Love yourself because you are the only one guaranteed to be with you forever. — Unknown

I saw this quote and smiled at how true it is. We are born into a family. We go to school. We make friends. We may find a spouse to help us build a new family. Maybe we have children. As time goes by and we get older and older many of the people who were so important to us leave this earth. If we live long enough we may find ourselves becoming more and more alone. If we don’t really like ourselves that can make us feel quite unloved. 

My grandfather lived to the age of one hundred eight as many of my devoted readers already know. His parents, wife, and all of his children had died. Many of his older grandchildren had died, Friends from his youth and time working had died. He was left with an ever tinier circle of people who knew and loved him. Fortunately he was an optimistic and happy soul who felt that he had lived a very full life. He was confident that in spite of the many mistakes he had made he had been a mostly good person on balance. He liked himself and it showed.

He did not brag about his accomplishments or his intellect or even his good health. What was important to him was being someone who made a contribution to the world with his carpentry and the care he gave to family and friends. He had built state capital buildings and monuments to historic events. He had done his best to be a good husband and father and grandfather and friend. He kept his mind busy with learning for all of his many years. He was a calming force and a phenomenal teller of stories. He cultivated his personality and his talents and he felt good about how things had turned out. He did not boast about himself even as others found him to be remarkable. He outlived the people who had been most important in his life. Thankfully being content with himself made the many extra years that he lived more pleasurable. 

My father-in-law is ninety six years old. He is a gregarious soul as proven by the stories that he tells of his life. He liked to party and celebrate. He was always doing something with coworkers and friends. He liked to play bridge and golf mostly for the camaraderie. After his first wife died he rather quickly found a new woman to love. He created joy in embracing her children and grandchildren as his own. It would seem that he was rarely alone throughout most of his life, but for the past many years the number of his friends and relatives has constricted. Because he has only one son who is getting old himself he understands that he might outlive even his child just as he has so many others who once brought so much joy to him. He has had to learn to be content with himself.

We never know how many years we will have. Some die very young like my father who left this earth at the age of thirty three. Some die suddenly and without warning. Others seem to become immortal as year after year passes and they remain on this earth. It’s important that we be just as kind and loving to ourselves as we are with others but for some people that is somewhat difficult.

Nobody better knows our flaws, our weaknesses, our mistakes than ourselves. Dwelling on those things is toxic and just as bad as being a narcissist who is unable to realize his/her shortcomings. it’s easy to get down in the dumps and become self critical if we are not careful. It’s a natural tendency to be our own worst critics. 

I remember a time when I felt too skinny, too shy, too “un” this or that. My mother counseled me to just get out there with the people that I encountered and quit dwelling on my shortcomings. She insisted that few people would notice them because we are all walking around downgrading ourselves. I learned soon enough that she was mostly right. Sure, there were jerks who seemed to find joy in putting others down but most of the time people responded to a greeting, a smile, an offer of friendship without noting my superficial characteristics and imperfections. Everyone is looking for acceptance and a person who has learned to love himself or herself is usually so busy making other feel comfortable that the very idea of self hate is anathema. 

We all get down in the dumps. We all question ourselves. Those things happen to everyone. We have to be careful about nursing such feelings. It works out better to understand that each of us is unique and of great value. When we believe in ourselves our lives will be full no matter how short or how long they last.