I often think of George Bailey when I consider how narrow the experiences of my life have been compared to how I thought they would be. Responsibility for others has defined all of my choices beginning with my father’s death when eight year old me somehow felt that I had to watch over my mother and brothers. I became the very good girl, unwilling to push the envelope of my actions lest I somehow cause undue pain for my mother. I was the person who walked away from adventurous moments, staying within the confines of rules that narrowed the experiences that I had in my growing up years. 

Everything about me became conservative save for my political thinking. On paper I appeared to be a very lackluster individual who stayed within the boundaries. When my mother experienced the first signs of mental illness I became even more determined not to be someone who rocked the boat of life. I made sure that I lived within minutes of where she resided so that I might reach her quickly if she needed my help. I dared not even think of moving across town much less out of the city of my birth. My life choices were all predicated on the sense of responsibility that I felt for the members of my family.

I chose a career that would allow me to have a fixed schedule with time off that I might use to care for my children and to be always vigilant of my mother. Thankfully teaching was incredibly fulfilling and because I almost always worked with children whose lives were constrained by poverty and challenges I continued to learn more and more about human nature without having to travel the world. Marching in place was not as awful as I had once thought it would be. Like George Bailey I eventually realized that while mine had been a life often defined by the difficulties of others, it was nonetheless one that brought me a sense of accomplishment and contentment.

Somehow I expanded my points of view from every person who came across my zone of influence. I learned more from my students than I conveyed to them in my lessons. In them I saw the power of resilience even in the face of dire situations. I found joy in playing a tiny role in supporting them in their journeys to adulthood. Seeing them achieve more than I had ever dared to attempt was magical. 

I see all of those faces staring at me as I teach them how to unravel the beautiful synchronicity of mathematics. I remember the little girl whose Christmas dream was to finally have a bed of her own that would save her from snoozing on the floor each night. I recall the feeling of kinship that I felt with my fellow educators who so earnestly worked to make a meaningful difference in the lives of their students. Every interaction changed me and made me the kind of citizen of the world that my high school English teacher often challenged us to be. I realized that I did not need to travel to become a more understanding person. Everything l that I needed to know was all around me every single day. 

My two daughters have been my pride and joy. I did my best to encourage them to be independent minded. I did such a good job that I sometimes wonder if I made them too strong and confident for a world that still underestimates the value of women. I let them fly freely through life so much so that sometimes their friends would comment that they were not typical girls at all. That is what I like best about them. They are free thinkers unwilling to bow to public opinion about how women should behave. They are unafraid to disagree with me and when they do I know that I have always encouraged them to burst through the artificial boundaries that all too often keep people from being themselves. 

I have watched the city of my birth changing from a slow moving town with a population less than a million people to becoming the fourth largest city in the United States. I have rejoiced in watching the diversity of Houston grow from a homegrown crowd to a citizenry from all over the world living in harmony. I watched segregation dying in real time bringing the Black community from the back of the bus into the mainstream of power. I too grew in my thinking as I watched the changes but also saw those trapped in outmoded belief systems trying to move our city back to a moment in time that was toxic and unforgiving. 

Life has crept by and sped by all at the same time. I spent a lifetime being a good girl and a rebel all at once. I kept my mother safe and healthy more often than not. I grew in wisdom and did my best to pass down my experiences to the many young people in my care. While my life appears to be quite uneventful on paper, I know how every single encounter with thousands of people has changed me for the better and widened my horizons in ways that not all the travel in the world would have done. I have been to the moon and back in my own living room. I like the person I have become and I am content to proclaim that mine has been a wonderful life.