Pat Weimer was the big sister that I had often dreamed of having. She introduced me to so many wonderful aspects of living that I had never before encountered. I saw chick flicks for the first time with her, movies that my brothers and my husband would never have considered viewing. She loved shopping for hours and going on spur of the moment adventures. She and I attended musicals and live performances together. Her door was always open. There was no need to call first to see if she was amenable to the idea of a visitor. She made life fun, but she was also someone with whom I was able to discuss anything. I did not need to filter my thoughts or comments with her. She allowed me to vent and I reciprocated with her. Our bond was sacred and incredibly special.
Pat was a great wife as well. She created a hard and fast tradition that she believed every couple should enjoy. She and her husband had a date night at least once every single week. She found that Thursdays worked well because it was easier to get babysitters on a week night than on the weekend. She had a regular reservation with a young girl from the neighborhood. She and her husband went to dinner or saw a movie or just spent time sipping on coffee and talking about their jobs, their family, their dreams.
In spite of my feeling that Pat’s date night idea was fantastic I was never quite able to follow her lead with my husband, Mike. There always seemed to be something that prevented us from keeping such a routine alive, but in the back of my mind I always believed that we should have worked a bit harder to make it happen like Pat had always done. She set alone time with her husband as a priority whereas I viewed it more as a fling if we happened to have the spare time. More often than not date night took a back seat to something that seemed more pressing at the time.
Pat died several years back and her husband has also gone. Now I find myself thinking that she was brilliant to make those date nights one of the most important routines of her daily life. I know that she glowed with joy whenever she described them. I suspect that they had sent the message to her husband that he was the most important person in her world. Theirs was a beautiful partnership that any of us would do well to emulate.
I have to admit that I have all too often pushed other responsibilities to the forefront of my calendar. First I was raising my children. Then my datebook became crowded with the needs of all of my students as well as those of my mother. There was hardly time to sleep much less indulge in the luxury of a regular time spent alone with my husband. It was not until my daughters were grown, my mother had died, and I had retired from my full time job of teaching that I found myself with enough freedom to just have fun with my husband. It was as though we were meeting each other all over again. For a time we had an almost daily adventure from the moment we awoke until we fell asleep at night. We were dedicated to making up for the years when our focus seemed to always be on other members of the family or work.
All of that freedom came to a screeching halt when my father-in-law came to live with us a year and a half ago. Suddenly it takes great planning to go out for an evening or to take a trip. Nothing can be random anymore. It is like moving backward into a time when we were too tired to even try to have a regular date night like Pat had urged us to do. Since we did not choose to create a regular time alone together back then, we somehow struggle to pull it off now. We let other responsibilities push such times from our calendar.
If I have one resolution for the impending new year it will be to finally get serious about putting my marital relationship before all others. I am going to do everything in my power to assure that our calendar includes a regular date night each and every week. When we have randomly experienced such a thing since our home life changed so drastically, we have returned to our duties refreshed and less stressed over our caretaker role.
I’m seventy five now and my husband is seventy six. When my father-in-law was in our age range he met a lovely woman and married for a second time. The two of them travelled all over the world and regularly went out to movies and restaurants. They lived life to the maximum and it rejuvenated him at a time when he had seemed almost near death. Being with his new love filled him with joy for almost twenty years. Now he is ninety-four and content to sleep late, eat at the same times each day, follow an exercise routine without exception and and use the exact same schedule day in and day out. We help him to do that and to chase away his loneliness, but we can’t put our lives on hold either. The clock is ticking for all of us, and I think that my husband and I need to stop it’s progress at least once a week with a regular night out for just the two of us.
I miss Pat’s wise counsel. I feel that I know what she would tell me if she were still here. She was not one to allow her troubles to steal her fun. She was always finding ways to make ordinary days seem exciting. She would look me in the eye and reiterate how important those date nights are. I think it’s well past time for me to get serious about such a tradition in my own life. The kids and the parents and everyone we know will be alright while Mike and I slip away for a few hours each week. Pat showed me how to do it. Now it is time.
All It Takes Is A Little Love 