“We are all a little broken but the last time I checked broken crayons color just the same as whole ones.” —Unknown
I have taught so many young people, many of whom seemed ready to take on the world with competence and wisdom. Others stumbled and fumbled and appeared to be destined for a world of trouble. Most of them rambled through their twenties on a quest to find themselves and to my great delight they were almost always successful.
There have been many studies about human development that suggest that our brains are still forming well into our twenties. That does not mean that we will be a hot mess until the evolution is mostly complete but it does suggest that we may make mistakes as we chart our courses in life. Somehow as we grow older we often forget about our own mistakes in our youth and focus a kind of unfair judgement on the young men and women just starting down the road of adulting.
We’ve all heard older folk lamenting the flaws of today’s twenty something men and women. They boast about the work ethic and accomplishments they achieved at the same age, condemning anyone in that age group today who is struggling to find themselves. They often forget their own dramas or brush them under the rug where they think that nobody can see them. Instead I would suggest that we encourage young adults, boost their belief in themselves, consider the hardships they may be facing, and help them to learn from any mistakes we may perceive that they are making.
I know a man who has many skeletons in his own closet that most people are polite enough not to mention. He was ranting about a young woman that he once knew who was neurotic, lazy and wanting in common sense. He remarked that he never felt comfortable around her and ended up pushing her away when she came to him looking for help.
What he does not tell is the whole story of their relationship. She was only twenty four and he was in his late forties. She was a relative by marriage who had lost her father to a heart attack and not long after that had watched her mother die from cancer. She became so overwrought that she ended up divorcing her husband, something that was probably destined from the start given that both of them had been far to young when they eloped. Her lifeboat came in the form of a sweet and kindly aunt who kept her door open for the young niece. When that aunt died of a heart attack one Sunday morning the young woman broke.
She spent a great deal of time doing exactly the wrong things. She was unmoored, without direction and seeking solace from someone, anyone who would listen, including the man who spurned her. He was convinced that she was a loser who just meant trouble for everyone and so he broke off all contact with her and then continued over the years to complain about what a disappointment she had been.
As happenstance often does, I encountered the woman many years later when she was in her fifties. She had pulled herself together, earning a college degree and becoming a highly respected teacher. Eventually she was even tapped for administrative work. I witnessed the transformation that she had undergone. She became confident and responsible most likely because she had found someone who believed in her and also because she had matured.
As a teacher who keeps in touch with many of my students I have seen such transformations over and over again. Not everyone finds their way without stumbling and many of their pitfalls can be dangerously traumatic. Coursing through the twenties with images of how one should be is not always as smooth sailing as we sometimes wish it to be. Some of the most successful and happiest people made countless bad moves during those early years. With a bit of luck they manage to learn from their mistakes. In fact, they become better versions of themselves than the ones that they had once believed they should be.
We all have stories of blowing it in relationships or with jobs. We get ourselves into corners and situations that break our spirits. It happens to virtually everyone so we should remember how it feels whenever someone comes to us seeking a bit of kindness. It is not a time to be judge and jury when we learn of someone’s mistakes. Instead we might simply show them that we understand and we care. The road to healing lies in the arms and goodwill of the people around us. We each have the power to show the broken souls how beautiful their colors remain.
All It Takes Is A Little Love 