Month: July 2024

A few weeks ago I read a newspaper article about a series of seven student suicides at a small private college in Massachusetts. The tragedies took place in the 2021/2022 academic year when the world was still coping with the pandemic. Before that year the school had only witnessed two student suicides over the course of its history which dates back to the nineteenth century. Suddenly the faculty and students were overwhelmed with the fear of wondering which student might next choose to take his or her life. 

The administrators and professors at the school created a task force designed to determine how to deal with the shocking situation. Their analytical skills were used to determine what factors were leading to the unusual outbreak of student suicide that was rocking the very foundations of the institute. 

Professor Jean King, Dean of Arts and Sciences and a professor of Biology noted that “stress becomes toxic and resilience becomes harder when the stressor is random.” If we humans are in a constant state of uncertainty about the world and our personal lives it can become difficult to maintain a sense of balance and mental health. When we add the element of isolation and loneliness to the mix as was often the case during the many months when Covid dominated the world, the pain becomes so unbearable that people sometimes lost hope. Why suicide became almost infectious at the college is still unknown but with great effort the faculty eventually stemmed the tide of death by working hard to take notice of every student with whom they had contact. 

I fully understand the concept of dealing with random stressors. At the dawn of 2020 I was feeling optimistic even as I worried about the health and well being of family members in the back of my mind. My husband and I had planned a trip to Scotland in May. Two of my grandsons were set to graduate from high school. I was able to plan for the coming joys and still be alert to the needs of individuals in my family and circle of friends who were dealing with consequential difficulties. I had a false sense of being in control that was about to be shattered. 

For a time I navigated the weeks and then months of wearing masks and mostly staying at home with a kind of self congratulation. I adapted to grocery pick-ups and then Instacart to keep my contact with others at a minimum. I knew that I would have to be in direct contact with my ninety something father-in-law and his wife. I did not want to be careless and bring the virus to them, especially before they had been vaccinated. I learned how to deliver my math lessons by Zoom and even “visit” with my family and friends. I made of game of the situation even as I watched braver friends continuing to get together in person. My sacrifice of staying at home was a source of both pride and sorrow as I missed the weddings of two of my nephews and seemed to drift more and more out of touch with people who had always been so important to me. While they moved on, I was faithful to my pledge to stay virus free so that I might nurture those who were in grave danger if they caught Covid. 

I was ecstatic when the danger finally seemed to evaporate. I was determined to rejoin society with gusto but nothing was like it had once been. So many of my friends and relatives had moved on from me. They assumed that I would continue to turn down invitations and so few were forthcoming. Even my attempts to create events tended to fall through. The world felt so strange to me. At times it seemed as though I was walking through my new life only as an observer without any real human contact other than with my husband and my children. 

Just when things began to feel somewhat normal again my world went into a state of random chaos. Two of the aunts whom I had not seen since the beginning of the pandemic died. It was devastating not to be able to say goodbye to them. A favorite cousin died as well. My father-in-law was rushed into emergency surgery on the day that his wife died and then caught Covid and almost joined her in heaven. He came to recuperate in our home and has lived here ever since. A cousin suddenly developed dementia and died within months. My husband almost died after a routine heart procedure. My sister-in-law endured a serious injury while on a cruise that has threatened to take her sight. I injured my foot and ankle just before Christmas and had to hobble around with a medical boot. 

Suddenly I understood the concept of random stressors. As long as I felt a sense of control over my life I managed to adapt like a pro. I remained optimistic even as the whole world was pounded with suffering and death. When my hopes of a happy ending to the pandemic were dashed one by one a sense of aloneness in dealing with my challenges momentarily overwhelmed me. I literally panicked and began to feel as though my challenges would never end. 

I did a lot of crying and self pitying for a time until I literally witnessed people with far greater problems than my own. I was able to pull myself back from the edge of despair. Nonetheless I fully understand how much more significant stress can be when it feels random and even unfair. Just when I was about to reenter the world with a grand flourish it felt as though an invisible hand had pulled me back into a state of uncertainty. 

I know that I will be fine. I’m willing to talk about my anxieties and work on dealing with them in constructive ways. I fully understand that even on my worst days my woes are minuscule compared to others that I know and some that I witness from far away. I’ll be signing up to talk with a counselor and I will share my worries with people who seem to understand me. Ultimately I will be fine. I’m a survivor from long ago. I’ll learn how to let some things go.

Still I suspect that there are people among us who are feeling as though their lives are somehow worthless. They have been crushed by the world and don’t know how to free themselves. We would do well to notice them and attempt to help them find reasons to continue with us on this rollercoaster journey. They may be reaching out without our notice. They may be trying to hang on by a thread. Look for them. Let them know that you care. 

The faculty at the college in Massachusetts actively worked to save their students from suicide. The deaths stopped. The sun rose again. There is energy and optimism on campus that exists because everyone made it a priority. We can’t stop the randomness of stress but we can adjust how we deal with it both in our own lives and in the lives of others. Life is messy and sometimes we need to step over the garbage and just give someone else a hug.

My Uncle Jack was a tall thin handsome man with an infectious smile. He called everyone “honey” in the true sense of affection for them. I loved being around him especially after my father died. He had a way of making me feel as though he would take care of our little family and that we need not worry about anything. Uncle Jack was addicted to watching westerns and along the way he made me a fan of stories about the folks who moved west from the crowded eastern cities in search of a better way of life. 

The fact is that searching for a place to call home is at the foundation of the human experience. Ever since people decided to settle down rather than staying on the move there have been folks who sought the ownership of property. Unfortunately this very instinct for planting roots has also been the cause of conflict and even wars to this very day. In many ways the ideal of owning property is the theme of history. Some have use the earth’s land by freely moving with the flora, fauna and seasons. Others have erected fences and held deeds as proof of ownership. It would be difficult to decide who has the best claim original ownership because that concept has different meanings for different groups and cultures.

By the time of the Civil War in the United States much of the land in the east had already been claimed. Intrepid pioneers who struggled in the cities were lured by advertisements to head west into unknown and rugged territory. They heeded the call of the unknown with dreams of building new lives in the wide open spaces. The journey was treacherous and when the people arrived at their destinations there were few if any conveniences and many barriers to achieving the goals that they had. At the same time the land had already been the province of the native people who roamed and hunted freely with an extraordinary regard for the preservation of the natural world and their ways of life. Seeing foreigners building structures and putting up fences blocking the way to water and animals that served as a source of food for the native people was bound to create troubles, and indeed it did. 

Kevin Costner has written, produced and directed an ambitious film project that attempts to address the complex saga of the westward movement. Horizon: An American Saga is planned to be a series of epic films telling the complicated and often controversial stories of individuals searching for the common hope of finding a home. It is an often brutal tale of hardship and death that takes no sides, but instead describes the differing beliefs and assumptions of all parties involved in the epic struggles. It has all the emotions of love, honor, jealousy and greed. In many ways it is an American Game of Thrones with countless characters, imperfect heroes and villains that are difficult to view as all bad. 

It is a lush movie with incredible scenery and great acting set against a complicated tale that moves the story so quickly that time passes in the blink of an eye and leaves the viewer anxious to see more. In fact the next edition of the series of movies will be available in August and after that perhaps there will be two more. It is an ambitious project that Kevin Costner is determined to complete, often with his own money. 

My husband and I went to see Horizon on July 4. There were only about eight other people in the huge theater which was disappointing because moviegoers were flocking to see rather inane fare that is little more than a rehash of previous films. I am actually quite stunned that this movie is not packing in audiences each day much like Oppenheimer and Barbie did last year. It is a wonderful film that has received standing ovations at different festivals were it competed for recognition. Somehow the grand old western does not seem to be as popular as it once was. Instead audiences want super heroes, cartoon characters and scary stories. While those things are fine, Horizon is a work of art, a film that will survive the passage of time unless it is totally shunned by viewers. 

By the end of the film I wanted more and I’m happy to know that Part II will be coming along quickly before I need a review to remember all of the wonderful characters. I suppose that perhaps the world is in such a state of uncertainty these days that viewers don’t want reality or history. My guess is that total escape just feels better. At the same time I’d hate to think that a great movie like this one will go up in financial flames because we just don’t feel like being serious right now. I would encourage people to give the movie a try. I truly believe that most individuals will be pleasantly surprised at how good this film is. 

It may be that this movie gave me the same warm feelings that I always had watching those old westerns with my Uncle Jack. Maybe I’m just feeling nostalgic about a time when I wasn’t as worried about what will happen in the real world from one day to the next. I got the good feels with this film. Whatever the reason I urge you to go see the movie before everyone gives up on it and deems it a dud. The loss for the public would be so regrettable. I truly believe that in the long arc of time Horizon: An American Saga will be discovered and revered as the great movie that it is destined to be.  

Both of my daughters are now at the stage of having an empty nest. What they are finding is that while their children are no longer living mostly at home, they still come to mama when they encounter problems. My two girls have asked me when they might reach a point of not worrying about their offspring. In all honesty I have had to give them the news that a mother never quits thinking about her children and wondering if they are alright. Motherhood is a lifetime job. 

It has been thirteen years since my mother died. Just before going to the hospital she sensed that she was not long for this world. She insisted that I look after my younger brother, Pat, once she was gone.. She was worried that he was lonely and would not have anyone to share his sorrows. She begged me to stay close to him and to make sure that he was happy. As it turned out, Pat found true love not too long after our mother died. I have always believed that she had some mystical influence in sending Allison to him. I doubt she would have relaxed even in paradise if she thought that he was lonely. 

After my father died when I was eight years old my father’s mother went to great lengths to make sure that my brothers and I were safe and secure. She turned our grandfather into a surrogate for the daddy that we had lost. There too I felt as though Grandma was thinking about what her son would have done for us and she showed our grandfather how to fill her boy’s shoes. 

Grandpa lived to the ripe old age of one hundred eight. My brothers and I were self sufficient adults when he died. The night before his demise I had the most vivid dream of my life. As I lay slumbering my grandmother sat on my side of the bed and gently awakened me. She lovingly explained that Grandpa was old and tired and no longer able to be a father figure to us as she had asked him to do. She saw that we were doing well and told me that it was time to let Grandpa rest with the angels. She let me know that my father, her son was doing well and was comforted by knowing that we had turned out so well.

There are a multitude of stories about mothers making tremendous sacrifices for their children even to the point of offering to die for them. Mothers awake in the middle of the night to comfort a crying baby and connect almost spiritually forevermore. They often have a sixth sense when something is amiss with one of their children. They can read even the slightest quivering of a voice or a facial expression that says that something is not quite right. Mothers can be lambs or lions as needed in the lives of their children. 

I have heard so many stories of incredible nurturing from the mothers of my students. I knew of one woman who labored sixteen hours a day cleaning homes and buildings. She arrived home each evening with swollen ankles, weathered hands and debilitating exhaustion only to do laundry, prepare meals, check homework, read stories, listen to worries, give hugs.. Most of us view our mothers as living saints and remember every good bit of love and sacrifice that they showered on us even when we sometimes never showed them appreciation for what they did. 

It is difficult to imagine any culture or society in which mothers are not angels, even as I did encounter terrible situations of abuse in my work as a teacher. Such women are outliers, monsters who are somehow defective. Thankfully most of us never have to endure the terror of having a mom who selfishly does not care about our security and wellbeing. 

My cousin, Terri, adopted her son. He has been the apple of her eye and she is justly proud of his many accomplishments. He’ll soon be heading to college but he will never be far from her thoughts as she watches him fly away from the nest that she has so lovingly provided for him. Her door will always be open. Her ear will always be ready to hear whatever he needs to say. He heart will forever beat a bit more quickly just by the mere sight of him.

I love following the stories of young mothers who take their children to ballgames and dance lessons, camping trips and musicals. I enjoy seeing the eternal love on their faces and the joy that their children return to her with laughter. I know how many sleepless nights mothers offer to their children. I see how important their babies are even as they begin to push away into adulthood. Motherhood is a gift that is rolled up in a big ball of fun and worry and sacrifice and celebration. Every mother is everything everywhere all at once when it comes to her children. That is true from the time that she carries a child in her womb to the day when she takes her last breath. The terror of every mother is the tragedy of losing a child in an untimely death. There is no greater sorrow that she must endure. 

Being a mother is beautiful and magical, anxiety inducing and exhausting. For most who become mothers there is nothing else in life quite as glorious. We moms get each other. We know about all the feels.  

My mother was a sentimental woman when it came to family, God and the United States of America. She often shed tears of joy just thinking about such things. I tend to be a bit more stoic, more inclined to mask my emotions rather than allowing them to run freely like she did. As I have grown older, however, I have found myself slowly but surely becoming more and more willing to let the tears flow when I am moved by a beautiful piece of music, a stunning sunset, or the joyful innocence of a child. Of late I am particularly emotional when it comes to my beautiful country and future that I would like to see for it. 

I love America from sea to shining. It is a glorious place filled with wonders and incredible people. Just as with myself and my children and my students my love for this nation is deep and abiding but not without an understanding of its imperfections and areas of concern. As a human I know that I have made many mistakes, uttered hurtful words, done things that I later regretted. So too is the history of the United States. It is a nation founded by imperfect people who often had the good graces to admit to their fears that they had not formed a perfect nation. Like people, our political system was meant to evolve and so it has. 

I was talking with like minded people about the ways that some politicians have co-opted the idea of patriotism by using the Untied States flag and its colors of red, white and blue as ways to differentiate our political spectrum. They seem to believe that many of us are unworthy of flying flags in our yards or wearing the colors, but that is simply not true. 

I still get chills when I see our flag. I feel a flutter in my heart when everyone is singing the national anthem. I decorate my home for the Fourth of July and celebrate my good fortune with family and friends. Nonetheless, I am willing to admit that we have done wrong in the past and still have much work to do. My America is always the greatest when we acknowledge the need to embrace all people and insure that the freedoms we enjoy are distributed to everyone, not just those who think exactly the way we do. 

I see the United States of America as an ideal, a dream that is not yet complete and will not be until we are willing and able insure that every person is cherished without judgmental rules that make them outsiders. The real beauty of the United States lies in its inclusion of a cornucopia of ideas designed to insure equality and freedom and security for all who are born here or come here seeking a better life. Our diversity is and should always be our greatest feature as a nation. The vitality of our country is built on the melding of many cultures and ideas. 

The United States of America began with forward looking ideas that had never before been fully tested. Our forefathers understood that we would have to make changes as the world itself changed. We should beware of those who want to halt our progress or who even want to take us back to times that are no longer relevant. We must grow and change because when any human organism stops doing that it is stunted and sometimes even dies. 

I dare anyone to say that I am not an American patriot when I embrace new ideas that will revolutionize the way we do things. I believe that the time has come for us to think out of the box and make adjustments that provide hope and opportunity to people who are still struggling to feel part of the grand experiment that began over two hundred years ago. We should beware of anyone who insists that certain religions or morals should guide us while others should be shunned. Nationalization of such things flies in the face of freedom.

We need to wholeheartedly throw ourselves into focusing more on building a future oriented country and less on arguing about who is good and who is bad. Our support for children and young adults should be as dedicated as it is to those of us in our senior years. We need to listen to them as they express their needs and concerns rather than preaching to them about what we see as their flaws. Generation gaps don’t have to exist if we take the time to respect their thoughts, listening actively rather than developing arguments as they speak. 

I love this country warts and all. I know that we still have much work to do and that we would do well to speak of both our mistakes and our glorious moments. I love the people here who represent an amalgam of cultures from the world at large. I believe in the ideals of our Declaration of Independence and know that the only way we will ever achieve those goals is in honestly and respectfully discussing what has worked and what has gone terribly wrong. 

The United States of America is a kind of edifice. When we find a leak we would do better to make a major repair than simply patching the problems. Our door should be open to the plethora of ideas that we have. We must set labels aside and be willing to admit that no one group or belief can possibly represent our nation. We are not individual tribes vying for power, but instead one nation where everyone deserves liberty to be whomever they wish to be. 

I love my country and my little corner of it. Each day I awake with gratitude that I am here, but I know that if we are not careful our divisions will tear this land asunder. We should live under one flag of inclusion, not those of the past nor those that worship a single individual. The intention of our forefathers while not perfectly met has always been to be a haven of freedom for all. This is my American dream and it brings tears to my eyes when I consider how gloriously such a idea continues to move incrementally in the right direction. For me, there is no turning back. We still have much work to do and many adjustments to make.

It will be a very quiet Fourth of July in our house this year. Our neighbor who used to host parties has moved away so nothing will be happening on our street as a community effort. My father-in-law is on a special diet after a short hospitalization a week ago so we won’t be enjoying barbecue either. In the past we have often been traveling on July 4, but this year we will be staying home because I will be going to physical therapy twice a week until the end of the month. Nonetheless I have decked my home in lots of red, white and blue because I love this country of ours with every fiber of my being even as I am worried about its future right now. 

I suppose that if I had not been a teacher I might have enjoyed being a lawyer or focusing on a political career. My favorite books have often been historical and more often than not they have told the story of our nation and its founders and leaders. I’ve read about the Pilgrims who came across the ocean hoping to find freedom from persecution because they did not want to be forced to adhere to the national religion of their country. I’ve learned about the humanity and dreams of Founding Fathers like Alexander Hamilton who rose from an impoverished and neglected childhood to become a respected innovator in the years of George Washington’s presidency. I’ve marveled at the brilliance and wisdom of Benjamin Franklin and the progressive intellect of Abigail Adams. The list of biographies and historical tracts that I have consumed since my high school days is far too long to iterate, but needless to say I have followed the journey of the United States from its beginning to the present with the tales of those who sometimes faltered and those who rose to unmitigated heroism in pursuit of the dreams that we celebrate each July Fourth. 

I understand both the greatness and the dire imperfections of the United States of America. Part of its glory lies in a willingness to tell even uncomfortable truths about its evolution. The imperfections are shameful, but there has always been a group of individuals determined to set things right. Those efforts have sometimes taken decades or even centuries to properly address. We are a nation not of a single way of thinking, a single culture or religion because that is the way those who came here envisioned the future. Often the ideal was tainted by the kind of ignorance and greed that allowed slavery to exist far too long. While Abigail Adams urged her husband not to forget the ladies it would be well over a century before women were able to vote. Our forebears’ interactions with the Native People of our land would have been more noble if we had considered the original inhabitants to be equal to those who immigrated here from across the ocean. We have hurt many in the imperfect quest to provide all people opportunities for life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. 

Incrementally we have made strides but there is still work to do on this July 4, 2024 if we are to fully embrace the ideals of the Declaration of Independence. We are broken and divided at the moment as to how to achieve our goals and even as to what our goals should be. We are more inclined to quibble over small things right now than to imagine a more perfect union of many people and cultures. We are still trying to decide if there is only one way of doing things or many ideas that must be legitimized. 

Today I see that we the people of the United States of America must demand that our chosen leaders remain mindful of the needs of all rather than a single group. Surely we have learned that ignoring our flaws has never proven to make us better. Surely we should want to correct our mistakes, not compound them by designing our laws to reflect a single way of thinking. We need to read the Declaration of Independence and the words of those who signed that document. We must reflect on history and use its lessons to do better. We must move forward, adapting to the changing nature of the world as it is, not as it was long ago. We must do our best to finally embrace all the people who make up our nation and even those who wish to one day be part of our nation. 

I love my country but I know that it is at a very dangerous moment in its history. I celebrate the best of what the United States has produced, a nation of many colors, many ideas, many yearnings. I do not want to squelch the variety of anyone in a misguided effort to make us all the same. Nobody came here at any time just to become carbon copies of a single way of thinking and believing. They came because they longed for the freedom to be themselves without being harassed to change. We have not always been kind to those who are different but the ideal of all being equal is still in the words that are heralded this very day. Lest we forget this would be a wonderful time to renew a vow to liberty, equality and justice for all. Our Founders gave us a blueprint expecting us to make things even better as we grew as a nation and as we matured as citizens. If we remember the dream that was incomplete on that long ago day our country will evolve many times to accommodate those who must be part of our incredible family.

Enjoy the freedom today and celebrate our liberties always bearing in mind that they are ours only if we are mindful of how to keep them. We are the protectors of our democratic republic and we must be wary of handing it over to anyone set on dividing us and tearing us apart. We are better when we accept each other without all the negative “isms” that those Pilgrims were trying to escape. We honor our nation most when we remember why it came about and how it has rightfully changed to be a better and better version of itself. Take time to think of what this day is all about.