Ernest Hemingway once said: In our darkest moments, we don’t need solutions or advice. What we yearn for is simply human connection—a quiet presence, a gentle touch. These small gestures are the anchors that hold us steady when life feels like too much.
I’ve had an interesting week. It has been one of contemplation, a state of mind that I am often compelled to seek. I have asked myself what is most important in this moment of history when I sense that we are heading for some dangerous and challenging times. I have reflected on many aspects of life for some time now and I am feeling anxious and wondering if the foundations of who I have always been are faltering beneath me. I have asked myself if I have been too focused on actions, solutions for the political battle that is driving the citizens our nation farther and farther apart. I see that people on both sides of the spectrum believe that that they are the ones fighting for the very soul of democracy, but how can that be? Is it possible that both are right or even that both are wrong? Is there actually answer built on compromise?
I sat with a lovely woman a few days ago. She did not ask how my ninety five year old father-in-law is doing, but rather how I am doing as a caregiver for him. It was quite soothing to realize that somebody actually understood that the current role that dominates my life might actually be somewhat difficult for me rather than the blessing that everyone tells me I am so lucky to experience. Her tiny change in focus on what is happening in my world allowed me to admit that I am not always at my best when I care for the aging man. I confessed that the situation is not the wondrous joy that everyone seems to think it surely must be. She only listened with rapt attention and told me that everything that I was telling her was so very human and made her admiration of me even more certain. Her willingness to hear me complain and to accept that my sometimes negative thoughts were part of such a difficult job helped me to feel so much better. Her quiet presence and earnest willingness to hear what I was really feeling was exactly what I had needed in that moment. She helped me understand that my fears and frustrations are normal reactions. I left with a new more positive attitude because she had quietly accepted and honored me just as I am.
I began to wonder if we all might return to a happier time in our nation’s history if we were willing to just give each side of the political questions a time to express themselves without judgement or refutation. I suspect that much of our present anxiety about what will happen in our nation has come about due to a constant barrage of bombastic assertions and advice that fills our heads with the absurd idea that there is one and only one person, idea, or party that will make things right once again. We are literally engaged in a civil war of ideologies and at the moment the winner of a small plurality of votes seems to think that this is the moment to demand that we all march to the same drumbeat rather than allowing the multitude of differing beliefs to enjoy the freedom to be ourselves.
We have been led by power seekers to stop listening to each other. They have filled our heads with so many distractions and fears that we are no longer able to simply sit quietly with each other and make the kind of human connections that I felt with the woman who eased my anxieties by allowing me to admit that I do not always see my care giving as a blessing. She helped me assuage my guilt and shame simply by listening and telling me that it was okay to have angry thoughts now and again. Our nation feels lost and broken because we sense that we have lost the ability to understand each other and to work and live together in harmony.
We are a nation of many religious faiths and yet at the moment there are those who keep insisting that we must be a Christian nation. While I am deeply Catholic I have never wanted to force my spirituality on others. I know that the vast variety of religious thought in our nation is a clear indication that we each find the guidance for our souls that feels the most real and comfortable. We should keep the ability to choose an individual thing. Our schools and political systems should veer from attempts to adopt one form of religious thinking over another. Freedom to choose should apply to how people should view their sexuality and bodily autonomy as well.
If we are indeed intent on making Christianity the guiding force of our nation we should at the very least follow the example of Jesus Christ in extending his love to all people at all times, not just a chosen few. Perhaps if we were willing to really love one another as commanded we might be more inclined to build a big tent of opportunity for everyone regardless of their race, sexuality, religion, economic status or political views. We would be willing to listen to the progressives with ideas for moving forward while heeding the cautions of conservatives who worry that we may be moving too fast.
I have lately listened to college professors and teachers who fear that their livelihoods are being threatened by ham handed attempts to silence them from teaching the truth. I have spoken to young women who fear what may happen if they miscarry. I have heard the concerns of people from the LGBTQ community who worry that their right to live in peace will instead return to times of great danger and fear. I have been asked by the children of illegal immigrants if I really believe that they will be deported. I have also heard from earnestly religious souls who truly feel that they have done God’s work in voting for conservatives willing to defend their morals. I have heard from kind people who are struggling financially and wondering how to actually live the American dream. Each of these groups have concerns that we should all be willing to hear. We must listen to them first with open minds and then admit that few problems are ever solved with only one possible solution.
I’d like to think that we might be willing to just be understanding humans. The world is far too complex to be forced into a single perspective. We would do well to turn off the noise that is working us into a nationwide tizzy and tell our leaders that what we want most from them is just to hear us out and that begins with sitting with each other with understanding and love. If we do that we may begin to realize what is really important is honoring the individuality and humanity of everyone. A quiet presence and gentle touch is so much better than bullying people into accepting one political ideology.
All It Takes Is A Little Love 