I stumbled upon a video of Patrick Swayze dancing with his wife. It was an incredibly beautiful and moving performance that lead me to a video of Swayze in Dirty Dancing. Suddenly I found myself thinking of my dear friend, Pat Weimer and the fun that we had in the seventies, eighties and nineties. I suppose that I took it for granted that the two of us would grow old together, laughing our way through one adventure after another. She became the big sister that I never had, a role model who introduced me to aspects of the world that I had never known. She was the best buddy than anyone might ever hope to have and when she died I was heartbroken.
I first met Pat at my church. I was teaching a class of kindergarteners in our religious education program. Pat wanted to work as an assistant and so the nuns who managed the classes asked if I would be willing to invite Pat to help me with the children who were my students. It was already the second semester of the school year and I had been doing fine by myself but I saw no reason not to accept a little extra help, so I agreed to have Pat join our little group.
I immediately learned how orderly Pat was. Instead of just showing up on the day of the class and quietly following my lead she insisted that I come to her home so that she might become familiar with the lesson that I had planned. As she took copious notes and asked questions I realized that she was going to be way more than just an extra set of hands. She even made suggestions for improving the presentation and requested that we meet each week before the scheduled class time to review what the children would be learning.
I honestly wondered what I had gotten myself into as I drove home from our first meeting. I had a very hectic schedule of my own and did not have much spare time to set aside a couple of hours each week just so someone might “help” me to have an interesting presentation for my students. Nonetheless, Pat was warm and earnest and so I went along with the arrangement without complaining. Over time we expanded our time together with play dates for our children and informal dinners with our spouses. Soon we were meeting up not just out of habit but because we enjoyed each others’ company.
Pat was a spark of fun in my mostly serious life. I tended to always be too busy for frivolous ventures but Pat insisted that I tag along with her to movies that I would never have chosen on my own and trips that were very different from the rugged tent camping that I so enjoyed. Soon I was discovering a different side to my own personality and a world that I had not before imagined. She took me from my little neighborhood to places far across town about which I had heard but had never experienced.
Sometimes Pat and I did girl time, just the two of us. Most of the time we took our daughters with us and they began to view each other as sisters. On Friday nights we often enjoyed Rom Com movies and the greats of the eighties. Pat kept up with all of the trends so we sat in the dark together for Footloose, The Breakfast Club, Pretty in Pink, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, The Blues Brothers, and Dirty Dancing. These were films that my husband has not seen to this very day but because of Pat I delighted in them and grew to love her more and more.
Speaking of husbands, our spouses became the best of friends as well. They were both intellectual men who loved to read mysteries and histories. They could talk about world events for hours on end. Pat would invite us over to her house where we sat around her table with cookies and ice cream and coffee and solved all of the problems of the era. Sometimes the conversations were so lively that we would stay until the wee hours of the morning, unwilling to stop the flow of wisdom that seemed to be never ending.
Pat seemed to be the most energetic and heathy person I knew. She was a nurse who understood how to maintain an optimal lifestyle. It came as a shock when she announced that she had been diagnosed with cancer. I hardly reacted because in my heart I had little doubt that she would survive the treatments and we would resume our antics. I believe that she thought the same thing and for a time it seemed as though she had beaten the odds until the cancer returned with a vengeance.
I could hardly believe what was happening. I convinced myself that it would be far too cruel for Pat to never have a chance to grow old with me. I just knew that she needed to be the best grandmother ever to her grandsons. I was in a state of denial even as she tried to make me accept the truth. Even when she was gone I walked around in a kind of haze as though I might wake up at any moment to find that I had only experienced a terrible nightmare. Pat would be on the phone telling me to put on my shoes because we were going to have some fun. Surely she was not really gone!
It has been almost twenty years since Pat died and I have not yet come to terms with the loss of her. That may seem a bit neurotic on my part to still be grieving, but her death left a gaping hole in my heart. Watching Patrick Swayze the other day reminded me of how important she had been in making me the person that I am today. I will always cherish the moments I had with her. They remind me to never ever take any relationship for granted. The joy that Pat gave me was gone in an instant but it also blooms regularly in my heart. I am so glad that she came to help me those many years ago. She made me a better person than I otherwise would have been and gave me the sister that I had always wanted.
All It Takes Is A Little Love 