I suppose I would have to say that I am a quasi-feminist. Perhaps I understand the societal difficulties of being a woman from watching my mother attempt to shoulder the responsibilities of being the soul caretaker of our family during the fifties and sixties of the twentieth century. She had incredible duties thrust upon her in a time when society still clung to stereotypical ideas about the roles of men and women. She was unprepared for the challenge that my father’s death forced her to face, but with time she certainly did her best to keep our family moving forward even as roadblocks made her task harder than it should have been. I often marvel at her determination and see her as the first feminist that I ever knew.
Growing up without a father made me more acutely aware of the ability of women to get things done just as well as men. My mother understood that she was facing many societal roadblocks that included being paid far less for her work than many men would have been, but she nonetheless made things work for me and my brothers. I can’t recall her ever bemoaning her fate. She simply shouldered her responsibilities and managed to buy and pay for two houses and earn a college degree in the years after my father’s death.
In spite of my mother’s accomplishments I saw that few men honored her with the respect that she deserved including her own brothers. It was women who best understood the trails she was blazing and the difficulties that she faced just because she was a woman. While she might have written a book on how to stretch a dollar until it squeaks, there were nonetheless people in her life who accused her of not knowing how to manage her finances simply because she had so little with which to work. When her mental illness made her life even more complex, somehow she continued to persevere and overcome the cycles of depression and mania that interrupted her ability to regularly work and she still accomplished as much or more than many men.
My mother constantly reminded me that I was as capable as anyone, male or female. She urged me to be independent minded and to follow my own dreams. I never thought to ask for permission from my husband to continue my education with graduate studies. It never occurred to me that anyone other than myself should have any say in the route that I chose to follow. Luckily my husband had been influenced by his mother and grandmother who were both advocates for women’s rights in their own ways. I decided what kind of work I would do and where it take place. My consultation with my husband was meant to get his wisdom in making those choices, not his okay to do what I wanted to do.
In a recent conversation a man noted that Kamala Harris has been an disappointment as Vice President of the United States. He commented that she has not performed well. When I asked him what she had done or not done he was only able to make vague comments about her personality. When I mentioned that the role of Vice President has always been somewhat lackluster he defended the men who had held those roles before Vice President Harris. When I asked who those men were he was unable to even put a name to all but a few of them. He ultimately agreed that the Vice Presidency does not always allow an individual to display his/her greatest strengths. Nonetheless, he believed that our current Vice President was particularly bad at the job without being to identify exactly what that meant.
It reminded me of a moment in the new Barbie movie when America Ferrera’s character frets about the impossible demands that are placed on women, You have to never get old, never be rude, never show off, never be selfish, never fall down, never fail, never show fear, never get out of line…It’s too hard! It’s too contradictory!”
I thought about some of the stones and arrows hurled at women who do attempt to take the reins and prove themselves as valuable to society as the men. I realized that we women still have a long way to go as long as there are those who critique females in ways that would never be applied to men. Hillary Clinton was too abrasive and aggressive according to many judgements, but a man behaving in the same manner is often considered to be a strong leader.
My sister-in-law rose to management positions in her profession. She received numerous awards for her work with NASA. She is brilliant, and yet even within our family the admiration goes more often to my brother for his well earned brilliance while hers is often overlooked. It took my grandson to see her greatness when he accompanied the two of them to the Texas Star Party, a yearly extravaganza of star gazing. It was my sister-in-law who showed him how to use the telescope and explained the mysteries of the heavens. She was the one who truly inspired him to become an aerospace engineer. He still admires his incredible uncle, but he saw that this woman was a marvel as well.
I have watched women becoming more and more accepted during my lifetime, but all of us know that we have yet to find parity when it comes to earning the same level of respect as the male half of the world. The rooms of power are still mostly filled with men. We have yet to elect a woman to the office of President. We tend to critique women who do rise to powerful positions in ways that no man has had to endure. Being a woman is really difficult just as it is to be a man. I long for the day when we will accept that both of the sexes are equally competent and able to lead us. We should all remember that we are members of the same team.
All It Takes Is A Little Love 