I was a docile child. I suspect that there were times that teachers hardly noticed that I was in the classroom. i genuinely liked all of my classmates, even the ones who did their best to get a rise out of me with brutal insults. I did my best to be calm and kind toward everyone. I preferred being in the background with a few close friends rather than dealing with the limelight. 

When my mother first became ill with her bipolar disorder I had little idea how to advocate for her. Once I had found a psychiatrist to treat her I mostly went along with his recommendations until he suggested a treatment that really bothered me. My attempts to shut down the therapy were unsuccessful probably because after the first session he legally only had to answer to my mother. Nonetheless I learned the important lesson of speaking up forcefully and immediately. Waiting to see how things go when I see that something is very wrong has rarely gone well for me or anyone for whom I have advocated. 

The turning point in my development occurred when I was twenty years old and I learned how to use my voice and my grit. From that point forward I would never again be willing to sit back and accept behaviors from others that seemed to be harmful to me or the people for whom I was responsible. As a mom I diplomatically spoke to teachers when I witnessed unfairness. I assumed that they wanted the best for their students but nonetheless suggested that perhaps their actions were not appropriate for the given situation.

Later as a teacher, I watched over my students like a collie trained to protect them. I was gently firm, so much so that one young man with a limited ability to express himself proclaimed that I was the nicest mean teacher that he had ever encountered. I translated his words to mean that I was firm while being kind and understanding. Nonetheless I never allowed my students to cross moral red lines with each other. I made certain that they understood the rules of working together and avoiding malice and lies.

I was a free range kind of mom. I suppose in the seventies and eighties when my daughters were growing up the world was a bit gentler and less hazardous than it sometimes seems to be today. I grave them a great deal of freedom but still wanted them to be able to escape from dangerous situations. I made a pact with them that I would never ask them any questions if they called me and insisted that I come pick them up immediately. I wanted them to be able to leave a desperate situation without worry that I would then chastise them for getting themselves involved in a sticky situation. 

I only had to rescue one of them on one occasion. I kept to my word and never asked why she had sounded so anxious when she called. I learned later that the party where she had been got way out of hand with a drug orgy in which she had no desire to partake. She simply wanted to remove herself from the pressure her peers were placing on her. 

I am quite realistic about the world at large but I still maintain a mostly live and let live attitude about how people comport themselves. I’ve never minded if someone enjoys loud parties as long they don’t make me be part of them. I enjoy my Catholic faith but would be loathe to push my beliefs on others unless they asked to learn about my religion. I am the same about the variety of lifestyles that people choose to follow. As long as they are not hurting anyone I feel that it is none of my business to lecture them or to attempt to take away their rights to do certain things. 

I look at the gatherings at Mar a Lago and know that I would never want to dress like the women who go there, but have no problem for those who do. The only thing that irks me is when they join together to push ideas that prohibit people from enjoying differing lifestyles. 

I have to admit that I have grown quite weary of the posturing of individuals who in one breath claim to be God centered but in the next moment make statements that are very unreligious. My thinking is that we should all do our best to get along by accepting our differences rather than dictating one way of living. I’m ready to speak up on behalf of anyone who is being neglected or bullied or misunderstood for being unique. That is what defines freedom for me. 

People keep suggesting to me that I need to tone down my blogs that advocate for a kinder gentler more all encompassing way of living together on this earth. I suppose that I will only do that when I stop seeing vast swaths of people being mistreated because their politics are wrong or they choose to enjoy their sexuality in ways unlike the majority. 

I used to let the bullies insult me with their poison by attempting to ignore them. I am no longer willing to do that. If we are ever again going to be able to get along with each other without the threat of judgement and rancor we really do have to become more willing to appreciate our differences and I intend to school people on how that is done. I learned with my mother that there are times when the only right thing to do is to boldly speak up. I won’t go back to pretending that ugliness is ever okay.