Month: May 2024

What have you done that actually outlives you? ——Marilynn Robinson

It was a Sunday morning and as I was reading the New York Times I noticed an interview with author Marilynn Robinson whose novels about the fictional town of Gilead, Iowa are beloved by many including former President Barack Obama. Before I could get into reading the article one of my migraines overtook my ability to concentrate on reading and I found myself in the bathroom vomiting as I often do when one of those inherited moments overtakes me without warning. I had to set aside my laptop and close my eyes until the pain in my head subsided. Luckily it was a brief attack and soon enough I was reading about Ms. Robinson once again. 

She’s a bit older than I am, about the age of schoolmates who were seniors in high school when I was a freshman. I was always in awe of the upper class students and that admiration continues to this day. I often attempted to fashion my high school life after what thiers seemed to be. As I have grown older the difference in our ages has dramatically diminish but my respect for them has only grown. So it was with Ms. Robinson as I read about her faith in a beautiful and loving God who fills her heart with optimism. I found myself wanting to be like her, a magnificent writer who conveys her beliefs in the ultimate goodness of humankind. 

In the interview Ms. Robinson admitted that she was mainly a recluse who lived peacefully with her many books and her concern about the present state of the world. While she worries about the ugliness and chaos that seems to be everywhere, she continues to believe that ultimately the best traits of humans will overwhelm the horrific ones. She maintains that each of us have something wonderful to share with the world that will outlive us when we are finally gone. 

I found myself thinking about this delightful woman long after reading the article about her. I wanted to order all of her books and sit reading them while sipping on tea. I identified with her philosophies about live and her wonderful relationship with her generous God. I also felt the urgency of her insistence that living an outstanding life means leaving behind something that outlives you. It does not have to be writing a book or solving a world problem. It can be as simple has being a positive influence in someone’s life. 

I suppose that I agree with Ms. Robinson that a life well lived is one of generosity and compassion. As I grow older I find myself valuing the moments with people who have touched my heart and demonstrated to me how to be a truly good and loving person. Most of them will never be well known. Some of them led lives so simple that their names would never be heard beyond the reach of a small circle of individuals but their impact on me was enormous. I thought of my mother who quite simply was the most courageous and unselfish person I have ever known. Her love of God and her fellow humans was unwavering even in the darkest and most difficult moments of her life. 

My two grandmothers were simple women, uneducated in the formal sense but creative and wise in humble ways. They stand with the icons of history who gave so willingly to others. They were models of ingenuity and joy for me. Even as a child I understood that they were courageous souls who blazed new trails in very quiet ways. 

I found myself pondering people that I have encountered who were always welcoming and loving and willing to go an extra mile to help those who were struggling. I continue to marvel at their energy and dedication. They have all been bright lights in the world who seemed to put the needs of others before their own. Somehow they came to the realization that the really important work in this life is found in reaching out to those unable to help themselves. 

Like Ms Robinson I all too often chide myself with regret that I did not just ignore the dust on my furniture to give myself time to do one more good thing for someone else. I thought of the dark moments that sometimes invade my mind to produce ugly feelings that are the product of fear, anger, jealousy and greed. I am in fact as human as each of us are. Sometimes the first person we need to comfort is ourself. Even the most wonderful person in the world has such lapses in faith. In fact the vast majority of problems around us come from the false beliefs that cloud our ability to fulfill the potential for good that is presentI in everyone. 

If I live a life that influences even one person to be better than he or she might have been, I will be content. I want to be a light that promises fairness and acceptance to those that I encounter. My influence will never be as dramatic and widespread as that of Marilynn Robinson but I believe that all that is wonderful about our world, and there is much, derives from one act of kindness at a time multiplied hundreds of millions of times over. We should all accept Ms. Robinson’s challenge to do things that outlive us. Big or small they are what dampens the chaos and evil that threatens to drown our will. The opportunities to make a difference are all around us and all we have to do is seize them with a loving heart. 

There is a magnificent series of lectures called Justice: What’s the Right Thing to Do? on YouTube. The nine one hour programs feature political philosopher Michael Sandel teaching at Harvard University. They were the first classes that Harvard offered to the public at no cost and they are priceless in every sense of that concept. Sandel is an exceptional teacher but even more exciting are his earnest students whom he deftly engages in discussions of the arc of philosophical thinking from Aristotle to the present day. 

I came upon the series as an assignment from a class that I was taking at the Rice University Glasscock School of Continuing Studies and became instantly enchanted with the thought provoking theories and arguments about what truly constitutes political justice. I finished both the Rice class and the Harvard videos understanding the power and virtues of open discussion. In the end there are many theoretical philosophies about justice and political engagement but the most compelling aspect of learning about such things is the art of doing so in a respectful way. The old concepts of the Socratic Method still work whenever we are attempting to open our minds to differing ways of thinking. 

In our class at the Glasscock School we spoke freely and with different voices and points of view. What we all had in common was a desire to openly discuss important questions with each other without recrimination. Our commentaries were often just as lively as those of the Harvard students in Sandel’s lecture hall. Generally in both scenarios there was an understanding of freedom to in a respectful dialogue aimed at finding universal truths and common ground. Neither the Harvard class nor the Rice class ended with a single perspective other than the realization that each person in society is guided by differing religious and cultural beliefs that color our visions of justice. 

Dr. Sandel spoke with a kind of reverence of the Lincoln/Douglas debates in order to contrast the differing philosophies of neutrality versus morality. Essentially Douglas argued that because the opinions regarding slavery were so diverse, the government should not become involved in judgements or laws regarding whether or not to allow slavery to continue. Lincoln on the other hand insisted that due to the overriding moral evil of slavery the nation had to speak and act forcefully in favor of limiting its growth. In other words, sometimes morality must intervene in our justice system. We cannot simply look away in order to allow each individual to make his or her own choices. In a good society we often do what we believe to be morally right to override the idea of self rule by neutrality. 

Of course there are so many issues in today’s political cauldron that we would do well to legitimately and earnestly discuss without rancor and with the intent of ultimately doing what seems to be right regardless of our many highly personal beliefs. We have to rationally determine answers to intricate questions and can only do so if we are willing to listen to the differing points of view and ideas for solving our problems rather than being rigidly tied to group think and insults about thinking that is different from our own. Dr. Sandel demonstrates how to do this both with his lectures and his inclusion of students’ thoughts in each discussion. 

I suppose that debates between political candidates were intended to demonstrate the beliefs of each individual vying for positions in our government. Somehow over time they have become more akin to farcical comedy than rational discussion. Opponents often show no signs of actually listening to each other to discuss differing ideas so much as to wound and insult each other. It feels more like a fight between gladiators than a substantive comparison of stances on important issues. Such showboating has also found its way into the halls of government were one side or the other simply forces its will on the minority group. 

It really is possible for each of us to learn how to discuss even the most contentious problems that face us without rancor and with a determination to find common ground. The gladiator demonstrations that have become so common do nothing to face the issues that have been festering for far too long. Our contentious insistence on deriding the differing political philosophies of one another rather than discussing the pros and cons of our ideas is driving us farther and farther apart and setting us on an uncertain future. It’s well past time to eschew those who seem only interested in pandering to narrow beliefs rather than understanding that sometimes we are not as far away from agreeing with each other than it might seem. If we really begin to listen and to think and even to be willing to reconsider our thinking we are more likely to have a smoothly running society. 

Never in the history of the world has it worked well for everyone to be governed by a tightly knitted group demanding total loyalty to one person’s ideas. The most vibrant environments allow our many voices to really be heard, not just tolerated. They are respectful of the possibility that someone’s critiques may be sincere and even valid. A discourse that genuinely attempts to get to the heart of an issue is always the best way to find justice in our society. Aristotle and Socrates understood these things in the long ago which is why their words and their methodologies resonate to the very day. We would do well to learn how to search for justice with open minds and rational discussion. It’s time we accomplish something other than rigidly standing firm with our personal beliefs.

Is there anything better than people watching? I’ve always enjoyed quietly sitting unobtrusively watching a passing parade of people. There is no better spot on earth than a table in a food court where I become almost invisible as I take note of the incredible variety of the people who walk to and fro. Of course I laugh at the idea that in all probability there is someone who is also watching me, but I suspect their interest will wane rather quickly because I tend to look rather ordinary and uninteresting. 

I was at an HEB Central Market store recently in the Highland Village area of Houston, Texas. The gathering of people ran the gamut from millionaires to laborers and so did the clothing and demeanor of each individual. I began to play a mental game with myself wondering if I would be able to accurately identify the wealthiest people who had come to the store. I quickly realized that clothing is not always the best indicator nor is appearance in any way indicative of a person’s net worth. It became fun to note that I probably would not be able to find the person who owned the brand new Aston Martin parked near the entrance until he or she was entering the car. 

Here in Houston there are often few clues to a person’s financial worth. We tend to be a casual city and one where wealth matters less to us than the content of a person’s heart. We loved J.J. Watt because he was a good football player but mostly because he proved to be a very kind and generous person. The same is true of Jose Altuve. It is very much the Houston way. We are not all that impressed with person’s of power and success as much as we are with a humanitarian.

I suppose that the whole world witnessed the Houston spirit during hurricane Harvey when our city was inundated with more than fifty inches of rain in only a few days. I saw countless acts of compassion and generosity that renewed my hope for our society. With all of our societal and cultural divisions it’s often easy to believe that we are living in a very dark time. The truth is that good people will always overwhelm those with bad intentions and they prove that over and over again.

I live on a rather small cul-de-sac. There are only seven homes on our street but there is an abundance of love and concern shared by all of the residents who represent many different races, ethnicities and sexual preferences. We don’t care about any of that, but we do care about each other. We celebrate together, endure hurricanes together, check on the well being of each other. Ours is a wonderful neighborhood family of almost infinite variety.  

I read about a new documentary that touts the power of love in making the world a better place to be. I thought of people that I know who go out of their way to help others. I found myself thinking of one of my former student ministers to the homeless. As I reorganized a closet and set aside coats that we have either outgrown or used less and less I thought about Martin and wondered if he would like to have the jackets to share with the people that he feeds. 

A former neighbor doesn’t seem to even sleep while she flits from one admirable cause to another. She is constantly baking for some group or charity. I surely don’t know where Melissa gets her energy but she uses it to nurture the less fortunate among us. I am in awe of her dedication to helping those in need. 

Some other former neighbors traveled all the way to India to adopt a little girl. Sonia already had a beautiful family but they all wanted to do more. They looked for a child who might benefit from their good fortune. At a time when their children were growing older they might have thought about spoiling themselves rather than starting over with a toddler but that is not who they are. They took on the task of loving a little girl whose life may not have been as joyful without them. She has thrived with them in ways that are almost miraculous.

I’ve often thought about how much the world would change if all of us were less critical and more concerned about those in need. If we were all dedicated to doing good works and making sacrifices for the welfare the poor in spirit we would become richer in our own spirits. There should really be no argument or hesitation to simply love the people that we encounter as well as those that we have never met. 

The Beatitudes say all that we need to know when it comes the ways that we should view our fellow humans. Each of us should read the wisdom of those words regularly and ask ourselves how we might be more humble and giving like Martin, Melissa and Sonia. 

Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied. Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.

Nothing in those words praises wealth or power. We should all be seeking to fill our lives with love and understanding rather than rancor and judgement. We all have something to share. Why don’t we quit arguing about who or what is to blame for the suffering among us and simply begin to live a life of love and understanding?

“Rest!” they told me so I only did half of what I usually do in a day. I ended up unable to walk without being bent over. “REST!” They said so I spent most of one day following orders but then worked as usual the following day. That night I ended up in an emergency room writhing in pain.

I’m good with words but the definition of resting seemed to elude me. Finally my doctor defined it clearly by insisting that I do no gardening, no house cleaning, no lifting or bending over to pick things up. I was supposed to just read or watch a few movies and leave the hard chores for someone else. 

I suppose that I was never born to be a little princess waiting for someone to cook and clean and do all the chores around the house. I actually enjoy all the tasks that people often hire someone else to do. I get joy out of dipping my hands into the dirt, hauling bags of soil or mulch to a flowerbed. I like the feeling of having a dust free, spic and span house that looks as though no human has ever lived there. Sadly my body turned on me and I had to learn a new way of having fun that did not entail physical labor at all. Even standing or sitting for hours to teach math to my students left me bent over in pain so I had to give in to a temporary way of life that is so unlike me. Suddenly I was free to read all day long or binge watch every series or movie that I ever wanted to see.

My doctor told me that most people my age have some kind of trouble with their backs. I’ve heard quite a few stories from friends and relatives. Up until now I had no idea what it was like to be crippled by a herniated disc. I could not imagine having pamper myself in order to get well and yet here I was, groaning in pain, never getting far away from my heating pad, worried that I might hurt myself just by walking up and down the stairs. 

Once again I have learned to have way more compassion for anyone who is having trouble with bad knees, or spasms in the back or even feet that hurt after a short walk. It seems that we humans begin to wear out our parts as we age just as old cars or appliances might do. Now and again we have to get some repairs done or we come to a screeching halt. So it has been with me. 

I am surrounded by far wiser people than I am. They have sent me baskets of tea and biscuits to enjoy while I read from the many books that I purchase but never give myself time to read. They brought me books of puzzles to ponder and artwork to color. They remind me daily not to get too whoopee before I heal enough to do some physical therapy. They sweetly laugh when I tell them that I am embarrassed for seeming to be weak. They insist that I am being too hard on myself and even as I know they are right. I am itching to get back to my industrious self. I am not accustomed to sitting around. I measure my days by how much I get done. Now I am confined to being far more contemplative and zen. 

I’m quite bad at taking the advice that I lovingly give to others. I’d rather be the caretaker than the person receiving the care. It is a quirk of my personality that if analyzed is not particularly good. I tell people all the time to pamper themselves, to stop to smell the roses. I insist that we should all pause to listen to the quiet, hear the whispers in the wind, be thankful when others want to help. Then I turn around and become the kind of hard headed person who drives me insane. It’s funny how that works. 

So I have been good for many days now. I don’t want to backslide so I have decided to become the world’s greatest patient. I’m competitive like that. I have challenged myself to do what I know is best for a full recovery. I am determined to finally give in to the pain and just enjoy the glorious times of forgetting about dust on the furniture or toilets that need to be scrubbed. I relinquish those tasks to sweet individuals who earnestly want to help me. Also I don’t want people to think that I am so proud that I would work myself into another visit to the ER just to prove that I am not as weak as I feel I am right now. 

I have a lovely view of my neighborhood from my upstairs bedroom. I have piles of books and lots of fun things to occupy my mind. I write and do those puzzles and discover shows that I have never before watched. I’m even considering actually taking the time to sit and relearn calculus more almost sixty eight years after the last such class that I took. I’ve been doing enough pre-Calculus to take the plunge. The command that I avoid heavy activities provides me with a very valid excuse to finally do something that I have skirted around for years. 

I might finish that Christmas runner that I was quilting before my father-in-law came to our home two years ago and I became distracted with taking care of him. I can certainly write to my heart’s content without feeling the least bit of guilt now that I know that doing so is therapeutic. I can meditate and pray and call friends or at least send them greetings with cards. There is more than one way to feel useful without moving furniture or working myself into a spasm. I’ve got this. In fact, I’m beginning to see how it might even be fun. So here’s to the all new me. Wish me luck. I’m an old dog but surely it’s not too late to learn some new tricks.   

I have to admit to being curious about some of the click bait that pops up on my computer. I saw prompt the other day that purported to describe the differing ways that millennials see the world as compared to their Boomer grandparents. I had to laugh when I scrolled through the predictions of how the world will change drastically within the next twenty years because my Boomer husband has already been proclaiming the glories of many of the new ways of doing things that millennials are supposedly embracing. Evidently he is way ahead of most of his peers in trending toward a new kind of world. 

My husband is totally convinced that the future is calling and everyone will go there. He is chomping at the bit to own an electric car but he is taking his time studying them to determine how to get the most value for the least amount of money. He is convinced that one day our roads will be filled with safe autonomous electric vehicles that will revolutionize travel the way the gas engine cars once did. He sees a time when nobody will have to fight with an elderly person to wrench the car keys from his/her unwilling hands because the cars themselves will do the driving to and fro. He is utterly convinced that the revolution is already in process and will only escalate in the coming years. 

My guy has already turned our home into a smart home that he can operate from thousands of miles away. Even on vacations we have little robotic vacuum cleaners whirring about the rooms keeping things tidy and dust free. Our sprinklers know when and how to water our plants. The lights go on and off at his command or according to a preplanned schedule. Cameras alert him to movement and live photos tell him if he needs to call the local police to report a break-in. Sometimes the automation is annoying and other times it demonstrates the possibilities of a future in which people will be able to keep things running smoothly with only the swoosh of a finger. 

The world is quickly changing and those who don’t adapt will be left behind according to my spouse. He duly noted around the time that he was retiring from the banking business that fewer and fewer people and buildings will be needed to transact business in the future. In fact, most banking needs can be met from anywhere in the world without ever contacting a human. The millennials know and embrace this but some of the older crowd are struggling with the idea of paperless and people less financial trails. Banks still have lobbies but most of them are now echoing caverns were few customers ever come. 

Malls are suffering the same fate. Younger people no longer converge on them for entertainment. They’d rather order whatever they need online to be delivered to their homes. The pandemic actually changed our family’s shopping ways as well. Now we simply order most of what we need with a few clicks of the keyboard on our laptops or phones. Delivery trucks drive up and down the streets of our neighborhood like milkmen once did in the days of old telling us that commerce has already changed from what it used to be. 

Ubers are so popular and easy to order that there is literally very little reason for the elderly to need a car even in cities like Houston, Texas where mass transit is only minimally available. I often think of how wonderful this service would have been for my mother when she reached a point of becoming a bit dangerous behind the wheel of an automobile. She would have been free to go wherever she wished without worrying us that she might be endangering herself and others with a car.

The world is evolving and progressing just as it should be and always has. Sometimes we like to cling to the familiar even when it becomes apparent that the old ways no longer work as well as they once did. The comical dreams of a Jetson’s kind of world are moving quickly into place and the young people are embracing the utility of such scenarios. They are eating differently, entertaining themselves differently, purchasing differently and investing differently. They are challenging the old ways and pushing for the new. Ironically my husband is right there with them, if not maybe just a bit ahead of them. 

We Boomers pushed the envelope of progress just as our grandparents and parents did when they were young. Now we should be looking to a new generation and encouraging them to be as innovative as they possibly can be. Many of the things that they advocate will make life easier for all of us. 

I imagine a time when the elderly and infirm will be able to live independently in their homes rather than requiring residence in assisted living facilities. They will be transported and serviced by technologies that are being developed even as I type these words. Smart homes, smartphones and smart cars will assist them in ways that make it possible for them to enjoy the comfort and familiarity of home while still being monitored by family members and friends and neighbors. They will have their freedoms for many more years than is now possible. It’s an exciting thing to consider and my husband has me dreaming away about a wonderful future.

We sometimes have a tendency to want to cling to the memories of our youth rather than celebrating the trends of tomorrow. We memorialize the old days as though they were the high point of history. The millennials are moving forward just as young people have always done. We would do well to watch and learn from them. They have some very good ideas.