I teach or tutor around ten students in mathematics each week. I use the funds that I earn to give my daughters, sons-in-law and grandchildren nice gifts for birthdays and Christmas. I sent out text messages in October asking them what kind of things they wanted or needed that I might purchase for them for the holiday season. Much like my mother I believe in sharing my good fortune now rather than storing it away for some future day when I am gone. So, the requests flowed in and I did my best to fulfill the wish lists that came my way.
The requested items seemed to nicely reflect the personalities of each individual. The grandson who cooks for a hobby wanted a better quality cookware to add to the hand me downs he had been using. The young man who used to have little interest in clothing has become more aware of fashion trends as he inches toward completing a college degree, so he chose a few pieces that will enhance his style. Another grandson wanted a dress watch to go with his newly acquired position as a leader at his university. Another is thinking ahead to next fall when he will be moving from dorm life to an apartment. He wanted anything having to do with stocking a kitchen. One grandchild simply wanted to enrich the savings account that he has steadily increased over the years by squirreling away earned and gifted cash. A daughter eyed a chair that she thought might be nice for reading. The other daughter created a wish list of quite ordinary items that ranged from Little House on the Prairie books to tea and honey. Happily I was able fulfill all of their wishes which made me feel quite content and happy.
I don’t think of Christmas as being only about gifts. It is so much more than that. It is about hope and love and the importance of family. It is about sharing stories and time with loved ones. It is about remembering those who are gone. The gifts that I give are designed to lift spirits and make a small investment in providing something special that each person might otherwise not have. The work I do in my spare time is also my gift to the young people who need to learn the workings of mathematics. The gift they provide me is a feeling that I have done something that has a profound purpose. The intertwining of joy that comes from my lessons radiates out in many directions and sometimes ends up in wrapped packages under my Christmas tree.
From the time I married my husband, Mike, I heard stories of his grandparents. I was not fortunate enough to meet them because both of them had died long before I met my future spouse. Nonetheless I learned of their generosity from the stories of those who loved and admired them. My mother-in-law often related how her father had once boasted that his goal was to make his only grandson’s life so wonderful that the boy’s only worry would be how to store the motor on the boat that he would surely one day own. That grandfather had already purchased a toy fire engine for his Mike to drive around the neighborhood. He imagined a lifetime of sharing his own good fortune with the little boy that he hoped to mentor into becoming a great man. Sadly Mike’s grandfather died in his forties when Mike was only a five years old, but family lore kept his love and devotion to his grandchild alive.
Mike’s grandmother was a young widow who somehow pulled herself together and successfully steadied the business that her husband had once run. She would finance Mike’s education in private schools like St. Thomas High School. She provided him with his first car, a used Chevy that seemed to be as wonderful to him as a brand new Camaro might have been. She appeared to take great joy in providing him with little perks that he might otherwise not have had. He in turn spent endless hours with her, enjoying her generous scoops of love and understanding. Unfortunately she would die when he was only fifteen and he would still be grieving that loss when I met him four years later.
I like to think that I pattern myself after generous people. I may not recall each gift that they gave me, but I remember the very special feelings I had in receiving something from them. My mother purchased the first pots and pans that I ever had and I still cook with them to this very day even though they are almost sixty years old. I treasure the books that my grandfather gave me. My favorite perfume is still Estee Lauder’s Youth Dew because my mother’s friend, Edith Barry, gave me that fragrance as a gift when I was thirteen years old. My home and my memories are filled with reminders of the generosity and indicators of love that even the smallest gift provided me. There is something incredibly moving about knowing that someone took the time and money to give me a present. This is why I would rather use my extra earnings now to provide those I love with tokens of my feelings for them rather than banking those dollars and making them wait for a time when I am gone to share whatever wealth I will have.
My mother and I developed a tradition of spending an evening together each Friday. We first went out to eat and then went shopping. Mama was perennially searching for gifts for her children and grandchildren. She hunted sales and walked up and down the aisles of stores hoping to find wonderful treasures. She kept her treasures in a closet in her home with labels detailing who would receive them. She kept track of birthday, Christmas, Valentine’s Day, graduations, weddings, baby showers and purchased gifts in advance of the many special occasions. When she died she had already wrapped a present for my retirement. Her closet was filled with items intended for many celebrations to come. She did this in spite of a meager income that would have been insufficient for most people. She was a genius at balancing a precarious budget and still seeming like Santa Claus when it came to her largess.
I sense that it is time for me to share even more than I ever have done. I am contentedly supplied with all that I need for comfort, but the younger members of my family are just beginning the process of adulting. My teaching provides me with the ability to give them a bit more than I otherwise might have been able to do. I want to share that good fortune now. I see no reason to wait.
All It Takes Is A Little Love 