When I was in the third or fourth grade my best friend, Lynda, let me borrow a book that had once belonged to one of her aunts. It was a well worn copy a Nancy Drew mysteries which I eagerly began reading that very day. From there I was hooked, asking for Nancy Drew books of my own for birthdays and Christmas. I accumulated quite a collection and those in the series that I did not own I borrowed from the library. 

Over time I became addicted to all of the mysteries of Agatha Christie and eventually found my way to Sherlock Holmes. I fancied myself a bit of a sleuth because I became rather adept at figuring who done it in various stories. I even perfected detective skills that helped me to find things that were lost and to have a sense of foreboding when I was in a dangerous situation. 

Nothing entertains me more than a good mystery whether it comes in the form of a book, a movie or a television series. Nobody does such series better than the British and I am hooked on the many crime solving characters on the BBC and PBS. Thankfully with streaming I am able to find new detectives with ease. Among them is Professor T, a quirky criminologist at Cambridge University who helps the local police with crimes that are stumping them. 

Professor Tempest is definitely neuro-diverse with his stiff inability to interact easily with people. He is plagued by phobias and frequent insomnia that is interspersed with bad dreams stemming from witnessing his father’s brutal death. He is obsessively compulsive and seemingly strange to most who meet him, and yet he is incredibly brilliant at reading the behavioral clues that lead to capturing criminals.  

Professor T is a tortured man trying to unravel the mysteries of his own life stemming from his tragic childhood. He attempts to control his present time with daily rituals and ways of doing things, a coping method that is not all that uncommon among those who have experienced unexpected trauma. It is something that I understand quite well and never really considered as an aspect of my own personality until the character of Professor T discussed it with the therapist that he visits as part of the ongoing plot. 

There was me on the day before my father died and the person I became in the aftermath of his sudden and unexpected death. To this very day I worry about people being killed in car accidents. I often have frightening dreams in which people that I love are hurt. I knew that I had to assume some kind of control of my life or end up hiding in fear all the time. For eight year old me creating strict routines and keeping things always shipshape was a way to keep order and design fully present. I was able to chase my demons away by channeling my thoughts into studying and working. I became known as a Mega Type A personality mostly because it was the one way that I could feel a steadying force in my life. It’s the kind of thing that people often do when something terrible has rocked the very foundations of their worlds. 

I suppose there was even a period of time in which I pulled myself into a protective shell, but as I healed I was eventually able to allow myself to interact in deeper ways with the people around me. Somehow I overcame much of the anxiety that had changed me but compulsive obsession with maintaining order wherever I can is stamped firmly on who I am. It has served me well in my profession as an educator and administrator but I fear that it often drives the people closest to me a bit batty. I am indeed one of those people who is constantly cleaning and straightening things. I can’t leave dirty dishes in the sink and just go to bed. If the trash is overflowing I have to take it out even if it’s late at night. Such behavior is the one clue that I am still working through the anxieties that came from losing a key figure in my life. 

Like Professor T my own experiences have also provided me with an uncanny ability to read how others are feeling and to understand why they are acting in a certain way. My empathy goes through the roof whenever I sense that someone is hurting even when they are being unkind to me. I generally find that few people in the world are truly evil and not to be trusted in any way. Most of the time even those who seem to be bad to the bone are simply crying for someone to help them. I learned a long time ago that I can’t fix every problem that I encounter but I am certainly able to guide the sorrowful or those who love him/her to sources of help. Sometimes I am able to begin the healing process for them simply by acknowledging the pain that I see in their expressions or behaviors. 

Thus far Professor T has not been adapt at relating to people beyond himself. His traumatic moment was far more violent than mine. It takes a lot of love and therapy to get past some horrors no matter the age when they happen. We are all vulnerable and we would do well to remember that when we meet someone who seems too edgy, too serious, too angry, too withdrawn, too strange. It just may be that they have witnessed something that none of us ever want to endure. Maybe all we can do is just be kind.