The last five years have been tough for many people throughout the world. It would have been difficult enough just to endure the losses and sacrifices of the worldwide pandemic but life had to go on. People had to work, care for family members, endure challenges and attempt to stay sane and happy through the uncertainty of it all. Most of us had to keep moving one foot forward in spite of all the challenges. Some folks had to face wars and natural disasters that added insult to the injuries that they had already known. These years have been hard on all people and if ever there was a time when we needed good people to serve and guide us to come together it is surely now. Instead we are divided and anxious as our president and much of our Congress has decided that it is a good time to remove many of our safety nets and install people to tear down and destroy rather than to slowly and thoughtfully improve our sense of well being.

I do understand why so many Americans are turned off, unwilling to delve deeply into learning what has actually been happening since Donald Trump assumed office as our president for a second time. It’s easier just to live as though everything is okay as long as it does not personally touch any of us. I’d like nothing more than to simply pretend that I am okay with the chaos that is disrupting people’s lives because I am not being affected by most of it. I can be almost invisible and invulnerable simply because I am an old white woman with a nice home, food in the pantry and a pension for my years of teaching children. I should just be going on trips and enjoying the fruits of my labors rather than spending hours each day attempting to learn what Trump and his legions are doing to change the very nature of our democracy. 

I always promised myself that I would never close the blinds on my windows and pretend not to see innocents being hurt by despots. My ancestors fought in the American Revolution and with the Union Army in the Civil War. I felt it was my duty to honor their valor by doing my part to insure that our freedoms will never be taken for granted. I vowed that I would always be willing to be a voice for those who are silenced. I never imagined that things would become as dire as they now seem to be. It never occurred to me that human nature would be such that those not directly impacted by the lawless decisions of the present administration would fall for an endless stream of lies and propaganda. 

I think of my seventh grade teacher who warned us that such a thing might happen anywhere. She shockingly told us that even in our great nation lies and half truths thrive unless we take the initiative to point them out. It is on all of us as American citizens to be the watchdogs of our republic. We begin that process with our voices and our votes. If we only endorse those who give us what we want while ignoring the pain and needs of our fellow Americans we are doing a disservice to everyone including ourselves.

I have always enjoyed studying the history of our nation and of the world. Even as a child I saw the patterns of evil that seem to always exist in the darkest corners of our humanity. I confronted my parents when I saw Black people being forced to the back of the buses that I rode on to downtown Houston. I knew innately that segregation was wrong. Nobody had to influence me to know what was horrific about hateful people. I reveled in goodness when I saw examples of it. I constantly thought about our human natures and our tendencies to become tribal and even violent to maintain control and status. In spite of all the mistakes of the United States like ever allowing slavery or conquering and abusing the Native Americans, I still believed that most of us shared a common desire to be honest and contrite about such original sins. I believed in a slow progress toward enlightened thinking and acceptance of each other regardless of differences. 

Sadly I did not take into account the fact that many of the worst aspects of human nature continue to smolder in generation after generation. Humans make progress and then along comes a time when the haters of the world find ways to gain power and to exercise their domination over those that they fear and despise. The kings and potentates of Europe thought of themselves as gifts from God for centuries. Authoritarians have played on the worries of common people again and again. The powerful vie for wealth and power while the rest of us are simply trying to live our lives in peace. 

I wish that it were easier for me to pretend that everything is fine. I wish that I did not worry so much about people that I do not even know when I witness abuse of them. As long as I am okay why should I be so anxious and torn apart because certain groups or individuals are being targeted without understanding or compassion? Why do I listen to some media outlets with so much disdain for the untruths and gaslighting that they are constantly feeding to the public? 

Perhaps it has always been inevitable that I would use my voice as tiny as it is to attempt to speak out for those who have been muted. I heard the stories of my mother and her family being targeted with slings and arrows only because they were immigrants from a part of the world that people had judged to be lazy and dirty. I listened to my father speaking truths about our nation’s history. I heard stories from my grandfather about the horrors of the so called good old days. My teachers were honest with me. My mother-in-law shared her insights about human nature with me. I am altruistic. I worked not for money, but to do good in the world. I suppose that it is in my nature to disrupt the contentment that I should just simply enjoy because I can easily hide among the favored people of our president. Instead I worry day and night that the beautiful things that the Untied States have done will be vindictively tossed aside. Thus I cannot and will not be quiet no matter how difficult it becomes. Thankfully there are many others like me and I have the courage of my ancestors to guide me. I will persist.