Month: April 2025

We’ve all heard the jokes about how differently men and women communicate. We’ve seen books about men and women being from different planets. We’ve encountered the frustrations of wanting to be heard and then realizing that others have totally misinterpreted what we were attempting to express. All too often two people can hear the same words and react to them in totally different ways. It is what causes disagreements in families, rifts between friends, differences between political groups, wars between nations. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we might one day find a tried and true methodology for expressing ourselves so clearly that everyone understands exactly what we are attempting to say? 

I know that each time I string words together to form sentences that hold the keys to my thinking I am risking being totally misunderstood. When that happens I often think about a discussion of Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet that occurred in an advanced English class from my college days. I recall being stunned when a male fellow student insisted the the main theme of the play was a critique of the absurdity of youthful love. He maintained that Shakespeare was not so much worried about the differences between the two adult families but instead wanted to emphasize the tragedy of disobedient children defying the beliefs of their elders. 

I remember the professor stumbling over his own words as he attempted to give the unique analysis a tinge of merit, but even he had a difficult time hiding his surprise at the puritanical thinking that gave the warring families a pass but denounced Romeo and Juliet as ungrateful teenagers who should have listened to their parents. Nonetheless, the incident in the classroom has stayed with me for decades as an example of how outrageously twisted interpretations of words can be. No doubt bad communication is a two way street that has the power to destroy relationships. 

We all know someone who just gets us. They have the power or the listening skills to seemingly read our minds even when we are struggling to express our feelings. They know when we just want to vent and they sympathetically listen. They understand when we are grasping for wisdom or advice and measure their ideas with reflective responses that tell us that they have interpreted our thoughts correctly. It is a joy to be with someone who is so simpatico. Sometimes we make them our best friends, our partners, our spouses. They might be a family member, a coworker, a neighbor or just a long time friend. Sometimes they are simply very special people who have mastered the art of listening and understanding. 

I have been fortunate to encounter such people again and again. I worked with a woman who carried the same moniker as mine with a different spelling. Sharon was perhaps the most thoughtful and insightful person I have ever known. She had a sixth sense when it came to knowing the essence of who I am. She knew what I needed whether it was laughter or nonjudgemental support or wise advice. She was gifted in her ability to truly love people just as they are. Sadly she died a couple of years ago leaving a gaping whole in my life and the many others whom she counseled and befriended.

I have a nephew, Nathan, who seems to possess the same kind of vision about people. He is seemingly spiritual in his ability to know when to reach out and what exactly to say to anyone who needs his support. His is an uncanny reading of the people that he loves. He listens and hears exactly what each person is attempting to express. He reads a room full of people with accuracy and knows who is hurting and who is doing fine. 

My beloved friend, Zerin, is yet another person who literally reaches across the miles whenever she senses that I am struggling even as I may be attempting to hide my concerns. I will receive a phone call from India and know that she has read between the lines, realized what message I have been attempting to convey. Like Sharon and Nathan she is a powerful presence in the lives of the people that she encounters. She has a rare gift that might have been used in diplomacy but instead became her way of teaching sometimes very difficult young people with great love.

I don’t know if there is a way to instruct everyone in methods for not only really listening to one another, but also in how to express feelings in a clear and honest way that does not hurt or accuse anyone. So many of the world’s problems might be settled peacefully if only we all knew how to have meaningful and understanding conversations. Instead we too often react before we have attempted to fully discern what a person or group is really trying to say. We may view them as whiners or “snowflakes” or even enemies when they are simply grasping for the words to clarify their anxieties. Communication is difficult when someone holds back or misinterprets without first assuming the best or the benefit of doubt. Only when it is totally clear that another person or group is simply being hateful is there reason to walk away and even then we might do well to wonder what deep down inside has made them this way. 

The world is filled with a cacophony of voices competing to be heard. It can be overwhelming to attempt to know what they really want us to hear. We can be chewed up and spit out by those whose minds are closed to the possibility that we might actually share common ground. Nonetheless Sharon and Nathan and Zerin are people whisperers and they would urge us to at least try to listen and reflect.

Maybe the next time it sounds as though someone is gunning for a fight we might slow down and take a moment to gently allow them to explain what they are feeling or thinking instead of simply writing them off as not being worth our time. Who knows where the conversation may eventually lead. We may find more in common than we ever imagined. It all starts with the act of hearing them rather than debating them and respectfully allowing them to explain.

It’s a cold rainy weekend day as I write this. For many that would be a rather dreary prospect but I happen to enjoy the kind of days when the skies are gray, the temperature is low and everyone seems to be more inclined to stay inside. I find that such days put me in a very appreciative mood. I think of my good fortune in having a sturdy roof over my head and a heater that keeps the rooms feeling just right. I’ve got time to write blogs and read books because nobody wants to do much more than stay home on days like this. I have the perfect excuse for simply reveling in the quiet and slow pace that such a day seems to bring. 

I hear the sound of the falling rain interrupted now and again by a clap of thunder and I know that my plants will be very happy. I think of making some hot tea or maybe even baking a cake or some banana bread. I have every possible excuse for doing whatever tickles my fancy on such days and with all of the bad news seemingly overtaking us day by day I like the idea of using the rain as a way of easing my anxieties. The weather provides a mental health day that I need not explain to anyone. It is my way of taking a breather and resting a bit. 

It is quiet in the house save for the pattering of raindrops on the roof. Somehow the sounds of nature doing its thing are all that I need to feel refreshed and part of the bigger picture of life. Just when I felt a bit down here came the rain to brighten my spirits. 

Now you may be thinking that rain would be a downer for me. Surely I would enjoy a sunny day much more. Those blue skies and bright lights are quite lovely indeed but I know that there are places where there has been little or no rain for quite sometime. An overabundance of dry days has filled the landscape with shades of brown and earthen colors in many parts of the world. Where I live the rain keeps things green and lively. I am incredibly grateful for that. 

I think of those who are enduring famine or fires because of a lack of rain and am reminded to take the time to do something to help them however I might. Just because I have what I want and need does not mean that I should forget the places and the people who worry about the plunging levels of water. Rain has more and more become like gold as long as there is not an overabundance of it. 

There was a time after hurricane Harvey when rain made me worry. I was unable to relax as I constantly looked out my window to be certain that the water in the street was flowing away from my lawn. I was awakened by the arrival of storms and sometimes not able to return to my slumbers.

I suppose that I have become less concerned that rain equates with danger in the eight years since that incredible event brought over fifty inches of rain to the area where I live. I still wonder how it was possible that the rising levels of water never went over the curb and into my yard. When I saw the damage done to the homes of nearby neighbors, friends and relatives I almost felt guilty to have been so fortunate. For a very long time rain made me a bit crazy but now such feelings are gone. 

My flood insurance costs a small fortune these days and is bound to go higher and higher over time. I wonder what the tipping point will be for those of us who live in places that flood from time to time. Still I am certain that I would rather worry about water encroaching on my home than fire overtaking it. I can clean out the muck and replace the walls but when a home burns nothing is left. I suppose that fires in Hawaii and Los Angeles have made me feel more and more partial to the rainy days that seem to show up regularly. 

So today is a good day. The skies are gray but my heart is feeling content. I have time to dwell on the luck that I have had for most of my life. I know I need to share some of the good fortune that began with my wonderful parents and has continued with a host of dear friends and an extended family that is ever present to help me with all of my needs. Out of gratitude I will do something wonderful for someone who is having a difficult time. The rain reminds me of my duty and gives me the opportunity today to plan for tomorrow. How lovely is that?  

I have suffered from a bout with writer’s block for several days now. I did not want to drive away those who read my blogs by pounding on politics at every turn, but at the same time my efforts to be optimistic began to sound trite. I found myself staring at the blank screen on my laptop without a single thought worthy of a sentence much less a paragraph. Then I met with a little girl who was struggling with her emotions and her school work. 

She shyly spoke of the anxieties that were almost paralyzing her. She was worried about people that she knew who were suffering and she feeling inept in comforting them. She compared herself to individuals who appeared to be stronger and more intelligent and always came out less than in her own estimation. I listened attentively to the outpouring of her heart. 

I understand what it is like to feel the pain of the world around me. i explained to the youngster that it is because she is so empathetic that she is feeling overwhelmed. I suggested that sometimes it is okay to take a break from the emotions that are sapping her energy. I tried to help her realize that self care is important for people like her who literally feel the distress that others are experiencing. If such situations become too much to bear the body and the mind react to protect the individual from being engulfed. 

The world can be difficult to navigate in even the most mundane times. When we are rocked by a series of events that are out of the ordinary and hurtful to ourselves or others it becomes more and more difficult to find the serenity that we crave. Since the inauguration of Donald Trump the world has been rocked over and over again. Little wonder that most of us are feeling confused and maybe even a bit hopeless. We might have a desire to just turn off the noise for a time and pretend that horrific things are not happening. It’s our way of dealing with the toxic thoughts and actions that seem to be taunting us. 

We have watched our nation’s agencies being gutted by a group of young men in their twenties who appear to be randomly making decisions without any kind of plan other than making our government lean in terms of numbers of employees. Anyone who has ever been part of an organization knows that there are always improvements to be made but enacting them requires teamwork and careful decision making. Taking a chainsaw to programs has resulted in grave mistakes that will ultimately have a negative impact on all of us.

We may want to have more control over the immigration process in the United States but the answer does not lie in sending men wearing black clothes and wearing masks to pick up individuals who legally protested and then sending them off without due process to determine whether are not they should indeed be deported. We can’t just accept that groups of men sent to a grotesque prison in El Salvador are guilty of being gang members without any form of proof other than tattoos and associations. 

It has been difficult to witness our president praising Russia while demeaning Ukraine and our once staunch European allies. How are we supposed to react when the geopolitical policies of our entire lifetimes are being thrown into the wind? We feel less secure knowing that once friendly nations no longer trust us to work with them. It’s difficult to understand how any good can come from bashing our friends. 

The economy is reeling with the announcement of tariffs on virtually every country in the world with the exception of Russia and Hungary. The formula used to determine the tariffs makes no sense and files in the face of reality. Economists of every stripe tells us that this latest action will not raise the revenue that Trump expects but will place the burden of higher prices on every American citizen and business. All of the progress in keeping our economy safe and secure even after the Covid epidemic has down the drain. The investments of pensions and 401K plans are losing value by the minute. Stocks are falling.

We have a mad king running off to golf competitions while our nation is falling apart and we appear to be unable to stop the damage he is inflicting on us. What could possible go wrong? Why should we be so worried? 

After licking my wounds for a time I realize that none of us can afford to simply look away and hope for the best. It will require a concerted effort from every American to stop the bleeding of our nation. We cannot be silent and expect things to change. We have a malevolent bully running our country, a spoiled child who is running amok. We have to let him and his allies know that will no longer idly sit by and just take it. We will use our voices and our votes to send a loud message to anyone who supports the runaway train that Trump is driving. The America he is creating is a nightmare and contrary to everything that has ever been good about this country. Our Founding Fathers created a new nation dedicated to the notion that of the people working together. They rid us of a king and we should not accept two hundred fifty years later. We should be horrified that Trump and his cronies are openly seeking vengeance on anyone who has ever disagreed with him. That is now how the system was designed to work.

I may have to rest a bit now and again but I will always return. My voice will ring out. Freedom and dignity for all  is my cause. I will speak out.

I strut around like I’m a thirty year old in the prime of my life, but my body constantly reminds me that I left that station over forty years ago. I no longer have to remind myself to parcel my energy in small doses. My body does a great job of telling me when it is time to take a break. It’s frustrating to me and my type A personality to have to slow down, especially in a time of upheaval when my talents for getting things done seem to be more and more in need. It is frustrating to have to be wary of overdoing it and at times I feel as though I am falling farther and farther behind in the marathon of life. 

I am still balancing a great deal of responsibility that demands my daily attention but the aging of my body keeps getting in the way of my still very clear and active mind. When I work too long in my yard my arthritic hips and knees creak and groan and sometimes even give up on me. Being as determined as I am, I find ways to limp around and keep going. I have daily routines that must be carried out for my ninety six year old father-in-law who requires special foods and carefully timed meals along with maintenance of his clothing and the room where he stays in my home. 

My husband is a great partner who still keeps going by my side, but he is riddled with health issues that send us regularly to doctors’ appointments that seem to reveal more and more aspects of his body that are falling apart. I count my good fortune that his medical community has kept him intact but sometimes it becomes a bit depressing to face the reality that me and my contemporaries are truly growing older. 

Both of my brothers have been diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease so now I feel that I must also spend more time with them. They have good support from their spouses and children but I feel that every moment that we have together is precious. We have been the three muskateers since our father died when we were small children. As the eldest of our group I have always felt a sense of protectiveness for them. I had always assumed that we would ride into the sunset of life together and that our active lives would stretch on for many more decades. Now I am not so certain that this will happen, so I crave their company even as I seem to have less and less time or opportunity to be with them. 

Family has always been everything for me and they will always come first but I also feel more and more of a need to be with my friends. I suppose that I am in the stage of life when I have begun to lose more and more of the people that I love on a regular basis. I know that this is all part of the inevitable circle of life but it comes at a time when there is so much happening all at once that I feel many of the connections slipping away. Some of my dearest friends need me as much as my family does but find the time to nurture them as well sometimes seems elusive. It is a frustrating situation that I suppose all people face as they grow older. 

I want more than anything to leave a better world for my children, grandchildren and all of the young people who will still be here when I am gone. That task seemed to be right on target for a time but of late I worry that they will have many more problems and much more challenging lives than I ever had to face. The unraveling of our nation with purposely created culture wars and upheavals that threaten our very democracy worry me more than anything. I am watching the dismantling of our reputation and our alliances being turned upside down and inside out with horror. I want to do something that will make a difference and yet I have never before felt so useless and discouraged by the reality that a single person is tearing things apart and nobody appears to be able to stop him. 

There is not a moment in each day when I feel free to forget about what is happening in my beloved country. I try to distract myself by continuing to teach and tutor young people in mathematics. It takes the edge off of my worries but the whispers that suggest that our nation is in dire trouble still find their way into the corners of my mind. I write blogs expressing my views but know that I am only preaching to the choir. Those who seem to think that everything is not just okay but even better than ever stopped listening to me long ago. It is frustrating to think that so many of us are seeing the world in such diametrically opposite ways. Sometime have to pinch myself and ask if I am the one who is so very wrong because no matter what ridiculous things happen in the dissolution of our liberty a goodly number of Americans cheer and celebrate as though everything is fine. 

My witching hour begins in the darkness of early morning. Since January when our new president was inaugurated I awake at half past three and attempt to make sense of my new reality. I think of what I might say, what I might do, how I will balance all of my responsibilities and pray with great hope that I will have the energy and good health to accurately and actively do the right thing, whatever that may be. I am determined to keep the grand but imperfect experiment known as the United States of America alive. It is my duty. It is what I do for the people and the nation that I love. 

Back in November I watched the newest Ken Burns series about Leonardo da Vinci, an undoubtedly genius and fascinating man. Born out of wedlock, he was not allowed to take the family name of his father, but instead used the place of his birth as his last name. HIs illegitimacy barred him from attending a university, so he relied on observations of nature and the world around him for his education. From his own curiosity he became a lifelong learner who wanted to know how everything works and how he might improve on the efforts of humans to think beyond the obvious. 

Perhaps because he was already an outcast of sorts Leonardo was always thinking out of the box, pushing the envelope of inventiveness. He revolutionized art, looked to the future with inventions that would only become commonplace centuries after he lived. He foresaw possibilities everywhere he went and was unconventional in the way he lived. He was a man of good spirits and humor in spite of or maybe because of his early rejection by a society cooped up by traditions and beliefs that attempted to confine him in a box built on prejudices and a twisting of religious ideas. In refusing to conform he left an incredible body of work and thinking that has rarely been rivaled. 

Leonardo was most probably gay. When he was only in his twenties he was caught up in a scandal that might have stunted his career save for the fact that one of the other individuals involved in relations with a local homosexual was from a wealthy family that had the means to make the trouble go away. Leonardo would eventually have a long time male partner but never marry. Because he was a giant in the world of art and someone who was actually pleasant and funny people mostly looked away leaving him to live as he chose rather than forcing him to adopt a more traditional way of life. 

Leonard da Vinci was a star in the Renaissance era, a time when nearly every aspect of thinking and creating took a quantum leap forward. Perhaps it was because the worldview of the time and place where he lived was open and inviting to new ideas, new ways of living in the world. He was able to try new things because the people around him were not afraid to break the bonds of old traditions and beliefs that tended to be judgmental and threatening. It was an atmosphere of freedom that provided the room for Leonardo to push the envelope of genius. 

As I watched the story of Leonardo da Vinci unfold I thought of the time that I used his Vitruvian Man to teach the concept of proportion to my Algebra students. I related mathematics to art and nature. it was a good lesson that really helped my students to understand the importance of proportionality. Everyone was engaged and excited as they came to many of the same conclusions that Leonardo had so many centuries ago. 

In today’s atmosphere I am not certain that I would be allowed to plan such a creative and engaging lesson. A trend that is spreading across the educational landscape is to create scripts to which teachers must adhere with exactness of presentation and timing. Teachers are being warned to be careful what books, articles, ideas they choose to teach lest they be accused of being “woke” or too revolutionary. School districts are agreeing to “protect” students by removing anything that seems controversial from library shelves. For that matter even libraries are being closed down as they are deemed to be places where young people might be exposed to ideas that are too far out of the box. At the same time some places are adding prayers and Bible studies to the curriculum leaving less time for exploring topics that might run afoul to norms that seem to discount freedom to think and discuss the world around us.

I wonder if Leonardo would have been able to bloom and develop his genius if he had lived in such a time as ours. Would people first of all questioned the value of his artistry? Would they have condemned his lifestyle? Would they have balked at his discoveries and inventions? Would they have shunned him rather than allowing him to become the incredible person that he was? Are we actually doing more harm to our young people today by limiting what they may see or do or think? Will we end up creating bored automatons rather that geniuses with our scripts and rules and finger wagging? 

I do worry about such things. As an educator I have seen students who were once deemed lost, blossom under the guidance of a gifted teacher who introduced them to worlds and ideas that challenged them. It is not in confining people that greatness arises. It is in being willing to let them spread their wings and fly to their own destinations. I don’t want to live in the atmosphere of the Dark Ages. I prefer the incredible era of the Renaissance. We can continue to grow as humans only if we set our creativity and thinking free.