I know a young woman who recently returned from working in Paris. She made many friends there who keep in contact with her hoping that one day she will return. They also worry that she will be shot by a mass shooter. Such is the reputation of the United States in other parts of the world. They see the endless headlines of assassination attempts, school shootings, crazed shooters at malls, movie theaters, concerts and they wonder why we Americans do nothing to stem the tide of violence. 

Another dear friend of mine retired from teaching and moved to her homeland in India. She has grandchildren who have lived all over the world and she has enjoyed visiting with them in places like Tokyo Japan, Vienna Austria, South Korea. Now her loved ones live in Switzerland in a very peaceful town Her oldest grandson is heading off to college in the United States, a place where she and her children once lived and worked. She should be excited for his new adventure but there is a part of her that worries about him. She wonders if he will be safe from the epidemic of violence that seems to only grow in our nation. 

As a teacher, mom, grandmother, and good neighbor I have felt the anger and sorrow following shooting incidents in our country. I have participated in drills and talked with my students about tactics to use in the event that our location might come under siege. I have rushed through the hallways of a school with a walkie talkie urging students and teachers to get inside classrooms and lock doors with news that a shooter might be on campus. I have felt my heart beating rapidly as I worried that the danger in that moment was real and not just another practice session. I have wondered if I would do the right things to protect my students and faculty members if the worst ever happened.

I now find myself scanning the environment wherever I go. In movie theaters I look for the exits and imagine myself lying face down on the floor. In stores I look to see if there are places to hide. It has become an instinct now that I do not mention to anyone. It only takes a few seconds of my time to consider possibilities for being safe no matter what happens and then I go back to real life and forget about my fears. 

I know a man whose son was shot and killed in an incident of road rage. I have a former student who was at the concert in Las Vegas that ended up in a bloodbath. I have seen how they were forever changed by these horrific moments. They never really get over the horror and the loss. 

I have not become immune to the feelings that rise up each time I hear of a shooting somewhere. I shed tears and feel angry and helpless. I think of the families of those who die. I think of the survivors and how their worlds have been so suddenly turned upside down. I think of how difficult it has become for parents to leave their children at school each morning without worrying about their safety in ways that never would have occurred to me when my own sweet daughters were little. I wonder how often teachers now consider the possibility of danger in their classrooms. I grieve again and again and again believing that nothing will change, that we will never get serious about solving this problem. We seem to be unwilling to make sacrifices strong enough to bring a halt to the insidious problem that stalks us over and over again. 

I do pray. My thoughts are with the victims and the survivors but I know that this is not enough. We can put fences around campuses and steel doors on the buildings and arm everyone, but those are not solutions. They are merely passive defenses. Not all the moats in the world will stop the killing but getting control of the proliferation of guns and being as serious about mental health as we are about heart disease and cancer will be good first steps. Until we are willing to admit that protecting our freedom to bear arms to the excess that now exists is the main reason that we have and epidemic of violence nothing will change. 

We will moan and groan for briefer and briefer times and then quickly move on until the next incident. We will argue again and again about who is at fault and pay lip service to real solutions. We will continue to allow nothing to happen because it is too difficult to admit that we are to blame for allowing things to get so far out of hand. 

Ironically each time there is any kind of mass shooting gun and ammunition sales increase. We worry about the meaning of Christmas being modernized and then see greeting cards with photos of families bearing arms. We have members of Congress who wear AR15 pins on their lapels as though defying any efforts to take those dangerous weapons off of our streets. We no longer have just the wild west. Every place in America feels as wild as ever. 

I honestly do not know what to do anymore but I will not be silent on this issue. I will work with the families and survivors of shootings. I will tell my Congressman and Senator that I expect him or her to do something about this. I will vote for those willing to face the issues and present ideas for stemming the killing. I can’t just wipe away my tears and look away. The violence will continue to escalate until we focus honestly and seriously on what must be done.