Is it possible that we humans have become too sensitive about very personal and individual beliefs? Are we overreacting to comments or perceived slights that are more in our own minds than in the actual intentions of others? Are we seeing boogie men when they are not there? Do we just need to chill a bit and assume the best first and only get angry when it is totally clear that someone actually intended to insult or disrespect us?

I constantly read about outrage over individuals’ personal beliefs, particularly when it comes to religion. It reminds me of an uncomfortable encounter that I experienced when I first moved into my present home. My then next door neighbor graciously invited me to take a tour of her house as a welcoming gesture. She showed me around her rooms chatting about the neighborhood and inquiring about my life story. Her gesture was friendly enough but began to feel a bit invasive when she asked me about my religion and wanted to know where I intended to go to church. 

Because I am generally quiet about such personal beliefs I answered each question with brief replies that only allowed her to know that I am a cradle Catholic who is happy with my faith. I thought that would be enough to quell her insistence on probing my relationship with God but I was wrong. She announced that she too had been a Catholic but had grown weary of what she called all of the “genuflecting and unthinking reciting” of the Catholic mass. 

I simply smiled and demurred to her critique knowing in my heart that my relationship with God runs far deeper than such superficial descriptions. Still she kept pushing me to consider a better way of living by joining her church. Soon she had filled my hands with multiple brochures and invitations to accompany her to the next event just to try out some new ideas. She was forceful in her continued denunciation of what she assumed were my beliefs and insinuated that I was headed to a fiery end unless I was willing to change my ways.

To say was uncomfortable was an understatement because I found it difficult to imagine how she had jumped to so many conclusions about me and my spiritual life with only superficial information. Nonetheless I was respectful of her earnest efforts to proselytize me. I felt her zeal and did not want to extinguish it, but I also was not interested in changing my own carefully considered views. At the same time I was uncomfortable talking about my own religious views or even defending them with someone that I had only met a few minutes before. Sadly, my reserve led her to believe that I was somehow not particularly close to God and she surprisingly began to berate me for my apparent lack of love for Christianity urging me to see the light and mend my ways before it was too late. 

I knew she meant well but I also felt quite uncomfortable with her religious tirade and excused myself as soon as it was possible. She never spoke to me again, did not even wave at me. When she suddenly planted a “for sale” sign in her front yard I wondered if my reticence to discuss my faith had somehow insulted her. I knew by her comments when we parted that she was questioning my relationship with God and wondering if a misguided heathen had just moved into her world. 

This was not the first time that my stance on the privacy of my religious convictions has led to a kind of rebuke for me or for my children and grandchildren. Many of us have found ourselves being judged badly because of our unwillingness to reveal our deepest thoughts on God and religion. On the few occasions that we have done so with people that we did not know well, it has ended badly. I personally have been told more than once that God was no doubt concerned about me but it was not too late to beg for forgiveness and change my ways. 

I feel tremendously uncomfortable with people who insist that I am somehow spiritually defective because I do not wear Jesus on my sleeve and because I am more than willing to accept the deep devotion of those who have very different thoughts about God. I have somehow insulted some deeply well meaning and excited religious apostles who insisted on pushing me to find the true way. Such encounters have almost always led to grave misunderstandings about me along with pronouncement and predictions that I was headed straight to an eternal hell. All too often the sincerity of the person offering religious views that do not meld with mine caused them to pick up on my words and facial expressions to ultimately judge me as someone in need of salvation. They dissected my polite refusal to fall in line with their beliefs and interpreted my reticence as a kind of evil intent to insult them, and by extension, their God.   

The truth is that I always begin by assuming that they truly want to help me. I am not offended by their critiques of my spirituality but I don’t want to discuss my personal thoughts with them. In fact I find attempts to foist a single kind of religion on everyone to be invasive even as I understand that most of the people pressing for a more religious society truly have the best intentions. I simply believe that it is not proper for any of us to force our ideas on others. I am of the mind that I will model my faith as best I can in my daily actions but I am unwilling to insist that others choose my way of thinking. I honor each person’s choice and believe that the best way to deal with all of the diverse beliefs is to leave them out of the public domain. 

I am all for moments of silence in which people can pray or not, but I feel a bit uncomfortable when a group prayer implies that there is only one way to salvation. I don’t mind someone quietly praying with me or for me, but I also don’t mind if someone wants to walk away from such moments. When religious ideals become invasive, I flinch and often raise the ire of those who think that I am wishy washy or even a sinner for my unwillingness to judge others and then help them to find a canned version of God. 

How we view God or even reject Him should not be a contest and it definitely should not be governed by politicians. The history of the world has shown that using religion as a cudgel never works out well in any circumstance. I will quietly discuss my beliefs with a trusted friend as long as I do not offend that person if my views conflict with theirs. I will not argue with them or insinuate that because I think they are wrong they may be doomed for all time. I prefer a dialogue of mutual respect in which both of us learn about each other and leave loving each other even with our differences. I prefer assuming the best.