I feel as though I am beginning to repeat myself. These days I spend most of my time doing the same things over and over again. Each evening I join my husband and my father-in-law around the dinner table where we discuss a bit of this and a bit of that. My father-in-law is ninety four years old and vaccinates between being sharp witted and sounding as though his memory is not as sharp as it once was. As with most older people he has a tendency to repeat stories over and over again. Sometimes I wonder if he is simply exercising his mind, attempting to test himself to be certain that he is still able to think for himself. Other times I think that he only has so many stories and is no longer creating new ones, so he has to keep repeating his repertoire. 

I’d tend to think that only really old people do such things but for the reality that I seem to be doing the same thing more and more often. There is only so much to say even about a long life. The mundane days don’t always lead themselves to interesting topics. Routines are par for the course for everyone. Thus all too often I hear people politely remarking that they have heard many of my tales more than once. It worries me a bit that I have not realized that I am sounding stale. 

I no longer leave my home for work. My ventures outside of my house have grown more limited than at any other time. I am a creature of habit without exciting incidents for which I am grateful, but also a bit bored. There was a time when I awoke each morning having no idea what I might encounter as I ventured outside of the protection of my little family nest. Working in schools is a grand adventure filled with split second changes from moment to moment. Being around hundreds of humans of all ages ten or more hours a day is bound to lead to funny tales, heart rending moments, interesting discoveries. 

I must say that I don’t miss the anxieties associated with being responsible for so many people, but I do find myself longing for the interplay with my fellow humans. We are indeed social creatures with a strong need for a variety of relationships. I suppose that’s why I continue to find so much joy teaching and tutoring small groups of students to this very day. It gets me out of the house, challenges me to use my mind, and provides me with a lovely opportunity to experience the optimism of youth once again rather than constantly reliving times that are long gone. 

Taking continuing education classes is also a grand adventure for me. I marvel at the world of ideas that seems to be boundless. I enjoy opening my mind to the great ideas of the past, present and future. I often find myself longing to be a full time student once again just for the opportunity to learning.

Sadly, I’m not as sharp witted as I once was. It takes me longer to find words, to remember facts, to conduct research. I suppose that if there were such a thing as earning a certificate of completion by sitting in on classes rather than having to take exams and complete projects I would be the first to volunteer. As it is I know that I no longer have the energy to work for grades. My interest in knowledge is far more personal. I simply want to seek the truths of the universe at a leisurely pace that allows me to contemplate what I have encountered.

The philosophy class that I recently took has introduced me to so many new ideas, different ways of thinking about the world and what makes humans the unique creations that they are. I have a great deal of reading that I plan to do in the coming days and weeks. There is much to consider, much to discuss. Our natures are often difficult to explain but great minds have attempted to do so. 

One of the most interesting evenings of my lifetime took place at the end of the nineteen eighties. I had received a free plane ticket from my bank and decided to use it to visit one of my dear friends who had moved to Los Angeles. We had raised our children together, spending many an hour together at swim lessons and on summer days attempting to entertain our youngsters and support each other as mothers. I was already missing her even though she had only left a few weeks before. 

She gave me the grand tour of Los Angeles which was quite lovely and then announced that one of our high school classmates also lived in Los Angeles. Our friend had married a bright young man who graduated a few years before we did. He worked at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory by day and had delved into a hobby of contemplating philosophy by night. Along the way he wrote a short book about the intellectual giants who had most impressed him. To my great delight he wanted to give us a preview of his thinking with a small presentation one evening. 

We gathered together in his home seated in a half circle created from dining chairs. Soon with a professorial flourish he was regaling us with thoughts that challenged our own. He asked questions and answered ours. The discussion gloriously continued for hours as we marveled at the wonder of it all. Who would have expected such an intellectual pursuit to become the highlight of a vacation to Los Angeles? It certainly surprised and delight me. To this day I smile when I remember how delightful it was. 

We humans seem to have certain innate characteristics. We are curious. We are social. We have a need to understand how and why things work. The search for answers is a marvelous way to spend our time. Perhaps when I begin to sound stale it is a sign that I need to open a book, attend a lecture, talk with experts, debate ideas collegially. Learning is part of our DNA. It should never be thought of as a frightening experience even when it challenges what we have always believed. It is food for our souls and we should never forget to feed that aspect of our humanity. It is how we stay vibrant.