Month: September 2020

Life is all about choices. We make them all of the time. Hindsight has a way of either congratulating us on being right or demonstrating that we all make mistakes. Some of the things that we decide to do or not do matter little while others have enormous impacts on our happiness and security and maybe even whether we live or die. Most of the anxiety that we experience is drawn from a deep seated fear of being wrong in our choices. Most of the jealousy we feel comes from wondering why some people seem to draw the golden ticket while we pick losers. Our greatest happiness is sometimes based on little more than emotion but we know that overall how we view ourselves is the culmination of the thousands of choices we have made. 

Our personalities and experiences often contribute to our methods for choosing this or that. I have to admit to being a bit impulsive. I generally find the most joy in doing things on the spur of the moment. I am guided more by gut feelings and emotions than rational studies. I chose my college only because I sensed that it was a good fit for me, and it was. I fell in love with my husband because being around him always made me happy, and still does after 52 years. I picked my jobs and the places where I worked because they seemed to fit with who I am as a person, and it turned out well. I found my homes by looking around the neighborhood and listening for the laughter and kinship, an I was right. Getting “the feels” has more often than not been my guiding light.

I suppose I have been somewhat lucky because I linked myself with a lifetime partner who does the research and keeps the books. I suspect that I might have been a mess without his rational touch to keep me grounded. He and I are both generous people but where I would give someone in need my last dime he is more inclined to suggest a more reasonable proportion for helping. I’ve learned that we require all of the different ways of thinking and doing to keep our society moving along nicely. Too much of anything is never a good idea. 

Politics represent one of the most difficult choices that we make. Our freedom to vote is a lovely and awesome gift but if we do not have a balance or if we choose wrongly the impact does not just affect us personally but literally the entire world in one way or another. It is perhaps one of the few aspects of my life in which I combine both my emotions and a great deal of study of the issues. I care little for rallies or speeches or single incidents but instead look for the totality of the candidate’s essence. For me there is no one issue or party or belief that guides me in making my final choice.

I understand how individuals might feel so strongly about a certain issue that all others become moot in their minds. Many of my pro-life friends believe that only candidates who proven records against abortion are worthy of their consideration. I have known gay friends whose leanings centered on issues of fairness and recognition of their love. Women sometimes focus solely on issues impacting the battle for total equality. Minorities talk of justice. For me all of these things matter and so I often have to choose the candidate whose leanings include a preponderance of adherence to my views while never exactly matching every one of my unique beliefs. When my gut feeling is reviled by a candidate’s general behavior I listen to my instincts. Somehow I have always recognized toxicity and known when to run from it. Emotional acuity is sometimes more life saving than all of the rationality put together. 

History has shown us time and again that we humans sometimes make political choices that are devastating and others surprise us with how well they ultimately unfold. Often it takes decades to realize that things that upset us about a particular candidate actually turned out to be one of the best moments in history. We can actually use a study of history to help us unravel the knotty problem of deciding how to cast our votes. In my own case I attempt to find the person who understands that he or she is working for all of us, not just the loyal followers. Nor is the office to be used for personal gratification or glory. I should always be about the people, all of the people, even the ones that are not particularly likable or whose views are outliers. It’s a huge responsibility and we should be looking for someone with the skills to get as close to being able to do that as possible. 

Of course there is no perfect human being and so anyone that we select is bound to have flaws. The measure of character must be made over a lifetime, not a momentary gaffe. Character matters particularly in times of great upheaval. A good leader is willing to admit to imperfections and then work to overcome them. A good leader takes personal responsibility. 

My world is a microcosm of the bigger one in which all of humankind lives. I have worked for extraordinary leaders for whom I chose to ply my skills as a teacher because I sensed that they truly cared for the educators and the students for whom they were responsible. They were protective of those in their care, often shouldering criticisms and anger that otherwise might have been aimed at others. They were willing to hear concerns and enact plans to correct them. They worried about the school, not themselves. They were willing to admit when they were wrong and change course. They cared equally about those who supported them and those who disliked them. They taught me what makes a just and fair leader and I use that experience anytime that I go to vote.

We have less than three months to decide who will take the reins of our government. Ignore the soundbites. Avoid the propaganda. Read up on the Constitution and history. Listen to your heart not the bickering. Consider both character and platforms. Look beyond your personal needs to consider those of others. Then make your choice and pray that you have done the right thing. 

If I had written a fictional story with a plot identical to what has actually happened in 2020 I suspect that people would have laughed at the ridiculousness of the tale. It might have ended up sounding a bit too much like a bad version of Outbreak. What seemed to be a promising new year in January has morphed into a living nightmare from which we don’t seem to have either the will or the capability of escaping. There are days and weeks that seem overwhelming and yet we somehow manage to keep drag ourselves out of bed each morning to face who knows what. 

I keep seeing memes on Facebook that ask why this or that is not the most important story of the week and I have to laugh at the ridiculousness of that question because on any given day there seem to be so many historically significant stories that we go into overload just attempting to keep up with them. We are now having to decide what matters most to us or we would end up feeling anxious all the time.  Sadly we have people who spend a great deal of time attempting to frighten us either because it makes for a great story or because they think it will help them gain power. We would do better to spend time trying to really understand how each of us is being affected by events. A big dose of mutual empathy would be a positive cure for our problems.

Last week served as a perfect example of how we are enduring more challenges than it seems possible to handle at once. Those of us living along the coast of Texas and Louisiana spent most of our days preparing for the possible landfall of both a tropical storm and a hurricane. Sadly Louisiana bore the brunt of nature’s fury sustaining incredible damage. Because we have almost become numb to tragedy the horror of what happened along the hurricane’s path was almost a footnote in the nightly news. We want to go help but worry that we might get sick if we do. We send money or supplies when what we really want to do is lend a helping hand with our labor. 

In California and Colorado wildfires continue to ravage forests and homes. We watch in horror for a few seconds and then move on to the next big thing forgetting that those most personally connected to that tragedy are dealing with the two horrors at the same time. California has been at the epicenter of the virus for months and now the citizens are literally watching lifetimes of hard work burn to the ground. Meanwhile critics lay blame rather than providing constructive support simply because it is politically expedient. We sound petulant and selfish when we spend more time criticizing than do good.

There is still unrest as our nation’s Black Americans plead with all citizens to care about the injustices that they continue to endure.. They ask us to hear their pleas for justice even as they  know that their message has been distorted by misunderstanding and purposeful indifference. Their plight is being wrongly used as political fodder and to promulgate unwarranted fear. In truth they are not against all police officers but against a system that allows rogue or racist law officers to harass and murder them. Hundreds of thousands of citizens have protested peacefully only to have their efforts grossly misinterpreted. Their peaceful marches are too often hijacked by the actions of a small percent of individuals who are criminals or outside agitators from right and left extremist organizations. Black Americans want to live peacefully and without fear. The point of kneeling and boycotting, is not to dishonor the flag or veterans but to exercise a right guaranteed to us by our Founding Fathers. Sadly even when the protests are entirely without violence there are those who hate them. Our nation has yet to take the time to really hear and understand what our Black citizens have to say.

People continue to die from the virus, from murder, and from natural causes. Each of us is grieving for someone that we love who has not made it through this most horrific year. Our rituals for saying our final farewells have been paused. We send condolences from afar. We watch funerals on the screens of our computers. We can’t even embrace the sorrowing with a hug. It all feels so very wrong.

Our teachers and our students are attempting to begin a new school year. That annual tradition is proving to be more difficult than ever before. Nothing about it is routine or normal. Some flaunt safety measures as though they care more about individual rights than they do about the good of community. Teachers and students  are ridiculed for expressing concern and sorrow for those who have been sick or have died from the virus. People sarcastically continue to call Covid 19 the “China” flu even as Asian parents and students ask them not to be so tone deaf. 

We are in the middle of a national election that has become so divisive that we seem unable to deal with any of the issues that we face without devolving into ugly pointless debates. The noise of anger and division is not just unbearable, it is preventing us from finding calm rational solutions to our multitude of problems. We seem only capable of wagging our fingers and our tongues at one another as we sling mud and accomplish nothing.  

As we drag our weary hearts from one day to the next we sometimes miss the quiet people who rarely make the headlines, the protestors who are making “good trouble” with earnest hearts, the medical community that carries on even as we doubt and ignore their advice,  the teachers who listen to their students with compassion, the police officers who want to rid their ranks of the bad actors among them, the firefighters who are tamping out blazes and carrying the sick and injured to safety, the workers who rush to repair the destruction of a hurricane, the everyday people who attempt to bring kindness into each of their interactions with the world. There is indeed a silent majority that continually rises up to spread the goodness of love and peace rather than anger and fear. They are why I know that we will be fine. They are why I have hope. They are why I rise to greet another day. Theirs are the stories I want to hear.

My daddy was not a religious man. Something bad must have happened to him during his early church upbringing because he often warned us to beware of Bible toting self righteous individuals. He was quite supportive of the Catholic faith of my mother and even insisted that me and my brothers be educated in Catholic schools. He said that he liked the quiet non-judgemental nature of the Catholics that he knew as opposed to what he had witnessed all too often in his youth. He would stay at home on Sundays while my mother took the rest of us to mass. He loved God but proclaimed that he had not yet found a place where he seemed to fit in the world of organized religion. Instead he clung to the one commandment that Jesus urged us to follow. He liked the idea of just loving one another but he often pointed out that it was not a simple idea, but rather something that is often much harder to do than most people think. He pointed out that it was way easier to believe that one had all of the answers rather than taking the time to understand differing points of view. 

It sometimes amazes me that my father had such a profound influence on me given that he died when I was only eight years old. Somehow he gave me the precious gift of knowing that our best hope in this life is to educate ourselves, to be wary of embracing simplistic solutions to problems, and to do our best just to love all of the people around us even when they are not anything like us. He warned me at an early age that following his advice would always be difficult because life itself is difficult. From the day of his death forward I realized the truth of what he had taught me. The road between birth and that moment when we take our final breaths is littered with complications, contradiction, and suffering. A loving relationship with God can see us through all of that but we will never have the power of or the right to judge the content of someone else’s heart. It is best that we work on ourselves instead. 

We continue to witness disappointments among religious figures. We learn of priests who used their influence to engage in sexual relationships with minors. We hear of the utter hypocrisy of Jerry Falwell Jr.  The litany of fallen religious leaders is too long to repeat and I suspect that it is so because they became victims of the weaknesses of their humanity. Things that they did and said were indeed egregious but what was often the worst aspect of their behavior was their failure to simply love all people. That is the true evil in our midst and it takes many forms from the horror of murder to the lack of compassion for the suffering. Evil is thinking that we have somehow found all of the answers and that those who disagree are not good or worthy of our consideration. 

We can never fully know anyone. Each of us have secret compartments of our minds that frighten us. Our experiences define us in differing ways just as my brief knowing of my  father  influenced me for the rest of my life. Everything we do, every person that we meet, every joy or sorrow that we endure forms us in unique ways that determine how we view the rest of the world. It would be ridiculous for any of us to assume that there is only one good pathway to take and all the rest are somehow flawed. 

In this high intensity political season we hear a great deal about religion which is rather contrary to the intentions of the Founding Fathers. We were supposed to keep matters of faith separate from our legal system but somehow it has become a kind of centerpiece of late with accusations of who is more Christlike being tossed around like baseballs. This moral concern from politicians and citizens is a red flag for me. I can hear my father telling me to be very careful when prayer and religious judgements are used as political tools. I cringe when someone that I have never even met accuses me of being faithless simply because I express support for a particular political candidate. I worry even more when they tell me to just get out of the country. I see my father’s face in my mind and he is shaking his head and giving me a knowing look that reminds me to be very careful.

Religion should be a personal decision that should never become part of the discussions in the public square. There is no one prayer or faith that should become the dominant  feature of our our governmental landscape. That has been tried often throughout history and it has always had horrific effects. If we want to insert anything about our faith into the calculus of daily life it should be couched in the idea of really trying to abide by the rules of the commandment to love. When we do that we realize that all of the bickering and accusations should have little place in how we work together so that we will each enjoy the benefit of secure lives. If we truly make that separation are no longer arguing over who is the most godly but rather over how to forge cooperation that results in wins for everyone. 

We seem to be a long way from that ideal right now. Both our churches and our government have been hijacked by individuals who have mixed them together into a gooey mess that has made our lives less great and ever more filled with anger and insulting judgements. Separating church from state is the answer but we have let things go so far that it will be as difficult a task as controlling the spread of Covid-19. Our hubris has caused us to lose control and to really muck things up. Just as my father warned pretending to have all the answers is a dangerous game that turns us against one another rather than uniting us in love. When will we learn?

I have to admit that I loved the Covid 19 altered political conventions. Just having to deal with all of the brouhaha for two hours a night was grand. I would love to continue with this precedent forever only I would ask that it be shortened even more to a single two hours on a single evening. I don’t need to see adoring crowds, balloons, confetti, fireworks, banks of American flags or dozens of speeches from everyone and his aunt. It’s somewhat nice when a family member or two makes some comments but I really have no desire to hear from every spouse, child, and girlfriend to get the gist that they actually like the candidate. I only need to hear the national anthem and the pledge of allegiance once. I love it when someone becomes a naturalized citizen of our country but a convention is not the time or place for such a thing nor are presidential pardons. 

I have grown weary of theatrics that have become ever more ridiculous over the years. We spend way too much money on pomp and circumstance that might better be used in schools or to help those being evicted from their homes. Greek columns and expensive designer clothing do nothing to help me understand the stances of the candidates and the party. I suppose that if I had my wish the whole spectacle would become a speech of nomination by someone other than a family member, a few words from the vice presidential candidate and an outline of policy from the presidential candidate. I thrive on the idea of keeping things simple. 

I have never ever liked those events that showcase smiling supporters in the background. If they are intended to impress us I have to say that they don’t. Frankly I think that most of us are attuned to detecting BS when we see it and even the shortened conventions are full of it. The post game quarterbacking is made even worse with so many opportunities to parse every sentence, word, wardrobe selection and choice of music. My attitude is that there is no way that I am going to be influenced by a single event. The candidates are a totality of their lives and their platforms, not carefully crafted shows.

I have not watched the State of the Union addresses for several years now for the same reason that I dislike the political conventions. They have become a lesson in smoke and mirrors, a kind of Wizard of Oz orchestration that not only bores me but makes me angry. I don’t want to see guests meant to pull at my heart strings and suddenly convince me that our president whomever he or she may be is deserving of sainthood. I just want the facts on the state of our country, not a bloviated litany of all of the most wonderful things that the leader has done. It would be rather refreshing to hear someone admit to some mistakes or mention pressing problems that have yet to be addressed. It would be quite nice if the two parties would just listen without clapping every time they hear something they like. Whose idea was it to turn such events into a rally?

I suppose while I am critiquing I will also mention the debates which have become a total farce. Mostly there is a great deal of hot air blowing into our living rooms. I really don’t need to hear questions answered with insults, exaggerations and lies. I think we need to have one and only one debate and it needs to be short and sweet with strict rules that do not allow degradation and disrespect. There should be a series of questions regarding the major issues and it should not be the job of the moderator to inject any commentary whatsoever other than to keep the proceedings moving as they should. The entire program should be over in an hour or less and then the news media should move on without editorial commentary. Reports of the proceedings should simply state the questions and answers of the candidates in full, word for word. 

I know that my ideas represent a big pipe dream but I suspect that there are many who would agree with me. What we need is an honest discussion of major issues. So here are some questions that I would ask:

1. What is your plan for continuing the fight against Covid-19? How will you get it under control?
2. What plans and directives will you implement in future pandemics?
3. What are your ideas for working with the peaceful protestors of the Black Lives Movement while finding ways to reduce the violence that sometimes creeps into their demonstrations?
4. What are your ideas for making our police forces better trained, equitable, just, and supported?
5. Do you have any plans for fair and just immigration reform that allows law abiding people a road to eventual citizenship?
6. How will you deal with problems at our borders?
7. Are you and your party willing to reach across the aisle for the good of the country?
8. How will you maintain the cooperation and respect of the United States with the rest of the world?
9. What do you plan to do to heal our planet from the destructive effects of pollution and other human induced problems?
10. What are your ideas for bringing us together as a nation?

Of course my hopes are just pie in the sky meanderings of my mind, but sometimes it’s fun to just imagine a world that might be. I suspect that many will agree with me.