When two people are almost complete opposites they rarely connect beyond polite but brief encounters. When those two people are in a situation that forces them to interact regularly their relationship can be fraught with misunderstandings. It takes creative measures to prevent a clash when personalities and cultures are so different.
We’ve all found ourselves in situations that force us to use our diplomatic skills at work or in personal challenges. Unless we hide ourselves away from the outside world we are bound to find our personalities or beliefs in conflict with someone whom we cannot avoid. When that person is a coworker, a boss or even a family member inherited by marriage it can be crushing to have to deal with a situation that literally feels toxic, especially if we are not in a position to simply ignore the controversy.
I have a tendency to confront people and ideas that I find to be contrary to my core beliefs. Sometimes this trait brings me the admiration of friends, family members, coworkers or my students. At other times it leads me open to intense criticism and misunderstanding. Most of the time I know how to control my windmill tilting, but sometimes I lose my perspective and come across as a nagging control freak. Finding the balance for my vocal commentaries, knowing when to speak my truths and when to stay silent is a tricky challenge.
Over time I have learned how to defend myself, but mostly to defend others. I’m generally able to quietly work around criticism of my work or my personality, but I become like an enraged mama bear whenever someone for whom I care is being abused. Because I tend to stir up the most trouble when I blurt out my concerns without aforethought, I usually carefully craft a response to the issues that seem to be the most in need of attention. I measure my words with an eye to diplomacy because my goal is not to hurt anyone who disagrees with me, but rather to hopefully nudge them to see my differing points of view. When all goes well, we find mutual compromises even if we do not totally adjust our individual preferences for how to live.
Now and again I’ve had some clashes that severed any hope of reconciliation because of my bluntness. We all have red lines that define just how much accommodation we are willing to give. When the red lines are crossed we have to be bold in defending ourselves and others. I’ve only had a few such battles and they certainly took their toll on me and the persons whom I had to confront.
This happened many times over when my mother was particularly ill with her bipolar disorder. I could not simply stand back and watch her devolve into psychosis because I was afraid to force her to accept the help that would restore her mental health. I despised those moments and the chasm that they sometimes created between me and my beloved parent. Nonetheless I learned that the bitterness would pass and my mother would survive another bout with the most horrid kind of health issue.
I had to do battle for my students and my fellow teachers as well. Some of those encounters left me bloodied and seemingly defeated, but I kept my honor in tact. On one occasion I became a spokesperson for an entire school when a principal behaved like a tyrant and morale was so low that I expected a rebellion to begin at any moment. I endured the ire of the school leader when I outlined that issues that were creating the mounting discontent. My hope was that my honesty would be viewed as a supportive attempt to create a positive climate for everyone. Instead the woman became downright deranged in a day long interrogation of me that was one of the most unnerving encounters of my lifetime.
While the school leader would eventually be fired by the school board for all of the reasons that I had attempted to help eliminate, in that moment I was left with no alternative but to protect myself by finding another job and leaving the toxic situation. I have never forgotten how alone and frightened I felt as I realized that the principal was so set in her ways that she was willing to abuse me simply for pointing out her flaws. It was one of the few times that my honesty and diplomatic skills totally failed me.
I am quite aware that I can be confusing to many people. I am mostly quiet and agreeable. I am highly sensitive to the needs of others, so much so that I often fret over what I might do to help them. I am generally somewhat shy, a person who travels through life mostly observing rather than connecting. I prefer sitting on a bench watching people to walking into the middle of a crowd to converse with strangers. I need lots of space and quiet time but I am also willing and able to stand at a podium and address a crowd without nervousness. I can spend hours conversing one on one, seemingly unable to take a breath between my words. I love parties, but only for so long and then I must rush away like Cinderella or I will surely turn into a pumpkin. I am an enigma to the extraverts of the world and yet I have a kind of connection and understanding of them that they may never have with me.
I see people’s souls. I feel their hopes and dreams and suffer along with them in their disappointments. Sometimes the weight of noticing makes me weary and I have to back away for a time until my energy and determination returns. I use my writing to be a voice for those who cannot speak. Along the way I am often misunderstood. People wonder why I am not more private in my thoughts. What I know is that there always has to be someone willing to defend truth out loud.
Each of us is unique. We have individual talents that we offer to our families and friends and sometimes to the world at large. Mine is to see and hear truths that I believe must be spoken. I know this is so because I was once so afraid to reveal what I knew I had to do. I have developed a voice through my experiences. I am battle weary but still standing. Somehow I know that I am exactly who I was meant to be.
All It Takes Is A Little Love 