Revealing a Truth

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Before my father died visits to our family doctor were a regular thing. Because one of my brothers had asthma and allergies he was often sick and the doctor would even make house calls to check on him. I remember helping my mother to prepare our formica topped kitchen table to serve as an examination area. The doctor would come with his black bag and carefully check my brother’s temperature, ears, nasal passages and then listen for abnormalities in his lungs. I got to know our doctor rather well from those times and years later I would work as a summer receptionist in his clinic.

After my father died our visits to the doctor became almost nonexistent. Our only encounter with anything medical came when we spent what seemed like entire days at a Harris County clinic on Canal Street waiting to get our school inoculations for free. It never occurred to me back then that my mom could not afford to use the doctor’s office anymore unless someone had a major emergency or injury. I just assumed that we were a generally healthy bunch which may or may not have been true. It was only as an adult that I realized that my mother’s financial situation may have been the real reason that we only visited the doctor once in a blue moon. I doubt she had health insurance and I know that her income was ridiculously low, so she probably cut corners anyway possible, and that meant keeping medical expenses to a minimum.

When I was well into my fifties and one of my doctors began testing me for osteoporosis he wondered why my quite distinct scoliosis was never treated when I was a child. I suspect that the reason was that I never went to the doctor often enough for anyone to pick up on the fact that my spine was curving as I grew. My mother would not have known about such things and because I have had few other health problems in my life we were not alerted to treatments that might otherwise have straightened my back. Thus is the reality of those who have economic hardships.

I have been saddened to read reports that indicate that all across the United States it is the poor who are most likely to contract and suffer grave consequences from Covid-19. Due to the nature of their work which requires them to show up or lose pay they have been on the front lines of essential work duties often without proper protective face masks or gloves. In addition I suspect that, like my family, they do not often visit doctors for preventive care that might uncover health problems early enough to either fix or control them. They do not enjoy the luxuries of healthy diets either. Fresh fruit and vegetables tend to be more expensive than these individuals have the income to purchase. In totality their economic status limits what they can do to stay safe and healthy in normal conditions. That factor is only exacerbated by a worldwide pandemic.

Throughout history it has been the poor among us who have suffered most in difficult times. Right now the zip codes outlining the areas with the most Covid-19 cases in Houston are all in places that we know to be inhabited by our most economically vulnerable. We might argue that they in all probability have welfare, Medicaid, CHIPS and other programs that should be enough to help them but I know from my own mother that it is easy to slip through the cracks and become ineligible for such programs. On the day of her death my mom had a total income of $1100 a month which meant that she missed being able to get state or federal benefits by $100 a month. With her stunning abilities to budget with whatever she had and a bit of help from me and my brothers she was able to make it, but many people in a situation like hers do not have a source of additional assistance.

I almost cried when I looked at the zip codes where the most cases of Covid-19 are occurring because they represented the neighborhoods of so many of the students that I have taught in the past. I knew the parents of my pupils to be upstanding individuals who worked hard mostly in low paying jobs making just enough to get from one paycheck to the next. Medical care was a luxury for them just as it was for my mother. I was thrilled when a nurse at one of the schools where I worked spearheaded an effort to build a clinic on campus property where members of the community were able to come for vaccinations, tests, general health exams, and such. Donors and volunteers created a welcoming place where nobody had to feel belittled or concerned about how to pay. I have often wondered why there are not more such efforts being made all over town, and Covid-19 has made me feel the need for such homegrown medical centers more than ever.

If we were to take anything seriously starting with the health of our citizens should be right at the top of our priorities. The reality is that we will always have unfortunate souls among us whose incomes are too low to prioritize preventive care. They often can’t even afford to take the time off for such visits because every hour of their work days are devoted to being on the job. If they are not present, they do not get paid. We should find creative ways to fix that.

Covid-19 has shone a light on problems that the vast majority of us rarely experience. I suspect that I might never have noticed the inequities were it not for my own history as the child of a single parent whose circumstances caused her to lived on the edge of poverty for most of her life. It’s time we all became more aware and then like that nurse at my school lead meaningful drives to help fix the problems. 

Plan B

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There is plenty to cause people to be afraid these days. We are bombarded twenty four hours a day with stories presented more to earn readers and viewers than to just present the news. The more titillating the piece the more likely it is to increase ratings, the holy grail of journalism in today’s super charged environment. Add to the mix hackers who foment terror with propaganda and it can sometimes be difficult to discern the difference between truth and fact. Rumors abound to add to the inflammatory atmosphere. Uncertainty provokes anxiety that grows faster than a pandemic.

Everyone has real personal concerns that are enough to keep them worrying. They may be financial or health related, social or physical. I can’t think of anyone who is not grappling with some private tragedy that saps energy and brings on insomnia. The added furor over issues that may or may not be as dire as they are presented only adds to the pressures of existence. Our natural instincts to react when signs of danger appear have been stressed again and again by predictions of terrorism, murder, pandemic, natural disasters. We don’t want to be ruled by panic or illogical thinking, but we also don’t want to get caught unprepared. We find ourselves wondering whether to just laugh and continue our routines or take warnings seriously and make changes to our lives. When the information that we gather becomes contradictory we don’t know who to believe and our concerns only grow.

I remember a long ago day in October when I arrived at school to find fewer of my fellow students in attendance. My teacher appeared to be unusually tense and ultimately she spoke to us about the Cuban missile crisis that was unfolding. It was honestly the first time that I had heard of such a thing. If my mother knew of it, she never mentioned it to me and my brothers. I remember being somewhat amused by my teacher’s concerns and advice for what we should do if an attack on our city occurred. Because my mother appeared to be so nonplussed by the event I took her cue and simply ignored the whole thing which ultimately turned out just fine. It would be years later before I realized the extent to which our country had been on the brink of nuclear disaster. When I learned the truth I was unable to decide if my ignorance had been best or if I should have been more serious and prepared for a dangerous eventuality.

I worry enough without additional input from muckrakers. I’m generally not so much fearful of what may happen to me but rather how to protect my loved ones from harm. My guess is that I take after my mother in that regard. When I lie awake at night it is never out of anxiety for myself but always from fear that one of my family members or friends my be in trouble. When I am frightened I try to take control of the situation. I become like a mama bird preparing and guarding her nest. I maintain an appearance of calm and quietly go about my days as routinely as possible while also gathering whatever I may need to overcome the demands of an emergency.

Fear is the most normal of human reactions and one that may actually help us to avoid danger. It also has the power of driving us inside our own minds, crippling our ability to lead normal productive lives. I watched mental illness turn my mother into a sad paranoid shell of herself. She hid behind heavy curtains in the darkness of her mind. Hers was a medical problem that righted itself only when she took medications designed to balance the chemicals of her brain. Most of us will never know the terror that her bipolar disorder created in her thoughts. Still if we let our anxieties overtake us we lose the joy that we need to get the most from each moment of our days.

I suppose that I have learned to keep my fears at bay by taking constructive actions that may or may not be of any consequence but nonetheless allow me to feel more optimistic. I insure my home against disaster knowing that I may not escape devastation but at least will have a means of rebuilding if the worst case scenario unfolds. I take care of myself with healthy habits of both body and mind understanding that there are no guarantees that I will not be struck with a difficult illness. I can only hope that my routines will at least provide me with a reservoir of strength in any eventuality. I avoid dangerous situations as I go about my business and drive with care knowing that none of my cautions are foolproof. I have a store of provisions in case of some unexpected disruption in the normal flow of the world. Like a Girl Scout I plan ahead just as I always have.

I suppose that the events of my lifetime have taught me to never say never. If someone had predicted my future when I was a child I would have scoffed at the very idea of things that ultimately happened. Perhaps I may have also been very afraid. Instead I went about my life being a bit cautious just in case. There have been times when my careful planning served me well but I have admittedly spent sleepless nights wondering and worrying needlessly. Life has taught me that dreams come true through hard work but nightmares sneak up on us when we least expect them. Having a Plan B and staying calm has helped me through such situations time again. 

To Do Or Not To Do?

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On the whole we humans have been mostly very good during our isolation from life. We’ve generally been up to the challenge of staying home to keep everyone as safe from Covid-19 as possible even when we believe that we ourselves are strong and healthy enough to overcome the dreaded virus.

Our response to the cause has reminded me of the first days of a new school year which always seem to be filled with great enthusiasm and good intentions. Everyone shows up in the beginning with new supplies and clothing and dedication. It’s easy to spot the bad eggs who may eventually be difficult because they seem to have cynical expressions permanently tattooed on their faces. They are few and far between so there is not much worry about them from the start. It’s easy to redirect one person when everyone else is agreeing to the rules and procedures.

It doesn’t take long for the students and teachers to settle into a mutually acceptable routine but invariably a few weeks down the road there are signs of trouble. Many of the homework assignments begin to look as though they have been half-heartedly completed. Those new clothes give way to sloppier versions of themselves. That kid who was worrisome on day one is causally fomenting a bit more unrest within the student body. Teachers have to work much harder to keep the interest and the magic alive. Everyone begins to look tired.

I see this same phenomenon happening in response to the Covid-19 pandemic. The novelty of staying home and waiting for the danger to pass is wearing thin. Many are growing more and more anxious to resume their lives and less and less inclined to believe that there is any sort of clear and present danger that requires the stringent measures that have so changed our lives. Many have begun to question whether we ever needed to hide behind closed doors to defeat the virus. As the numbers of sick and dying slow down across the globe the general resolve to do whatever it takes is turning into doubt that there ever was a problem as big as experts predicted. Many are beginning to shift their focus from listening to the public health professionals to paying more attention to politicians, pundits and prognosticators who tell them that the curative measures we have been following may in the end be worse than the virus.

I’ve noticed of late that people have become less and less inclined to want to read detailed scientific articles on the latest research into the pandemic. Instead they are more prone to enjoying jokes and happy photos. I suspect that this is a kind of coping mechanism that helps them, but the growing indifference to analyzing what is actually happening in the situation might lead to abrupt decisions that are not in the best interest of everyone. It’s important for each of us to stay as well informed as possible to protect ourselves and others no matter how painful it may be to learn about the facts.

The problem that we face is all the uncertainty. Nobody is able to predict what this virus is going to do. We don’t know enough about it yet. We have no idea whether it will simply burn itself out or return with a vengeance at a later date. We do not have proof that those who have recovered from Covid-19 are now immune, but we certainly hope they are. We have seen how devastating the virus can be in places like Italy, Spain, New York City but in some parts of the world it almost appears that the virus is absent. In spite of all of the data analysis, genetic mapping, and work to invent a vaccine nobody can speak about this disease with any degree of certitude and therein lies the greatest danger.

“To do or not to do?” has become our most important question. If we guess wrong millions may die from the virus. If we guess wrong millions may die from the ravages of an economic downturn. If we guess wrong both things may happen. It’s like playing a game of Russian Roulette with the entire populations of the world.

At the very moment when the stakes are so high too many have lost all interest in hearing the varying arguments for or against this tactic or that. Many want the freedom to decide for themselves and to hell with all of the experts with their dreary warnings. The shine of patience has worn thin. Getting back to the parks and the parties, the restaurants and the ball games, the jobs and the vacations, the normal way of doing things is screaming a siren call that is hard for many to ignore. After all some believe that our efforts amount to much ado about nothing.

I honestly don’t know what to think, but I keep reading and exploring all of the available information that I can find. For now my intent is to stay inside my home until there is more credible proof that resuming my usual routines will not be lethal to me, my family or my friends. I admittedly have the luxury of waiting this out because I am retired but I fully understand why others who still depend on jobs to maintain their households are anxious to resume their work. Nonetheless, we should proceed with caution.

We don’t need to send all of the children back to school for a few remaining weeks. I side with all of the teachers’ organizations that are urging that we continue the remote learning until the end of May and then give all students pass/fail reports and spend the summer convening via Zoom or other platforms to plan for the fall and a new beginning.

I also believe that those who have been effective working from home should continue to do so for the time being. The fewer people we put back onto the roadways and inside offices, the better. Instead, slowly bring back the people whose jobs require them to be present who have been unable to work for weeks but do so with extreme precautions.

My nephew has ninety five electricians working for him in critical jobs that have not ceased during the lockdown. Each day that they report they must undergo screening that includes checking their temperatures and asking them medical questions before they are allowed to enter the sites. They wear N95 masks while they perform their duties and they must regularly wash their hands at stations that have been set up in multiple locations. They are urged to change out of their work clothes before they enter their homes and wash the articles immediately so that they do not inadvertently bring disease to their families. So far the protocols have worked well. I suggest that we make such routines part of any attempts to get people back to work.

I keep hearing grumbles about rights and freedoms that are supposedly being taken away. To those who believe such things I would remind them that our rights are often curtailed for the good of society as a whole. We can win this war against the pandemic, but only if we remain cautious and willing to sacrifice. This will pass and hopefully we will be able to point with pride to the decisions that we made. In the meantime those that don’t need to leave their homes should stay put.

Who Are You Staying Home For?

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Governor Andrew Cuomo of New York created a campaign called “Who Are You Staying Home For?” It puts the rationale for our stay at home advisories into perspective because there are valid reasons for each of us to isolate not just for ourselves but for the good of someone else. It got me to thinking about my intentions for keeping to myself for almost five weeks now.

I have to admit that I do not wish to contract Covid-19. I tend to believe that if I were to do so I would survive just fine, but I don’t know that for sure. Exposing myself to the virus would be a kind of Russian roulette that our healthcare workers are forced to endure on a daily basis. They don’t need another case to deal with and so it would be incredibly selfish of me to flaunt the directives and potentially place myself in harms way. So I stay home for all of the dedicated individuals who are responding so valiantly to caring for those unfortunate souls who have somehow caught the virus. I hope that somehow I and others might lighten their load if we manage to stay well.

I’ve also been quite worried about my husband, Mike. He only recently had surgery to correct major blockage in the arteries of his heart. He is doing well but I believe that if he were to catch Covid-19 it would be quite dangerous. He’s seventy two years old with heart disease, a combination that does not bode well for anyone who comes down with the virus. I am vigilantly staying away from any situation that might be a source of the disease. I order all of my groceries and when they arrive I have a routine for disinfecting them that I use religiously. My hands are cracked and quite ugly from all of the washing to which I have subjected them. I am obsessively compulsive about taking all of the precautions quite soberly knowing that if I get flippant and catch Covid-19 there is a good chance that I will infect Mike.

I’m staying home for the people that I have never met who might accidentally catch the virus from me if I become infected and travel brazenly around my neighborhood and my city. I don’t want to be that person who spreads disease because I am unwilling to be careful. I don’t want to be someone who assumes that we are being duped into a draconian situation that is based on some grand hoax. If I flaunt the rules and I am wrong I will only be complicit in prolonging society’s suffering. I’m staying home so that we have a chance at getting back to normal sooner rather than later.

I’m staying home because I truly believe that God has given us the intellect to know what we must do not just to save ourselves but also as many of our fellow humans as possible. He has placed many brilliant doctors and scientists in our midst who believe that if we can flatten the curve of contagion there will be fewer lives lost. Why would I not listen to the experts? Why would I be so arrogant as to believe that without any knowledge of viruses and medicine I know more than those who have studied these things?

I’m staying home for my children and grandchildren so that they will have one less person to worry about because I know that they are indeed concerned about me. I want them to be confident that I am going to be fine because I am not taking any unnecessary risks. Staying inside my house is a very small sacrifice to provide them with a greater sense of well being.

I’m staying home because this virus really is novel. There is so much more that we must learn about it. I want the rise of emergencies to subside enough that those who study such things will have more time to discover the secrets of Covid-19. We have to know exactly how it works and what if anything is capable of stopping it both before and after it happens. I want to help clear the hospital decks so that this kind of work can commence without interruption.

I’m staying home because I know that it is the right thing to do. I understand that sometimes my liberties must be secondary to the good of all. I may have a right to be cavalier but if doing so endangers others then I am wrong to insist on bucking the system.

I’m staying home so that those who have lost their jobs may possibly get back to work sooner rather than later. I understand that we must all make sacrifices and be willing to help each other even when we are once again allowed to emerge into the outside world.. There will be much need for support and I want to be healthy and ready to do my part.

Who are you staying home for?

Living History

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If only we had a crystal ball that would accurately foretell the future, we might know exactly how to proceed in any situation and most especially during times like those in which we presently find ourselves. Of course we know that no such thing exists and even if it did we might still find ourselves feeling anxious, uncertain and out of control as we wait for a shoe to drop. In truth there are no magic formulas for making the best decisions in a given situation, but there are ways to consider alternatives and then choose a course of action to follow based on rational data. Of course since nothing is perfect there is always a chance that mistakes will happen, making it necessary to adjust as needed.

Humans are part of an intricate web of differing ideas, philosophies, dispositions. Two people might look at the same problem and see it differently. In the luxury of hindsight we may eventually know who was right and who was wrong but in the moment it is impossible to be one hundred percent certain about anything we do. In truth life is a procession of trial, error, correction, and hopefully ultimate success.

I have always enjoyed reading about history. There are certain events whose consequences were so epic that it’s easy to feel as though I am viewing a horror scene in which I know that the boogey man is hiding from the unsuspecting people who are about to get the scare of their lives. I wonder how many Americans from the south would have seceded from the union if they had known the toll of death and destruction that they would endure. Would the people of Russia have revolted against the Czar had they realized the decades of privation and fear that would follow? How many Germans would have supported Adolf Hitler had they seen what would ultimately happen to their country? Would our founding fathers have allowed slavery to be legal in their new nation if they had realized the full consequences of such a decision?

It is always easier to assess a given moment in history once we are able to see the whole picture. We become aware of how things might have been made better. In the heat of the moment we are all too often ruled by more by our emotions, our needs, our personal inclinations than by rational analysis. We desire to find the easy answers even when they are few or nonexistent. Most of the time the situations in which we find ourselves are not dire enough to warrant much of our attention and so we blithely choose sides mostly with those who think exactly life ourselves without giving much thought to alternative ideas. We find comfort in groupthink because it is never easy to be that extraordinary person who goes against the grain of society.

So here we are with all of our human abilities and talents that are tainted by our frailties and fears. We hear the noise of opposing solutions all around us and we are confused as to how best to proceed in light of a worldwide pandemic. There are so many points of view to consider that we feel overwhelmed. We crave simplicity for a complex question. So perhaps we might take a cue from Mr. Rogers and look for the helpers, the people who are working on the front lines all across the globe to save lives. We need to listen to their stories and learn from them, for they are the ones who are living the nightmare in real time while we are isolated in our homes.

During the early years of World War II the United States was decidedly isolationist. It was only after the attack on Pearl Harbor that our nation went to war. We were quite unprepared and our first forays into battle were alarmingly unsuccessful. I have little doubt that the American people felt overwhelmed but they found ways to change the course of history with their sacrifice and determination. They looked to the brilliance of men like Admiral Nimitz and General Eisenhower and supported those who were on the forefront of the war. It took time and treasure and changed everyday life but they were willing to support those who were on the forefront of the war.

We have been asked to isolate ourselves to prevent an outbreak of Covid-19 that has the potential to send our healthcare system into a death spiral. The men and women of medicine are telling us what they need and far too many of us are questioning them and suggesting that what we are hearing from them is little more than scary propaganda, but in truth they are the experts, the generals and the troops who are in the trenches. They should be a primary source for our decision making for the time being. We can worry ourselves with elections and personal causes later. For now we need to rally around them with everything in our power knowing that our sacrifices are small compared to theirs.

Our food supply continues to flow even if we find ourselves lacking some of the luxuries that we once enjoyed. Our children are still learning from parents and teachers who greet them from a distance. Many are continuing to work from home but there are far too many who have lost their jobs, their sources of income. We cannot forget them but we can reassure them that as we shelter in place for now we intend to care for them now and help them to rebuild their lives once the danger has passed.

It is true that our economy and those of countries around the world are reeling. Our work will not be done even when this epic moment has passed. We have to be ready for the long haul just as our parents and grandparents were in World War II. We can’t get too anxious to return to normalcy. Doing so might ruin all of the efforts we have made so far. This fight is bigger than any single individual. It is about all of humankind and each of us has an important role to play. Let us hope and pray that we are choosing to listen to the right voices, the helpers who are risking their own safety to protect us. Listen to what they have to say and be wary of anyone who appears to be more concerned about their own reputations and popularity.  

We are living history from moment to moment. May God help us to do it right.