Category: Aging

Life In Color

Published on by Sharron BurnettLeave a comment

5172363-joseph-and-his-coat-of-many-colors_331590I’ve read somewhere that dreaming in color is indicative of a creative mind. Not only have I never seen night time images in Kodachrome, but of late I don’t even dream much anymore which is probably related to the fact that as I age I don’t sleep for long stretches of time anymore. I am growing older and I come from a time far different than today. I was a small child when television was in its infancy. The programs that we watched on those tiny screens inside wooden boxes were in lovely shades of black, white and gray. We couldn’t even imagine that there would one day be an NBC peacock. We were as content to tune in to those colorless shows as we were to see images of ourselves in mostly black and white photographs. We were still a very long way from so many of the advances that now seem to be par for the course. The progress that we have made is good, as it should be. Those of us in our senior years are nostalgic but our reverie should not include a desire to return to outmoded ways of doing things.

I remember the great anticipation that ensued when the television series Bonanza became one of the first programs to feature living color. It was an exciting time even for those of us who did not yet own color televisions. Just knowing that someone, somewhere was seeing the green trees and blue skies of the Ponderosa was thrilling. We had entered a whole new world that would only become more and more brilliantly hued over the ensuing years.

It is all too appropriate that our modern day images be filled with a spectrum of reds and yellows and blues mixed together to create greens and purples and oranges. Life is a magnificent rainbow that includes the glorious variety of nature and mankind. There is a beauty in diversity that is never found in the dull sameness of black and white. We are all part of a colorful world that we should embrace but sometimes neglect or even refuse to do.

Just as we didn’t have color photographs or television back when I was very young we humans had a tendency to isolate ourselves from those whose skin appeared different from ours. We convinced ourselves that our ways were normal but in reality we must have known that it was not right to judge anyone without ever getting to know them. Eventually we allowed ourselves to be neighbors and friends with individuals of many different colors. We learned that we had been missing so much and that life was more vibrant and lovely than we had ever before imagined.

When I was just a girl I thought that I would never know anyone who was gay or a lesbian, but I was wrong. As those with differing sexual preferences began to bravely reveal themselves I learned that some of my friends and relatives alike belonged to a world that had once seemed so confusing to me but now seems so perfectly normal. The rainbow flag of the LGBT community is a beautiful thing that represents love. I wonder how we ever could have believed that caring relationships between any two people was anything other than beautiful.

With inventiveness and acceptance we have entered a brighter world filled with possibilities that seemed not to exist when I was young. We have shown that blending hues together is interesting and inclusive. The days of our ignorance should be gone but sadly they are not. Just as it would seem ludicrous to find someone still watching television from a small box with only shades of gray, it should be just as ridiculous to continue to harbor outdated thinking that is cruel, unforgiving and without reason.

As a Christian I was always taught that God makes each of us in His own image and likeness. If we reflect on that idea we realize that God is telling us that every one of His creations is wondrous and perfect. He loves us without conditions and wants us to feel the same. He sent His son to teach us how to behave. Unfortunately some of us never really understood the messages that Jesus made so clear. Not once did He preach that we should spurn those who are not like us. He often went out of His way to embrace those who were outcasts of society. I interpret His actions as meaning that the rules are very simple. We must love everyone, even those who appear to be or think differently. It’s not really that difficult to do. It doesn’t even take much practice. It just requires suspending all restrictions and coloring outside of the lines. We have to break the old rules to follow the new rules which are far more right and just.

Once we experience the colors of the world there is no turning back. We burst out of the boxes that have constricted us and see the watercolors that make life so much more enjoyable. We begin to realize that we only see different hues because of the way our eyes are processing the light. Being able to see the true appeal of all of the world is a gift that makes us feel more joyful. Without the great big box of crayons life would indeed be dull.

Winter has always been symbolic of death. With its withering and limited palette of variations in light it has a certain beauty but none as breathtaking as the riotous colors of spring, a time of life and renewal. We can choose the end of the seasons or the hopeful beginning. It us up to each of us to see the full spectrum of life and rejoice in it.

I am often saddened in knowing that we still have many people who are unwilling to change but I’d like to believe that they are more and more often becoming the minority among us. Slowly but surely we are shining the light on a more beautiful way of living. Because our young have always been more willing to take risks and embrace adventure, they are leading the way to more colorful tomorrows and that is good. Perhaps one day the pallid world of old will be housed in an ancient junkyard and all of us will view life in color. 

It’s About Time

Published on by Sharron BurnettLeave a comment

Glenda Jones13516264_10209578242793605_5124992074342233422_nBack in the eighties my eldest daughter, Maryellen, was a member of the Janette Dance team at South Houston High School. She had taken ballet and tap lessons from the time that she was five years old, first at a church in Pasadena and later from Patty Owens near our home in southeast Houston. Our family budget often tended to be stressed beyond our means but we somehow managed to find the funds for the classes that she loved so very much. Over time it became apparent that she had a natural talent for dance, most likely inherited from my mother who had her own reputation for being light on her feet and as graceful as a swan. When Maryellen earned a coveted spot on her school’s dance team it seemed to be a reward for all of her hard work and determination. Our family time began to revolve around practices, performances at football games, cotillions, competitions, camps and shows.

I was a fairly young mom, only in my late thirties, when I joined forces with other mothers in providing costumes, decorations, food and other kinds of support for our beautiful young girls. We were all caught up in the joys of our children’s teenage years. We ladies often met to build sets or design programs. We became expert seamstresses who made intricate pieces of clothing. I still recall almost tearing my hair out while sewing the game day suit that Maryellen had to wear on Fridays during football season. It was a complex project but well worth the effort in the end. I recall volunteering to work long hours in those days and at those times I got to know the other moms who were as lovingly devoted to their children as I was to mine. There were dance competitions that demanded whole days of our time and summer camps that required long drives and funds that we might have used otherwise. We sometimes joined in the fun by performing in hilarious dance routines that made us the laughing stock of the audience but also demonstrated just what good sports we were. Those were some of the best times of my entire life and the memories of those days remain precious even today.

Maryellen advanced through the ranks of the team to become one of the military officers, a Lieutenant. She worked hard to meet all of the requirements of the honor, including choreographing original dances and designing costumes and props. Because she so loved the experience, so did I. Those were the wonder years in which her confidence and abilities grew under the watchful eye of her always committed instructor, Glenda Jones Bludworth, a loving woman who taught her dancers how to present themselves with grace in any situation. She was more than just a teacher. She became a friend, mentor and counselor to each of her students. Because we parents witnessed her devotion to our children, we loved her as much as our girls did.

As is usually the case with good times, they flew by all too quickly. Soon Maryellen was attending the University of Texas and focusing on more serious academic goals. She had little time for dancing as she studied constantly to earn the grades that would allow her to be accepted into the McCombs School of Business. The days of visiting Southern Imports in search of fabrics, feathers and sequins were gone. The worn section of carpet in our den where Maryellen had practiced all of her dance routines was the only reminder of those lovely days. I lost track of the women with whom I had spent so many hours. Time raced by and I too turned my attention to new challenges and adventures, forgetting for a moment the joys of being a dance mom.

It has been almost thirty years since Maryellen donned her leotards and dancing shoes. In the interim she earned degrees in Finance and Accounting, worked, married and became mom to four boys who find the stories of her days on the stage to be strangely confusing. Now she is the one who spends almost every free moment supporting her sons’ hobbies and talents. She is the one who now juggles the family budget to find all of the funding for equipment, camps, classes, trips and college so that her boys will be able to enjoy their youth as much as she did hers. Like I once did, she has a circle of friends whose commonality is based on swimming, scouts, theater and school activities. She keeps books for the teams and creates end of season slideshows. Her world is hectic but wonderful. She rarely thinks back to those days when she was an extraordinary dancer who riveted the attention of her many admirers. The memories seem to be both long ago and just like yesterday.

A group of Janette Dancers recently decided to host a kind of reunion of the classes who had been members of the team under the direction of their beloved Glenda Jones Bludworth. The “girls” are now in their forties and some are even knocking on the door of the fifties. Like Maryellen they have children in college, high school and middle school. They have enjoyed marriages and careers and evolved to a time in their lives when they more closely resemble their mothers and me were back in the day. They are beautiful women who learned their teacher’s lessons well and carry themselves with the poise and self respect that she instilled in them.

Happily they did not fail to remember their mothers in planning this event. We were invited to celebrate the life of Glenda Jones Bludworth along with them. I enjoyed sitting at a table with ladies who had been my constant companions so many years before. We bragged on the successes of our daughters and exchanged photos of our grandchildren. We recalled our own sacrifices of money and time and how we would not have changed a thing. We laughed at some of the silly things that we did and grew saddened as we remembered ladies who had been part of our mother brigade who are no longer alive. Mostly we each had remarkable stories of the wonderful influence that Glenda had on our children. We all agreed that she was one of those once in a lifetime educators who goes well beyond the requirements of her job. She reached into the very hearts and souls of her girls and helped them to find the strengths and talents that defined them as unique and outstanding individuals.

It was grand to once again be reminded of a time in life that was so happy for all of us. I found myself amazed that our time together had been so long ago and yet seemed so near and dear. I was particularly happy that all of the delightful young women whom I had watched grow in wisdom and age and grace had remembered and appreciated their amazing teacher. She had so truly earned the attention and praise that they heaped on her. All too often we become so busy with the demands of daily existence that we forget to show our gratitude to the people who did so much to make us who we are. We let the clock tick and tick until it is too late and our hearts are filled with regret that we never took the opportunity to voice the thanks that we always meant to convey. Somehow Glenda’s Girls understood that they needed to stop the passage of time for a few hours so that they might demonstrate how truly important their moment with her had been. It’s about time!

The Right Person At the Right Time

Published on by Sharron BurnettLeave a comment

cropped-human_development_timelineThere are countless books, magazines and articles devoted to parenting babies, toddlers and adolescents. We have become quite good at knowing how to best raise our children into adults. As humans we sometimes make mistakes along the way but in most cases our flubs are not fatal. Year after year the seeds of good parenting bloom into the men and women who accept the responsibility of being vanguards of the next generation. Those of us who have completed our work humbly step back and assume a new role in the never ending circle of life. At least that is how we assume that the pattern will go, but sadly reality is a great deal more messy than our idealized visions of the way things ought to be.

None of us live in isolation. The outside world impinges on the harmony of our nuclear families. There are demands and occurrences over which parents have no control. We have to learn how to juggle our own ideals with the conflicting beliefs that are all around us. Keeping our children within our sight may keep us in control for a time but ultimately our little ones become teenagers and push to gain a modicum of independence. They explore, sometimes in dangerous places. It is in their natures to take risks. Our influence on them appears to diminish. We feel as though we are walking on a tightrope as we struggle to find the perfect balance between reinforcing the lessons we have taught them while allowing them to find their own identities.

As parents we never stop thinking about our kids even when they have successfully navigated into a state of complete independence. We worry about their happiness and health just as much as we did when they were helpless babies. We have to learn how to  accept the decisions that they make even when they differ from our own philosophies. We have to be careful not to cross a line in our judgements and comments about the way they live. We are no longer in charge, a fact that is sometimes difficult for some of us to accept. Our relationship with an adult child must mature. We must grow just as they have.

As time goes by if we have done our jobs as parents properly we will be able to relax as we see our offspring navigating the treacherous waters of life with the kind of wisdom that we had always hoped to instill in them. They will not always approach particular situations the way we might have but they succeed nonetheless and that makes us proud. We tell ourselves to let go of the locus of control knowing full well that we will still wake up in the middle of the night wondering if everything is okay.

Eventually we ourselves may become a source of worry for those around us. We age and our bodies and minds begin to slow or even break down. We are unable to be the towers of strength and energy that we once were. Our kids become sandwiched between us and their own children. They have to learn how to deal with elderly parents who cling steadfastly to independence even when the evidence shows that they need assistance. Hopefully we will have enough wisdom to know when it is our time to surrender and allow them to help us. There is nothing quite as difficult as fighting with parents just to bring them the safe environment that they need.

I have seen wonderful examples of families that sailed through each and every season of life, somehow knowing exactly how to react to changes and challenges. All too often though I hear of the tension that stresses relationships as the parents of adults staunchly refuse to relax their domination over their children. They criticize and make demands instead of accepting that their time as guardian has ended. They want to maintain a firm grip on their adult children by being the center of the universe, the person in charge. Sadly they don’t seem to understand that love does not come from control.

I also hear of clashes with elderly parents who refuse to admit that they are no longer capable of being alone. When their children step forward to assume the responsibilities of caring for them they are met with resistance and insults. It becomes a battle for the younger generation to do the right thing. It takes a great deal of love to overlook the barbs. Those who refuse to be dissuaded are very special people whose love for their parents make them willing to turn the other cheek even when the arguments become ugly and personal. They are able to recognize that the venom that they encounter is sometimes the result of fear and often a failing mind. They rise above the ugliness but the fighting takes its toll.

My mother used to quote the Bible, insisting that we each reach a particular time when we must defer to the laws of nature. We have certain roles to play at different moments in life. When her mind was working well my mom was a delight. She enjoyed being a grandmother and a great grandmother and took full advantage of our desire to make her life easier. When her mind was clouded and confused by mental illness she was difficult. My brothers and I had to make decisions for her that she refused to accept. When she pushed back we had to tell ourselves that it was not her talking, but her illness. We endured bouts of guilt and anger even as we understood that we were doing what was best.

Not everyone is as easy going as my grandfather was as he entered his nineties and then his hundreds. He gave away his car as soon as he felt that he had become old enough to become a menace on the road. He understood his limitations and did not fight them. He accepted that he was no longer the tower of strength that he had once been. He enjoyed his twilight years as best he could even though he sometimes wondered when he would finally be allowed to rest for eternity. He was a model of common sense and acceptance of his station in life. He taught us much about how to grow old gracefully. He was loved beyond measure for his understanding.

I have made countless mistakes first as a child and then as a parent. We all have. I have had to learn to be forgiving of myself and willing to ask the forgiveness of others. We humans are filled with imperfections but we always have opportunities to correct our toxic behaviors. There will be many many times when we must begin again anew. Sometimes in order to be the adult in the room we have to set our personal feelings aside and display deep understanding and wisdom in analyzing a particular situation. Our challenge is to know when to stand back, when to walk away or when to take charge. If our motives are guided by love, we will generally know what to do. Living life is not easy but it can be wonderful so long as we are willing to work hard to be the right person in the right time.

One Picture, A Thousand Words

Published on by Sharron BurnettLeave a comment

minnie bell85759993_133385194360A former colleague and friend has agreed to help me include photographs in the body of the book that I have written. I’ve spent a great deal of time  to that end sorting through boxes and albums containing images of family members that tell as powerful a story as the one that I have related with phrases, sentences and paragraphs. The old saying is that a picture is worth a thousand words and I have been reminded of the truth of that statement as I study each of the snapshots from my family’s history that have been forever captured in black and white, Kodachrome and pixels.

After my mother died my brothers and I spent many hours inside her home dividing up her few belongings. I was amazed at how many cards, drawings, letters, invitations, programs and photos she had saved. I found pictures that I had never before seen that had long languished inside boxes. It appeared that at some point my mom attempted to identify the people and the places so that we might one day have a clearer understanding of her personal history. The best of the lot were the black and white images from the nineteen forties when she was young and her whole adult life lay before her. Many of those images held commentaries such as “Those Happy Days” or “Such a nice person.” It was as though she wanted us to understand who she had been when the road before her was still based mostly on dreams.

I so enjoyed seeing my mother with her brothers and sisters, mugging for the camera, walking arm in arm down 1940’s Houston streets, and looking so incredibly young and beautiful. There were at least two quite handsome young men whose photos she kept, noting that they had purchased engagement rings for her before she had even met my father. One of them was killed during World War II and the other she turned down even as she noted that he was always a gentleman. I mostly loved seeing the pictures of my grandparents when they were younger than I remembered them, younger than I am now. I lingered over the postcards and panoramas from trips that Mama had taken. I laughed to learn that she traveled alone to San Diego when she was only seventeen to visit with a friend, demonstrating the daring spirit that would always define her.

My favorite photos were the ones that showed my mother and father flirting with one another during their courtship and early days of wedded bliss. It was almost shocking to see how young and in love they were. They mugged and teased in the style of the day. Mama vamped on top of automobiles and Daddy leaned on lamp posts gazing at my mother as though he had just won the lottery. Mama carefully recorded her feelings on so many of those pictures that show them in the first blush of their courtship.

Eventually the chronology of their life together led to photographs of me and my brothers. They took noticeably fewer snapshots of each other once we were born. Their lives appeared to shift focus. Their own visages became more serious. Instead of looking at each other they looked adoringly on us. Nonetheless, one image taken only months before my father’s shocking death shows them holding hands while walking down the streets of Hot Springs, Arkansas. It provides a testimonial of the depth of their feelings for one another. It shows one of those rare moments away from their children when they were relaxed and still so much in love.

The remainder of the memories are the story of our family life without our father. Somehow we managed to hit all of the milestones and find our own special kind of happiness. Of course that was mainly due to our mother’s determination to provide us with the safety and security that we needed at a time when our futures appeared to be so bleak. She did a yeoman’s job and somehow found the inner strength to provide us with a show of optimism in spite of our circumstances. I would find notations and writings that indicated the truth of the struggle that she silently and bravely endured.

My mother remained a pretty lady for all of her days. She possessed a radiance and unselfish spirit that drew people to her. Her albums are filled with memories of celebrations and parties and the people who meant so much to her. Eventually she grew tired and her friends became less energetic themselves. Many of them even died. She spent a great deal of her time alone. She collected readings from the Bible and verses that appealed to her. She wrote about the positive aspects of suffering and how enduring pain and loss had only made her feel closer to Jesus.

I discovered aspects of my mother’s personality and life story that I had never before known. I was able to gaze objectively into her world, not as her child but as a fellow human being. She had kept pieces of her heart hidden away and it felt amazing to get to know her in a whole new way. She became more real to me than she had ever been. I began to understand her on an almost spiritual level and I was awash with gratitude for all of the sacrifices that she had made for me and my brothers. It was a truly humbling experience to take a marathon tour of her memories.

We each travel through the modern world recording our own histories with selfies and images of the people that we know and the places to which we travel. Our faces and expressions tell stories of our passages through time. I wonder how many of our most special memories might one day be tossed away or deleted by distant descendants who don’t even know who we are. Will there be no one left to understand the meaning of our poses and our smiles? 

Whenever I eat at a Cracker Barrel restaurant I find myself looking at the old portraits lining the walls. I wonder who the people are and how their pictures ended up so impersonally decorating a place where nobody knows their names. There is a kind of sadness in knowing that their fate has become being a caricature of an era long past. It seems wrong that their lovely photographs have met such a lonely fate.

I now have a new goal. I plan to organize the thousands of photos that are in my possession. They will be far more meaningful for the next generation and those that come in the years long after I am gone if I take care in identifying their importance. My first step is going to be to include some of them inside the covers of my book so that my readers will have faces to put with the grand story of a little family that did its best to muddle its way through life. I hope that my words will equal the grandeur of how special they really were. Perhaps then the people that mean so much to me will find a way to live on forever. 

Imagine the Future

Published on by Sharron BurnettLeave a comment

opte.orgI grew up in an era when technology was still more or less within the realm of science fiction. When my father brought the first television into our home we made it the center of our family universe. It sat in its own room, dominating a wall, with chairs arranged in a semi-circle so that everyone might have a good view of the tiny screen. We watched the black and white images on that little square of light as though we were viewing the work of a magician. It was a far cry from listening to radio programs as we had previously done. The outmoded radio was moved to a dark corner and replaced by the more modern T.V. as the premiere source of entertainment.

Back then the television broadcast hours were limited as were the number of channels. Each evening the playing of our national anthem signaled the down time for programming. A strange looking test pattern lit up the screen until the next morning. We had no way of knowing that the shows that we watched would one day appear to be so amateurish or that the dull shades of grey would eventually be replaced with living color. We simply marveled at the wonder of the experience. A whole world of products were created to enhance our newest past time. There were T.V. trays to hold our food if we wanted to combine dining with viewing. Enterprising companies even created frozen dinners that only had to be popped into the oven to heat up while we consumed more and more of our time in front of the strange little boxes that so entertained us.

Of course my mother was far more circumspect about this marvelous new invention. We still had to eat homemade food at the kitchen table each evening and we were only allowed to watch one program per day. My father, on the other hand, was so fascinated that he often spent hours laughing hysterically at the comedies that were the bread and butter of those early days.

Eventually, of course, televisions became ever bigger and better as did the variety of what we might view. Color and high definition images allowed us to feel as though we were actually present in the places being shown. Today televisions are no longer just the domain of the family room. They might be found in any number of locations in the house. Interestingly, there are still channels that show the oldies from my youth and I have to admit that some of them are actually quite good even without all of the bells and whistles available today.

I am also from the time when writing a research paper for a particular class was a very complex process. It always required copious amounts of time spent in a library culling through a card catalog and leafing through dusty books and magazines. There were no copy machines or printers or computers or Internet or any of those things. Instead we came armed with index cards on which we hand wrote the information that seemed to be pertinent to our topic. It was tedious and time consuming and most often took place over a series of visits to several different libraries. So many sunny Saturdays and Sundays were spent inside windowless rooms searching for information.

Then came the writing process which was generally done on lined paper by hand. Editing involved scratching sentences and phrases out or using arrows to add ideas. It was a miracle if any of it was legible by the time that the typing began. Then the fun really started as we prayed that our fingers would hit the correct keys on the first strike. If we made a mistake it required carefully using whiteout fluid which the pickiest teachers didn’t want to see. I recall once taking more than twenty hours to complete the typing of a paper to the specifications of one of my professors. I don’t want to even discuss the problems associated with creating footnotes. Such memories send me into a state of unmitigated anxiety.

When computers with word processing software came along I felt as though I had died and gone to heaven. The ability to create a rough draft and then hone it until it was perfect was a godsend. When the Internet made research a more home bound project I was even more excited. A really coherent paper still required work in a library but even that was made more pleasurable with printers and copiers. The old index cards became almost obsolete. When I did use them it was to cut and paste printed pieces of information that was cogent. The new world order freed me from what had once been an odious task.

Now I have the capability of creating a blog while riding along the highway. I type away, able to correct my errors immediately. When I feel that my editing is complete I use the personal hotspot on my phone to get the wifi that I need in order to post my work. I can do this anywhere that I have cell phone coverage, which reminds me of yet another amazing device that we now mostly take for granted. Who knew that one day we would be able to carry a powerful tool like our cell phones in the palm of our hands? I still remember picking up the receiver of our home phone and hearing the conversation of a neighbor who was on the same party line as ours. We have come a long, long way.

The world is a truly amazing place and for those of us who have watched its evolution over the past many decades there is still a sense of awe at what we humans have managed to invent. I have seen so many things come to fruition that once seemed impossible. I now find myself believing that we haven’t yet seen the best of what is to come. Who knows what miracles will unfold in the coming years. If we go back and watch reruns of The Jetsons we might get a few ideas.

I wonder if we will all eventually get off of the grid, using energy sources like wind or solar as a matter of fact. Will there be flying cars? Will a pill or an operation cure mental illness? Will our adventures take us to destinations outside of our home planet? How will we live differently? Will we find newer and better ways of educating our young? It’s fun to imagine and to realize that we have probably only skimmed the surface of what is possible. I only hope that as we gain new insights into better living that we will also be conscious of our relationships with one another. We’ve never quite learned how to get along in total peace and harmony and maybe we never will, but it is nice to imagine what a cooperative world might be. If we can create wonderful things then we should also be able to conceive ideas that bring us more peace and security. We’ve been to the moon and back. Surely we can figure out how to bring harmony to our backyards. Every invention and idea began with a dream. Somewhere right now someone is thinking of the next big thing. We need to encourage anyone who mind works its way outside of the box to envision a better world. We can learn from looking back at the past but our focus should always be in moving forward. Our renaissance continues.