Mighty Men Too

I spent the last years of my career in the KIPP Charter system. I had heard about the work of two young men who had created a different kind of school based on high expectations and the simple but direct imperative, “Work hard. Be nice.” I saw working at one of the KIPP campuses as an opportunity to be adventurous before I retired. I wasn’t going to start my own school but I wanted to see what it was like to educate kids in a dynamic environment where first generation high school graduates were groomed from a young age to attend and complete college.

It was an exciting and often exhausting five years. As a teacher I had always given more of my time and talents than required and I felt ready to tackle the long work days of KIPP Houston High School. Somehow I had been a natural in my profession and I had few worries about meeting my responsibilities in a highly charged atmosphere. I was already that teacher who spent three or four hours each evening poring over student work and planning exciting lessons. I was ahead of my time in building personal relationships and keeping students and parents informed. I thought that being a member of the KIPP world would be a piece of cake for someone like me. I learned soon enough that it would be perhaps the most challenging, but also rewarding, five years of my life.

KIPP charter schools set the bar high for teachers, parents and students. The hours were long and the standards were demanding. It took some time to become accustomed to rising before the sun and arriving back home long after dark but it was the KIPP way of life and I had to adapt. There was a sense of urgency for everyone within the system, unspoken rules that each of us were capable of giving just a little more of our time and talents. There was no rest, not even in the summer. We were part of a grand crusade to change the trajectory of the lives of the young men and women who had promised to do whatever it took to get to and through college. We had to teach them the skills, knowledge and habits that they would need and they had to meet our never ending challenges. In the end what we accomplished appears to have worked rather well.

I have been attempting to showcase the talents of the students who were part of my KIPP family during my five year tenure. If I were to adequately mention every single person, it would take weeks. The success rate of KIPP Houston High School is astounding. So many of our kids have rewarded our own efforts with their incredible determination to overcome the odds that were often stacked against them. In talking with them I have noticed that there is a common denominator that defines their success. They mention again and again that they felt a kind of pressure to complete their educations because it was expected by the school, the teachers, their parents and their peers. They learned from their KIPP experience that dreams were more likely to come true if they put in effort day by day by day, just like climbing a mountain. Last weekend more incredible young KIPP men and women graduated from college and with the taste of success freshly rewarding them, they all realize that their journeys are still incomplete. 

Isaac Rivera was one of my Algebra I students. When he was in my class he often took advantage of my after school tutoring sessions, a fact that alerted me to his willingness to put forth extra effort when needed. He has always been an affable young man with a grin that spreads across his face without warning. He loves people and laughs with a twinkle in his eyes. He’s the kind of person who embraces the world full force, wanting to know as much about it as possible. Isaac enjoys having long conversations and learning about people, a trait that is endearing because it is always apparent that he is truly interested. In other words, Isaac is someone who is quite charming and easy to like.

Isaac took a bit longer to complete his college degree than he would have wanted but he understood that it was not a race. Besides, he was dealing with health issues as well as attempting to help his family. He worked hard and always believed that he would finish what he had started. This past Saturday I watched him as he proudly received a degree in Finance with a minor in Economics from the University of St. Thomas. It was fitting that the guest speaker, Governor Greg Abbott, spoke of the importance of being flexible in life and holding fast to dreams because that is something that Isaac has most certainly done. He now plans to begin a career of his own while helping his family to grow their business. Eventually he hopes to work toward an MBA as well as a PhD so that he might one day become a college professor. Given his track record so far, I have little doubt that he will achieve each of his goals.

Jesse Ortega was a member of KIPP Houston High School Class of 2012. He possesses a kind of charisma that has always made him a standout. He is a brilliant young man who received a scholarship to attend the University of Texas in Austin, an accomplishment that made him one of the elite students in the state. With an eye toward one day becoming a medical doctor, Jesse majored in Nutritional Science. He also graduated this past Saturday. He performed so well in his classes at the University of Texas that he was recently accepted to the Southwestern Medical School in Dallas where he will fulfill a dream that he has harbored for a very long time.

Jesse has a beautiful family that has stood behind him every step of the way. Like Isaac he experienced some health problems that might have detoured his journey were it not for the intense devotion of his parents and his sister, Guadelupe, who is perhaps his biggest fan and supporter. Together they have overcome one roadblock after another and there is every reason to believe that they will continue to help Jesse to realize his ultimate dream. Jesse knows what he wants and how to get it. He is unafraid to expend as much effort as needed. He will be a great doctor.

I am proud and honored to know these outstanding young men who are but two of the remarkable success stories coming from the KIPP world. Others who also took to heart the lessons that we worked so hard to convey are Christopher Jordan, graduate of Texas Tech, Taaha Akhtar, graduate of Georgetown University, Erik Guerrero, graduate of Lamar University, and Nathan Thai, graduate of the University of Texas in Austin. I am truly overwhelmed to know that I along with my colleagues played a teeny tiny part in helping these men to dramatically shape the direction of their lives.

I applaud those who continue the tireless work in schools across the country that serve to create a better future for our society. I thank the parents for the sacrifices that they have made as well. Mostly though I have to give credit to the young men and women who did the heavy lifting. They deserve all the praise. It has been great to watch them enter the adult world with determination and optimism. They continually show me that the world is progressing just as it should.

Life is Shiny and Awesome

13165981_10206207146842968_828197429741817811_nI’ll be the first to admit that the end of May through the beginning of June is not my favorite time of year. In fact, I tend to dread this period, for it cycles through the dates when each of my parents died. I’d love to be able to tell everyone that there comes a moment when I actually forget the trauma of Memorial Day, 1957, when my father was killed in a car accident, but that would be a lie. For fifty-nine years I have felt the same pangs of loss that I experienced way back when I was only eight years old. The fact that my mother died quite suddenly and unexpectedly on the very day before I was to celebrate my retirement five years ago, only compounds my solemn mood as I watch the calendar head to those two terrible anniversaries.

Of course I have learned how to cope and move on. It’s what we all must do, but somehow the sorrow that I felt upon the deaths of the two people who gave me life lingers in a back corner of my mind. The scars of those events have healed but the calendar annually reminds me of the magnitude of my loss and I experience a tiny itch of sadness. The faded memories return and always among them is remembrance of how wonderfully understanding my Uncle William was when my father died. It was he who took the time to check on me and my brothers amidst the confusion and chaos of that day. It was he who showed us what real love was when we needed it most. Ironically decades later it would be his son, Paul, and his granddaughter, Jan, who would lift up our hearts with stirring tributes to our mother at her wake.

The lovely spirit of Uncle William lives on so beautifully within the hearts of Paul and Jan. They are both special souls who bring a pure and innocent kind of sincerity to every situation. Like Uncle William they are both wise and far stronger than people might suspect. They provide me with important links to my past, stalwarts for the present and promise for the future.

Jan has seen her own share of tragedy of late. Perhaps the most shocking event was the death of her cousin last summer. In what seemed a horrible replay of my father’s death, Jan’s cousin was killed while on vacation in a freak motorcycle accident. He was young, full of life and Jan’s special confidante. He had a family that loved him and so much more that he needed to do. This wasn’t supposed to happen and yet it did, leaving Jan bereft beyond measure.

Jan and her family have struggled for months to deal with the emotions that have stalked them. In an almost unbelievable turn of events her mother’s father died within weeks of her cousin’s passing. Because she is such a loving person, Jan’s grief has been almost unbearable to watch. Somehow she has managed to keep herself together because she had a very specific goal. She was in the midst of earning a Masters Degree in Communications at the University of Houston. The demands of her coursework was unforgiving. She had to keep studying, researching, writing papers and defending theses. Somehow it was in the work that her healing process began.

I suspect that Jan still wishes that she might have one more conversation with her departed loved ones but she also knows that they would have insisted that she continue to move forward, and so she did. She graduated in early May with her degree and a host of honors. Somehow I saw in her the image and spirit of my Uncle William. He ever so quietly and humbly lived a most remarkable life. He was not as learned as Jan but he brought so much to every single interaction, even with strangers. He delivered mail in the same neighborhood for years and made a point to know the people on his route and to treat them with dignity and respect. He did odd jobs here and there so that he might provide his family with special treats. He always carried fifty cent pieces to give to us children and he often insisted that we have ice cream to celebrate even an ordinary day.

Jan is so much like him. She lights up a room with her generous spirit. My mother adored her and would have been touched beyond imagination to hear Jan’s praises. Jan is bound for a wonderful life just as my mom always said she would be.

On the occasion of her graduation Jan shared what she thought to be “wise nuggets” that demonstrate the depth of her character. “It’s what I’ve lost that makes me so incredibly thankful for what I have. It’s what I haven’t achieved that pushes me to achieve more. And it’s what I wait for that makes me excited for the future. I may be a dreamer, but I can guarantee that I will do anything in my power to achieve it, whatever it may be. Life is confusing and messy. You hit a few bumps and that frustrates you. Then, you see this light, and it’s awesome and shiny (because you life shiny stuff). What appears from the light? See, that’s the beauty part of life, you take the good with the bad until you reach that shiny light to find out what is there. Take the good with the bad and hold on to those you love.”

I imagine my mother, my Uncle William and all of the other folks who have always loved Jan are feeling rather proud of her right now. I know I am. I can’t wait to see which one of those six pending job offers she ultimately lands and where her journey will take her. One thing that I know for sure is that she will be not just fine, but remarkable.

Congratulations, Jan! We love you with all of our hearts. You bring us joy with your presence. You have a huge fan club and we plan to hold on to you with all of our might. You are truly shiny and awesome.

When We Would Rather Cry Than Smile

EmotionsMost of us go about our business each day quietly bearing burdens that we rarely mention. We tend to downplay our worries and sorrows, instead displaying a stiff upper lip and carrying on as if nothing has happened. When things become too much for us and we feel broken, we may find ourselves unable to keep it together. We experience a moment when we confide our woes or shed tears without the usual filters that we place on our feelings. Then there are those among us who always manage to keep a public face of strength and optimism even when they feel as though they are dying inside. We each have our unique ways of dealing with death, disappointment and hurt.

In today’s world there are so many avenues for venting our feelings, sometimes anonymously. We may adopt a pseudonym and comment on Disqus without anyone ever knowing who we are. We write in our diaries and journals and then lock them away for nobody’s eyes but our own. It is when we take our thoughts to the places of public discourse that we open ourselves to the slings and arrows of misunderstanding and criticism. Casually written words lack the meaning and nuances of a one on one conversation. Our ideas become twisted into the perceptions of someone who doesn’t really understand us. There are no intonations or facial expressions to bring subtlety to the discussion. It becomes difficult to clarify our intent after the fact or to exclaim, “That’s not what I meant at all.” Once we have to defend ourselves the true effect of what we had hoped to say is lost. Others have decided who we are.

Most people use public discourse to simply keep in touch with the outside world. They maintain a lighthearted front and may even be just naturally happy and optimistic. Their posts show us the wonderfulness of their lives. They stay away from political commentaries or any subject that might be misconstrued. They have learned how to be wary of revealing too many of their private thoughts. We sometimes wonder if their worlds are as truly perfect as they seem to be.

Braver souls continually allow us inside their heads. They have learned that this may be a dangerous thing to do but don’t appear to worry about what others may think. If they voice their beliefs they are likely to anger those whose thoughts are different. If they open their hearts and let us see their pain and suffering some will turn away in discomfort. It is risky to be honest about how we really feel, especially when the emotion that is ruling us in a particular moment is anger. Many among us prefer not to see the fears and uncertainties that are a part of each and every one of us and yet it should not be so. The truth is that no matter how hard we try to create perfect images of ourselves, the time comes in all lives when we only want to cry or scream or lock ourselves away in the dark. We feel a profound need for human compassion and understanding at the very times when we feel the most uncertain that it will be available to us. Sadly, we are sometimes ignored, spurned and even judged by how we react to life’s horrors.

Mike and I watched a documentary on Friday called The Flat. It was an innocuous title for a moving film. It all began when a young man’s grandmother died in Tel Aviv. He and members of his family gathered at the apartment where his grandmother had lived to help with the task of culling through her possessions to determine what was worth keeping and what needed to go. It soon became apparent that the home was a treasure trove of memories and history that opened up many questions about who the deceased woman had really been. The young man, a filmmaker, began an emotional journey along with his mother that would take them back to Germany.

The story itself was intriguing but I was even more fascinated by the way that the people dealt with their emotions. The young man became intensely curious about his grandparents’ past that had always been mysteriously left unmentioned. His mother insisted that what had happened to her mother and father before coming to Tel Aviv was in reality none of their business. She insisted that her parents only wanted to move forward in life and that she had respected their wishes, never probing to find the missing pieces of their stories.

As the tale unfolded the young man was visibly moved at every turn. He was upset that his grandmother’s prize book collection seemed to be worthless to everyone save himself. He grieved to learn that his great grandmother had perished in a concentration camp. He wondered aloud how his own mother might be so cavalier about all of their discoveries. She in turn continued to act as though she had been unaffected by the revelations that had been so surprising to her son. Sadly not even the more emotive son appeared to notice that his mother’s eyes told a story far different from the one that she tried so hard to portray. They displayed a deep and enduring sadness that was impossible to hide.

Grandmother, mother and son each approached the world in differing manners. The elder woman lived as though her life had never been touched by unspeakable tragedy. Her daughter respected those wishes, never asking painful questions. She simply played along with the pretense out of respect. The grandson was from a different generation. He needed to know the truth and to grieve for a family that he had never truly known. Thus it is with all of humanity. We choose different ways of reacting to life.

I am not an expert in the psychology of emotions. I’m not certain what kind of behavior is best. I suspect that it must be very difficult to maintain a steadying composure even in the face of tragedy. A stiff upper lip may serve well at work but to also maintain it in private must be truly painful. Likewise respecting another’s choices is something that we all must do from time to time but denying the way that we really feel is no small task. I suspect that allowing the natural God given feelings that we all have to come to the surface is the healthiest way to live. Admitting that we are feeling despair or anger in a given situation is akin to accepting that we are human. It does not seem necessary or even healthy to always be strong.

It really is okay to sometimes admit that we feel lost or even unappreciated. There are things that happen that make no sense, that seem so unfair. We can’t be expected to accept every aspect of our fates with smiles. It is appropriate that we “rage against the dying of the light.” It makes sense that we admit to how much we miss someone who is gone. Our feelings are very real and if we embrace them when they are appropriate, they will help us to overcome the most difficult moments of our lives.

My mother’s psychiatrist once told her that the sadness and depression that she felt after her mother died had nothing to do with the depression that was part of her bipolar disorder. He encouraged her to cry over the loss of her mother, noting that in doing so she was demonstrating just how normal she was.

We should not fear our emotions. Each of them was given to us for a valid reason. We simply need to learn how to embrace them appropriately. Nobody is immune from experiencing the entire range of feelings during a lifetime. We should celebrate those who are courageous enough to free themselves from the artificial constraints that our society sometimes imposes on us. There is no dishonor in letting the world know that, at least for the moment, we would rather cry than smile.

Mighty Women Part II

One of the goals of KIPP Houston High School, where I spent my last years as an educator, was to assist students in the journey to and through college. We developed an iron-clad three pronged relationship between our students, their parents and all of us who worked in the KIPP world. That connection continued even after our pupils had graduated. The idea was to offer our support so that the young men and women might be able to navigate through the many ups and downs of life and still earn college diplomas. I always felt that the most powerful aspects of the triumvirate were actually the students themselves and their families. We teachers, counselors and administrators were mostly a safety net and source of information, facilitators if you will. It was the grit inside the hearts of our kids and the love that they experienced from their parents that has made them so enormously successful. This past weekend I witnessed the power of my former students over and over again.

Christine Marsh was a standout in my Algebra I class, someone that I noticed on the very first day. She is beautiful, intelligent, friendly and loving. She is the kind of student whom teachers love, the golden girl with all of the characteristics of a truly gifted and talented individual. Somehow she has managed to also be humble and thus she has always been quite popular with everyone. As she progressed through the four years of high school her aura of greatness only increased and everyone who knows her suspects that she is destined for great things.

Christine started her college career at the University of Texas and it did not go as well as she had hoped. Somehow it was not a good fit for her and so she came back home feeling a bit defeated. She went to work and reflected on how to make a comeback. It was a bit rough in the beginning but Christine is made of hardy stuff and she began the process of going to college anew at the University of Houston, applying the full force of her determination and intellect to both her job and her studies. As Christine likes to joke, she took “the six year scenic route,” which was often grueling and tested her endurance to the max.

This past Friday Christine Marsh walked across the University of Houston stage and proudly accepted the diploma that speaks of her triumph. She promises to continue to work hard and be nice, never forgetting the KIPP mantra that helped her to reach her goal.

Cindy Lugo-Jaimez, another KIPP alumna, always seems to be a friend to everyone. She has a generous heart and an unflagging willingness to help anyone in need. Her kindnesses haven’t always been returned, but Cindy just smiles and continues to be the sweet person that she is, regardless. In the spirit of giving, she enrolled in the College of Healthcare Professions and somehow managed to give her all to her family while earning high marks and consistently landing on the Dean’s List. 

Cindy proudly continued to dote on her three beautiful children, which is a full time job for anyone, but proved that she is truly a super woman when she earned a diploma that seems perfect for her giving personality. She is now officially certified to be a medical assistant. She has become an awesome role model for her kids and for all of us who have watched her persistence. She will without a doubt be incredible in her new job.

Brooklyn Taylor was what some educators might call a challenge. She went through high school with a bang, ever vigilant for signs of  unfairness. She possesses a brilliant mind that is as strong as a steel trap. If we had offered debate at our school she might have been a champion. As it is, she always speaks up whenever she feels that anyone has been wronged. Her logic and her arguments are flawless and her fellow students admire her for her courage.

While in high school Brooklyn served as the Vice President of the National Honor Society and introduced her classmates to the world of autism by raising awareness and funds for a program that channeled the unexplained mysteries of autistic children into skateboarding. Brooklyn’s concern for those with special needs goes far beyond a cursory interest and she has continued to spend her summers serving as a camp counselor and devoted advocate for them.

At our school, Brooklyn had a following among certain members of the faculty who saw a uniqueness in her inquisitive nature. I was not alone in admiring her. She developed a strong bond with one of her social studies teachers who had attended William and Mary University as an undergraduate. He saw greatness in Brooklyn and encouraged her to apply to his alma mater. We were all quite happy for her when an acceptance letter arrived. Now, she is officially a graduate of William and Mary and the rest of her days are bound to be as exciting as they have been thus far.

When Linda Ayala was at KIPP Houston High School she was a founding member of the UNICEF club. She donated countless hours of her time to raise funds for various causes, including providing help for those devastated by the earthquakes in Haiti. She is an unassuming young lady who worked hard at her studies and helped without a great deal fanfare or hesitation. I remember her mostly for her sweet and sincere smile and her willingness to do any job that I gave her.

In my last days before retirement there was still a great deal of money in the UNICEF account and the officers of the club voted to distribute the funds before I left. After giving to the American Red Cross and several local charities, the officers felt that it would be nice to provide a small scholarship to a deserving member of the organization. Linda was their overwhelming choice and she used their gift well. This weekend she graduated from Syracuse University and is now ready to put her many talents to the test.

Gabrielle Martin caught my eye way back in high school. She bears herself with the kind of unassuming dignity that befits a woman of distinction. She had been looking forward to her graduation with great expectation but the realities of the world intruded on her celebration. Sadly her mother ended a battle with cancer only days before the commencement exercises. Gabrielle graduated from the University of Houston with a degree in Public Health on Friday and buried her mother on Saturday. It was a bittersweet moment for her because it had been her mother who had always inspired her to be her very best. It seemed unimaginably horrific for such a thing to happen and my heart has been grieving for Gabrielle unremittingly. 

In many ways, Gabrielle is the mightiest of all of the outstanding women whose stories I have told. She has demonstrated the depth of her strength in a situation that would have broken most of us. I am certain that her mother’s bright spirit lives on inside of her. I pray that one day her broken heart will heal and she will know that her mom is indeed an angel guiding and protecting her forever. 

Gabrielle is truly my hero.

I am so proud of each and everyone of these young women. As long as they grace our world we are all just a bit better. Let their adventures commence. They will be fascinating.

Mighty Women Part I

There was a time when little girls were the high achievers in elementary school but as they progressed through middle school and high school they were eventually overtaken by the boys. That trend has slowly and dramatically changed over time. Today there are more young women enrolled in universities than men and to their credit more of them actually earn degrees than their male counterparts. I witnessed a microcosm of that effect this past weekend as so many of the young ladies with whom I had formerly worked graduated from universities all across the country. I was overwhelmed with the deepest pride and respect for them because I know that their hard labors began long ago.

Sara Reyna was one of my Algebra students. She was a quiet and somewhat shy young lady caught in the midst of my most rowdy class. She was not prone to their pranks and purposeful distractions but was far more studious and determined. Over the course of four years Sara and I shared many conversations in which I learned much about her courage and grit. She wisely chose to befriend an outstanding group of like-minded young women and together all of them became some of my all time favorite people and great success stories.

Sara always reminded me so much of myself. She stayed in Houston to attend college while her friends went away. She worked while going to school and was somewhat uncertain as to what she ultimately wanted to do with her life. It took her time and much soul searching to finally realize that she wanted to be a teacher. I knew that she would be incredible in that capacity and hoped that she would one day join the ranks of those of us whose profession is dedicated to passing the torch of knowledge from one generation to the next.

Sara somehow managed to work and handle eighteen hour course loads in her quest for a degree. On Friday her dreams came true as she walked across the stage at the University of Houston to receive her diploma in Education. She had won yet another hard fought battle and I am giddy with happiness for her and her family because I know how important this moment is. I also believe that when the school bells ring in the fall there will be some very lucky students assigned to Ms. Reyna’s class. Knowing that Sara will be in charge gives me nothing but great hope for the future of our boys and girls.

Sara shared her joy with yet another of my Algebra students, Meliza Aranda. Meliza was also a rather quiet student who was lucky enough to be in a class with more serious and focused individuals. She and I never spoke much but I noted that she was always polite, prepared and studious. I had lost track of her after graduation from high school, so it was with great delight that I realized that she had attended my alma mater, the University of Houston and that she had also chosen to major in Education. Like Sara, Meliza graduated this past Friday.

I spent many years interviewing prospective teachers and I now have a knack for determining how well a person will do inside a classroom. I predict that Meliza will be a masterful teacher. The students and parents will have a treasure in her. I’m blissfully happy to know that she is now part of the educational sisterhood.

Meanwhile at Texas Tech University, Julie Dominguez claimed her Masters degree in Biomedical Sciences. She is from the same Class of 2010 as Sara and earned her first degree two years ago. Julie is a happy person who always seems to beam with an inviting smile. She loves people, sports and her family. Sadly she has seen more tragedy than most. Only weeks before her graduation her beloved cousin was murdered as he attempted to come to the aid of a woman who was being attacked. It was with a profound sadness that she somehow found the fortitude to finish the work for her graduate degree. Now she plans to move forward with great purpose so that she might honor her family.

Julie is a brilliant young woman who has a way with people and with words. She recently posted her thoughts on Facebook and inspired all of us with her bravery and her faith. “Thank you God, you have a purpose for us all,” she began. “Even though I don’t know where life will take me, I know you will lead me to my purpose…A special thanks to my angels who are always taking care of me from above. This triumph is dedicated to all of y’all that make me a better person.”

I suspect that this is only a first step for Julie. She is a woman on a mission and she will not stop until she is positioned to make this world a healthier and happier place for all of us. I am certain that she will bring the change that she wishes to see in a world that has not always been kind to her and her family. Somehow Julie Dominguez remains a shining light of optimism for all of us.

Marissa Garza, another Class of 2010 KIPP alumna, has always kept her eye on the prize. As a student at KIPP Houston High School she demonstrated a maturity and intellect a step above her peers. She is a wise and loyal person who instills confidence. People seem to seek her out as a comforting presence. Somehow it seems only fitting that she graduated this weekend with a degree in nursing, an occupation that fits so perfectly with all of her nurturing qualities.

Earning her diploma has been a stressful battle with difficult coursework and hours long rotations in the hospital that might have defeated a lesser person. Marissa admits to having shed many tears in her quest to become a nurse but somehow she kept picking herself back up and slowly but surely moved forward. She is eager to take her certification exams and get her license to practice her skills.

Someone somewhere is already going to have a better experience with a health problem because Marissa will be there to help him/her through the process of regaining health. The same loving and encouraging ways that her friends and family have always observed in her will become the foundation upon which she will no doubt build a stunning career.

I am so proud of these four incredible women. Each of them had to overcome challenges to reach goals that seemed so distant back when I first met them. I have watched them change from giddy young teenagers into mighty women of distinction. Their actions and character make KIPP Houston High School and all of us who worked with them there feel incalculably proud. They have truly climbed the mountain of educational success and I suspect that their view from the summit is breathtaking. I know that as I watch them from my vantage point I am in awe.