Peace begins with a smile. —Mother Teresa

I have become a rather tough skinned woman but I was not always so. As a child I was quite delicate, someone who overreacted to ridicule or criticism. The teachers that I loved the most sent messages of love in everything that they did. The ones who terrorized me were those who spoke angrily to my classmates. They may have believed that they were simply managing their classrooms by punishing those who violated the rules, but I viewed them as being cruel and uncaring even when they only had praise for me. 

I was literally never spanked by my mother. My father only once gave me a light and painless swat on the backside. When it happened I knew all too well that I had purposely poked the bear thinking that I would get by with my disobedience because my father was alway so gentle with me. I had been tap dancing on the hood of his brand new car, with real metal taps on my shoes. All the while I was singing the song most associated with the University of Texas and laughing at my father who was a die hard supporter of Texas A&M. I knew the whole time that I was asking for it, especially when he sweetly requested that I stop my little act and get down. Instead I just kept going, confident that I had enough favor with him that he would not even give me a slap on the wrist. When he pulled me off and gave pop with his hand I was more embarrassed that hurt. I hated that I had purposely done something so terrible to him. I knew in every part of my soul that I had brought his anger on myself and I felt so sorrowful. It was one of the first things that I ever confessed once I was ready for the Sacrament of what was then called Penance. 

All too often in this world we turn to anger and hurtful behaviors in both personal and international relationships when a more upbeat approach would bring better results. Those angry teachers left a bad taste in my mouth. Those who gently worked with even the trouble making kids became heroes to me. I generally find that people will respond more positively to smiles and kindness than humiliation and punishment. I tend to be quite wary of those who are always insulting others even in jest. It says more bad things about them than the people that they are putting down. 

I took Spanish in college to go along with the Latin and German that I had learned in high school. I had a kind of natural facility with the language and even won an award at the end of my first year of study. I returned for a second year with a professor who had impressed me with his knowledge. It was quite early in the semester, perhaps after only two classes, when he one day went off on a tirade against two students of Hispanic heritage. He made fun of their grammar and pronunciations, eventually shaking his head and commenting that he did not know what language they were attempting to speak but it certainly was not Spanish. They were so humiliated by his harangue that they rushed out of the classroom. In a bold reaction to what I had seen I gathered my belongings and quietly followed them, going immediately to drop the class. It was my way of protesting what seemed to be horrible behavior on the part of the professor. 

All of us encounter situations that frustrate us. it is human nature to even become angry and impatient. We take out our displeasure on whoever happens to be present in the moment rather than attempting to discern why that person is struggling to satisfactorily respond to our expectations. We ask for perfection in imperfect beings and lose our cool when they don’t measure up to our standards. The wiser person knows that a gentle but determined touch works best most of the time. 

I’m a goofball when it comes to sports. While at the University of Houston I had to take physical education classes. One semester I enrolled in a golf class thinking that it might be a bit like putt putt which I really enjoyed. The teacher was a golf coach and seemed to have no time for a klutz like me. He constantly reminded me that but for the kindness of his heart he should fail me. Needless to say I became a nervous wreck every time he assessed me. In the next athletic course a new teacher saw that I was struggling and took time to work with me, explaining patiently what I was doing wrong and even working with me after class to help me improve. My confidence soared and I was suddenly feeling like an athletic champion. I even got a well earned A for the final grade. 

As we go about our work and our interactions with people we would do well to consider Mother Teresa’s little bit of advice. Peace really does begin with a smile. Anger and insult most often have a negative effect. It’s better to take a deep breath, remain calm and let a warm grin show how much we respect the person who may be frustrating us. We all do better even at things that are daunting to us when someone seems to care.