Month: March 2025

My husband and I have been watching a series of lectures on the history of the Tudors and Stuarts in England. Forty eight episodes have kept us rather busy each evening at the end of our day. We already knew the gist of what happened with these kings and queens but this series goes into deeper detail than the twelve hour continuing education course that we took a few years back. 

We are learning about the worldview of the people in that era and the strict code of status by which they lived. God was at the top of the heap but the king or queen was not too far behind. There was a belief, at least pushed by the royalty that the pecking order of living was set in stone and ordained by God himself. Sadly the people at the lowest end of the chain of being had generally brutish lives with little or no opportunity to improve their lot. 

Perhaps the most interesting aspect of the course is the discussion of religion. In the beginning England, like most of Europe was Catholic with allegiance to the pope. Of course there were schisms somewhat early on with the Greek Orthodox church going one way and the Roman Catholics another. The Russian Church eventually broke off in their own branch as well. 

When Henry the Eighth ascended the throne England was a Catholic nation. Since few of the people were literate their understanding of the religion depended on whatever the priests in their communities told them. Since even the clerics were not always well educated there were often differences in how the word of God was preached. Back then a priest might have to work for several different towns so the people were not assured of having mass every Sunday. The result was that when Henry became embroiled with the church over annulling his marriage to Catherine of Aragon it was not all that difficult for him to get his subjects to participate in the Protestant Reformation with him. He used his power to make himself the head of the national church and most of the people went along. 

There were so many interesting facets to that moment in history that had been unknown to me such as the idea that the bishops who went with Henry still continued the apostolic succession making their rebellion appear to be a continuation of the church without following the pope. Perhaps that is why my brief visits to services in the Church of England have always felt very familiar to me as a Roman Catholic. 

I have also been fascinated by the fact that Henry was determined to have a male heir lest his families brief stent as the ruling party be questioned as had happened so many times before. He would not have had the knowledge back then that he was the person determining the sex of his children. Nor would he or Catherine of Aragon have understood that many of her problems having children were related to the bad diets and inadequate medical care of the times. 

I love hearing an unfiltered description of people throughout our human history. It’s easy for us to think that somehow people are just people and no doubt thought just like us. Learning about their societal and religious beliefs speaks to the enormous progress that we have made from the beginning of time. Rules and morays that we take for granted today would have been surprising to people of the past. We would be stunned by their difficult living conditions and their prejudicial beliefs. 

It can be shocking to learn that priest were not always celibate in times or old or to realize that the average person in the modern world lives better than the kings and emperors of even a century ago. Those drafty castles were cold and damp. The streets of towns were filled with animals and offal. Water was not always clean as it is today. Plagues were deadly and occurred rather often. 

All of this has caused me to meditate a bit on the current political wave in the United States in which many citizens long for the old days, remembering them as being so much better than the present. I often laugh when I realize that few people would really want to go back even to the time of my youth if they really thought about it. They would find life to be way more limiting and difficult especially for women. 

When I was just a girl few of the people that I new from my family or neighborhood were as highly educated as people today. My father was unusual in having a degree in engineering. My grandfathers never went past about the seventh or eighth grand and my uncles were lucky to have high school diplomas. My grandmothers were both illiterate.

Education is the great liberator. The printing press changed the world for millions and millions of people. The ability to read and learn from the past is a route to freedom so it is gravely important that the stories we hear about our past are truthful in every sense. Hearing about our mistakes and our sins as humans does not make us sorrowful. It makes us much better able to critically think about what we need to do to keep moving forward and providing more and more opportunities for all people. The more that everyone is involved and has a voice, the more likely we are to be free.

Studying history has taught me to beware of anyone or any group whose goal is to hide the truth, monitor people’s thoughts, insist that there is only one good and true way of thinking. Civilizations like that rise again and again and are alway authoritarian and limiting. We’ve worked hard as humans to inch closer and closer to a world in which everyone is valued. We would do well to look back to learn what not to do but then look forward to progress to whatever makes the world better for each of us. Kings are okay but we now know that they are in reality no better than any of us and that how we think about God should always be left to each person. There should be no chain of being. We should all have opportunities to develop into the best versions of ourselves.

I’m certainly not a doctor nor am I well versed in psychology but I have around forty years of gut wrenching experience doing everything possible to keep my mother’s mental illness under control. My long journey began before Mama had her first major breakdown, but I did not take what I saw as her quirkiness and anxiety very seriously in the beginning. 

She and I were both taking college classes at the time at different universities. I was busy learning how to navigate through my freshman year while she was putting in the final hours of a long and determined effort to work and complete a degree at the same time. At first she mainly took classes a few hours here and a few hours there but as she neared the end of her studies she became more and more determined to push harder so that she might finish sooner. 

The result left her working eight to ten hours a day, keeping our family together and studying until the early hours of the morning. She had always been an optimistic and energetic soul so I was convinced that she would be just fine. Slowly, however, she began to show cracks in her endurance that I mostly ignored, thinking that a bit of sleep on the weekend would no doubt cure all of her ills.

In looking back I realize that she was already showing signs of her bipolar disorder but I had never before encountered anyone with that illness so I did not understand that she was growing quite sick without any kind of medical intervention. She would tell me that one of her professors offered to take her and a group of students for a ride in his plane. That sounded like fun to me but she whispered that she was afraid that his intention was to throw her out of the aircraft when he reached a certain height. Instead of taking her seriously I just laughed assuming that she was simply joking. 

Another time she told me that the professors at her school wanted her to date and marry one of the lecturers. She insisted that he was having problems and that his peers knew that he needed a steadying force like her in his life. Nonetheless, she was not interested in a relationship with him and so she wondered what she should do about the pressure being placed on her. 

I was never certain that any of what she told me was just a misunderstanding on her part or a figment of a very vivid imagination. While I thought her comments were weird they did not indicate to me that she was having mental problems. After all, she was maintaining her job, paying our family’s bills and even dating now and then. I tended to brush off her strange comments as nothing more than a bit of silliness. 

Just before I got married I landed a job as a teachers’ aide at a public school. My mother and I drove there together so that I might finalize some paperwork with the principal. During my interlude the principal asked if I knew of anyone who might want to work at the school. She had a fifth grade teaching position open and had been unable to find a qualified person to fill the spot. With school opening in a matter of days she was feeling desperate to find a good teacher for her students. I laughed and told her that my mother had recently finished college and was looking for a full time position as a teacher. I added that she had taught the fifth grade at a private religious school for several years as well. 

Before either of us had time to think about what was happening I had gone to the car to tell my mother that the principal wanted to interview her for a job. Within minutes the school leader was impressed enough that she hired Mama on the spot. We would work together in the same school for several months until after my wedding day. It was fun to see my mother relaxing a bit and enjoying a regular paycheck that seemed like a fortune to her. 

My position as a teachers’ aide was only contractual for a semester, so after Christmas I no longer had contact with my mother and her work. Up until that time everyone boasted that she was a wonderful addition to the faculty and she seemed quite happy there as well. 

I am not certain what happened in the spring semester. Mama and I rarely talked about school or work when I went to visit her. She had seemed happier and more relaxed than I had witnessed in a very long time, but when the end of the school year came she tearfully announced that the principal had not renewed her contract. She created all sorts of incredible stories to explain why her boss had been unhappy with her work. I suspected that she just felt heartbroken because she had always been kind of rockstar when it came to anything she had ever attempted to do. This was a blow to her ego but I believed it would blow over in no time.

I began to feel more and more uncomfortable about my mother’s mental health as July came and she was still stewing over losing her job. When she showed no interest in the first landing of humans on the moon I knew something was totally out of whack. She had watched the space program developing from it beginning with unchecked enthusiasm. 

As July came to a close she broke down totally. She sat in a darkened house with the windows closed and the drapes pulled tightly together. She was crying and looking like a creature being stalked by invisible adversaries. She worried that someone was trying to blame her for a horrendous crime. She peeked outside to watch the cars that drove by her home. She warned me to be careful. This time I knew without a doubt that she was very very sick. 

My mother would spend time with psychiatrists from that moment forward. Her illness was not a one off kind of situation. She was chronically ill and without proper medication her symptoms of depression, paranoia and mania would return again and again. I had to watch her constantly and be able to see the signs that she had abandoned her medications and get her back to her doctors and her medications. It was the most challenging aspect of my life and I spent thousands of hours balancing her wellbeing with that of my husband and children. 

I write about this because we now have a man charged with managing the health agencies of the United States who talks about antidepressants being addictive and suggesting that those who take them might be better served spending time at a well being farm. My refutation to his thinking is that he obviously has little or no medical understanding of what it is like for someone with severe depression. Once the cycle begins inside their brains it only increases so painfully that they are literally unable to pull out of the doldrums without the help of trained doctors. There were specific medications that allowed my mother to work and lead a happy and productive life. Whenever she decided on her own to stop using them her worst symptoms quickly returned. 

I would hope that Robert F. Kennedy Jr. would not attempt to create confusing complications for people with mental illnesses and for the families who care for them. I can’t imagine telling my mom that she was going to a wellness farm when she was in the throes of a major attack. She would have immediately run away thinking that I was going to put her away like they did in times of old when people were called crazy. Even if she had wanted to go to such a place my experience tells me that she would have only become worse, not better with her meds. 

So I say to Mr. Kennedy, please leave it to the doctors with years of experience to help bring the mentally ill to a better place. His job should only be to manage the many departments dedicated to our nation’s health, not to determine the kind of medical care that any of us need. My mother’s story would have been far more tragic but for the kind doctors who always knew how to help her feel good again. I hope that RFK Jr. does not mess up that kind of doctor/patient relationship.   

We are about to enter state testing season in Texas. The lead up to the big event is a year long process with teachers scurrying to teach all of the knowledge and skills that students will need to do well. In the meantime each school will have selected a testing coordinator who is responsible for the smooth functioning of the distribution of the tests, the environment on testing days, and the expedient return of the testing materials. 

As a coordinator I took part in multiple training sessions outlining my duties. No matter how many times I had been in charge of the process, I still had to attend several classes to be certain that the school was in perfect compliance with all of the rules. After that I had to hold training sessions for every teacher and adult who would be part of the event. There were no excuses for non-attendance. Every “t” had to be crossed and every “i” dotted. The message was quite clear that lack of strict security could result in loss of my certification as a teacher. 

Once the tests arrived from the state I had to pick them up from a central location chosen by the district or they were brought to the school under strict supervision. The tests had to be stored in a secure location that nobody was able access other than me and the principal. Leaving the door open when the tests were inside would lead to a slap on the wrist, or worse. Using a room without a lock might have resulted in even more dramatic consequences for the school and in particular for me. 

It took many hours to check the lists of students expected to take the tests and to pair them with properly numbered testing materials. There was no room for major mistakes on the testing day. Everything had to be prepared far in advance. Trained educators who would provide teachers with needed breaks had to be procured as well, a daunting task since every school in the state was grabbing up everyone who was qualified. 

It was not unusual for me to spend time at the school until ten or eleven at night in the run up to the testing. I had to plan for so many possible scenarios such as one of the trained teachers falling ill on testing day thus leaving a classroom without someone to administer the test. I always kept extra personnel on call to respond to such instances. I had to make provisions for children who got sick, arrived late or became a disciplinary problem. In spite of anticipating virtually every possible scenario something totally unexpected would happen and I had to have a viable plan to address the issue. 

Once the students completed the tests I had to take another inventory and be sure that identification numbers coincided with the proper test numbers. I would again burn the midnight oil making sure that everything was above board and properly handled. It was alway a great relief when I delivered the tests to the school district and got an “atta” girl for adhering to every rule and procedure. 

I outline this because I fully understood the seriousness of my duties. There was no wriggle room for glitches either minor or major. I knew that me and my teachers and my principal were being held to the highest standards and that lackadaisically botching any aspect of the process could lead to big trouble such as losing my ability to ever teach again in my state’s public schools. I was a stickler because I understood the importance of taking my job very seriously.

Thus I am stunned that members of the Trump cabinet were involved in a security breach that would have brought down fire and brimstone in a school much less in relation to plans for a military attack. it is unbelievable and unacceptable to create any kind of excuse for what happened. Lack of experience is not enough. These people were texting each other like teens planning to wrap a house in toilet paper. They were discussing their personal opinions about Europe in a chatty text that inadvertently included the chief editor of a national magazine who had no business whatsoever gaining access to that kind of information. The back and forth even included silly emojis, making the lack of professionalism seem even more horrific. These people were clowns attempting to do a very serious task and they failed miserably.

All of the individuals who took part in the clown show should at the very least be publicly chastised as should Donald Trump and the members of Congress who approved them. As citizens we should all be wondering how safe we are when the level of inexperience is so vast that all of us are stunned. Those who voted for Trump expected more of him and his cabinet. So far Trump washes his hands like Pontius Pilate and insists that he had nothing to do with any of it.

I beg to differ. Trump chose these people and he should have been privy to any discussions about bombing another nation. This is a very serious act that has been botched by a very unserious group of people. it is so much more than a glitch. As Americans we expect much better.  

As a teacher I often hung inspirational posters in my classroom. In my travels I purchased magnets to place on my refrigerator with sayings that struck me as being important ideas to remember. While such things sometimes border on being trite, they can also help to create a kind of moral vision or at least represent one’s beliefs. 

I never harped on the posters in my classroom. I put them on the walls and left it for my students to read or not. My magnets, on the other hand, are quite personal and so I look at them regularly to remind myself of the importance of thinking beyond my own needs. I have far too many quotes that guide me to present them all, but here are a few of my favorites. 

From Franklin Delano Roosevelt”

“Repetition does not transform lie into a truth”

“The truth is found when men are free to pursue it.”

“Rules are not necessarily sacred; principles are.”

The youth of today are our sole investment in tomorrow.”

From Eleanor Roosevelt:

“Do one thing every day that scares you.”

From John F. Kennedy:

“One person can make a difference and everyone should try.”

From Thoreau:

“Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you’ve imagined.”

From Gandhi

“Be the change you wish to see in the world.”

From Pastor Martin Niemoller:

“First they came for the socialists and I did not speak out because I was not a socialist.

Then they came for the trade unionists and I did not speak out because I was not a trade unionist.

They they came for the Jews and I did not speak out because I was not a Jew.

The they came for me and there was no one left to speak for me.”

I am not a particularly courageous person but I would like to be. I write blogs that openly assert my political views, but in the back of my mind I am often quite frightened that I will lose the goodwill of friends or relatives who do not agree with me. I have to force myself to stand up for what I believe and all too often I water down what I really want to say even as I realize that nobody who disagrees with me reads my thoughts anymore. 

I have wondered for all of my life how good people were conned into believing in the world vision of Adolf Hitler. I have discussed such things with my daughters and my adult grandchildren, always naively believing that our democracy would protect us from authoritarian regimes. It never occurred to me that a politician repeating lies over and over again would fool the American people. I always thought that our system of government was ironclad and would protect the least among us from danger. What a fool I have been!

In only two months of the Trump presidency I have been stunned each and every day not just by his boldly unconstitutional actions but more so by the seeming complacency by so many of my fellow citizens. Perhaps some of them have been programmed to believe his lies or maybe they do not belong to the groups that are being attacked and do not see him as a threat to themselves. Worst of all is the possibility that they are unaware of the damage that he is inflicting on our nation and blithely insistent that this too shall pass. 

People like me have been spoiled by our freedoms. I have never endured subjugation or segregation like my fellow Black citizens and their ancestors. I have not had rocks thrown at me simply for being a hated immigrant like my mother did when she was a child. Nobody has knocked on my door in the middle of the night and sent me away without a hearing like is happening to individuals right now in my country. I have never been afraid of losing my freedoms until now when the man chosen to protect our Constitution is daring Congress and judges to stop him from flaunting the laws and seemingly getting away with destroying the separation of powers by seizing control of everything through executive orders. He is operating like a king or a dictator and little has been done to check and balance his total disregard for rules that were once sacred.

I know I have to keep protesting and resisting for the sake of the young and for the preservation of my country. I know that there are very good people who still do not seem to understand the danger we are in. They truly believe that Donald Trump wants to make our country great again, but I have no doubt that Trump is only interested in preserving his personal wealth and power. His changes will ultimately hurt many of the very people who voted for him along with innocents who are being used as pawns to stir up fears.

I must not be afraid nor should any of us. When we only fight for our own personal needs and look away when others are being hurt, we chip away at all that has ever been good about our nation. We must correct the lies and misinformation. We must demand that our Congress and our judiciary exercise their rights. We must move quickly before the destruction is so massive that there will be little left to save. We each must do something every single day even if it scares us.

Cruelty sets me off. I’ve only been the victim of it one time when I was in high school. I was able to ignore the insults by remembering my mother’s adage to “consider the source.” I was one of the top students in my class and the poor soul who did his best to raise my ire was not the brightest person. I was easy to just stare him down without so much as a reaction. 

My mother had told me about being harassed when she was a child walking to school. She was a child of immigrants from Eastern Europe and somehow she and her siblings were judged by members of her community to be “dirty and ignorant.” Mama said that she and her brothers and sisters simply dodged the rocks and the words being thrown and them and did their best to not allow the unfairness of it all to get to them. 

I suspect that my mother was fairly good at pretending that she was untouched by the snarling rudeness, but I always noticed a slight change in her facial expression whenever she retold the story of being the butt of prejudice. There was a sadness in her eyes rather than defiance. She reiterated the story often enough to make me believe that it was very difficult for her to understand what she had done to deserve the ugliness of it all.

There always seems to be a small minded group of people in every country, neighborhood, church and school. When I was in high school I knew that most of my classmates were very good and loving people. It was easy to ignore the one person who decided to take a shot at me because he was the exception rather than the rule. Only one other time did I see a repeat of his cruelty and that was on our senior trip to a dude ranch. 

We were having a glorious time when a group of boys decided that it would be funny to throw one of my friends into the swimming pool fully clothed. At first I even thought it was an innocent prank until my friend began screaming hysterically that she could not swim. They guys only laughed at her as they held her hands and feet and swing her back and forth over the deep end of the pool. By this time she was literally crying and begging for her life but they were not about to miss the humor of this moment over something as silly as being unable to swim. 

That’s when I interceded and demanded with the loudest and most authoritative voice that I was able to muster that they put her down. I think it startled them because I was generally a quiet little mouse. My sudden dominance confused them enough to move away from the pool and set her down on the ground. Trying to save face they laughed and made a few insulting comments about both me and my friend and left. 

I still remember holding my trembling friend as she sobbed for a much longer time than I would have expected She was devastated by what had happened and wanted to go home immediately but that was not possible. She did not enjoy another moment of our stay and even commented that the whole trip had been a total disaster and one of the worst moments of her life. Somehow those ruffians had broken her and none of my efforts were successful in cheering her up.

Most of the time cruelty begins as a silly effort to be admired. The person who resorts to bullying is often devoid of most redeeming qualities. Bullies are small minded people who believe that hurting someone else makes them seem strong and powerful, but most of us know that such is rarely the case. If we think about what has made them that way we generally realize that we feel sorry for them, the exact opposite of the kind of admiration that they are seeking. 

Years passed before I saw those same guys again and little had changed in their lives. They were still boasting and thumping their chests even as the rest of us saw through their bravado. I learned that several of my classmates had endured their angry antics and most of the time people reacted the way that I had in not giving them the attention for which they were starved. Still, I wondered how sad it must be to be them. When the only popularity card we have to play is cruelty or hate we are quite empty.

I worry of late because cruelty has become a national pastime with our president leading the way. When he disagrees with a woman he insults her looks, her intelligence, her accomplishments. It’s well known that he called his airline pilot brother, “ a cab driver in the sky.” He makes it a sport to belittle people and describe minorities with vile words aimed mostly to make himself feel more superior. In another time he would have been shunned from polite society but somehow we live in an age where his crudeness is viewed as a sign of great strength. 

We’ve seen this kind of story before and it rarely ends well. Persecuting innocent people only goes so far in satiating the lust for acceptance. Sticks and stones break bones but words can feel more murderous. Sooner or later everyone has enough because they realize that he does those things only for himself not to make life better for others. Ultimately there is never enough cruelty for such a person and there is no longer a good reason to ignore the destruction that he is creating. the majority of good folks demand that he stop. It’s how it has always worked. When we have had enough the bullies are shunned just as they should be and that includes even the seemingly most powerful ones. It’s their own cruelty that ultimately makes them vulnerable.