Category: Conversations

What Will We Choose?

Published on by Sharron BurnettLeave a comment

virusMy husband and I check on the maintenance of our home and our truck on a regular basis, much as we do with our health. We look for minor repairs and get them done well before they become a major expense. Sometimes, of course, we miss something but for the most part our vigilance has kept our lives running smoothly over the years.

We try to do the same thing with our income. We have sacrificed many times in the past because our funds were running low or we encountered an unexpected expense. When my husband developed an infectious disease that required three months of chemotherapy and time away from work it was a huge struggle to keep our household running but by adopting an extremely frugal way of living we made it through that crisis very early in our married life.

When I think of the times when we had to live on the financial edge it makes me shudder but we both had grown up in families that stuck to strict budgets that rarely included luxuries like going out to eat or regular visits to hair salons. Our parents taught us how to live simply from day to day and how to survive the unexpected. We just naturally did what we had seen them do and didn’t see our own skills for riding the ups and downs of life as anything special.

I have been quite understanding of the financial pain that the Covid 19 pandemic has imposed on so many people. I am particularly concerned with those who have lost their jobs because unlike normal times the competition for employment will be fierce. Businesses are still essentially closed or working at less than half of their capacity. The owners of small businesses depend on a regular cash flow to pay their employees, mortgages, utilities and such. Our country and those of the world have been hit hard by the interruption of commerce.

I’m not an economist or finance major. My accounting skills are limited to balancing a checking account and filling out an income tax return. I’ve created budgets for a mathematics department in a school and distributed funds from grants and federal programs. I do not consider myself an expert in business anymore than those who are questioning the veracity of the medical community are better informed than the rest of us regarding viruses. Still, I sense that our current situation has uncovered a terrible symptom of our economic rot.

What I am observing is that far too many people appear to have been living way too close to financial ruin. I hear stories of individuals who are within one hundred fifty dollars of being totally broke and I wonder how such a thing can happen in only four weeks. I see this as a big problem and one that is almost unimaginable to me. I find it confusing that so many people appear not to have planned ahead for financial emergencies even as I feel great compassion for them and believe that we must help them. Still, I think that each of us must reflect on our habits of the past and ask ourselves if we have all been a bit too profligate in our lifestyles.

I hear the complaining of people who long for dining out, a pleasure that used to be something reserved for special occasions rather than routine expectations. I find myself considering that perhaps we have all been a bit spoiled in our ways when I see angry women bemoaning the fact that they have not had manicures or pedicures for weeks. I recall that I was well into my sixties before I ever visited a nail salon and I didn’t feel as though I had missed something that was essential in my life. I laugh at my own hair that is overgrown and revealing little specks of gray but I do not feel a sense of panic that something must soon be done about it. In fact, my locks seem to be enjoying the holiday from all of the products that I usually slather on them.

I’ve had long sincere conversations with my grandchildren in which they have questioned the wisdom of our consumption centered society. I have actually suggested to them that they are far too idealistic and that one day they will become more practical and change their ways. Now I find myself considering their ideas more and more seriously. I see that they are not that far off the mark. I remember when I was young and critical of the world as it was. I saw possibilities then with the unsullied eyes of youth. I suddenly remember my own causes and how important they were to me. The pandemic and the resulting political chaos it has engendered has loosened the scales that have been covering my eyes and I now understand what my grandchildren have been saying. I believe that there is a better way of living that provides us with what we truly need while caring for all of the people of this world along with our beautiful planet. It will take some sacrifices to achieve but it’s time we began the process or we may one day find our entire planet on the brink.

We can learn from this experience and build for a better tomorrow or we can just fall back into our old routines without consideration of the bigger picture. Life is not just a day to day process but one in which we really do need to consider the long haul and the symbiotic consequences of even our smallest actions. It’s time for each of us to set aside fears and rancor and discuss the way forward. Let’s keep our slower pace going. Let’s focus on relationships. Let’s cherish the bluer clearer skies that are reminding us to keep our planet healthy. Let’s ask ourselves what we truly need and avoid the waste or our resources. Let’s listen to our young for they are unafraid to dream. It’s up to us to choose how to proceed.

Lord Have Mercy

Published on by Sharron BurnettLeave a comment

Great Plague of 1665

In 1665, a terrible plague began in London. By the end of the epidemic an estimated 100,000 of the 460,000 living there had died. Sadly the vast majority of them were the poor. The wealthier citizens like lawyers, businessmen and even doctors fled from the contagion into country homes much like King Charles II who left London for Hampton Court. Even Parliament suspended meetings within the city, choosing to only gather one time in Oxford.

Once an individual became sick all members of the family were quarantined by law in their home. The doors of such houses were marked with a foot long red cross with the words, “Lord, have mercy upon us” written above or below the marking. Armed watchmen then patrolled outside the home twenty four hours a day with orders to kill anyone who attempted to force his/her way either inside or outside. Burials in mass graves took place in the early morning and late afternoon hours as the disease raged through the late spring, summer and fall of 1665 and then burned itself out in the spring of 1666.

It is believed that the illness was carried by fleas on rats and dogs so efforts were made to eradicate any stray creatures. Unfortunately the crowded and unsanitary conditions in the poorer sections of town made the people in those areas more susceptible to becoming ill. The incubation period once an individual was infected was only a matter of days and the likelihood of it spreading to anyone who had been in close contact was great.

I have been reading accounts of this plague by Daniel Defoe who is better known for his story of Robinson Crusoe. In the flowery English of the era A Journal of the Plague Year provides a vivid account of the horror and fears of the people, the attempts to limit the spread of the illness by authorities, and the civil disruptions that occurred as more and more unfortunate souls became ill. In another time I might have found his memories to be quaintly interesting but given our present situation I instead find myself identifying with the concerns and confusion that the epidemic produced. It was as though the world of the citizens of London had been turned upside down as they watched death and privation overwhelm them.

I thought of my own grandfather’s accounts of a smallpox outbreak in his town at the end of the nineteenth century when he was in his teens. His father and stepmother both became ill and he was charged with their care. Guards patrolled the property to insure that nobody save the local doctor went inside the house or came out. The incident had such a profound effect on my grandfather that he told the story of his time in quarantine over and over again. In his usual style he added a bit of dark humor to his recitation that demonstrated his preferred way of coping with the isolation and concerns for his family.

Humankind has been here before. People have faced pandemics that were ultimately quite terrible and they did so without the resources that we enjoy. Nobody was driving for take out dinners but my grandfather did admit that he ordered some moonshine to be delivered for his dad. He figured that the poor man was going to die anyway so a bit of whiskey might make his father more comfortable. Other than that it was just a lonely time for my grandpa and one in which he might possibly have contracted the disease himself. Somehow that never happened but as my grandfather noted it did not mean that the contagion was not as bad as people thought.

We have a far better understanding of infectious diseases than ever before in history. We are able to unlock the DNA and RNA of the viruses and bacteria that live invisibly around us. We have modern hospitals and sanitation methods that we heretofore believed would protect us in ways that our ancestors did not have. I suppose that we have in many ways assumed that we might never be touched by the kinds of epidemics that have historically rocked civilizations We have had a kind of false pride in our modernity and accomplishments, believing that we were somehow immune from the kind of disruptions that have occurred in the past. Now we see that in many ways we were wrong.

Covid-19 has shown us the cracks in the foundations of our public health services, our economy and even our relationships with one another. If we are to find a positive take- away from this horrific situation we will need to learn from our mistakes. That will require a level of honesty that has been slowly eroding in our politically charged world. We don’t want to hide difficulties but rather find ways to expose and attack them.

We are better educated and more knowledgeable than the unfortunate souls who suffered in the past but if our hubris prevents us from taking the necessary steps to prevent pandemics from happening on such a scale again there will most definitely be consequences. The eventual outcomes should not be about who is best or first. This should not be a competition but a convening of the best minds and ideas from all over the world. We can’t afford to turn our backs like they did in the past and leave the most vulnerable alone to deal with the problems.

  

Politely Inviting More Caring Disagreement

Published on by Sharron BurnettLeave a comment

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Some things that I see and hear both embarrass me and make me feel quite sad. For example, I understand how eager many people are to return to work or a normal routine in the time of pandemic. I am fully aware that some are desperately wondering what they are going to do if this nightmare lasts much longer. They have lost their jobs or perhaps are hourly wage earners who have been unable to work for weeks. It has to be a terrible situation in which to find oneself. Nonetheless when I see a group of protesters in Michigan carrying guns and waving Confederate flags in an attempt to get the governor there to lift the restrictions on their lives I can’t help but wonder what guns and flags have to do with making a valid argument. In fact, such things only tend to make most of us turn away in disgust.

I believe without reservation that everyone has a right to an opinion and even to protest certain decisions. That being said I find it totally inappropriate to bring guns and flags that should be relegated to old history to a protest. The arguments for a particular point of view should be articulated with supporting facts, not insults. Why turn an important discussion into a school yard brawl?

We have a very young woman in our area who was recently elected to the position of Harris County Judge. I was a bit shocked at this development because I was a big fan of the incumbent, Ed Emmett. I believe that he always did a great job, most especially during the dark days of hurricane Harvey. It seemed a bit unfair to unseat him after he had been such a strong presence in a number of disastrous situations. Nonetheless, the election was fair and the voters had spoken. The new Harris County Judge is Lina Hidalgo is a somewhat inexperienced woman in her twenties who initially worried me, but I have changed my tune.

I don’t agree with everything that Judge Hidalgo does or says. In fact I rarely agree with everything that any politician does or says, but in this time of Covid-19 I have changed my opinion of her. I have been greatly impressed by her dedication and compassion. She has worked tirelessly in a stress filled environment and somehow manages to calmly come back day after day to support the people of the Houston area. Her pronouncements are always beautifully worded and based on the most recent information available to her. In spite of her good intentions I hear people bashing her facility with the English language, which is actually quite wonderful, and they question every decision that she makes.

It would not bother me at all if those with differing ideas were to voice their concerns rationally and respectfully but instead they hurl insults that sometimes devolve into racist and ageist stereotyping. I see no place for ugliness in a time when we are all reeling from the events that surround us. Our goal should only be to work together to do whatever it takes to eliminate this scourge from the face of the earth. Making our arguments political or offensive only averts our focus from finding our way out of this situation. Arguing as though we are children is of no substantive help. 

It has become popular of late to be brash and to behave like a bully to win a debate. For some reason there are many who see such boorish behavior as strength. I see it as a smokescreen to hide a lack of factual information and an inability to pose a persuasive point of view. People who are void of logic and carefully researched data usually don’t have to use meaningless rhetorical devices nor do they have to put down people based on xenophobia.

The most intelligent, knowledgeable and truthful people that I know have told me that Covid -19 poses more questions than answers right now. Nobody is certain about anything related to this virus. It will only be after a careful analysis and a certain amount of time that we will have a better idea of what will actually work best to combat this pandemic. In the meantime there are a number of cautionary practices that may help to stem the tide of contagion. We will have to wait and see what happens in the future. Meanwhile those who are guiding us  are using the best guesses as to what will work. We have to be patient with them as well as each other as we navigate our way to the other side, and there will eventually be another side.

This is America, land of the free, but if we are wise we will avoid abusive language when we strongly disagree. We will not imply threats with guns or flags of civil unrest. We will be certain that our comments reflect a loving concern for all. Nobody is immune from the horrible changes and pain that Covid-19 has wrought on the world. Each of us worries about the future. Let’s at least try to do so with a bit of love, politely inviting more caring disagreement.

A Time For Healing

Published on by Sharron BurnettLeave a comment

It’s far too soon to speak of the Covid-19 pandemic being over. It’s doubtful that we will be able to flip a switch and go back to the normal, at least for a time. There will be a wariness in the air until there are no longer daily outbreaks of the disease and a trustworthy vaccine is available to everyone. Still, we are becoming more and more anxious for that day to come because at heart we enjoy being part of a community. It is in our natures to be productive as well, to have purpose in our lives.

We’ve spent time away from the ebb and flow of the world at large. Our streets have been quieter along with our daily routines. We have had time to think, to meditate, to consider what kind of changes we might want to see in the new normal that will emerge. In some ways we no longer wish to return to the status quo as it once was because in our days of isolation we have realized new possibilities. Our worldwide distancing has in an ironic twist made us somehow feel closer. The individual who dies in Italy is as important to us as the grandfather who does not make it in our hometown.

We have witnessed a simplification in our lives, reminding ourselves of what and who is actually essential. The skies are clearer all over the world and so are our priorities and obligations to share our lives with others. As we enjoy our own blessings we realize how many people it took to make them happen. We may be in a cocoon of safety right now but we survive so pleasantly only because an army of people have worked diligently to keep the supply chain of goods and services running.

We look to our medical community for answers and comfort in time of need and see the immense sacrifices that have always been part of their work. We struggle to keep our children learning and realize the creative and caring presence that teachers have have been even while we often criticized their efforts. That onion or that loaf of bread are suddenly precious commodities brought to us with the backbreaking labor of migrant workers, people that we have sometimes derided in the past. We look to the wonders of technology to keep us connected and pray for the genius of our scientists and engineers to bring us out of this crisis.

We must surely be humbled by this pandemic which has both upended our way of life and demonstrated the amazing human spirit. Heroes that we once thought to be ordinary have emerged with powers more wonderful than Superman. That nurse who dons her battle gear day after day to administer to the dying deserves a Medal of Honor. The drivers who bring food and supplies to vulnerable shut-ins are providing an immeasurable service. The neighbors who look after one another are the very foundation of who we are as people.

We have learned to enjoy simple things. We realize that we do not need as much as we may have thought. The sound of a neighbor playing the violin is lovely enough to make our day. The birds that congregate in our trees are as entertaining as an evening spent on the town. The meals prepared at home are tastier than those at a five star restaurant. Maybe we don’t really need that extra pair of shoes or a new pair of earrings. Instead we might see who around us is struggling and help them to weather this storm.

When we speak of making America great I suspect that we now realize that it will require an acknowledgement that we are indeed members of a global community. A tiny virus has shown us that we cannot escape the fact that when a butterfly flaps its wings in Africa we are all somehow affected. This pandemic was not the fault of any one nation but we are all reeling from it.

Our new big idea should be to look around and see who or what needs help. We must look for ways to use our resources and our privileges more wisely and more universally. We need to consider our young adults who will be inheriting a world greatly changed. We must share our wisdom and work together to overcome the forces of human weaknesses like greed. We also must accept the reality that we are in a symbiotic relationship with the environment and everything we do affects the health of the earth. We humans are not the only ones who are sick, so is nature. It’s time we labor in tandem with our lovely planet.

I hope that we do not soon forget the lessons we have learned in our urgency to open up business as usual. We must be mindful of each other and what is truly important. If we just go back to our closed mindedness and most current tendencies of endless disagreements we will have missed an opportunity to not just recover physically but emotionally and spiritually as well. Now is the time for healing.

Honestly Caring

Published on by Sharron BurnettLeave a comment

Shipwrecked

As I write this on Good Friday I’m filled with so many conflicting emotions much like everyone else. I am confused but determined, content with my own situation but frustrated, prone to laughter from dark humor and on the verge of tears from touching notifications. In other words my mind is grabbing onto every little bit of encouragement that it can find but a little voice in my head is also warning me not to get too excited too soon. I’m more than ready to get back to the old routines but concerned that jumping back in right away will be dangerous.

I can tell from reading posts on Facebook, tweets on Twitter, editorials from various pundits, reports from news agencies that pretty much everyone is in the same state of mind as I am. We’re all trying to keep a smile on our faces while hoping that nobody notices the sorrow in our eyes. Everyone looks so tired of making the best of the situation and yet we all soldier on, each in our own way, and that is what keeps me feeling so hopeful.

We humans may be a bit battered right now, some worse than others, but we have a wonderful ability to pull ourselves together to do whatever we need to do in the moment. Still, we have to be careful that we don’t attempt to be superhuman. Everyone has a breaking point and it’s really alright to give into it now and again. Each of us may have a moment or several moments in which we meltdown without warning. We may see our children losing it and acting uncharacteristically bratty. That’s when it’s time to take a deep breath and find ways to get those toxic feelings out of our systems.

There are constructive and destructive ways of dealing with our feelings but the one thing that is certain is that we should never just ignore them. We should be supportive of anyone that we know who is having a particularly difficult time. Maybe all we need do is just sit quietly beside them or maybe we allow them to voice all of their anger without judgement or attempts to assuage their emotions. If we really know and love someone we will understand whether they need a good laugh or a virtual hug or the freedom to vent.

At this point we probably all know someone who is exceedingly afraid or angry or annoyingly optimistic or calm. It’s important to remember that we each process the global grief that we are feeling in very different ways. I tend to appear to be a bastion of strength in difficult moments, which is true, but few see my breakdowns once the danger has passed. The feelings that we are experiencing are very real and important and if we watch carefully we will surely note that even our youngest children are reeling from them. Enough of us may have closeted ourselves away from Covid-19 to begin to flatten the curve of contagion but the curve of our feelings is growing exponentially with each passing day.

I got a surprise FaceTime call from my niece, Lorelai, last week. She is a delightfully vibrant, bright and honest child. Our conversation began with questions about a mathematics assignment that she had to complete, but eventually became a tour of her newly organized bedroom and her feelings. It was one of the happiest and healthiest encounters that I have enjoyed of late.

I learned that Lorelai had used most of her time away from school doing lessons online and cleaning her bedroom. She had done a remarkable job with each of these endeavors but admitted that without a live audience with her teachers it was sometimes difficult to grasp concepts. She joked that she was finding out that there is an alternative way of speaking the English language that is quite foreign to talking in Texan. She mentioned that in spite of the dramatic changes in her life she was feeling closer to and more understanding of her siblings. She concluded our little chat by showing me color samples of paint that she was considering for the walls of her bedroom. We both agreed that a lovely lilac color called Opera was a magnificent choice.

I felt so uplifted after talking with Loreali mostly because she is so real about her feelings. All too often we adults tend to hide behind veils of bravery when we really just want to scream like a little nephew of mine did when his mom made him wear a pair of tight fitting shorts that were uncomfortable and not his style. We don’t have to pretend how we are feeling nor should we be upset with others who are emoting in ways that feel uncomfortable to us.

I have a friend who has the most wonderful conversations with her little boy. They sit together and address his issues as they arise. Sometimes his toddler logic is confusing, perhaps because he himself is feeling uncertain. She is a model of patience with him and as a result together they get past all of the toxic moments with love.

Reach out with an open mind. It’s perhaps the most wonderful thing that we might do for one another right now. If you are in a very bad place, don’t hide. Find someone who will listen with compassion. Allow the tears or laughter or prayers or whatever helps to cleanse the toxins from your soul. We may all be in the same boat but some around us are in yachts while others are floating on wreckage. Be aware, be kind and be above all be honest.