Author: Sharron Burnett

Many years ago two lovely young women gave me one of the most thoughtful gifts that I have ever received. Tucked away in a yuletide bag was the movie, Love Actually, a bag of microwave popcorn and a can of Diet Coke. The two young teachers were Lissa and Katty, outstanding educators who have only become ever better in their craft over time. Both of them were young enough to be my daughters but we clicked as friends who seemed to understand each other in magical ways. Being around them brought me so much joy and tons of laugher. It was as though we were somehow cut from the same cloth. We were almost able to read each other’s thoughts. 

I left the school where we all worked decades ago but through the wonder of Facebook I have been able to stay somewhat in touch with both of them. I still smile at their sassiness and sense of humor but also clearly see how devoted they are to their jobs of guiding young people. Needless to say both of them are cherished by their students and the administrators who hired them. They make learning interesting and fun but more than anything they make every student feel important. They have uncanny abilities to spread love wherever they go just like they did with me. 

The movie that they chose for me was apt. While it is at times free spirited and humorous at heart it is about the kind of love that lives and grows all around us even when we do not notice it. It is a delightfully hopeful motion picture that seems timeless even as hairstyles and music change. the idea that love comes in many different forms is a beautiful thought at Christmas time when we should all be called upon to open our hearts to the people who mean so much to us. It’s a great time to really let people know that you see them, think of them, appreciate them. When you begin to think about it you soon realize that the clerk who took extra time to help you find your way around an unfamiliar building is as much a part of the love we all hope to find in the world as our closest family members and friends. 

This Christmas I have heard from former students and colleagues. Christmas cards have come from people who never seem to forget me even though it may have been years since we have seen each other. Family gathers and we realize how important that kind of stability is in our lives. Dear friends bend and reschedule special occasions when something goes wrong and we have to cancel. Neighbors smile and wave and leave trinkets on our doorsteps. The yard men take extra care in making our lawn look outstanding for the holidays. People everywhere smile and quite sincerely wish us the best. We have so much proof that love is winning over the ugliness that we still witness and hope to change. 

In Love Actually there are betrayals, relationships that break down, those that are so superficial that they walk away when things get tough. Mostly there are beautiful friendships and discoveries of love in the most unexpected places which is exactly how it seems to work in real life. How often has someone surprised you with acts of kindness and caring that you never saw coming?

It would be easy to view the world with a sense of concern given the hatefulness that seems to float in the air but for every ugly action hundreds seem to step forward to proclaim good will. This is a season in which we would do well not to focus on hurt but instead to realize the incredible impact of friendship represented in a kit put together for a night of enjoyment. Lissa and Katty thought of that for me and their gesture remains a beautiful memory that only grows stronger and stronger over time. 

I have reached an age when the math tells me that I am running out of time. I have no idea how many more years I will have to shower the people that I love with the gratitude that they so deserve. Many of my peers have already gone to the great beyond. I know that I am not immortal but if I take the time to reach out to the people around me I achieve a kind of immortality for a moment. We all remember the people who spread love among us. Somehow their spirit lingers longer than they do. That’s because loving actually is the best way of behaving to which any of us might aspire. Not all the money or titles or power in the world is worth more than the thoughtfulness behind a gift that keeps on giving like the one that Lissa and Katty gave me. It was actually the gift of love. 

I’m scheduled to have knee replacement surgery in early February. The last couple of years have left me limping most of the time as the cartilage in my right knee grows ever thinner and the arthritis there has taken over. The stoked up energy that has been my trademark since I was a child has been curtailed by my inability to tackle physical tasks that once were easy for me. I find myself feeling frustrated over and over as I have to do things more slowly even as my responsibilities have grown. 

I still teach and tutor a number of students and am in demand for even more but I am supposed to be retired so I limit myself to devoting two days a week to my hobby. Yes, teaching is something that I like to do in my free time. It is comforting to me to be around young people and to play a small part in helping them to move forward in their educations. I suppose that my career as a teacher will only end when my mind begins to dim and so far it is still going strong even as I notice that it sometimes sputters for a few seconds. Using the gift that I have is one of my greatest joys and I hope that will be able to continue for as long as possible.

My father-in-law no longer lives with us but we still have to maintain a regular connection with him. He was adjusting to his new situation when he fell and everything change. He has broken ribs, a broken hand, a broken nose and his bodily functions are not working as they are supposed to do. He has weeks of rehabilitation ahead of him and he may never again be as independent as he once was.

He is trying very hard to be in charge of his own decisions and business dealings but his acumen is not what it used to be. He needs reminders and assistance which we have to give him stealthily lest he feel insulted. He is like me in being a creature of habit and the accident is requiring him to make changes that sometimes feel uncomfortable to him. Luckily he is a social butterfly who likes to be with people and make new friends. He’s the kind of person who loves to go on cruises and sit with strangers during dinner. He is a likable fellow who quickly makes friends and inspires people to take very good care of him.

The rush of the Christmas season is upon us and I am juggling so many balls in the air. I have had to be kind to myself and admit that I don’t need to be crawling around in my attic for hours finding the wreaths and lights that we use to don our home. I’m only good for a few minutes before I have to take a rest which sometimes lasts longer than the time I spent getting things done. For someone with limitless stored up energy relaxing is a task rather than a joy but I am attempting to learn how to finally be chill. 

My brothers and I are all frustrated by our low energy levels. We have always been able to walk for miles and still be ready for the next task that comes our way. We began working when we were still kids. I babysat before I was a teen and my brothers worked at a vegetable stand along the roadside when they were barely beyond being little tikes. We learned how to squeeze extra hours out of every single day from an early age and none of us really wanted to retire until we saw the handwriting on the wall that we were no longer able to offer the long hours of dedication to our jobs. Now our ailments force us to live in an alien way which I suppose is the fate of every single person who has ever lived into their senior years. 

Our mother was always a role model for us and she understood quite well when it was time for her to assume another way of living. She perfected the art of letting go and knowing how to relax. She happily slept in a bit later in the mornings and limited her chores to a level that did not exhaust her energy. She accepted help with a smile and much gratitude and learned to sit back and allow the younger people to take over the roles of leadership. She understood that there is truly a season for everything and she found great contentment in growing old gracefully rather than fighting to maintain her hold on control. She often chided me for being unable to know when it was time to step back.

We seem to have a kind of epidemic of older people being reluctant to trust those who are younger to take the lead. They think that it is wonderful to stay in total control even as they appear to fall asleep during meetings. They grasp their power with an iron fist and refuse to let go when it is apparent that they are no longer up to the tasks that they are attempting to perform. The evidence of this can be seen in the last two presidents we have had who assumed office at advanced ages that should have sent them home to retire. Far too many people are refusing to just let go and sadly I sometimes seem to be one of them in spite of my own advice. 

It really is okay to admit to being slower and less able than I once was. I don’t have to keep pushing myself to a point of exhaustion just to do what I have always done. I will be far more helpful to my children and grandchildren and my father-in-law if I acknowledge that I trust them to do the kind of jobs that I once did. In fact they may turn out to have better ideas than I would have brought to any situation. I trust the young people of the world. I know it is their turn. My body tells me that it is time to change and learn how to fully enjoy my moments of repose. I’ll keep practicing that until I finally get it right.

A few years ago I created a list of my favorite movies. In retrospect I see that so many of them had been written or produced by Rob Reiner, a truly brilliant and remarkable filmmaker. His movies ran the gamut of genre but they all seemed to have a common theme that celebrated the honor and goodness of people. From them I understood that Rob Reiner was a kind man who liked to laugh and celebrate the best of humanity with stories that tug at the heart. 

Rob Reiner was only a year older than I am so I suppose that in many ways we were influenced by some of the same events as we were growing up. He was the son of Carl Reiner who literally blazed the trail of comedy in television during the early years. He too was a genius who brought so much joy into homes in the fifties and sixties. Then came All in the Family where Rob Reiner played the part of an idealistic and progressive Baby Boomer married to the daughter of the outrageously conservative and prejudiced Archie Bunker. 

I don’t think I ever missed an episode of All in the Family and I certainly identified with Rob’s character known as “Meathead,” an insult constantly launched at him by his father-in-law who struggled to understand the progressive changes happening in his once comfortable and familiar world. The challenge of a future world in which we all strove to understand each other from “Meathead” versus the old prejudices of Archie kept us thinking and laughing because the plots were so real. 

Rob went on to become one of the best filmmakers in Hollywood and along the way he demonstrated a loving understanding of the human condition. His characters were so memorable that they still ring true decades later. My granddaughter loves When Harry Met Sally as much as I did when it premiered decades ago. The classic The Princess Bride is as enduring as ever and watching it over and over never grows old. The Shawshank Redemption is a character study that remains real even as the years go. 

I could go on and on and on about Rob Reiner’s incredible career but in the end I began to know him for his love of our country and his hopefulness that we would learn to respect one another and to protect freedoms no matter whether or not we agreed with our fellow Americans. He was a true American patriot who was always willing to call out those who would use their fears and prejudices to harm people who appeared to be different. 

I struggled to understand how to use Twitter in the beginning but with some determination I became rather adept and even learned which people I wanted to follow. Rob Reiner quickly became one of those individuals. I appreciated his honesty and dedication to our nation. 

There came a time when he tweeted memories of his father. I responded that I had enjoyed the humor of his father while sitting next to my father at the age of six while he roared with delight as he watched his favorite comedians on our television. In those early days the programming was so new and innovative and Rob’s dad was at the center of so much of it. I mentioned to Rob that my father died when I was eight but that all these many years later I still remember the joy he had in watching the shows that his father created. I have a vision of him laughing so hard that his belly jiggled.

To my surprise Rob took the time to quickly respond to my post and for a brief moment we went back and forth describing our fathers and how much we loved them. After that I saw that he had chosen to follow me and now and again he would pop onto my tweets and encourage me to keep my thoughts coming. 

I was greatly saddened by the murder of Rob Reiner and his wife. It was doubly horrific because it appears that his son was the one who killed his parents. I learned that the son had struggled with drug addiction for years and that Rob had encouraged him to tell his story in a movie that he helped to produce. He believed that the film might help others who were enduring the tragedy of a family in chaos over addiction. It was so like Rob to be honest and to hope that in the telling of the story perhaps both his son and other sons and daughters might find ways to overcome the horror of such situations. 

It was a dark Monday for me and so many across the globe. We had learned of the shooting at Brown University and the murders at a Jewish celebration in Australia. At the same time I was watching my ninety six year old father fight for life after being seriously injured in a fall. It was so much sadness to bear and yet Rob Reiner has left us all a legacy of films that suggest that even in the darkest moments there is hope in the innate goodness of the vast majority of people who travel through life in this world. 

We have endured great loss in only a matter of days but Rob Reiner would remind us that if we look to our better natures we have the chance to turn things around. He was sure that in every tragedy there will always be a few good men or women to keep us aright. 

Thank you, Rob Reiner, for the gift to the world you have been. May your memory be a blessing! 

This past weekend was difficult for me. There was yet another shooting incident that took place at Brown University and once again I was terrified for a family member who is a student there. My niece has long dreamed of studying at Brown and with her hard work she was accepted and began her studies at the school this year. She was already blooming in the environment and studying for her exams to finish the semester. She was only days away from completing her coursework and coming home for a time to be with family for Christmas. The joy and accomplishment that she had been enjoying was threatened on Saturday when she had to lock herself in her dorm room while law enforcement swarmed the campus in search of the shooter who killed two students and sent eight to the hospital. 

While I felt a small sense of relief in knowing that my niece was safe I worried about how frightening this must have been for her and all of the other students and teachers at the school. There is trauma for everyone in such a situation and sometimes that fear lingers for a very long time. The fact that the shooter has not yet been found only complicates that feelings that everyone might have. The worry and concern radiates out far beyond the campus as we attempt to make sense of the senseless.

It is said that more and more people have been personally affected by either being part of a shooting event or knowing someone who was present in such a tragedy. Sadly there are even those who have endured this kind of experience more than once. In my own case I know family members and former students who have had to hunker down and hide from a madman intent on taking lives. The incidents have happened at schools, concerts and even bowling alleys. Sometimes the shooter is taken down immediately and in others it takes days before he is finally found. The anxiety of being even remotely close to a shooting takes its toll on the innocents.

I have grieved all weekend not just for those who were killed or those who locked themselves in places that they hoped would be safe, but for our entire nation. What I know as an educator and a mother is that when the same horrid behaviors happen and again and again it is time to change the way we are reacting to them. Not all the locks and special windows and gun toting in the world has stopped this horrific trend of mass violence. We say we are working on mental health but the evidence seems to be that we have failed in that regard. 

We are a nation of guns and great anxieties. We are so busy accusing each other of being the problem that we do not dare to find solutions that may be expensive and require massive change in our habits. A shooting happens and gun stores sell more arms and ammunition. We install bigger and better locks and hire law officers to walk through the hallways and streets but the shooting continues. We put bandaids on those who are mentally broken and stare in a state of shock when such individuals carry out their violence. We talk and offer prayers, which surely are needed, but rarely follow up with measures that may actually work. With each passing day the likelihood of yet another tragedy seems to grow. No matter how we much hide behind locked doors with an arsenal of arms we are not stemming the tide of violence that keeps washing over our nation. Instead we bicker and turn our backs on anyone who comes up with an idea that might inconvenience us. 

I have heard about the lasting terror that lives in the heart of one of my former students. She laid in pools of blood while an assassin killed people around her who had come to enjoy a concert. I have heard the agony of parents whose little ones were killed on the last day of school in Uvalde. I often think of the young man who became a voice for change after other students that he knew were killed at Parkland High School. I know what a sleepless night is like from worrying about my granddaughter who was locked down at Bowdoin College while a madman was on the loose a couple of years ago. Now I once again have the sickening feeling of worry about who will be next and when my own turn might come without warning. 

There have been seventy five school shooting in this year alone. We have almost become numb to the incidents and treat them as though they are simply a part of life. We get through the latest happening and move on until the next. Sometimes we barely acknowledge the violence or even make a joke of it when an elderly man is attacked by a man wielding a hammer. We are becoming more and more immune to the idea of reacting. We say a few prayers and hope that we will never be personally affected. 

I honestly do not know if we will ever come together in a real effort to stop the violence. We might begin by insisting that those who lead us quit fomenting our divisions. We need to focus on the real dangers rather than those that make us believe that certain groups are universally bad. We need to spend the national treasure on this very real problem rather than building ballrooms and terrorizing mostly innocent people who came here searching for better lives. We should stop the furor over the tiny minority of trans people who are not hurting anyone. There are real issues that we are avoiding with an unnecessary culture war. We will not improve the situation by forcing everyone to have the same beliefs whether they be religious or political.

When we embrace the true message of Christmas we understand that it is up to all of us to work together and strive for harmony by truly listening and understanding each other. At the end of the day we all want to feel safe and free and loved. We are at our best when we work together and are willing to invest in keeping everyone safe. Each human is a child of God. This should be our truth. Empathy does exist and if we use it we will learn to tackle the real problems with a spirit of community. When we make life better for everyone it is less likely that anxieties will make someone so sick that he or she feels compelled to take anger out on innocent souls. Our cry should not be fight, fight, fight but love, love, love!

I once had a teacher who was devoted to her occupation but believed that being fiercely strict was the only way to keep order in the classroom. Her rules were firmly entrenched and she gave no thought to situations that should have required exceptions. She truly seemed to believe that her ways of doing things were fair and justified but those of us in her care learned to fear her more than admire her. It was a long difficult year in her classroom where cruelty reared its ugly head over and over again.

I understand that some people actually crave order and design in their lives. They see toughness as a kind of mechanism for safety and assurance that no one group or person gets special treatment. They set out rules that are hard and fast based on their on beliefs about what should be allowed and what should be punished. They use those guidelines for judging behaviors that seem out of line with the norm. They quickly go after the people in their midst that they do not understand without any attempt to accept that there are many different ways of living. They believe that they have found the key to a good life and insist that everyone follow their dictums. They have little patience for deviance from their personal norms and even seem to believe that they are actually doing everyone a favor by showing them what is the best way to live together in harmony. 

Sadly such rigidity inevitably borders on cruelty. It becomes the avenue for taking the children of Native Americans from their families in attempts to turn the little ones into “white men and women.” It justifies enslaving people from other cultures while believing that doing so actually makes their lives better than they may otherwise have been. It ends with whole groups being held in detention centers out of fears that they may be enemies of the state. It demonizes members of the LGBTQ community insisting that they are broken individuals. It is all too often based on fears of anyone or any group that is different and focuses on an unwarranted need to keep them at bay.

Many people voted for Donald Trump because they believed that he is a tough guy who would protect them from whatever boogeymen that they feared. He has been a man of his word in going after entire groups that he and his voters think are creating major problems for our nation. In the process he has created a kind of pecking order of classification that is dangerously cruel and prone to fomenting unjustified fear for Americans who are thought to be too different from the rest of us to earn a place in our midst. 

Cruelty motivates references to every person from Somalia as “garbage.” Immigrants from third world countries are universally ruled as drains on society. People are viewed not as individuals but as problems as a group. Women are called piggies and insulted for daring to boldly ask questions. Trans people are denied the right to be who they are and made to be monsters among us. People on boats are being blown out of the water and killed without due process to determine if they are truly drug dealers attempting to bring dangerous substances into our country. Often theses kinds of injustices are being bolstered by tying them to religious beliefs that have literally perverted the words and teachings of Jesus. 

The dangers of such racist, sexist and sordid thinking are affecting far too many souls who are now living daily in fear. Their rights as humans are being violated by Trump and his lackeys with total disregard for the worth of every person regardless of where they were born and how they look. The growing cruelty is alarming, particularly when our president stays awake at night posting ugly screeds about those that he hopes to punish. 

We have reached a tipping point, a watershed moment. If we do not condemn the cruelty that we are witnessing loudly and continually then we become complicit in the destruction that it is creating. It is all too easy to just sit back and assert that none of what is happening has anything to do with our own lives. In my own case it would be so much more comfortable to just be thankful that I have not been personally affected by the ugliness and probably never will be. In spite of being part of the favored group I know that I cannot just sit passively saying nothing when a fellow human is suffering anywhere. 

It is long past time for each of us to protect and defend the people whose lives are being so brutally attacked by our president and his cabinet of fools. We are not school children subject to the ugly whims of an unkind teacher. We cannot sit silently when we see cruel attacks on anyone. Some have already marched. Some have written to their Congresspersons. Some have voted against the current regime. There is still so much more to be done. Our voices must drown the ugliness and put a stop to the cruelty. Together we can do it. 

It is the season in which so many religions remind us of our responsibilities to all of humanity. Love in not cruel. Love is kind. Now is a wonderful time to join those who are already doing all that they can to set things right. Truly being tough means respecting everyone and stopping the bullies from hurting others. I think that Jesus showed us again and again that love, not hate, makes a better world for us all.