I have written about empathy before. It is something that I have experienced for all of my life. I suspect that I inherited the trait from my mother. I have learned over time that not everyone has the kind of deep feelings that arise from empathy and so it is quite understandable to me that some people might see the concept as some kind of new age woke idea that is silly at best. I would like to describe what it is for me but first I need to tell my readers once again how I finally knew what was causing the intense emotions that sometimes overtook me when I witnessed someone who was suffering. 

I was a great fan of the original Star Trek series. I don’t think that I have missed seeing any of the episodes and I have viewed most of them many times over. The one that struck me the most was about an individual from another planet who was an empath. In the episode this character almost died from feeling the pain of another person so intensely. At that moment I finally had a name for my own experience of becoming physically and mentally debilitated in the presence of suffering. 

I already knew that my mother reacted in a similar manner. I had seen her end up in bed for a day or two when tragedies struck her loved ones. She would eventually be revived and ready to perform her duties but she was still feeling a deep sense of oneness with whichever person was in a state of grief. People would come to her with their problems and she would listen attentively and then dwell on them until she literally felt sick. 

Some might describe what happened to her as a form of mental illness but it was so much more than just feeling down. It was as though she had taken on the woes of another person and carried them until she knew what she needed to do to nurture them and help them through their own devastation. She never claimed to feel exactly like they did. She understood that we can never totally know how someone else is feeling. She just saw their sorrow and instead of only offering tokens of sympathy, she felt some of the force of what was dragging them down. 

I am not as gifted with empathy as mother or the character on Star Trek were but I have had my share of moments when I became overwhelmed with painful understanding of how certain people around me were feeling. It was both a special ability and a kind of curse at one and the same time. As a teacher I encountered students with so much tragedy forced on them at very young ages that I would have to take a mental health day to heal myself of the physical and mental reactions that I was having for them. It did me no good to be so in tune with their feelings that I was unable to do my job. I had to learn how to moderate the intensity of what I was experiencing so that I might use my gift productively. 

I suppose that someone might read my thoughts and come to the conclusion that I am nutty as a fruitcake and need some help. Luckily I got the guidance that I needed from my dear friend, Pat, who was like a big sister to me. She saw and understood my empathetic nature and she is the one who helped me to learn how to use my gift without hurting so much for the person whose pain I was sharing that I would become ineffective. She was a savior for me who encouraged me to use my empathy as a wonderful way to understand people’s difficulties, something that she assured me not everyone understands. 

To this very day I fall in sync with individuals who are dealing with unbelievable life situations. I will never say that I feel exactly the same as they do. That would be impossible but my own emotions are very strong whenever I pick up on the difficulties that they are experiencing. It is simply just who I am just as my mother was. 

I sometimes feel confused when other people are not noticing that someone is silently crying out for help. I tended to be the go to teacher who first noticed a child in distress. Somehow I pick up on the body language, the eyes, the anxious stares, the changes in behavior and begin to deeply feel how the person is troubled. 

On a personal level I have friends who seem to read me with their own empathetic abilities. They will call me at the very moments when I am experiencing the most sorrow. Sometimes they live thousands of miles away but still have the sense that I need their comfort. Not even the people nearest me may be as observant and understanding. 

It is alright when people say that they do not have empathy. I suspect that not everyone truly understands what that word means to those of us who do. It is not to imply that we someone realize exactly how another person is feeling but we have a deep sense of the turmoil in their minds. Perhaps empathy is the reason that sometimes loving someone hurts. We carry their sorrows along with them and do our best to let them know how much we really care. Everyone needs an empathetic person in their lives. I have been lucky to have more than my fair share and they know who they are. I hope that I have shared my empathy generously as well.