My mother used to tell me that there is a part of our being that makes us feel young even as we grow older. She would boast that she was just as vital at the age of sixty as she had been at 21. Of course being her daughter I found such conversations confounding. She was my mom after all and in my eyes she was born old. It is only as I inch toward the age at which her life ended that I truly understand the wisdom that she was attempting to convey to me. In her heart she never felt old, even as her body began to prove that she was vulnerable to the process of entropy.
Somehow age is relative. In July Mick Jagger turned eighty and he’s still out there recording and entertaining although with a tiny bit less spring in his sneakers. Four years ago I watched him perform live and never miss a beat. His level of energy appeared to be endless, but I never saw him backstage where it is possible that he was sucking wind.
Hearing that so many of my teen idols are actually what society would call old men is a bit disconcerting to me because I have learned that my mother was absolutely right. I do indeed feel far younger than my birth certificate claims or my image in the mirror seems to prove. I often find myself being startled when I see my reflection in a pane of glass. As I walk along I imagine how I appear because it is how I feel inside and can’t quite understand why younger people run to open doors for me or insist on carrying my packages for me as though I am somehow an invalid. My appearance fools nobody, but my inner feelings continually keep me feeling as though I am still young. That can be a very good thing or it can also create problems.
We have a rather impressive number of aging Baby Boomers who are still going strong and clinging to powerful positions as members of the younger generation wonder when it will be their turn to grab the baton. Depending on whose point of view is being considered all of the working seniors are either inspiring thing or annoying in their refusal to retire to make way for new voices and ideas.
It’s difficult to determine who is right and who is wrong. Is it laudable to remain active and hold on to power while the younger folk wait in the wings or is it an insult to younger adults? Sometimes I just don’t know, especially as I myself still feel so vital and desirous of continuing my contributions to the world. My mind works well although it may not be quite as sharp as it once was. I feel that I have a bit of wisdom to share that came from a lifetime of experiences and challenges. Still I have to admit that it sometimes takes me longer to recall a memory or lift myself out of a chair. My knees are playing out and if I do too much physical labor my back aches for days. The heat gets to me quickly and I find myself wanting to go bed much earlier at night than I have ever done. I suppose that as we age we fight to remain useful, important. We don’t want to become burdens or to be ignored. Nonetheless is there a time when it is actually best to give the younger folk a turn to show their mettle?
Surely we can find a happy medium in which we share our wisdom but give away some of our power. The world is filled with stories both real and fictional regarding our concern with how we should act as we grow old. We either admire, disdain or feel pity for those who struggle to do the know how to retire gracefully when the time comes. We can’t seem to agree on what is the right way to behave. We can’t even decide what constitutes the idea of being too old to perform certain jobs. Perhaps the key really is in assessing each individual or maybe it is in having limits on how long a person should continue to be in command.
The children of Baby Boomers sometimes feel as though their time will never come because they will be too old by the when their parents relinquish their hold on the halls of power. Just as Queen Elizabeth left an old man to inherit the throne, many young men and women are reaching their fifties while still wondering if they will ever get their turn to demonstrate their abilities and enact their ideas. The Boomers continue to dominate virtually all aspects of life. Succession is very much on everyone’s mind as two old me seem destined to run for President of the United States and aging Senators and Justices refuse to retire. It almost feels as though we don’t trust the adults who come behind us.
I keep harking back to my grandfather who was as wise as they come. He aged with such grace. It is little wonder that he made it to one hundred eight. He adjusted his role to being a source of historical perspective, a thoughtful counselor. He saw the greatness in young people and encouraged them to push forward and accept major responsibilities. He believed that older folk had a place but that they still had to step back to let progress move forward. Maybe we need to all learn how to adjust ourselves and our places in society to make certain that the young people have the experiences that they need to keep things going after we are gone. Maybe it’s time to demonstrate our confidence in our children and grandchildren by letting them decide how to prepare for the future. There is no greater gift than respect and handing over the baton. We can do that and still be vital and probably even more admired.
All It Takes Is A Little Love 