Category: Commentary

I have to admit to total ignorance when it comes to seriously investing money to increase my net worth. Years ago my brothers were buying up Apple stock at bargain basement prices. I suspect that if had purchased as little as a few hundred dollars at those low prices I would have made a remarkable profit. I just never got into the game. I have not ever made much more than just enough to go beyond setting aside the bimonthly investments into my teachers’ retirement fund and saving to send my two daughters to college. Only at the end of my career did I even hear about a mutual fund that my district matched with a small percentage. I have done rather well with that and wish that other schools where I worked would have had a similar program. 

Things have changed a great deal over the years. My first teaching position paid eleven thousand dollars per annum and after more than twenty years in the profession I was still only earning a salary in the mid-twenty thousands. I remember when the Texas legislature raised the beginning teacher salary to forty thousand dollars and gave those of us who had been around for a time a whopping five thousand dollars more than the rookies. I finally hit the big time in my final years when I became a Dean of Faculty. I had a more comfortable income that allowed me to end up with a reasonable pension and begin actually investing even though I was rather late in the game. 

I’m happy that today’s teachers are doing way better than I ever did. Most of the school districts around me offer between fifty five to sixty five thousand dollars a year to rookie teachers and are even more generous in the ensuing years. There are also number of stipends offered to those who teach mathematics, science or special education. Of course additional duties like coaching or helping with after school programs can also add to the eventual take home pay. Sadly about the time that such increases occurred inflation followed, so I’m not sure how much better off our teachers actually are.

I suppose that my best investments have been in my home and in education for myself and my daughters. Along with my husband I have now helped pay for his bachelor’s degree, my bachelor’s and master’s degrees and bachelor’s degrees for both of my daughters. I have always believed that there is no way that I might better have used my money than in education. Learning provides individuals with independence and happiness. 

These days I am more and more appreciative of my home as well. I purchased it for a price that would not even provide me with a vacant lot these days. It is worth well more than twice its original value and the evaluation seems to be rising by the month. More importantly is the comfort I feel inside my rooms. I sometimes pinch myself and wonder how I got so lucky that I have a lovely, comfortable place in which to live, surrounded by the best neighbors that anyone might want. I am in my little castle with conveniences that my own ancestors would never have dreamed of owning. 

Beyond the treasures of education and home, I most value the investments that I have made in experiences. When I think back on my life I remember vacations and concerts and special occasions with family and friends. I can still feel the exhilaration of hiking to the Boulder Field on Long’s Peak or marveling at the mountains in the little ski town of Soll, Austria with my friends Monica and Franz. I think of touring London and the Cotswolds with my brothers and sisters-in-law or visiting Maine with friends Egon and Marita. I smile at the thought of the many camping trips we took with our daughters to Colorado, Wyoming, Utah, New Mexico, North Dakota, Arkansas and Louisiana. I can still picture walking along the narrow streets of San Juan, Puerto Rico with my mother-in-law and father-in-law. I think of Seattle, Los Angeles, the Grand Canyon, New York City, Washington D.C., Boston, Niagara Falls, Savanah, Disneyland, Disney World, Yosemite, San Francisco, Philadelphia, Albequerque, Santa Fe and so many other glorious places that I have seen and enjoyed. There is really no amount of money that seems adequate to replace the joy that I found in my travels.

Then there are the concerts and visits to local museums that brightened the routine of my days. I suppose I understood how important they had been to me when those kinds of things were cancelled during the worst times of the pandemic. I missed the sights and sounds and camaraderie with my fellow humans. I wanted to be on the road again with Willie Nelson serenading us as we traveled along new highways toward new adventures. 

I suppose that I might have done better at investing my money for a more comfortable future but I think I did fairly well given the choices that I made. I found great satisfaction and joy in the things that were most important to me. I suppose that one can’t ask for much more than that when it comes to plotting a pathway to the future. Life is good for me. My memories are so wonderful that they sustain me in even the toughest of times. I can’t think of anything more that I might want.

I love taking personality tests. I don’t know why they fascinate me so. Perhaps it’s because they generally seem to be spot on when it comes to describing me. I’m definitely an introvert, but only in the sense that when I become exhausted I have to refuel by spending quiet time away from people. Otherwise I really enjoy time with others. About once every three months my mind and body tell me that I have to become a hermit for a day or so and then I’ll have all of the energy that I need to be the life of the party again. 

I also appear to have a dual brain. My thinking is almost evenly determined by rational research and emotional experiences. I’m the kind of person who spends a great deal of time studying a situation before acting, but when I reach a decision I become passionate to the point of extremes. My teaching style was to be methodical in delivering lessons but aware of the socio-emotional needs of my students almost to a fault. Having such a nature can be demanding, which is why I need my quiet time as often as I do. 

I just experienced a death in my family. I carried on with my stoic side in full view until the day after the funeral when I literally became physically ill. My body shut down with so many symptoms that my daughters urged me to take a Covid test. Since I have several at home now I willingly subjected myself to the hated nasal swab. The result confirmed that I was Covid free but I still wondered why my symptoms were like a checklist of the virus’ signs. 

I sometimes have seasonal allergies and I suspect them as a culprit, but I rarely get as sick as I did after my emotional bout. It is as though my psychological pain made me hurt all over with headaches, nausea, chills, a runny nose, achy joints and assorted digestive distresses. The power of the heart side of our personalities can be overwhelming and I seem to be particularly prone the being often ruled by the right side of my brain. Eventually the left side notices and pulls me back to a steady state. 

I sometimes wish that I were either one or another, someone who exclusively makes decisions by either head or heart. Because my nature is to use a combination of both I am often confusing to the people around me. Just when they rely seeing on my usual logic I become impassioned about something and they can’t decide who I really am. I am that person who holds together like Spock in the most challenging times and then completely loses all sense of rationality once the danger or the test is over. 

I don’t cry at funerals. I never have. I suspect that people have noticed and wondered if I have any feelings at all. What does happen with me is that days or even weeks or months after the burial of someone I love I will totally fall apart, sobbing and shedding tears until my body aches. My left brain keeps me in control but the right brain suddenly kicks in and says that it’s time for a whole lot of heart. To keep things even the left brain then rescues me again just at the moment when I appear to be on the brink of falling off of a precipice. 

In a sense the battle between head and heart is a constant one for me. I rarely just buy into political personalities or charisma. I don’t care how boring someone may seem to be or even which party is their home. Instead I study their moral courage, their integrity and their concern for the health of our nation and its people. Once I have chosen sides based on an analysis of character I delve into facts and I am never ever willing to vote for anyone based on a single issue unless that issue is the preservation of democracy. Nothing makes me more wary than a galvanized party that covers up lies and punishes those who speak the truth. 

I was a mathematics teacher in both private and public schools. I taught the algorithms and processes but I also understood that I had to teach with heart. I understood that many students came to me with deep fears of math. I more often than not heard my new students say, “I’ve never been good in math and never will be.” I had to help them to overcome their relentless fears of numbers. I had to learn when they first began to believe that somehow their ability to comprehend that many facets of math had become broken. Then I had to repair the damage. That took appealing to both their hearts and their heads. Anyone who thinks that learning mathematics is only about getting the right answer has never worked successfully with students. Sometimes the route to knowledge travels right down the right side of the brain rather than the left. 

I appreciate those who are all logic as well as those ruled by emotions. We need both sorts in our world. I’m the person who like Goldilocks doesn’t like anything that is too hard or too soft. I look for that sweet spot that combines both features and feels just right. It’s been a wonderful way to view the world albeit tiring at times. It’s who I am and I have learned how to live with it and maybe even understood the people around me a bit better than most because of who I am.

I grew up around people who had endured war and privation multiple times. My grandfather often spoke of the hardships of a depression that occurred during his boyhood. This was before the dawn of the twenty first century just as the Industrial Revolution was changing the face of America. Grandpa always insisted that while the Great Depression that began at the end of the nineteen twenties was bad, it was nothing compared to the horrors of the economic collapse of his youth. 

Grandpa recalled seeing Coxey’s Army on its march to Washington D.C. and told of how people from his little slice of America joined the rag tag group in the hopes of brining about change in the economic distribution of wealth. He told us stories of people literally starving who were reduced to stealing just to keep their families alive. 

Grandpa was well-versed in how to navigate a depression like the one that took place when he was the head of a family. He talked about how resourceful he and everyone else had to be to keep a roof over their heads and provide food for the table. This might mean traveling to Mexico to purchase fresh produce and then selling it for a small profit along the roadside. Survival was a family project where everyone did his or her part to bring in funds and conserve whatever bounty they might gain.

I once knew a man who was a bit older than my own parents who was hardly able to mention the depression without growing emotional. His family had barely subsisted on a lean diet of beans and cabbage. The experience was so vividly horrible to him that he would never again eat beans. The very thought of them make him nauseous. 

The Great Depression left such a mark on the people who experienced it either as children or adults that they tended to be strict savers for the rest of their lives lest another such moment come along. They were so frugal that they would set aside bacon grease to use instead of bottled oil. They had a universal tendency to reuse things like tin foil which they would wash and then smooth out for as long as it remained intact. They turned out lights that were not necessary, often sitting in the dark if they did not need illumination to read or to walk about the house. A constant commandment from my youth was the admonition to turn off the lights whenever I left a room

I suppose that I was influenced by the older generation that constantly reduced their footprint of consumption on this earth. I was taught to never throw away food, but to recycle it in different kinds of recipes. I used cardboard boxes to store my toys which necessitated only two medium sized containers at most. I grew up without air conditioning and even followed the unspoken rule of turning off the fans and any cooling unit whenever the temperature was amenable to just opening the windows and letting nature do its work. I took for granted that nobody needed more than two pairs of shoes, one for daily use at school and another for dressy occasions. The same went for the wardrobe that hung in my closet. I could rotate through every article that I owned in under a week. 

Of course I became spoiled when I left the tutelage of my mother and set out on my own. Little by little I adopted a more profligate standard of living. First came two cars for the family, a relatively unknown luxury for my parents and grandparents. Then came a bigger variety of shoes and clothing. I found myself filling my refrigerator with delicacies and extravagance. My single television multiplied into viewing spaces more than one room. I began with a small house the size of the one where I grew up and advanced to a home with more rooms that I will ever use in a single day. My air conditioner whirs away without rest all summer long. 

My idea of cutting back when things are a bit expensive would amuse my elders because in their minds I would still be living in a time of unimaginable consumption. Buying a chicken and using it in multiple ways would not negate the fact that I might purchase a steak that they would never have considered putting into their shopping cart. My willingness to forgo expensive cups of coffee or tea from a drive thru would not impress them as sacrifice because they were of the inclination to reuse a tea bag more than once or make their coffee thinner by using fewer grounds to prepare it. They would wonder why I get exactly what I want at the grocery store and then balk at the cost rather than choosing less expensive albeit edible substitutes. They would have stayed at home most of the time instead of griping at how much gasoline costs. They would have made the sacrifice without even thinking because the tendencies to make do and spend less seemed to be baked into their DNA.

Of late I have found myself feeling a bit guilty about the ways that I have abandoned the examples of the adults who taught me how to live a good life without lots of things. I’m attempting to relearn how to conserve money and resources, but my bad habits have endured for so long that it is a bit like trying to lose weight. I take two steps forward and three back on far too many days. I’ve been attempting to find ways to just stick with what I have and be inventive with how I use things. 

I think it is just as crucial to pull back on my expenditures for the purpose of saving money as it is to conserve resources to save the earth. I really don’t need all of the things that I sometimes buy. With looming food shortages in many areas of the world caused by the pandemic and droughts and wars I need to remind myself that I can provide healthy meals without meat or large helpings. I can begin a determined transition back to the deliberate attempts to conserve that my parents and grandparents once followed. 

I think that many of the ills of our current society have derived not so much from particular policies of government as from our own addictions to privileged ways. We take our riches for granted and and seem to think that our destinies should always lead to more money and more possessions. I have been as guilty of that way of thinking as anyone. Now I question the folly of gifting ourselves with luxuries just because we have become accustomed to doing so. Perhaps the current times are reminding us that we have a duty to preserve all of the people of the world and all of its precious resources for those who will come after us. Our legacy must be to stem the tide of conspicuous and profligate consumption that has become our taken for granted way of living. 

There is much to be learned from the past. If our ancestors were willing to navigate hard times with creative sacrifices then surely we can do the same. For now I am going to try. 

I have always loved stories of people who overcame setbacks. There is something quite inspiring about a person who has been knocked down by life’s challenges and somehow finds the determination to get up and try again. History is replete with tales of seeming losers who became winners. The secret to their eventual success seems to be in having a willingness to keep trying even when things appear to be hopeless. 

Who among us has not had life crushing setbacks? We all know someone who lost a parent as a child or lived in poverty growing up. We’ve heard of the athlete who got a chance to perform in the big leagues and then sustained a career ending injury. We know about people who thought that they had found the love of their lives only to end up emotionally shattered by a failed marriage. We probably also can relate tales s someone who appeared to be lucky in life and on the cusp of realizing amazing dreams only to watch them shatter in an instant due to circumstances beyond their control.

I know a young lady whose life-long goal has been to become a doctor. She is a brilliant woman, but somehow her college experience was more difficult than she had thought it would be. When she applied for medical schools she received rejection after rejection because her grades did not meet their requirements. Not to be discouraged she took a job as a medical scribe in a hospital. She learned medical terminology and impressed the doctors with whom she worked. They encouraged her to attend graduate school and get an advanced degree in Public Health, and so she did.

With maturity and experience added to her bag of talents she stood out as a student and graduated with honors. More work in a hospital caught the eye of doctors and nurses alike. When they heard that she still wanted to become a doctor they urged her to continue her quest and promised to give her outstanding references. To her great delight she was finally accepted into a great university, but fate interceded once again to thwart her plans. The grandmother who had raised her became seriously ill and she felt a responsibility to care for her rather than leave her on her own. 

The disappointed woman reluctantly gave up her spot in the school, explaining that she could not in good conscience leave the person who had devoted her own life to being a loving and encouraging caregiver to her grandchildren. For the next year my friend balanced her job in public health with the task of nursing her dying grandmother. All the while she believed that when the time was right, she would one day get another chance to go to medical school. 

As it happened the university that had accepted her was so impressed by her character and devotion to family that they offered her another opportunity which she readily accepted. This summer at a much more advanced age than the other members of her class, she will begin her studies in medicine. By the time she finishes all of the required steps she will be well past her mid-thirties, but she is unconcerned that her start will be late. She feels certain that she will one day be ministering to the sick and saving lives just as she has always hoped. 

I am in awe of people like this young woman. Instead of lamenting the setbacks that befell her,  she kept her eye on the prize. Like the tortoise in the fable, she understood that greatness does not usually come quickly. It requires patience and hard work. Every time she got pushed down, she got back up and dusted herself off. When some people told her just to accept that her dream would never happen, she refused to listen. She found alternative ways to get what she wanted. 

We often look at a successful person and comment on how lucky he or she is. In truth there is sometimes an element of being in the right place at the right time for some people, but for most it is hard work that gets them where they wish to be. If we watch them in action and analyze how they do things we will no doubt realize that they get to work early, stay late, never stop learning and don’t allow defeats to derail them. They are focused on being their very best, accepting critiques and changing accordingly. They build relationships and work as members of a team, valuing all people. They are often tired but exhilarated by the challenges that they overcome. What may look like luck is more likely good old fashioned determination.

Life’s disappointments and losses are definitely gut wrenching and pretending that they do not leave scars on those who endure them is unrealistic and cruel. Everyone has to heal from traumas and that always takes time, but it does not mean that all of their hopes for happiness are over. New love, new opportunities, new joy can come at any age but we won’t realize them without effort. Each new day gives us one more chance to try again. The climb to the realization of our hopes may be long and treacherous but we will never get there unless we begin again and again.

We humans are very complex. We like to think that we have done everything to provide safety and security for our families, friends and neighbors, but invariably we learn of some freakish incident that seemed to bypass all of the fail safe provisions we have made. As a teacher for over four decades I learned to expect the unexpected. At the beginning of each school year as I prepared to meet and greet my new students I developed plans A through Z to deal with the many different scenarios that might occur. Even after thinking I had seen it all, there would invariably be an incident that confounded me. I learned that the best way of dealing with unforeseen disasters was to learn how to be flexible and have a willingness to change course in midstream as needed. 

I have little doubt that the vast majority of us care greatly about our children. We may have different ideas and philosophies about what is best for them, but the things that we do to love and nurture them are mostly chosen with good will. The same is true of educators. They hold differing beliefs but more often than not feel passionate about being a positive influence in the lives of the children who become their second families for nine to ten months of each school year. No educator that I have ever encountered, no matter how inept or even unsuited for the profession he/she might have been, ever wanted to harm the young people waiting to learn from them. 

When horrific things happen to our kids, we all grieve and wonder either aloud or quietly what we might have done to prevent tragedy. It often becomes a futile discussion of “what ifs” and even accusations instead of a proper determination to find reasonable solutions for insuring that such things are more unlikely to ever happen again. We know from history that even our greatest efforts may be flawed, but the innate rule of protection is to try our best and adjust we when find that our decisions were not leading us where we needed to go. That takes cooperative efforts that transcend ideologies, a willingness to step out of our comfort zones and rationally examine facts, a technique that is almost always imperfect unless it begins with the admission that we are indeed conducting a kind of ongoing research project. 

There has been discussion of making schools safer by examining entry ways and the level of easy access that they may provide to intruders. I myself have suggested that this is a proper area for discussion but I do not think that it can be the only solution offered. That being said I have seen different configurations in schools that would be an improvement, but in almost every case would still possibly by hampered by human errors. 

I worked in a school that was surrounded by a high metal fence. A guard determined who got inside the main gate. Sadly that guard was often rather lenient in granting access which was the first problem with the system. The next flaw was that the gate did not surround the entire perimeter of the property, so it was conceivable that someone wanting to come onto the grounds might find a way through the brush and bramble. Another problem was that there had to be multiple entrances and exits to each building because of city legal codes which required us to get the children out as quickly as possible in the event of a fire or even a bomb. Each of the doors locked automatically, but in a discussion of what to do in case of a shooter on campus by students demonstrated how to bypass the locking mechanism with a bit of jiggling. I was stunned by their revelation and felt a bit less safe since my classroom was right next to that door and the lock on my classroom door was defective. While the maintenance crew worked diligently to solve the problem, nothing ever worked one hundred percent of the time, so I was haunted by the idea that someone might one day come crashing into my classroom. My students assured me that we could form a barricade with all of the desks and furniture. I always wondered if we would have that much time. 

I worked in another school that had a man trap at the front entrance that assumed that a shooter would enter from that access point. The other many doors on the sides and back of the building locked automatically and as far as I knew could not be manipulated by jiggles or other means. What those safety measures did not preclude was the possibility of a student innocently letting someone inside who did not belong there. I know that parents and other visitors sometimes came to the back doors and knocked until polite pupils who happened to be in the hallway let them inside and directed them to the rooms that they wanted to visit. Not even active shooter training seemed to impress on our kids that they had to be cautious of everyone. Again I imagined someone storming inside despite efforts to keep them out.

I am not suggesting that schools should not be retrofitted with safety features or that teachers and students should not receive safety training, but I know all too well that human error has a way of creeping into even the best laid plans. What really has to happen to insure that our schools are safe is adopting a combination of many different measures, most especially including making guns much harder to purchase for everyone and restricting ownership of certain types of guns to heavily licensed and trained professionals. The gun industry has made a fortune by frightening us and attempting to make us believe that more guns are the key to protecting us. It’s time we looked at the data and realized that the arsenal of weapons owned by private citizens have only heightened the likelihood that mass shootings and violent crimes will continue to escalate. I wonder when we will finally agree that we have had enough and use our common sense and love of each other to actually make a difference.