The wind is howling outside on a cold morning as I write this blog and another year winds down. I would be lying if I did not admit that I am physically and mentally exhausted as I look toward a new year and another new beginning in my life. This has been a tough time for me with people that I love suffering from accidents and medical emergencies that struck them down and frightened those of us who care so deeply for them. At this moment everyone made it but the fragility of their lives is in full view and I feel humbled as I realize the good fortune that continues to surround me. Nonetheless I am not the titan of energy and good health that I once was. The years that I have been on this earth are beginning to catch up with me and my stubborn insistence in being all things to all people is slowly becoming an impossible task to perform day after day. I see the limits to my abilities that I have so fiercely attempted to deny. 

I am a gentle person when all is said and done. My whole life has been centered on comforting and supporting the people that I encounter. I like to quietly be the person who fixes broken objects and fractured souls. I do my work outside of the limelight which I despise and find both comfort and joy in being able to make a difference in someone’s life, but of late I witness so much pain and sorrow that I am unable to keep up with the work like I once did. I need more sleep, more rest between tasks and find myself huffing and puffing before my work is done. I have a new role in life as I witness my children and other young people taking the reins in situations where I might have been the leader in another time. I see that they are doing a fine job and that I would do well to step back and allow them to demonstrate their mettle. Passing the baton to them is the proper way of things just as one year passes into another. 

I am still able to achieve things but not nearly as much as I once did. I have learned to forgive myself for dropping out of the marathon to rest before proceeding again. I still make it to end of the distance but do so walking rather than running, taking my time and lingering along the way. 

I understand better than ever that my impact on the world will be smaller but perhaps more significant that I once hoped it would be. I am but one of millions of souls hoping to create a sense of peace and joy in my little corner. I see the progress that we have collectively made as well as the human tendency to backslide into the kind of habits that destroy friendships and lead to wars. I worry that during the past year we have been led to believe that might makes right when the evidence demonstrates that it only creates more terrible problems. Somehow we have allowed ourselves during this year to sit back and watch as our neighbors have been mistreated only because they seem to be different from ourselves. 

This morning I read Dr. Heather Cox Richardson’s annual telling of the horrific story of the massacre of the Lakota people at Wounded Knee. It was a shameful moment in the history of our nation much as the attitude toward immigrants among us is today. With the boast that America should be first we seem to forget that there was a time when the white Christians that we so revere came to this place and pushed the native people aside as though their claims to the land were insignificant. The warring that ensued as settlers pushed ever westward were as horrific as the use of slaves to build the economic power of our nation. Our history is stained with an original sin that many of us are still unwilling to confess and of late we seem to be determined to fall back into the kind of egregious behaviors that we had worked hard to abandon. Sadly much of what we are now doing hides behind the mask of religious fervor.

I suppose that this is why I feel so weary. For decades it felt as though we were evolving into better people who understand the importance of honoring our differences. Instead we have once again divided into camps nervously watching each other lest our freedoms and our rights be trampled upon. It is an icky feeling to watch the hatefulness and distrust growing when not so long ago we seemed to be capable of understanding that our tent is large enough to shelter even those whose ideas are very unlike ours.

I am not so naive that I do not realize that our relationships will always be imperfect. I know that we still have many troubles that we must tackle together but the constant bickering about how best to solve our problems has created a chasm among us that is far more dangerous than taking time to know and understand who each of us wishes to be. In the long run all any of us wants is to be able to lead quiet lives without fear regardless of the color of our skin, our spiritual beliefs, and ways that we choose to love. 

My wish for the coming year is that we begin to bridge the gaps that separates us from each other instead of allowing our leaders to push us further and further away. We are presently in a state as frightening as the nervous impasse of long ago when fears gave way to the slaughter of the Lakota people at Wounded Knee. It is time to put down our weapons and talk to one another once again without rancor. It is time to work together and to share our bounty with those who are in need. It is time to bridge the ever increasing gap that has been purposely created so that powerful men and women may foist their desires on us. It is time to look to new ideas and to really hear the voices of everyone, not just a chosen few. It is a new year with new possibilities if only we are willing to change our course without rancor and fear. Hopefully we will rise to the occasion.