I’m certainly not perfect. I’ve never met anyone who is. That being said I was taught to be truthful and to accept responsibility for mistakes I have made. As a child I sometimes attempted to hide the messes that I made. I invariably got caught but my mother used those moments to teach me the power of admitting to difficulties, doing a bit of penance and then working on being better. I suppose that her influence taught me to be as open and honest as possible without revealing personal information that other people had shared with me.
Lying has always seemed like a personal affront. I don’t like being led astray with tall tales or boasts that are little more than attempts to impress me. I much prefer people with enough conscience and courage to be straightforward whenever they have failed in one way or another.
I don’t have to know every personal thing about the people in my life. Secreting troubles is okay but not if the impact of doing so hurts me or someone that I know. We are each entitled to our privacy but particularly in a work situation in which a team is tasked with achieving a certain goal it is always best if the members are willing to step forward to admit setbacks and honestly attempt to repair the damage down by missteps. Insisting on a cover up is the fastest way to lose the confidence of the people involved. It only takes one lie to make people wary of trusting a person or situation.
Many years ago I worked with a very popular teacher. He was a soft spoken and kind man who captivated his students. Essentially everyone greatly admired him until he was suddenly featured on the local news for supposedly sexually abusing his teenage stepdaughter.
Most of us found the story to be unbelievable. Even his students insisted that he had never once done or said anything untoward with them. Sadly he admitted to the members of his department that all of the accusations were true. It happened only once when he had imbibed a bit too much alcohol. He admitted his mistake to his wife and the family even attended counseling but eventually the girl’s behavior became problematic and when she was referred to a school counselor she broke down and recounted the entire incident. One thing led to another and the man soon lost his job, his certification and was being threatened with arrest.
It was a very sad moment for me because I knew and liked the man. I had trusted him implicitly as had everyone else. Somehow his delayed admission of guilt magnified the horror of what he had done, but at the same time I appreciated that he took the time to personally apologize to all of us who had trusted him. There are many men who continue to lie even after their victim steps publicly forward like his step daughter did. He refused to place any blame on her. At least there was that. He was ready to atone for his sin.
I have been disappointed again and again by people with feet of clay who have done unspeakable things. The ones who bothered me the most were the ones who had pretended to be role models for young people. They posed as righteous souls while destroying the security of the very people that they were supposed to protect. It always hurts to realize that someone who seemed to be an icon of honor was hiding a shadow life that stood in opposition to everything that they were pretending to be.
I hold people who work in the public domain and with children to a higher standard. When we entrust our institutions and our loved ones to someone we should expect character of the highest order. It bothers me that so many of our leaders today are horrific role models for the young. They bully and openly lie even when we all know the truth. I shudder at terrible examples that they demonstrate. I worry that young people will emulate their horrific behavior and all the while the rest of us will do nothing to remove them from their positions of influence.
I grew up with presidents like Eisenhower who led the world in conquering Hitler. He was a good and brave man who also displayed empathy for anyone who was suffering. There was nothing weak about him. He was a hero with a big heart. I saw him as someone that I should strive to be.
Many among us mistake insulting bravado for strength and competence. A truly good person does not have to boast or put down others. He or she certainly does not need to lie to cover a mistake. The truly great person admits shortcomings and then attempts to do better. I hope that we will begin to look for people like that to run things again. Looking the other way when someone makes it clear that truth is expendable should never be hailed for greatness. We should be demanding that our leaders be above reproach and willing to admit mistakes rather than hide them. I seem to recall that we rid ourselves of a president who tried a cover up in the 1970s. At least he was ultimately honorable enough to quietly leave when the evidence against him was so clear. Why would we not hold today’s leaders to the same high standards?
All It Takes Is A Little Love 