I see so many people striving to be happy without much success. There is of course legitimate clinical depression which is a health issue, but many folks seem to be on unfulfilled journeys of discovery. They never quite find the magic situation that will keep them happy and satisfied. They are drowning in perceived imperfections about themselves and the people around them. They deal with challenges that would be daunting to any of us, but never seem to find a way out of their anger or doldrums. They finds themselves continually believing that somehow they are doomed to feeling sad most of the time. They ask what they need to do to grasp that beautiful feeling that life is truly good. 

My mother had to be one of the most tragic figures I have ever known, Her story was one of loss, challenges and struggles with health. In spite of the almost unremitting tragedies that seemed to follow her, she was in fact the most optimistic person I have ever known. 

Mama was the youngest of eight children who lived in a household that struggled to survive and yet she describes her childhood as magical. Growing up in the heart of the Great Depression meant that times were hard for most people, and so it was for my mother. She recalls getting hand me down shoes to wear to school that had been worn out by her older sisters. Instead of complaining she often smiled and boasted about her mother’s ingenuity in placing cardboard inside the shoes to cover the holes that grew ever larger on the soles. 

Mama spoke of hearing taunts from neighborhood kids about herself and her immigrant parents. They would throw rocks at my mother and her siblings. While Mama admitted that it initially hurt her feelings, she tried to ignore them because she felt sorrow for their ignorance. She often told us how she held her temper and walked with her head held high. She knew that her father was an avid reader, a man who worked so hard that he never lost his job. She was proud of herself and her entire family. She felt blessed to be in this country enjoying the opportunities that it held. Nobody was going to steal her joy.

When my mother was a young woman she became engaged to a young man who was sent to fight in the war in the Pacific during World War II. He was ultimately killed on Saipan and my mother admitted that she was quite devastated for a time. Nonetheless she knew that other people had also endured such losses and had managed to grieve and then get back into the game of life. So she concentrated on improving her skills and going to work. She purposely focused on the many good things that came her way each day. Soon her soul was healed.

Mama’s life was transformed when she married my father. For the first time since she was born she was part of the middle class. She had a beautiful home, a new car, nice furniture, vacations each year. When he suddenly died all of that changed. Since his death came from a car accident she had to purchase a very basic car without even the luxury of an automatic transmission or carpet on the floorboards. She moved to a small house and struggled to make ends meet from month to month. All the while she focused on her good fortune in finding a car that ran so well, a home surrounded by lovely neighbors. She boasted with a spectacular grin that we never missed a meal. She thanked God daily for the roof over her head, the warmth that we had in cold winters. 

If Mama heard of anyone who was in need she always seemed to find someway to help them. She would stretch her budget to include monetary donations to people that she did not even know. She was the first to cook a meal for a sick friend or bake a cake just to help someone feel better about themselves. 

Our home was always filled with people who dropped in just to be with Mama. They fed on her optimism. They always felt better just being with her. She had a way of making everyone feel important and loved. She overlooked people’s flaws and instead only saw the beauty of their souls. She never felt that relationships had to be balanced. If she gave of herself and the other person did not, she was okay with that. The important thing for her was validating people just as they were.

Perhaps the biggest challenge of my mother’s life came when her symptoms of bipolar disorder became full blown. It became difficult for her to maintain her household and she often had long absences from work when her illness was roaring out of control. She lost most of her acquaintances who suddenly did not feel comfortable around her. Her economic situation became more and more tenuous, but amazingly she remained positive about people and life in general. She found joy in the most mundane places and situations. A ride to a nearby beach was as good in her mind as a European vacation. An ice cream cone on a hot Friday night was an incredible luxury. Listening to the Houston Astros on the radio was five star entertainment. 

When my mother died from lung cancer people came out of the woodwork to tell me how inspiring she had always been. There were students who remembered her as the most wonderful teacher they had ever had. There were strangers who told me of her random acts of kindness. I read letters from people that she had helped through hard times. I heard about her cheerful phone calls that brought sunshine to those whose days were often dreary. I learned that her secret had been always making people feel that they were the most wonderful and important individuals in the world. I found out that my mother never asked for anything in return for her compassionately caring ways. 

My mother taught me to do one good thing everyday and I would suddenly realize that happiness is not elusive after all. Instead of dwelling on what I don’t have, she showed me how to treasure what I do have. Most of all she demonstrated how to love people without a need to see that love returned. Likewise she loved people unconditionally.

I wish that all of the lonely and sad people who are struggling in darkness had known my mother and seen how easy it was for her to find happiness wherever she went and whatever her actual circumstances might have been. She made it seem as simple as just smiling. Her one optimistic thought or action always begot many many more. She was a model for happiness.