I recently turned seventy-five, an age that I never imagined being. When I was younger I thought of such a number as an indicator of an ancient person ready to settle into writing the endings of their stories. As I witnessed the vibrancy and wisdom of my grandfather who spent another thirty three years beyond his diamond jubilee I began to rethink the idea of old age. I saw that he was just hitting his stride in his seventies and would not slow down until a year or so before he died at the ripe old age of one hundred eight. 

I doubt that I will equal his stamina and longevity, but I’d like to believe that I still have plenty of time to continue learning, traveling and meeting people. I want to be someone who is willing to change with the times like he was. More than anything I long to know and understand the people that I encounter in deeper ways than just superficial niceties. I want them to know how much I really care about them regardless of how different our personalities and philosophies of living may be. I don’t claim to know all of the secrets of a good life, but I have found that the happiest moments that I have experienced have all been in the presence of my fellow travelers in life. 

As humans we need deep connections and to achieve such relationships we have to be willing to open our minds and our hearts to experience and celebrate the essence of each person we encounter. Even the hardest soul wants to be seen, heard and understood. We all respond to kindness and appreciation, but we don’t always reciprocate such feelings when we should. We want people to take the time understand us, but sometimes are too quick to judge others who don’t appear to meet our standards. As we rush through our lives we too often take people for granted or make assumptions about their behavior. We would do well to consider what might be making them appear to be disagreeable rather than immediately shunning them. 

I went to a funeral and knew that everyone who was there deeply loved the person who had died and yet each individual was responding to the great loss in different ways. Some were openly grief stricken with tears running down their faces. Others were bravely consoling everyone else, making certain that the people around them were feeling comforted. There were people who were telling jokes, acting silly. They did not care any less than the others. They simply had a different way of harnessing their emotions. There were storytellers who seemed to know just what to say about the deceased and his relationship with each person who was present. There were those who quietly drifted to the sidelines in their discomfort and needed to be alone to process their grief. 

Who’s to say which person displayed the best or the healthiest behavior? We all have our own habits and a bit of baggage as well that influence how we will respond in any situation on any given day. There really is no always right or wrong way of doing things, but we can learn how to be more open to our personal feelings and those of the people around us. A bit of introspection is a good thing as long as we don’t just brood. They key to a happy life is accepting that none of us is perfect. We are all born innocent. It is in living that we are molded one way or another. Even within the same family unit we will turn out just a bit differently from each other. 

My mother loved fiercely, sometimes even people who had spurned her. Before her mental illness took hold of her mind she was highly regarded and admired in her community. When her depression or mania changed her behavior she frightened some people and they turned away from her. The woman who had once been a confidant and font of wisdom for people grew ever more isolated as fewer and fewer of those who once were her friends felt comfortable enough to stand with her. In spite of their rejection she continued to speak of them with love as though she did not even notice that they had abandoned her. She taught me how to forgive. 

The politics of life often create divisions, rifts, wars. We take sides and classify people and countries and beliefs as being either good or evil when we know that sometimes situations are not that clear cut. We divorce ourselves from individuals or groups who make what appear to be mistakes without attempting to discern what motivated their thinking. We don’t want to hear the different sides of beliefs, choosing instead to isolate ourselves with only those with whom we agree. We create walls around our minds lest we learn something that will make it difficult to be so certain that we are right. 

The vast majority of people all over the world are good and loving and just trying to survive from one day to the next. We would do well to be open to them, to learn about them, to be willing to change our opinions about them. It really is possible to accept differences and get along. The wisdom of age has shown me that truth over and over again, but I’m still not where I hope to be. I continue to learn and I try my best to keep an open and forgiving mind. Perhaps one day I will actually attain the wisdom of age that I seek.