I used to see old couples celebrating anniversaries well beyond fifty years and think that they were just so cute. I never really thought of what those decades of devotion must have entailed as they shared a lifetime together. Now that I have recently celebrated fifty five years with my husband, Mike, I understand how much more profound a long term relationship actually is. I realize that the word “cute” is a stunningly inaccurate word for describing the lifetime of events that encapsulate the efforts and devotion of two people who have pledged their fealty to one another.
Life is beautiful, but it has a tendency to get messy and difficult for everyone. Surprises are always just around the next corner and they are not always about fun and laughter. Over a span of fifty five years there will be long stretches of mundane routines that involve hard work. Finding joy in the ordinary is often the only respite from the daily grind. The hug shared before leaving for a job in the dark of early morning is a cue to stay the course. Sharing a story or a joke at the end of the day is a reminder of how comfortable it feels to have someone who totally gets you just as you are.
Things happen that rock your world along the pathway of fifty five years. Babies are born and those babies grow into beautiful young adults with their own journeys to follow. Loved ones become ill and some of them die. New friends become old friends over time. The world at large challenges serenity. Nothing stays exactly the same except for the love that anchors two people during the inevitable storms. In the blink of an eye there are tests of resilience. The road can become rocky and steep. Navigating together strengthens the bonds even as it tests their fortitude. The future often feels uncertain and even frightening. The steady presence and loyalty of the faithful person whose love has endured makes the worst of times bearable.
Since October 4, 1968, Mike has been my stalwart. We grew and evolved together. Our impact on each other has been greater than the influence of our parents. We almost share a brain, completing thoughts and sentences with uncanny similarity. We are two individuals who together comprise a singularly unique entity. We have supported each other in the quest of our dreams. We have enjoyed the melding of our talents and the acceptance of our unique beliefs. We are one while truly being ourselves in ways that few others understand or allow us to be.
Of course we have our differences, our spats, but those are few and brief. We are comfortable not having to put on airs or force ourselves into round holes when we are feeling square. That is the beauty of fifty five years of companionship. We really do complete each other in the most romantic sense of that phrase. Together is the safest place that we can possibly be. Together we still have the ability to tilt windmills or just sit together in silence.
I remember the first date that I shared with Mike. We were both naively immature but we thought of ourselves as adults. The backdrop of our world was riddled with war and unrest. We had little idea of what was to come but somehow we both instantly felt the connection that sparked between us. We were able to say things out loud that we had always before kept secreted in our hearts. It was magical and exciting.
These days we are wiser. We know that our future will be together, but as we age it is impossible to know how long that will be. Friends with whom we shared our youthful beginnings are already gone. Adults on whom we relied for wisdom are no longer here. Our children and grandchildren dote on us as they build their own tomorrows. We in turn dream of futures for them that we hope will be as bright as our lives have been. While we wish that they will never have to face some of the trials that came our way, we know all too well that they will not find shelter from stressful situations that find their way to everyone.
Fifty five years have passed since nineteen year old me made a pledge to an earnest young man. I sometimes shudder when I think of how young we were and how unaware we were of the challenges that lay ahead. We had to mature quickly or become another casualty of youthful passion. Somehow we knew that it was worth the hard work to persevere. We persisted through it all and as we did we both knew that we had indeed found the perfect partner for playing the game of life.
Recently I read about the seventy seven year marriage of Jimmy and Rosalynn Carter. I love to think that Mike and I still have twenty two more years ahead of us, but the odds of such longevity are the exception, not the norm. I’ll take whatever was meant to be. I try not to think too far ahead. It’s best just to be happy with each day, each moment as it comes. If I have one wish it would be for everyone to find the kind of special person that I encountered at my cousin’s birthday party in the long ago. All in all the years have been so wonderful that I still feel exactly like that young girl and to me he is still that young man. Somehow we just know that we were meant to be.
All It Takes Is A Little Love 