Christmas is a time when families and friends come together to celebrate traditions. There is an ebb and flow in those gatherings as cherished loved ones die and new life infuses our joy as well. There is an inevitability in life that things will change even as we so often strive to keep everything the same. Each of us has a limited time on this earth regardless of how well we live life. No amount of exercise or healthy habits will forestall our eventual demise. We literally live on borrowed time from the day that we are born. Christmas should remind us to embrace those we love with joy and appreciation every single day of every single year.
There will be important people missing from the merrymaking this holiday season. Some enjoyed decades of time with us, while others were pulled from us all too soon. In spite of our realization that any of us might end our sojourn on this earth at any moment, we somehow don’t live as though every day and every encounter is important.
We think about people and places and events that changed us for the better, but all too often never really express our gratitude for such things. We busy ourselves with the mundane rather than pausing long enough to tell the person next to us how much he or she means to us. We wait until a memorial service before finding the words to praise an individual who meant the world to us.
I find myself talking in my head to my mother during this time of year. I was so focused on her mental illness that I rarely took the time to marvel at her wisdom, strength and loving nature. Of course I needed to protect her, take her to doctors, dispense her medications, but how much more wonderful it would have been if I had told her why I love her so. She needed to hear my admiration of her, not just my commands.
I wrote about a great man who died this year, Dr. Efrain Garcia. He was a giant in my estimation and yet I realize that I never once told him how impactful his presence in my life had been for me. He inspired me to be a better person, to dedicate myself more to doing acts of kindness. I was so in awe of him that I never told him how wonderful I believed he was.
Long ago I wrote a letter to a college professor who had changed my view of myself and my duties as an educator. I believed that he had set me on a life fulfilling course, so I sent him a thank you note and opened my heart to him. I never thought I would see him again but one day by happenstance I encountered him in a parking lot at the University of Houston. He was old and bent, walking with a cane. I did not recognize him at first, but he knew me. He called out my name and reminded me who he was. He then explained how important my letter to him had been. He had actually taped it to the bottom of a drawer in his desk. He said that he would open that drawer and reread my letter whenever he became discouraged. I cried and hugged him. Somehow both of us were connected and revitalized in that moment.
We busy ourselves with the least important tasks of living and rarely get around to expressing our feelings to the people who have most impacted our lives. We know we should do those things. We know how wonderful it feels whenever we receive a random and unexpected pat on the back. It elevates our happiness and reminds us that perhaps we really are doing the right things at least now and again.
I send out around a hundred Christmas cards each year. I always tell myself that I am going to begin signing and addressing them early enough to include a personal note, not about what I am doing, but about why I care about the person or family who will receive the card. Somehow I get rushed and just sign my name even as I think about each of the people as I address the cards.
We all live on borrowed time and yet we too often live as though we have all of the time in the world to express our appreciation and love. We assume that people know how we feel when in reality they may never actually understand how they have impacted us. Then over and over again we lose someone and regret that we never gave them the gift of knowing their importance.
Perhaps we need not wait for a special occasion to begin the process of spreading our good feelings. My mother had a routine in the later years of her life that exemplified her brilliance. She spent time each morning reading passages from her Bible, just a few lines here and there, enough to inspire her prayers and to focus her thoughts. Then she called her sisters just to see how they were doing. The conversations never lasted more than five minutes, but they were long enough to show that she was thinking of them. The best part of her day was spent in selecting one person to receive the gift of her love and admiration. She told people what they meant to her. She openly expressed her love of them. She touched a human heart each day.
I celebrated my seventy fifth journey around the sun last month. This will be my seventy fifth celebration of Christmas. I resolve to stick with my plan to contact the people who have made my life so wonderful and tell them how important they have been in the making of the person I am today. This time I hope to make it the most important part of my routine just like my mother did. I’ve borrowed a great deal of time. Now I must get busy returning the love and inspiration that has brought me this far.
All It Takes Is A Little Love 