happy and optimistic. Their posts show us the wonderfulness of their lives. They stay away from political commentaries or any subject that might be misconstrued. They have learned how to be wary of revealing too many of their private thoughts. We sometimes wonder if their worlds are as truly perfect as they seem to be.

Braver souls continually allow us inside their heads. They have learned that this may be a dangerous thing to do but don’t appear to worry about what others may think. If they voice their beliefs they are likely to anger those whose thoughts are different. If they open their hearts and let us see their pain and suffering some will turn away in discomfort. It is risky to be honest about how we really feel, especially when the emotion that is ruling us in a particular moment is anger. Many among us prefer not to see the fears and uncertainties that are a part of each and every one of us and yet it should not be so. The truth is that no matter how hard we try to create perfect images of ourselves, the time comes in all lives when we only want to cry or scream or lock ourselves away in the dark. We feel a profound need for human compassion and understanding at the very times when we feel the most uncertain that it will be available to us. Sadly, we are sometimes ignored, spurned and even judged by how we react to life’s horrors.

Mike and I watched a documentary on Friday called The Flat. It was an innocuous title for a moving film. It all began when a young man’s grandmother died in Tel Aviv. He and members of his family gathered at the apartment where his grandmother had lived to help with the task of culling through her possessions to determine what was worth keeping and what needed to go. It soon became apparent that the home was a treasure trove of memories and history that opened up many questions about who the deceased woman had really been. The young man, a filmmaker, began an emotional journey along with his mother that would take them back to Germany.

The story itself was intriguing but I was even more fascinated by the way that the people dealt with their emotions. The young man became intensely curious about his grandparents’ past that had always been mysteriously left unmentioned. His mother insisted that what had happened to her mother and father before coming to Tel Aviv was in reality none of their business. She insisted that her parents only wanted to move forward in life and that she had respected their wishes, never probing to find the missing pieces of their stories.

As the tale unfolded the young man was visibly moved at every turn. He was upset that his grandmother’s prize book collection seemed to be worthless to everyone save himself. He grieved to learn that his great grandmother had perished in a concentration camp. He wondered aloud how his own mother might be so cavalier about all of their discoveries. She in turn continued to act as though she had been unaffected by the revelations that had been so surprising to her son. Sadly not even the more emotive son appeared to notice that his mother’s eyes told a story far different from the one that she tried so hard to portray. They displayed a deep and enduring sadness that was impossible to hide.

Grandmother, mother and son each approached the world in differing manners. The elder woman lived as though her life had never been touched by unspeakable tragedy. Her daughter respected those wishes, never asking painful questions. She simply played along with the pretense out of respect. The grandson was from a different generation. He needed to know the truth and to grieve for a family that he had never truly known. Thus it is with all of humanity. We choose different ways of reacting to life.

I am not an expert in the psychology of emotions. I’m not certain what kind of behavior is best. I suspect that it must be very difficult to maintain a steadying composure even in the face of tragedy. A stiff upper lip may serve well at work but to also maintain it in private must be truly painful. Likewise respecting another’s choices is something that we all must do from time to time but denying the way that we really feel is no small task. I suspect that allowing the natural God given feelings that we all have to come to the surface is the healthiest way to live. Admitting that we are feeling despair or anger in a given situation is akin to accepting that we are human. It does not seem necessary or even healthy to always be strong.

It really is okay to sometimes admit that we feel lost or even unappreciated. There are things that happen that make no sense, that seem so unfair. We can’t be expected to accept every aspect of our fates with smiles. It is appropriate that we “rage against the dying of the light.” It makes sense that we admit to how much we miss someone who is gone. Our feelings are very real and if we embrace them when they are appropriate, they will help us to overcome the most difficult moments of our lives.

My mother’s psychiatrist once told her that the sadness and depression that she felt after her mother died had nothing to do with the depression that was part of her bipolar disorder. He encouraged her to cry over the loss of her mother, noting that in doing so she was demonstrating just how normal she was.

We should not fear our emotions. Each of them was given to us for a valid reason. We simply need to learn how to embrace them appropriately. Nobody is immune from experiencing the entire range of feelings during a lifetime. We should celebrate those who are courageous enough to free themselves from the artificial constraints that our society sometimes imposes on us. There is no dishonor in letting the world know that, at least for the moment, we would rather cry than smile.

True Genius

Published on by Sharron BurnettLeave a comment

Ricardo156087_10152692762032964_8791629845699582724_n (1)It was on an excruciatingly harsh and cold school trip to Texas Tech that I first met Ricardo Sosa. A small group of students from KIPP Houston High School had been invited to compete in a science poster contest and I was one of the chaperones. We traveled in an old yellow school bus that had several noticeable leaks and a heater that was unable to keep up with the demands of the frigid snowy weather that we encountered. By the time that we finally arrived at our destination after a thirteen hour ride that sorely tested our endurance, we were like a band of brothers and sisters forever linked by the exhausting experience. The trip back home didn’t prove to be much better as we shivered in sub-freezing conditions and a steady snow fall created puddles of water inside the bus. Even then I noted just how resilient and optimistic Ricardo Sosa was. His energy and natural curiosity would ultimately serve him well.

Ricardo’s interest in science intensified in his remaining high school years. He took advantage of every opportunity to participate in summer jobs, seminars and projects that emphasized science, especially anything related to chemistry. It was in an elective class called Research that he would first meet a college professor whose influence would change the course of his life. After graduating from KIPP Houston High School he took his talents to the University of Houston where he originally wanted to major in Biomedical Engineering. An offer to work in a lab on an important project ultimately led him to change his course of study to Chemical Engineering. While he never alluded to his accomplishments it became apparent to me from reading between the lines that he was an exceptional student and that his professors realized and encouraged his potential.

Ricardo and a friend from high school, Jezael, often met me for lunch in the University of Houston Hilton or the student center while they were still undergraduates. I always looked forward to those visits where I learned of their progress and we shared our stories about being UH Cougars and KIPPsters. Ricardo was taking incredibly demanding courses and there were times when I felt certain that it was difficult for him to find the time to take the breaks to dine with me. Somehow he always managed to find a way to come to those meetings if only for a short time and it was a joy to hear from him.

I learned that he was working in a university lab on a research project with several of his professors, a great and unusual honor for a freshman. Somehow they had understood like I had that Ricardo was someone with an exceptional intellect and a trustworthiness that would never let them down. His work was exemplary and he became one of their most trusted assistants. As Dr. Jeffrey Rimer explained about Ricardo, “It is not often that I accept students at the freshman level, but I made an exception for Ricardo, having met him the year before he started at UH, I was impressed with his enthusiasm for research. During the past four years, his performance in my laboratory has been nothing short of outstanding.”

Of course I never heard much about these kudos from Ricardo, an infinitely humble young man. Instead his former high school teachers spoke of his successes at the university and indicated that he was a star among his peers. His lab work dealt with important experiments with potential new treatments for kidney stones. He assisted so professionally and with such dedication that his professors at the university were in awe of him and asked him to co-author two of the papers that described the progress that they were making.

Ricardo made his way through the grueling coursework required of his major, taking classes in advanced mathematics, chemistry, physics and engineering while continuing his work on the long term study that fascinated him. By his own admission the lab work sometimes stole time from his studies but it was also perhaps the most exciting aspect of his education. Last Friday he earned his degree in Chemical Engineering surrounded by friends and family who felt immeasurable pride for his accomplishment. There was much celebrating and fanfare but perhaps Ricardo’s most impressive news was still to come.

He has decided to continue his studies so that he might pursue a PhD. His professors encouraged him to apply for a National Science Foundation Graduate Research Fellowship to help him finance his future work. Ricardo knew that only ten percent of the people who apply for this prestigious research fellowship are selected in any given year. He also realized that it had been four years since anyone from the University of Houston had been awarded the prize. Still he wanted to try because he is not someone to shy away from any task. Two other University of Houston students were finalists for the award but it was Ricardo who submitted the winning proposal based on his four years of work in the lab. The fellowship will take care of his educational expenses and provide him with a stipend as he works toward his doctorate.

Ricardo has always set high expectations for himself and has never been afraid to accept a challenge. He is an incredibly motivated young man who most importantly is fascinated by the way things work in the world around him. He would scoff if I were to call him a genius to his face but I believe that the title suits him well. His sharp mind combined with a nonstop work ethic is bound to propel him to do wondrous things. He is a thinking man with a determination not so much to earn fame and glory but to make a significant difference for mankind. I suspect that he would want to study and learn and discover even if it never earned him a dime. He has never lost the glorious curiosity that is the mark of the greats among us.

Perhaps the most important aspect of Ricardo Sosa is that he is a truly good man. He loves his family and is ever loyal to his friends. He has a never-ending sense of humor and never forgets to demonstrate his gratitude for those who have helped him. He believes in the importance of staying healthy by working out, running and eating right. He seems to have mastered all of the positive habits of a truly well-rounded person.

I feel blessed to know Ricardo Sosa. He is a very special person and I look forward to continuing our journey and watching the realization of his dreams and achievements.

  

Unicorns and Trolls

Published on by Sharron BurnettLeave a comment

karl_iphone5cI have to admit that we are living in very confusing and sometimes frightening times. Having a plane disappear in route from Paris to Cairo doesn’t help to ease my concerns. There is saber rattling all over the world and in the meantime our political parties are warring within their ranks and with each other. It almost seems as though the whole world has decided that everyone must choose a side and then remain firmly in the confines of their respective tribes. For those of us rebellious enough to see ourselves as having “live and let live points of view,” the current rage seems especially counterproductive.

I posit the Middle East as evidence of my thinking. Most of the countries there, with the profound exception of Israel, are united in their Muslim faith but with severe caveats. There are countless sects and tribes dating back to ancient times that are warring from within. Instead of working together to solve problems they fight for the power to subject every other group to their wishes. The trouble in Iraq, for example, has always been about finding a way for the Shia and Suni Muslims to live in peace. Saddam Hussein was only successful because he was a brutal tyrant who favored his own kind and forced the rest of the population to live in constant fear.

Somehow that is how it is lately feeling in these United States. We have developed an “either or” kind of mentality. There are dichotomies from which we are expected to choose and the more we argue, the more radical the fringes become. Each side eyes the other with disdain and loathing. We distrust our lawmakers, our educators and our doctors. We either want to throw the baby out with the bath water or lock him in his room. Everything is about winners and losers with bragging rights for those who bully their way to the top. The idea of compromise and honoring differences appears to be a quaint but flawed way of doing business. It’s dog eat dog and everyone else be damned. We have turned neighbor against neighbor and even within families there are enormous rifts.

I have been thinking about such things while pursuing a seemingly unrelated hobby, genealogy. I have one grandmother whose ancestors I have traced all the way back to people with unpronounceable names who lived in Norway in the 700s. I have not once been able to find a single clue as to my grandfather’s identity even after five years of peering into every possibility. All I know is what he told me about himself and it is a sad tale indeed. His mother died only days after he was born and his father was somewhat of an irresponsible miscreant who had no intention of raising a baby. A woman that he believed to be his grandma cared for him until he was thirteen when she died leaving him orphaned and wondering where to go. He chose a man who was his uncle to be his financial guardian but went to live with his father until he was just barely old enough to take on the world by himself. He led the lonely life of a wanderer, moving from town to town to find construction work. He was already forty years old when he met my grandmother and finally fell in love. She was the one person who faithfully and unconditionally gave him the emotional support that had been denied for most of his life. She was his everything and he spent his final years holding tightly to the memories of the wonderful moments that he had shared with her.

It seems to me that we human beings when stripped down to our barest essentials are mostly alike in our need for the comforting presence of love. Each of us wants to be respected and accepted just as we are, not as someone else thinks we should be. Sadly our present world insists that we instead conform to whatever group manages to get the ball. At any given moment some factions feel bullied by others in an impasse that only tears away at the very fabric of society.

We need to find ways that work for each individual, which is indeed a tall order. We know from past experience that what has always worked best is being flexible and having a willingness to accommodate the diversity of needs that we humans possess. History is replete with examples of how this works. After World War I the victors were determined to severely punish the defeated governments. It seemed only fair given the havoc that they had created but it ultimately led to even more hard feelings that bred angry resentments. The upshot was the rise of nationalism and a character named Adolf Hitler. When World War II ended the victorious nations remembered their mistakes from the previous war and instead set up a plan to help everyone to rebuild. This time Germany had the means to support its people and to become a model democracy. In other words, it was a willingness to be forgiving and understanding that led to more palatable results.

We have to cease punishing one another for simply being human and for having differing views. We have to learn how to use Facebook, Twitter and the ballot box for the common good rather than vile retribution. It bothers me that our members of Congress and the Supreme Court always align according to party platforms. I think it would be quite refreshing to see a more fluid government with decisions based on each individual question rather than an ironclad and unswerving philosophy. If our Founding Fathers had been as averse to compromise as our government is today we would still be subject to the rule of the kings and queens of England.

My grandfather was an avid reader and historian. He had a wisdom born from a full lifetime of experiences. He watched his money and his possessions come and go. When he died at the age of 108 he owned little more than a handful of clothes and his books. His riches lay in the relationships that he had experienced in his lifetime. When all was said and done nothing mattered more to him than the loving moments with his family and friends. He understood that life is often harsh and filled with almost unbearable challenges but as long as we each have someone who accepts us for who we are without any strings attached, we are ultimately going to be fine.

Whether or not someone is religious or atheist, democrat or republican, gay or straight, rich or poor should not matter. We have to get back to respecting and honoring each other so that we might unite behind the goals that matter most. I’d hate to see us divide ourselves at the very moment when the world is so on fire with the kind of strife that tribal thinking produces. I don’t believe in unicorns nor do I think that there are troll behind every corner. Mostly I see good people wherever I go whether north or south, east or west. Let’s start a movement and send a loud message to those that represent us that we want a world that allows us to be united in our freedom, not divided by our fears. In the end all any of us ever really want is the same as what Grandpa desired, someone to make us feel loved.

Mighty Women Part II

Published on by Sharron BurnettLeave a comment

One of the goals of KIPP Houston High School, where I spent my last years as an educator, was to assist students in the journey to and through college. We developed an iron-clad three pronged relationship between our students, their parents and all of us who worked in the KIPP world. That connection continued even after our pupils had graduated. The idea was to offer our support so that the young men and women might be able to navigate through the many ups and downs of life and still earn college diplomas. I always felt that the most powerful aspects of the triumvirate were actually the students themselves and their families. We teachers, counselors and administrators were mostly a safety net and source of information, facilitators if you will. It was the grit inside the hearts of our kids and the love that they experienced from their parents that has made them so enormously successful. This past weekend I witnessed the power of my former students over and over again.

Christine Marsh was a standout in my Algebra I class, someone that I noticed on the very first day. She is beautiful, intelligent, friendly and loving. She is the kind of student whom teachers love, the golden girl with all of the characteristics of a truly gifted and talented individual. Somehow she has managed to also be humble and thus she has always been quite popular with everyone. As she progressed through the four years of high school her aura of greatness only increased and everyone who knows her suspects that she is destined for great things.

Christine started her college career at the University of Texas and it did not go as well as she had hoped. Somehow it was not a good fit for her and so she came back home feeling a bit defeated. She went to work and reflected on how to make a comeback. It was a bit rough in the beginning but Christine is made of hardy stuff and she began the process of going to college anew at the University of Houston, applying the full force of her determination and intellect to both her job and her studies. As Christine likes to joke, she took “the six year scenic route,” which was often grueling and tested her endurance to the max.

This past Friday Christine Marsh walked across the University of Houston stage and proudly accepted the diploma that speaks of her triumph. She promises to continue to work hard and be nice, never forgetting the KIPP mantra that helped her to reach her goal.

Cindy Lugo-Jaimez, another KIPP alumna, always seems to be a friend to everyone. She has a generous heart and an unflagging willingness to help anyone in need. Her kindnesses haven’t always been returned, but Cindy just smiles and continues to be the sweet person that she is, regardless. In the spirit of giving, she enrolled in the College of Healthcare Professions and somehow managed to give her all to her family while earning high marks and consistently landing on the Dean’s List. 

Cindy proudly continued to dote on her three beautiful children, which is a full time job for anyone, but proved that she is truly a super woman when she earned a diploma that seems perfect for her giving personality. She is now officially certified to be a medical assistant. She has become an awesome role model for her kids and for all of us who have watched her persistence. She will without a doubt be incredible in her new job.

Brooklyn Taylor was what some educators might call a challenge. She went through high school with a bang, ever vigilant for signs of  unfairness. She possesses a brilliant mind that is as strong as a steel trap. If we had offered debate at our school she might have been a champion. As it is, she always speaks up whenever she feels that anyone has been wronged. Her logic and her arguments are flawless and her fellow students admire her for her courage.

While in high school Brooklyn served as the Vice President of the National Honor Society and introduced her classmates to the world of autism by raising awareness and funds for a program that channeled the unexplained mysteries of autistic children into skateboarding. Brooklyn’s concern for those with special needs goes far beyond a cursory interest and she has continued to spend her summers serving as a camp counselor and devoted advocate for them.

At our school, Brooklyn had a following among certain members of the faculty who saw a uniqueness in her inquisitive nature. I was not alone in admiring her. She developed a strong bond with one of her social studies teachers who had attended William and Mary University as an undergraduate. He saw greatness in Brooklyn and encouraged her to apply to his alma mater. We were all quite happy for her when an acceptance letter arrived. Now, she is officially a graduate of William and Mary and the rest of her days are bound to be as exciting as they have been thus far.

When Linda Ayala was at KIPP Houston High School she was a founding member of the UNICEF club. She donated countless hours of her time to raise funds for various causes, including providing help for those devastated by the earthquakes in Haiti. She is an unassuming young lady who worked hard at her studies and helped without a great deal fanfare or hesitation. I remember her mostly for her sweet and sincere smile and her willingness to do any job that I gave her.

In my last days before retirement there was still a great deal of money in the UNICEF account and the officers of the club voted to distribute the funds before I left. After giving to the American Red Cross and several local charities, the officers felt that it would be nice to provide a small scholarship to a deserving member of the organization. Linda was their overwhelming choice and she used their gift well. This weekend she graduated from Syracuse University and is now ready to put her many talents to the test.

Gabrielle Martin caught my eye way back in high school. She bears herself with the kind of unassuming dignity that befits a woman of distinction. She had been looking forward to her graduation with great expectation but the realities of the world intruded on her celebration. Sadly her mother ended a battle with cancer only days before the commencement exercises. Gabrielle graduated from the University of Houston with a degree in Public Health on Friday and buried her mother on Saturday. It was a bittersweet moment for her because it had been her mother who had always inspired her to be her very best. It seemed unimaginably horrific for such a thing to happen and my heart has been grieving for Gabrielle unremittingly. 

In many ways, Gabrielle is the mightiest of all of the outstanding women whose stories I have told. She has demonstrated the depth of her strength in a situation that would have broken most of us. I am certain that her mother’s bright spirit lives on inside of her. I pray that one day her broken heart will heal and she will know that her mom is indeed an angel guiding and protecting her forever. 

Gabrielle is truly my hero.

I am so proud of each and everyone of these young women. As long as they grace our world we are all just a bit better. Let their adventures commence. They will be fascinating.