Each one of us is unique. We may share DNA with people whose branches on our family trees are far away from us, and even more with our siblings, but in the final analysis our differences are clear. Every person is a beautiful individual whose appearance and ways of thinking have been affected by both nature and nurture. 

We now have a better idea of how our bodies work than at any other time in history, but we are only slowly learning about the effects that our brains have on who we are, who we eventually become. As a teacher I knew that each of my students learned in different ways. In fact, I understood this from my own experiences as a student. I had to have both visual and kinesthetic activities for concepts to make sense to me. I had exhibited a bit of dyslexia in the first grade and my brilliant teacher taught me techniques for overcoming my inability to differentiate between certain letters, numbers and patterns. I also developed a unique way of studying over time in which I would pace back and forth in my bedroom talking out loud as though I was teaching someone whatever I was trying to learn. 

We know full well that most of us are born with both imperfections and unique talents. In addition to my learning differences I have fine thin hair and an almost nonexistent chin. I had to learn to deal with each of these things because they made me a bit different from what we call the norm. My physical and mental challenges were mostly benign compared to some that other humans must endure, but they reminded me to always be accepting and loving toward all people, not just those who look and think like I do. I may not fully understand the ways of some of my fellow humans but until I have lived in their shoes it would be truly arrogant of me to question the ways that they have chosen to adapt to life and find happiness. 

I once attended a weekend retreat for women that was sponsored by my church. I am admittedly not well suited for sitting and listening for long periods of time, nor do I do well when I have to sit quietly meditating. I wanted to go to the event nonetheless because I felt that it was time for me to adjust my thinking just a bit so that I might better understand others. It turned out to be one of those times when I was challenged to look at the world from a different perspective. I am all the better for my willingness to do so.

One of the speakers in particular fascinated me because he chose to address the issue of sexuality. At first he made me a bit uncomfortable in his openness about the topic, but he was calm and obviously not of a mind to shock us. He simply pointed out that our sexuality was meant to be a natural and beautiful thing, but also an individual thing just as with other aspects of our humanity. He challenged us to open our Bibles and find each of the times that Jesus spoke about sexuality in his sermons or conversations. He wanted to know how often Jesus described the only forms of sexuality that we should exhibit.

We were hard pressed to find much of anything that seemed related to sexuality in the words of Jesus. In fact, we saw through this man’s guidance that Jesus was mostly about love and accepting people as they were. It gave me a whole new perspective on issues of sexuality. I saw that as long as love and respect is present in any relationships they are good, not ugly. 

Those who study our brains and our anatomy are confirming that there are real differences between how we think and how our bodies work. There is a kind of normal curve that denotes whether any aspect of our physiology or psychology is average or different. We have no problem understanding that when it comes to intelligence there are people who have exceptionally high or low intelligence quotients, while most of us fall within an average continuum. Some of us are exceptionally healthy or beautiful while others struggle with health problems and societal judgements of our physical appearance. We tend to easily rank and accept such differences from the so called norm with every aspect of our humanity with the exception of sexuality. In fact, there are those who seem to believe that there are only two sexes, male or female, only one way of loving, heterosexual. Anything else in their way of thinking is deviant, a blasphemy. When I hear them I wonder how it would even be possible to have such vast difference between every other aspect of our humanness but not in our sexuality. Even without evidence from science and medicine it should be clear that it is unlikely that we will all be the same in our sexual relationships and thinking. 

I don’t have to live another person’s reality to know that it would be foolish to assume that each of us is merely a rubber stamp of all others. We can easily see our different shades of skin and hair and eyes. We hear the unique sounds of our voices and languages. We watch some among us rise to the level of titans in athletics or music or mathematics. We accept that we are of course very different in every possible aspect but then question those who insist on a different kind of sexuality.

Nobody forces a klutz like me to endure athletic challenges that are discomforting. Nobody questions the fact that some people despise having to write essays or complete complex mathematical calculations. We all know that our comfort levels with any aspect of life tend to depend heavily on our natural abilities and our thinking. Why should we force our own limited understandings on others even when it comes to sexuality? Why can’t we simply live and let live? Why can’t we just love like Jesus so beautifully urged us to do? Why don’t we believe his simple examples of how to treat our fellow humans?

We can’t legislate sexuality any more than we can legislate that only those with blond hair and blues eyes should be our models for beauty. If we take the time to form relationships with those who differ greatly from ourselves we usually learn that good people come in every conceivable form. We begin to accept our human differences as being normal and natural and we ultimately learn to love ourselves and others who are not like us. Instead of turning away from those courageous enough to honestly tell us how they feel, we would do far better to get to know and understand them than to fear and humiliate them. We might find that we are more alike than we might have thought. We will begin to love our differences.