My first foray into education had come long before I began working at Eliot Elementary as a teachers’ aide. I had been pretending to be teacher even as a child at play. I kept a box of school supplies and books in my closet and commandeered my brothers and neighbors into my homespun play acting that always featured me as the teacher. I taught lessons and created tests. I graded homework and quizzes. I even gave each of my captive students report cards at the end of sessions. Perhaps it was inevitable that I would more and more feel compelled to become a teacher as I grew older. I was quite excited about working at Eliot Elementary as the fall semester grew near.
I had an appointment to meet with the principal one August afternoon. I still did not have a driver’s license but Mike had insisted on giving me instructions and helping me practice my skills in empty parking lots and on quiet roads. His plan was to have me driving as soon as we were married. For the time being I was still hitching rides with anyone I might find who was going my way. On the occasion of the meeting with the principal, my mother was my chauffeur who waited outside while I had a conference with the woman who would soon be my boss.
The meeting went well as the principal outlined her educational philosophies and told me a bit about the students I would encounter. She methodically outlined my duties and explained the expectations that she had for all of her employees. She was somewhat abrupt and seemed tired and a bit anxious even before the school year had begun. Suddenly she revealed that she was still trying to fill several vacancies and wondered aloud if I knew of anyone who was certified and ready to begin teaching. Since my mother had quite recently earned her degree and satisfied all of the state of Texas requirements I tentatively mentioned that Mama was actually searching for a public school position. The principal eagerly asked if my mother might be willing to come to the school for an interview. When I told her that Mama was waiting for me outside, she insisted that I bring my mother to her immediately.
I was a bit flustered as I rushed to our car to tell my mother what had just happened. She was hesitant to interview without preparation. She was not dressed professionally and had no time to mentally prepare for the questions that might come, but she was also intrigued by the possibility of landing a teaching position. She quickly combed her hair and dapped a bit of lipstick on her lips, adjusted the collar of her blouse and walked inside the school with me. She greeted the principal with a big smile and a contrived confidence that hid her confusion in that moment. Only minutes later she walked out with a big grin on her face, announcing that she was going to be a fifth grade teacher at the school.
Both of us were ecstatic over our good fortune. My worries about how I was going to get to the school each day were suddenly solved and my mother was no longer uncertain about where her new future would lie. She had made very little money from her job at Our Lady of Mount Carmel Elementary School. Now she was going to triple her salary and have better health insurance to boot. It was cause for celebration as Mama beamed that God always had a way of answering her prayers. I joked that the principal had been blessed as well because I knew that my mother was an excellent teacher.
The weeks before the start of the new school year went by quickly. I was still in planning mode for my wedding and Mama was eagerly preparing lessons. We were both excited about our new beginnings. Meanwhile Mike continued my driving lessons and I was feeling more and more confident that I would pass my driver’s test and finally be independent in getting from one place to another. Everything in our lives was seemingly falling into place for my family, save for the tension that our mother was feeling over continuing to date the man who never seemed to make her happy. Instead he was a source of agitation and each time she was with him she appeared to grow more and more upset. Somehow I did not understand her reticence in ridding herself of his negativity. It was so unlike her to be dominated by anyone and yet this man seemed to have some kind of psychological hold on her that was tearing at her strong will.
I would worry about my mother for a time and then throw myself back into my own preparations for the future, relying on her resilience to eventually take her to a better place. I knew how strong my mother was and believed that nothing and no one had the power to tear her down. If I had possessed a crystal ball I might have seen that the culmination of all the challenges that she had faced alone were beginning to ravage her. She was human and being always strong for everyone around her had taken its toll. I was not mature enough or ready enough at the time to understand the extent to which she needed help that was not forthcoming. She pretended to be fine, but was not. It would only be after I had moved into my own life that I was able to develop enough perspective to realize how vulnerable she was feeling. For the time being I had to think about her situation tomorrow. I had a new job to tackle and a wedding to plan. I was too busy to see that my dear mother was trying to juggle balls while balancing with one foot on a barrel. She hid her pain so very well that few of us saw her predicament. It would eventually become at once both one of my greatest regrets and one of the most defining moments of my life. Our roles were on the verge of great change.
All It Takes Is A Little Love 