I was baptized in the Catholic Church when I was an infant so I don’t recall that day. All I have is a document naming the priest who performed the ceremony and the name of my godmother who was my Aunt Polly. As it turned out the same priest officiated at my wedding. His name was Father John Perusina and by the time I met him he was an older man with white hair but my mother remembered him as having reddish hair when he was younger. There was a kind of wonderful irony in the fact that I became close to him as an adult and his wisdom often guided me until the day of his death. 

My Aunt Polly was a wonderful godmother. She looked out for me and my mother for all of her life. She visited me on my first day of school as a first grader when I was terrified and my lunch was filled with ants. She was a woman of action and took charge by bringing me a new sandwich and making sure that my lunch would never again be invaded by insects. She was always a delightful presence in my life until her death at the age of ninety five where I learned what a faith-filled Catholic she had been. I still think of her with her larger than life personality and her love that never faltered. 

My mother faithfully sent me to Catholic school for my education. I skipped kindergarten and went straight into the first grade. I was too young to have my first communion with the other students so it was not until I was in the second grade that I celebrated that lovely moment. I remember being much more excited about the white dress and veil that I got to wear on that occasion than the actual sacrament. I loved my prayer book and rosary and still have those things tucked away in a special place.

I would spend all twelve years of my pre-college life in Catholic school where I got daily lesson is religion, a subject that is now often listed as theology. I took what I learned quite seriously and since we lived within a short walking distance from school I often began my mornings by attending mass. I appreciate the education that I received from the School Sister sof Notre Dame and Carmelite priests along with a few lay teachers here and there. They generally prepared me well for college and my future life. I thought that I had the religious aspects of my beliefs figured out until I began to enjoy Sunday tea time and conversation with my mother-in-law. As a convert to Catholicism she had read countless books by theologians so that she might more fully understand what faith is all about. From her I developed a more mature perspective about God and what it really means to be a Catholic. Mostly I realized that a relationship with God demands us to use our free will and intellect to make decisions that honor the value of our fellow humans. 

I have kept up with my faith but I have found myself picking and choosing which parish to attend. Through my mother-in-law I spent many moments with Father Perusina, the priest who had baptized me and he taught me so much about building an adult relationship with God. He made me more aware of my responsibilities to my fellow humans implied by the simple message from Jesus that our main task is in life is love one another. 

I worked for a time as a Director of Religious Education but I never felt completely relaxed in that position. I still struggle to know and understand my role as a Catholic and Christian. I felt out of place attempting to guide people like Father Perusina and my ever faithful and studious mother -in-law had done for me. I had more questions than answers which I suspect has more to do with my personality than my beliefs. Getting to know God is such a personal journey and somehow I believe that it necessarily varies from one person to another. I see God as a guide to goodness rather than a keeper of rules. My relationship with God is comforting and tinged with a feeling of friendship. Through God I can be myself and learn how I am supposed to be with others. Mine is a loving relationship with God and I believe that my duty is to be kind and understanding toward all people, not judgmental and didactic.

I know that God is often different for other people and I would be the last to deny them the right to their own beliefs. My mother always thought that God comes to people in different forms and versions depending on their cultures and what makes sense to them. She never had a problem with anyone choosing a different way of believing or even not believing. She used to laugh and say that God believes in and loves even those who do not think a God exists. 

None of us will ever know if we have found the right pathway to life but I do not believe that being self righteous and pushing my ideas on others is the right way to honor God. Far too many ideas about God simply came from the minds of humans so when they seem to be more hurtful than loving I find myself backing away from them. 

I have wondered a bit about my Catholic faith of late when I have heard of priests who took advantage of young men and women. It saddened me to know that they would hurt someone else while hiding behind a clerical collar. I suppose that in the long history of humans there have always been those who defiled the messages of God. Even today cultist ideas about godliness are rampant all over the world. So much anger and hurt in peddled in the name of God. 

I am delighted by our new Pope and by the Cardinals in our nation who are speaking out for those among us who are being persecuted. When they remind us of the words of Jesus I feel a bit more comfortable that the message that I have taken away from my church is one of love. I can’t imagine building a lifetime of faithfulness on any belief that would purposely condone hurtfulness or shunning of any of my fellow humans. It feels good to know that the messages I am hearing align with my own beliefs. Somehow I have always believed that God is good. My spiritual journey has over and over again revealed only one focus and that is love.