I have never taken anything for granted. I found out when I was just a child how life can change in a heartbeat. It never occurred to eight year old me that my entire lifestyle would change when my father died. I only now realize how sad and confused I was for many years after he was gone. I lost my confidence and melted into the woodwork only to cover by excelling in my studies and trying to be kind to others. I certainly understood how precious each and every person is after he died but I have so many unvoiced things that I would have said to him if I had known he was going away for all time.

I was surprised again when my mother began to show symptoms of her bipolar disorder. It was perhaps even more frightening than losing my father because she had been a steadying force for our little family. I had no idea how to be an adult but had to learn while on the fly. I made so many mistakes which is why I tend to be quite patient with anyone who may appear to be making a mess of things in their lives. I know first hand how easy it is to pile up some really bad choices. The most wonderful aspect of being human though is that we have the power to correct ourselves and make the kind of changes that we need. It is always a good time to get started in evolving into the person we wish to be.

My life has been like those of anyone who has been visited with unexpected joys and surprising tragedies. Each time something seemingly terrible happens to me or to someone that I love, I have had to find the courage to adjust the lenses through which I viewed the world. I can’t say that it felt like a blessing when I was in the middle of such a situation but it was always an awakening, a moment of moral growth. 

I suppose that my empathy and compassion is the product of both the good and the bad experiences I have had. Nonetheless I wish that people would experience as few tragedies as possible. While horrific moments can be great mechanisms for positive change they also wound the soul in devastating ways. If learning can be done without hurt that is the best of all worlds. 

So here I am in the late years of my life and I can say without hesitation that the perfect times have outweighed the times or horror. What I cannot predict is when or if I will have to endure more suffering. I can make plans but I think of them as being tentative. Life all too often has a way of laughing at the calendars that we make for ourselves. 

I know that my father was enjoying a new job at the age of thirty three. He and my mother were about to purchase a new home on Bluebonnet St. They were planning a picnic with the family and getting ready to celebrate their eleventh anniversary and my mother’s thirtieth birthday. My father had already purchased gifts for that occasion and had sent a card announcing his love on the very day that he died. He had no idea that he would end up dead in a ditch nor did my mother ever dream that she would suddenly be faced with raising three small children alone.

We have to be ready for whatever challenges come our way. The surprises may be something mostly disappointing like having a trip to Scotland cancelled or it may be life changing. If we have the good fortune to see another sunrise we may one day actually get to the places for which we once had reservations that did not work out. We mostly hope that we and the our loved ones will stay health and not die, but we never know when the unthinkable will happen.

At my age I don’t even know who among my school friends may suddenly die. I’ve already had that happen twice this summer. Their passing was shocking and felt like a gut punch. This kind of unexpected revelation is so final that is the hardest pill of all to swallow.

I have a calendar filled with appointments and plans but it’s also important to know how to live in the moment. It’s not just a hippy idea to understand the importance of living for today. If we don’t make the best of every opportunity to shower the people around us with the love that we have for them, we may find ourselves grieving for our losses even more. 

I treasure the card and the gifts that my father had already set aside for my mother. His note to her very clearly expressed how important she was to him and how much he dearly loved her. Imagine how much worse things might have been if that card and those gifts had not already been set in motion. My father in his last moments taught me to never let a day go by without voicing the good feelings that I have for the people that I love. I know how much my mother clung to that realization after he was gone. 

Make plans for big things but also find time in each day to do those little things that you never seem to get around to accomplishing. Life will have fewer regrets if you get the cookie, buy the flowers, make that call, write that card, send that text. Someone needs to know that you are thinking of them. Do it before they are gone.