Category: Commentary

I know a thing or two about Gleason scores and prostate cancer. My husband has been recently diagnosed with the disease. I learned that the Gleason score indicates just how advanced the cancer is. Fortunately the prognosis for my Mike is encouraging. His scores indicate that his cancer is in a midrange and should respond quite well to the radiation therapy that he will endure for much of the coming summer. 

Getting to the point of a clear diagnosis and suggested treatment has been nerve wracking for him, and by association for me. We have spent hours in doctors’ offices and outpatient testing sites. He has been checked with bloodwork, MRIs, PET scans and biopsies. Each step of the way produces anxieties and uncertainties in spite of insistence by the doctors that there is very little about which Mike should worry. After such reassurances the possible side affects have to be considered and they can often sound rather scary. All in all dealing with the big C is a journey into a kind of void that raises so many concerns for anyone dealing with such a thing. Nonetheless Mike and I are convinced that ultimately he will be just fine even as the eight weeks of thirty nine radiation treatments sound challenging at the very least. 

It was with a sense of understanding that we learned of former President Joe Biden’s prostate cancer diagnosis. As soon as we heard that his Gleason score was a nine we understood that his cancer is at an advanced stage. Knowing that it has metastasized to his bones made his situation all the more dire. I can only imagine how difficult things must feel to him and to his family. I have cried at the very thought of what they are now enduring, even as journalists are earning attention and monetary gain by tearing him down. Somehow it all seems so very unfair. 

I will always maintain that President Biden saved us in a time when it felt as though the floor beneath us had been pulled away. Covid was raging and the whole world was coping with the loss and the concerns. Everything skewed out of whack. Nothing seemed normal and somehow President Biden was able to steer us through the storm with as little permanent damage as possible. His steady hand and never ending compassion kept our economy from imploding. For the most part life went on even as we all lost friends or family members to the terrible effects of Covid 19. 

It angered me again and again that so many Americans were not grateful to President Biden for what he had done for our nation. While his decisions were not always perfect, they were at all times presented with loving intentions. I will always be so thankful to this man who ignored the poisonous vitriol that was so unfairly hurled at him and soldiered on with his duties and devotion to the people of our nation. 

President Joe Biden has known sorrow more than many of us. I suppose that I identify with his life story in a small way. I too have felt the immeasurable pain of losing a beloved family member in a car accident. Having to endure the loss of both a wife and a child had to be almost unbearable, but somehow Joe Biden found his way of moving forward without losing his optimism and kindness. Later watching his precious son, Bo, die from cancer was so heartbreaking that it might have been the end for most of us. Instead Joe kept his faith in God and his fellow humans. He understood the kind of trials that we must face and never forgot to think of the needs of others. 

Even as President Biden worked hard to keep our nation from collapsing under the pressures of the pandemic he also had to face the derogatory campaign hurled at his youngest son, Hunter. Like a loving father he stood by Hunter with understanding and compassion. His love for his son was palatable to those who watched his determination to show us what Christian love is all about. 

Now President Biden will face yet another challenge in his life. Given his age and the nature of his advanced cancer it will be incredibly difficult but Joe is a fighter and a true believer in God. I hope that the people of our nation will finally be willing to extend kindness and love to this man who has so unselfishly done so much for us. We owe him a debt of gratitude that has yet to be paid in full. Perhaps now is the time to set our differences aside and unite in compassion to support President Biden in the frightening journey that lies ahead for him and his family. 

When I accompany my Mike to all of the appointments that will fill our summer I will thinking of President Biden and including him in my prayers. I will always believe that he was a great president during a moment of uncertainty. I believe with all of my heart that history will treat him well. For now we should all do the same as he faces a new battle. May God be with him and protect him. He has been a good and faithful servant to us all. 

The best teachers are the ones who can read a room. A great teacher knows when to pause the lesson for a moment because there is an undercurrent that alerts her to the fact that the students are not mentally present. An exceptional teacher notices that one student who seems uncharacteristically silent or has a worried expression on his/her face. A masterful teacher reacts to such things without missing a step.

We are in an era when business people are attempting to use ridiculous tactics to keep the pace of classrooms moving without paying attention to the humans sitting in the desks. Teachers are given scripts to read and timers and stopwatches to measure the number of minutes they are taking to deliver information. The whole concept is absurd. It assumes that all children and teachers are alike and the goal is to just keep moving from one topic to the next. 

Perhaps such a scheme might work to determine how many tellers are needed to keep the lines of customers flowing. Maybe it works inside a factory where objects are moving down a conveyor belt. It might even work to successfully close a sale, but it is totally wrong in a classroom. 

I don’t call myself an exceptional educator but I learned how to read the faces of my students a long time ago. I realized that the young people in front of me have way more on their minds than just learning the skills and knowledge that I am attempting to impart to them. Sometimes they show signs of growing weary when attacking a very difficult concept. Using a couple of minutes to allow them to laugh or even to groan about what they are doing often has the power of immediately changing the negativity of their feelings. That little pause may be all that they needed to continue pushing to learn. 

We’ve all seen comedies with teachers talking over students’ heads. Such folks are totally out of touch with the youngsters in front of them. Living breathing people are going to be all over the map with their abilities. A droning lecture, especially one read from a script, can sound like the bad acting in the voice over of a foreign film. Those glazed eyes may be trained on the person who is talking but it’s a pretty sure bet that little to no learning is happening in their heads. The process of teaching has to be dynamic and interactive. The teacher must be aware of who is catching on and who is struggling to understand. The variance will always be part of the process of getting everyone over the goal line. 

It’s difficult to know for certain how to demonstrate the how to dos of  with-it-ness to a teacher. Some seem to have an innate sense of its importance and others are like brick walls that are tone deaf to the moods inside their classrooms. I have to think that some administrators are even worse when they devise ridiculous programs that operate like machines rather than people. Sometimes the most horrific of them are in fact computer driven, devoid of any kind of human interaction. 

I tutored at a high school for a time and it was a wonderful experience. The teachers whose students I was helping worked very well with me. We were in a kind of partnership in which they would send students who were struggling with certain concepts. They showed me how they had taught the students and the kind of work they were doing. They gave extra credit to the kids for coming to me. I soon had a roomful of eager boys and girls who truly wanted to improve their grades. Then the powers that be who were funding my position for the school stepped in to literally throw a monkey wrench into everything.

They decided that they would tell me what the students needed to learn even though they were not even in the school building nor had they ever taught high school mathematics or any mathematics for that matter. They wanted me to use only certain materials, not the ones that the actual teachers provided, and they furthermore preferred that I use their computer programs  for practice. To say that such a system was a disaster is an understatement. The humanity of the process fell apart and the students no longer wanted to come to the sessions. In fact I no longer wanted to be nothing more than a proctor guiding kids to a machine. I left in protest even as I felt for the students with whom I had formed quite a bond. 

I once had a person tell me that everything is a business, even schools and churches. I recoiled at the idea even as I saw much evidence that demonstrated that my colleague was in fact correct. Luckily I worked for principals who saw the success of my teaching style and allowed me to run with it. In today’s world it feels as though the forces who see time and profit as the goal for every endeavor are exerting their force on the entire world. They have not read a room in ages and it shows. They are bean counters who ignore the majesty of every human in favor of profit and one time scores. Hopefully we will protest the artificiality of their methods when we see them and remember to always look into the faces of the people to make our decisions about what to do next. In fact, we would do well to apply that dictum to just about everything that we see happening in the present. None of us are machines to be used to create profit or success for someone else.

I keep hearing a great deal about protecting our children, protecting our women, protecting people in general from disturbing ideas or people that they do not understand. Many seem to believe that the best way to raise a child is to keep them from having to deal with situations that that might cause them to feel anxious. While I agree that it is up to parents to introduce difficult topics like sexuality and death, I have learned in my many decades on this earth that our young ones often hear about such things long before we are ready to talk about them. 

I still recall the day when I was six years old and a classmate quite vividly explained the birds and the bees to a very attentive group of us. I remember my best friend adamantly insisting that her parents would never do the kinds of things that the girl revealed to us. My take was to mull over the possibility that she was right. I kept my concerns to myself and marveled at the girl’s accuracy when my mother finally got around to giving me “the talk” many years later. 

The point of my story is that my quite wonderful mom thought it best to wait to provide me with information about how babies come to be until I had reached puberty. I suppose that she was reluctant to discuss such things before I seemed capable of understanding. She might have been right but by the time her lovely explanations came to me I had already heard about the topic  from many different friends who were eager to share what they had heard or seen. 

There is a great deal of effort being made by parents today who quite lovingly want to keep their children innocent for as long as possible. I suppose that I was just as guilty of that way of thinking as others, only to hear from my two daughters that they had already picked up all kinds of information on difficult topics long before I stepped in to educate them. 

Most of us figured out that there was no Santa Claus on our own but never told our parents because we feared losing those lovely Christmas gifts that seemed to magically appear under our Christmas trees. Maybe we accidentally found the gifts inside a closet that we were not supposed to enter or perhaps yet another classmate spilled the beans and made us cry. My point is that all of the ‘protecting’ that we are doing is often moot because our youngsters get information from the kid grapevine. Often those truths are not quite accurate or may even be wrong. We would do well to be a bit more open with our youngsters concerning topics that may be confusing to them even if we think they are too young to hear about such things.

I have often told the story of my uncle being quite direct in explaining why he had a wooden leg. I appreciated his honesty and felt far less anxious when his cancer finally overcame him than I would have if I had only heard the whispers of my mother and aunts who were trying to shield me after he died. I was able to grieve properly because I understood from him that his life would be cut short. He prepared me in a beautiful and lovely way. It was hard to lose him but the blow was softened by his wisdom in sharing the truth with me. 

There are so many efforts to improve our schools by bringing prayer into the daily routine and taking questionable books from the library. Some parents even fear having their children learn about slavery, segregation and the Holocaust too soon. They want to ban information that they worry might make their children feel emotions of sorrow or even guilt. They don’t seem to understand that hiding such things from young people only makes them more fearful. They also  do not realize that praying all the time in school does not necessarily make the environment better and happier. I should know because I spent twelve years in a religious private school where the usual difficulties arose in spite of the efforts of the adults. 

I loved my experience in the school and I enjoyed our religious instruction but it was the religion that me and my family followed, not someone else’s idea of how I should be taught about faith. It also did not insure that I would be surrounded with only good people. There were still bad things that happened. I actually chose a public university because I felt that it was time for me to learn more about the rest of the population and I will always believe that it was the best decision I ever made. I needed to live outside of the little bubble that had left me somewhat naive and incapable of dealing with the realities of life. 

My advice to parents would be to talk honestly to their children about their feelings, their questions about sexuality, their spiritual longings. They should listen as well. A child will feel far more comfort in truth than in a situation that seems to be cloaked in mysteries or even fantasies. The world is real and it can sometimes be brutal. The best parents begin teaching their children how to cope early on. Sometimes that means introducing topics with well written stories that prompt deep discussions. The main idea is for children to know that they can come to their parents with anything, even news that may distress them. They will know that they are safe not because they have been sheltered but because they have been shown what is true. The wise parent teaches their children to cope by being honest and loving. 

I am a woman who grew up in a household managed by a woman. After my father died my mother had to take charge of keeping our family safe, secure, nourished and loved. She did a remarkable job given the minuscule monthly income that she had. In a era when most women were content to be housewives cared for by husbands, she managed to earn a college degree, pay off the mortgage on our home, purchase a car that she kept running for years, and send me and my brothers to college. She was a progressive woman long before we even spoke of such a thing.

I have totally equal footing with my husband. We are a team and neither of us dominates the other. I have always been free to follow my dreams. We make important decisions together and he is open to my ideas and ways of thinking. When I wanted an advanced degree he eagerly helped me find a way to manage the cost and the time that it would take for me to complete the courses. 

We have two daughters and we both encouraged them to follow their dreams and always be capable of being independent if needed. We taught them to develop their own opinions and how to be strong. They have demonstrated their own values and abilities just as we had hoped they would.

I have a granddaughter who is brilliant. She hopes to be a lawyer one day and has plotted a course that will be demanding of her time and talents. She is reaching for the moon and I believe that she will get there because she never gives up, never rests until she has reached her goals. 

I have always been content in knowing that my country and its government encourage girls and women. At this moment in our history there are more women graduating from college than men. Women may be found in all levels of work and power. As a nation we have encouraged our girls to be and do whatever they wished. 

I loved the progress that I have witnessed during my lifetime. When I was a child most women stayed home and took care of the household and the children. I appreciate that some women still choose such a lifestyle. The important thing is the ability to be in command of whatever they want to do. I do not want a return to my youth when it was incredibly difficult for a woman to follow pathways that did not conform to the traditions of the man being the head of the family. 

I have known older women who quietly whispered to me how much they admired me and my mother. They had wanted to further their educations but had been afraid to suggest such a thing to their husbands. It made me sad to hear how much they had silently dreamed of using their talents for something other than keeping the home fires burning. 

I remember the many times that women would seek my mother’s advice. I would overhear them asking her what they should do to control the sizes of their families. They struggled with one pregnancy after another and were exhausted from seemingly having no way to keep from becoming pregnant over and over again. 

Perhaps the worst case of an unfulfilled woman was a neighbor who spent hours crying in the company of my mother because her husband was abusive and she believed that there was no way out of his domination. Her tragedy left a permanent mark on me when she was one night murdered by the man who had broken her spirit. She had seen no way to escape the nightmare of her life and so she became a victim of her husband’s controlling anger. 

I have been elated to see the progress that women have made. They are able to determine the number of children they will have. They pursue education and vie for top jobs. It has seemed that all the old fashioned norms were gone and women enjoyed freedoms that made them equal to their male counterparts. Nonetheless we have been unwilling to cast enough votes for a woman to head our nation as president. A national reticence to view women as capable enough to be the Commander in Chief remains. 

Now we have a male chauvinist in charge along with most of his party who seem to want to roll back the advances that women have made. There is open talk that women should be making babies and to that end the ways of controlling births seems to be under threat. In the military woman are one by one being stripped of their authority and status. Backward thinking is threatening the concept of equality among the sexes and this saddens me. 

I encourage my granddaughter to keep pushing forward even as her options are slowly narrowing simply because she is a woman. I want her to be able to reach the moon if that is what she wants. We the females have worked hard to give her the freedoms that she needs. We can’t back down now. We won’t back down now. We only make life great for the females among us if we keep moving forward and only look back to understand the kind of thinking that we do not need.  

I’m certainly not perfect. I’ve never met anyone who is. That being said I was taught to be truthful and to accept responsibility for mistakes I have made. As a child I sometimes attempted to hide the messes that I made. I invariably got caught but my mother used those moments to teach me the power of admitting to difficulties, doing a bit of penance and then working on being better. I suppose that her influence taught me to be as open and honest as possible without revealing personal information that other people had shared with me. 

Lying has always seemed like a personal affront. I don’t like being led astray with tall tales or boasts that are little more than attempts to impress me. I much prefer people with enough conscience and courage to be straightforward whenever they have failed in one way or another. 

I don’t have to know every personal thing about the people in my life. Secreting troubles is okay but not if the impact of doing so hurts me or someone that I know. We are each entitled to our privacy but particularly in a work situation in which a team is tasked with achieving a certain goal it is always best if the members are willing to step forward to admit setbacks and honestly attempt to repair the damage down by missteps. Insisting on a cover up is the fastest way to lose the confidence of the people involved. It only takes one lie to make people wary of trusting a person or situation. 

Many years ago I worked with a very popular teacher. He was a soft spoken and kind man who captivated his students. Essentially everyone greatly admired him until he was suddenly featured on the local news for supposedly sexually abusing his teenage stepdaughter. 

Most of us found the story to be unbelievable. Even his students insisted that he had never once done or said anything untoward with them. Sadly he admitted to the members of his department that all of the accusations were true. It happened only once when he had imbibed a bit too much alcohol. He admitted his mistake to his wife and the family even attended counseling but eventually the girl’s behavior became problematic and when she was referred to a school counselor she broke down and recounted the entire incident. One thing led to another and the man soon lost his job, his certification and was being threatened with arrest. 

It was a very sad moment for me because I knew and liked the man. I had trusted him implicitly as had everyone else. Somehow his delayed admission of guilt magnified the horror of what he had done, but at the same time I appreciated that he took the time to personally apologize to all of us who had trusted him. There are many men who continue to lie even after their victim steps publicly forward like his step daughter did. He refused to place any blame on her. At least there was that. He was ready to atone for his sin.

I have been disappointed again and again by people with feet of clay who have done unspeakable things. The ones who bothered me the most were the ones who had pretended to be role models for young people. They posed as righteous souls while destroying the security of the very people that they were supposed to protect. It always hurts to realize that someone who seemed to be an icon of honor was hiding a shadow life that stood in opposition to everything that they were pretending to be. 

I hold people who work in the public domain and with children to a higher standard. When we entrust our institutions and our loved ones to someone we should expect character of the highest order. It bothers me that so many of our leaders today are horrific role models for the young. They bully and openly lie even when we all know the truth. I shudder at terrible examples that they demonstrate. I worry that young people will emulate their horrific behavior and all the while the rest of us will do nothing to remove them from their positions of influence.

I grew up with presidents like Eisenhower who led the world in conquering Hitler. He was a good and brave man who also displayed empathy for anyone who was suffering. There was nothing weak about him. He was a hero with a big heart. I saw him as someone that I should strive to be.

Many among us mistake insulting bravado for strength and competence. A truly good person does not have to boast or put down others. He or she certainly does not need to lie to cover a mistake. The truly great person admits shortcomings and then attempts to do better. I hope that we will begin to look for people like that to run things again. Looking the other way when someone makes it clear that truth is expendable should never be hailed for greatness. We should be demanding that our leaders be above reproach and willing to admit mistakes rather than hide them. I seem to recall that we rid ourselves of a president who tried a cover up in the 1970s. At least he was ultimately honorable enough to quietly leave when the evidence against him was so clear. Why would we not hold today’s leaders to the same high standards?