Month: December 2024

Each morning people rise from their slumbers and begin the routines that are part and parcel of whom they seem to be. The millions and millions of individuals on this earth do the work that keeps us clothed, fed, entertained, healthy, educated. So much goes on around us that we sometimes do not notice the importance of each job until for some reason it is not done. Little wonder that so many feel not just unappreciated but unseen. It is as though they do not even exist even as they labor to keep our homes, neighborhoods, cities, nations running. 

Today I began to think of the many times when I have rushed around hardly giving a thought to all of the activity buzzy around me. I don’t think of leaving a thank you card for the mailman when I find the letters and packages neatly placed in the box that is mine, but I should. I only passingly glance at the men digging a gigantic hole designed to hold who knows what. I have to remind myself not to become irritated when the line at the grocery store grows too long. I may as well be totally blind to the important contributions that are taking place all around me. Then someone comes along and reminds me to take time to notice and appreciate all the wonderful deeds by thanking me for the simple act of holding the door open for them. 

I think of how nice it is to hear a pleasant voice congratulating me for something that so many take for granted. I feel sheepish when I hear that compliment, but also enjoy the flush of joy that it brings to me. Suddenly I know that someone has actually seen my efforts to be kind and helpful. Despite the fact that it is not necessary to hear nice words each time we provide what should be common courtesy, I like that I was not invisible if only for a moment. 

Some people have a knack for taking note of the efforts of their fellow humans. They demonstrate their gratitude with a pat on the back, a note of thanks, a small gift, an “atta boy or girl.” it’s something that we should all do more often and not just for the obvious recipients like police officers or soldiers. The guy who comes to repair a clogged toilet may be getting paid, but believe me a bit of praise added to the tab will probably make  his day. 

As I type this blog I see the school bus bringing children home to our neighborhood. Whoever drives them is so very important. I think of how nice it might make her feel to know that I have noticed how carefully she drives and how on time she always is. There are people all around us that we should make an effort to see and appreciate. It takes only seconds to be openly grateful for them. 

I have sadly spoken to people who are quick to shower influential or wealthy individuals with praise and gifts only to impress them and maybe earn some perks from them. I wonder how often they do the same for the yard guy that they order around and grade with an impossibly rigid rubric. 

I’d like to challenge each of you who read this blog to choose two folks to receive a compliment or a thank you from you. Even better would be to begin a conscious effort to do this every single day of the year. It can be anyone with whom you have contact. Maybe it’s someone living in your home who is doing a load of laundry or making a shopping list to be certain that you will have what you need for a good day. The more ordinary the task, the greater the probability that the person sometimes feels unseen. Let them know explicitly that you do know what they are doing and you are truly thankful that they perform these tasks for you.

Positive reinforcement moves mountains, creates relationships, brings hope to the downtrodden. Every single one of us wants to know that the jobs we do are worth the efforts that we put into them. There is nothing more dreary and soul crushing than working hard only to be totally ignored as though you are expected to be someone’s work horse. 

I know that what I am suggesting really does work to make life better. I’ve tried it even with someone who is being grumpy. Once I smile and vocalize what I like about their work, they soften and return the joy. Making someone feel good should become as commonplace in our daily actions as eating and sleeping. 

I suspect that people who become seriously depressed are victims of more than just an imbalance in their brains. They are feeling unloved, unseen, unimportant. It is a horrible condition indeed. Look around. See what you can do to be a bright light in someone’s day. Spread some joy! Being nice will make you feel better as well. 

Every life is important to me. I do not see one person as being more worthy to exist than another. I would call myself a gentle soul who cringes at the thought of violence. I despise the American gun culture that somehow makes it so easy for individuals to get their hands on dangerous weapons and then carry out horrific plans to kill others. I have long believed that there is a kind of sickness in the world that all too often ends in the tragedy of murder or assassination. 

I know that our national propensity toward creating dangerous shooters is a complex problem that will not be solved by quick fixes. The answer to gun violence is not to arm more people nor is it to build moats and impenetrable locks. It begins with how we raise our children, what values we teach them to seek, how we model the proper treatment of others. Of course I also fully understand that even in the best of circumstances a kind of darkness can invade people’s minds and lead them to evil acts of desperation. 

I do not bless violence of any kind whether it be verbal or physical abuse. I grieve each time someone decides to take the life of another to assuage the demons that they see or imagine in our society. All too often the perpetrators of such horrors are young men of varying intellect, personality and background. The only common link between them seems to be anger and a misguided belief that somehow they are sending an important message to our society. Each time one of them kills another I fret and feel an oppressive sorrow for the loss of innocents as well as the waste of what might have been more positive lives for the killers. I somehow feel the incredible pain of the families of the victims as well as the horror and shame of the families of the murderers. Such tragedies leave nothing good behind. 

The latest sensational killing occurred when a young man of seeming intelligence and means decided to assassinate the CEO of United Healthcare. Evidence indicates that the suspect saw himself as a kind of modern day hero willing to take a stand against insurance company practices that sometimes have a negative impact on the lives of innocent people. In a manifesto he proclaimed his belief that passive resistance and peaceful attempts to solve such problems never really work. Instead using the Unabomber as an example he proclaimed that the only way to draw enough attention to a problem is with violence done in the name of good. 

While I agree that the healthcare insurance in our country is a major problem for everyone but the very rich, I will never under any circumstances condone killing. Those who are cheering this young man as a kind of modern day Robin Hood or hero are wrong, just as holding up Kyle Rittenhouse as a hero after he killed and maimed individuals at a protest was also wrong. It saddens me that a young man with the kind of intellect that earned him the valedictory in high school and two degrees from an Ivy League university felt compelled to mindless murder rather than using his skills to peacefully bring attention to the problems of private insurance for our healthcare needs. 

I think of other young people who are bravely advocating for causes that are important to them.  David Hogg was a student at Parkland High School on the day that a mass shooter killed many of his classmates. From that day forward he has been a vocal opponent of the gun industry. He has since earned a college degree and established an organization dedicated to helping likeminded young people to gain access to local, state and national government positions. While his progress is slow it has not been totally ignored. He is legally using the system to attempt to make the legislative changes that will help to halt the easy proliferation of guns. 

Greta Thunberg has traveled the world challenging the leaders of all nations to take actions designed to halt the progress of climate change. At only twenty one years of age she has devoted her time and talents to advocating for the kind of everyday efforts each of us might make to forestall the impact of our rapidly changing climate. She has spoken before the United Nations and even garnered a nomination for a Nobel Peace Prize. She has even been honored as the Time magazine Person of the Year. All of this has been done without hurting anyone. 

A little over four years ago an armed mob stormed our nation’s capital hoping to overthrow the results of a legal and fair election. People were killed and injured on that day. Now as the man who egged the violators on is preparing to enter the White House. These traitors are being lauded as the real patriots in our country. In the meantime the president elect is fueling anger with threats to try and imprison those who investigated the causes of the terrible January 6 event that threatened our very democracy. Such a perversion of the reality of violent acts only begets more violent acts like the recent murder. We must do better than this by condemning any acts of illegal aggression that harm people.

Today we have two children who will grow up without their father. I know a bit about that and it is tragic. While we may not agree with the tactics that this man used as CEO of United Healthcare he did not need to die. At the same time we have a young man whose hubris led him to believe that murdering another human was necessary to shine a light on a major problem. In donning the aspects of a terrorist he threw away another’s life as well as his own. Such a manner of dealing with a problem is always wrong and he proved himself to be a maniacal coward rather than than a hero. I shed tears for the horrific waste of it all and hope that our leaders will not perpetuate such actions by condoning any kind of violence no matter the reasoning behind it.

Once a teacher, always a teacher…

I laugh when I realize that the vast majority of my friends are either former colleagues at various schools or former students who are now adulting and living their lives into middle age. My personality has been honed and varnished by the duties that I performed in the classroom. Accordingly I am many things.

I was trained to first and foremost protect the young people placed in my care. That meant always making certain that they were safe. It also meant doing my very best to understand the individual needs of every person who trusted me to help them grow in wisdom and confidence. I had to be fully aware of who was soaring and who was struggling and then determine how I might best help them. 

While knowledge is of great importance for every teacher, it might be argued that forming an emotional connection is just as critical. I am not talking about getting personal or attempting to influence students either religiously or politically. Instead I am referring to making connections in understanding what barriers students are experiencing. It means showing compassion for those who are struggling for one reason or another. I means demonstrating to them that learning is a lifelong journey that requires a mindset of continual growth. 

We each learn in different ways and at different paces. Because someone can’t master the process of solving equations on the first try does not imply an intellectual deficit. Instead it simply shows that more time and perhaps a different kind of explanation is needed. Also, if students truly believe that a teacher is intent on helping them rather than hurting them, they are more likely to have a willingness to trust that the purpose of life and learning is beautiful and exciting. 

To accomplish my goals for my students I was sometimes a counselor, sometimes a disciplinarian, sometimes a nurse, sometimes an entertainer, sometimes a safe place to be. I had to know when to laugh, when to be serious, when to stop to take a breather. In my role I developed skills that would translate easily to many fields of endeavor. I was a manager, a communicator, an accountant, a writer, a general, a detective, a mathematician.  I had to learn how to change hats quickly according to whatever the occasion required. There was little time for rest from August to July. My days were filled with joy but also tragedies and sometimes even feelings of failure and defeat. Nonetheless I am filled with a kind of pride in what I accomplished during my working years. In many ways they define who I am and who I always wanted to be. 

At times people around me accuse me of always wanting to be in control of every situation and I have to plead guilty to that verdict. It is difficult not to notice what needs to be done in any environment. I can spot a dangerous situation when others are blind to it. I can feel sorrow and pain in people who are stoically suffering. I know when someone is struggling even when they are loathe to complain. I have a tendency to want to fix anything that seems to be broken even when I am pushed away. 

I have had to curb some of my tendencies and even admit that I am not as capable of solving problems as I once was. I have had to foster the same growth mindset that I have tried to teach others with a willingness to adapt to the changing world. I try to keep my mind open and willing to accept ideas that have evolved differently from my own. I do my best to practice what I once preached to my students.

Right now I find myself worrying most about my elderly father-in-law. He wants to have his independence but seems to know that he can no longer live alone so he stays with me and my husband. He appears sharp as a tack to anyone who only sees him now and again but because I am with him every single day I see the decline of his thinking and the ways that he attempts to hide it. I struggle with keeping him safe because he insists on doing some things that he should probably lay aside. I try to allow him to do as much as he can on his own because I know that he needs the dignity of feeling competent. Nonetheless I constantly watch and worry when I see him pushing the boundaries of his abilities. It is a challenge to know when to intercede and when to let things go, much like it would be with a student in a classroom. I have the knowledge and skills to work effectively with him but because he sees himself as my superior an added difficulty exists in our relationship. 

The greatest challenge in caring for someone who is aging is that the results are inverted from a teaching situation. The most likely outcome is going to be regression in abilities rather than forward progress. No doubt as he slowly loses his independence we will find ourselves engaged in uncomfortable battles for which I have much experience from my teaching days. I hope that I will be ready and able to do what must be done in the same spirit of love and kindness that I gave to my students. If all goes well I will know when and how to deal with whatever comes. 

I was born in a momentous era. World War II had ended and the world was picking up the pieces of destruction and tragedy in 1948. In spite of the horrors that humans had inflicted on each other there was a sense of hope that somehow we might work together to forge a kind of permanent peace. The United Nations was a fledgling group when I was born toward the end of 1948, but it’s existence was founded on the hope that somehow we humans would find ways to honor our common humanity peacefully rather than with anger and weapons. 

In that hour of vivid remembrance of man’s inhumanity to man Eleanor Roosevelt became the representative of the United States tasked with creating a document outlining the universal human rights of all people everywhere. It was a fitting assignment for a woman who had been an advocate for people for all of her life. In many ways she had been the conscience of our nation during her husband’s tenure as President of the United States. She had pushed him to invite Marian Anderson, a black woman, to the White House. She had in many ways become the mother of our country during the dark days of war. My own mother often related how hearing Mrs. Roosevelt’s voice on the radio had soothed her fears. She spoke of Eleanor with awe and tears forming in her eyes. 

It took two years to agree to a massive document that would become the Universal Declaration of Human Rights. It was revealed and ratified on December 10, 1948. While it did not have the force of law, it did indeed create a plan for living together on this earth in peace and harmony. It declared that “[a]ll human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights…without distinction of any kind, such as race, colour, sex, language, religion, political or other opinion, national or social origin, property, birth or other status” and regardless “of the political, jurisdictional or international status of the country or territory to which a person belongs.”

It clearly outlined the freedoms that every person on the earth should be able to enjoy including the freedom to make choices about how to live. It noted that we humans are all alike, all equal and that we should treat each other with respect and honor the diversity of our humanity. It was perhaps an idealistic declaration, but so too was our own nation’s Declaration of Independence and Constitution. It is much like the Ten Commandments or the parables of Jesus. It is a guide for living with each other without judgement or rancor. It urges all people and all nations to see each other without prejudices. It is a remarkable commitment to doing our best to get along on a very human level. 

Of course as we have moved forward during the last seventy six years our human frailties have all too often prevented us from accepting and loving each other in the ways that would truly make us united in our respect for our differences. The goodness of our humanity outlined in the document is challenged again and again by our darkest tendencies. We continue to struggle with the very evils that have prompted wars between ourselves throughout history. We know how we should be, but our fears and jealousies so often lead us to the kind of unintelligent beliefs that somehow there are indeed good better and best versions of human beings that should dominate the weaker kind that we never quite understand. Greed and hate are as human as the kind of goodness that Eleanor Roosevelt and her committee hoped to entrench in the world. 

If we think about the people that we know from all over the world we find ourselves agreeing that over and over again humans have managed to fight our evil natures with scores of good people. We may have once allowed slavery but honorable folk fought to end such a dastardly practice. When a nation imprisoned and murdered innocents it was a united effort by mostly kind heroes who toppled the regime that did such things. Somehow we find ourselves fighting for what is right and just over and over again whether it be with passive resistance or on a battlefield. 

I grew up under the influence of my mother who was a woman who unconditionally loved people. She made Eleanor Roosevelt one of my role models. She spoke often of being generous and compassionate with my fellow humans. She chided me not to judge people by any superficial measures but by their hearts. She saw the person begging on a corner as equal to the wealthy man living in a mansion. She urged me not to be impressed by false signs of success. I suppose that she wrote her own version of a declaration of human rights for me to follow. Her hope for me set a high bar that I sometimes fail to meet much like the world at large.

We would all do well to read the United Nations Declaration of Human Rights and ask ourselves how we are doing in meeting its concepts. I suspect that we will each have to admit that we still have work to do with ourselves and our willingness to see the beauty of humanity in all of its many versions. Somehow I believe that we have the capacity to do better if only we try. Surely we know deep down inside that the world is a better place when we honor each other and focus on turning our backs on any efforts or persons that suggest that we should hurt anyone among us. In this Christmas season I can’t think of anything more wonderful to do with our lives.

The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why. —-Mark Twain

I believe that each of us have a purpose on this earth. There’s that kid who becomes a cardiologist who saves both famous and ordinary folks. There’s the child with a vivid imagination who writes a beloved book. There’s that little person who becomes a great leader who guides a nation through difficult times. 

Most of us lead much more ordinary lives, but what we do with our talents is just as important. The nice neighbor who looks out for the elderly couple and brings soup when someone is sick has found her purpose. She knows why she is here and what she has to do. She nurtures and  loves with every fiber of her being. She is a rock on which countless depend. 

We too often discount the gifts that people give the world. We laud those who have achieved what we deem to be greatness but neglect to notice the simple efforts of people who keep our world running effectively. We take so much for granted until we can’t. When a hurricane blew through our city we suddenly realized how essential the workers who repaired the power lines were to our well being. They worked for weeks in ninety degree weather in twelve hour shifts. We cheered them when they entered our neighborhoods. It felt as though they had been sent to us according to a vast eternal plan. 

Some people seem to always know what they were meant to be. My brother announced at the age of five that he wanted to be a mathematician who would help to send rockets into space. He never deviated from that goal. With multiple advanced degrees he used his brilliance to design the navigational system for the International Space Station. I on the other hand struggled to understand why I was born. I went back and forth deciding on a career and finally felt that I was settling on being a teacher. 

Time and experience has a magical way of revealing our true destiny. After a few years of struggling a bit, I found myself enchanted with teaching mathematics to mostly underserved students. While I felt as though I had stumbled into my situation, I soon realized that I had actually found the reason why I was born. I still get goosebumps thinking of the moment when I just knew that I was supposed to be exactly where I was. From that moment forward, even in difficult times, my life as a teacher felt like a perfect fit for who I am. 

Sadly I have known many men and women who never quite discovered that wonderful day when of finding out why they were born. I suspect that the evidence was there but they did not see it. Sometimes the reason for existence may seem insignificant when in fact it is powerfully impactful in someone’s life. 

When my mother first showed frightening signs of her bipolar disorder I was twenty years old and unfamiliar with such things. I reached out to many adults for help but most of them were as confused about what to do as I was. Eventually our family doctor recommended a psychiatrist who in turn told me how to get my mother admitted to a hospital for care. The trick was getting her to agree to go there. That’s when a kind woman who was my mother’s best friend courageously helped me even thought she understood that it might undermine her friendship with my mom. 

Together we successfully got my mother the medical care that she needed but it did indeed fracture the once beautiful relationship that the two women had enjoyed. The love and sacrifice that my mother’s friend demonstrated was surely at least part of the reason why she was born. Without her Mama would have deteriorated to a point of hopelessness. Instead she became well again. I know for a fact that I would not have been able to get the job done by myself. I will forever have a special place in my heart for this lovely woman’s unselfish act of true compassion and love. 

I do believe that there is indeed a reason why each of us is born. Each and every person is special and has a gift to give the world. It is a wonderous feeling when you discover what that is for you.