Social Media – Page 6 – All It Takes Is A Little Love

Open Your Heart

Published on June 27, 2016 by Sharron BurnettLeave a comment

The vast majority of the earth’s people are good men and women, with honorable intentions. What confounds most of us is the fact that we are so divided as to what constitutes the best way of doing things. Each side proclaims itself the harbinger of all that is right and just. We are often forced to select between one philosophy or another, often with great difficulty. There was a time when we mostly kept our thoughts to ourselves and managed to get along quite well even with those whose ideas were diametrically opposed to ours. Now there is a tendency to “out people” and then defile them if they dare to contradict our own thinking. The great divide that exists across the entire planet has made it more and more difficult for those of us intent on keeping the peace to navigate among the differing points of view.

Social media is a wonderful place for seeing photos of our friends and family. We are able to vacation vicariously with the individuals that we know. We watch babies grow into lovely children and youngsters grow into young men and women. As long as things stay apolitical we seem to do quite well. It is whenever someone wants to express a thought that is important to them that we feel uncomfortable, sometimes to the point of avoiding those who have once been our friends. We don’t want to hear things that bother us. We want to keep the world more like Disneyworld. Sadly we have recently learned that even the land of Mickey and Minnie may be home to dangerous creatures who surprise us with their deadly actions. The truth is that we can’t close our eyes and hope for the best any more than we will ever be able to convince everyone to believe exactly as we do.

Lately I have noticed a number of people declaring their disgust with others. One of my former students participated in Houston’s Gay Pride Parade and heard shouts of hate being directed at him and the other participants. He was hurt and confused that anyone had the audacity to suggest that he was going to hell. A former colleague posted his supportive reaction to Brexit and endured negative backlash from people who had supposedly been his friends. In the present state of the world there are far too many among us who seem to believe that we must all adopt their points of view and abandon our own or run the risk of losing their acceptance of us.

It is always easy to open our hearts to those with whom we identify. There is nothing particularly magnanimous about embracing the people who are most like ourselves. In fact it always feels quite wonderful to have a sympathetic ear. We feel free to safely express ourselves with our philosophical twins. It is far more difficult to make an effort to understand people who totally disagree with us. We too often feel the need to either change their minds or turn our backs on them, neither of which is a particularly productive way to exist in a diverse world.

The American Civil War was a terrible time for our country. Over 600,000 men died in a conflict that need never have occurred. Abraham Lincoln was determined to bring us back together to preserve our union. The interesting thing about him is that to the very end of his life he never expressed hatred for those who had rebelled. Instead he attempted to understand their frustrations and was willing to forgive them once the battles had ended even as he fought with everything in his power to bring the two sides together once again. He strongly believed that he was on the right side of history but he also steered clear of insinuating that the members of the Confederacy were somehow less important or more evil than the those who had fought for the United States. He understood that the need for healing and forgiveness required that he open his heart to members of a group that sometimes hated him. Upon President Lincoln’s untimely death the forces that wanted to punish the South persisted. I think it possible that with a an approach more in keeping with that of Lincoln the divisions that still exist in our country might have been mitigated.

History is replete with examples of individuals who punished their detractors and those who somehow found the grace to listen to the cries of even their enemies. It might have been easy to punish the German people for perpetuity after World War II but a more understanding approach actually hastened their renouncement of the evils that had caused their country to descend into unspeakable horrors. Today Germany is a world leader in democratic ideals. I wonder if it would be so if we had instead brokered hardcore retribution at the end of the war.

There are indeed moments when we cannot and should not embrace those who would do us harm. When we encounter abusive individuals we need not accept their corrosive behaviors. Those who would kill or hurt us likewise need to be cast aside. For the most part though we should be more open to the people whose ideas are far different from our own. I believe that the rise of populist uprisings across the world is in part due to the fact that we have often been tone deaf to the needs of vast swaths of society. When we continuously ridicule and debase those whose fears are genuine they become even more determined to fight. When we place entire groups into a bucket of our own prejudices we run the risk of angering many among them. Sadly our tendencies of late have been to do just that. We are not willing to open our hearts to those that we don’t understand. We join groups that are like ourselves and build walls designed to keep differing points of view and lifestyles from entering our sphere of influence.

If we were to rationally discuss virtually any issue that concerns our country and our world we might find that only a small proportion of the people engaged in a particular way of thinking actually have evil intent. Most of us sincerely want to improve our environments. We simply desire different means of doing so.

As an inexperienced teacher I tended to discipline an entire class rather than seeking out those who were the real trouble makers. I soon learned that in subjecting my students to such mass punishments I only angered the innocent and turned those who might have helped me against my cause. Once I became more adept at classroom management I learned how to counsel with those who were actually responsible for the offending behaviors. Even at that point I often learned that they had somewhat legitimate reasons for defying my demands. By brokering mutual understanding my classroom settled into a reasoned peace. My students sensed that I was a just person, not authoritarian or patronizing. I once had one young man explain that he saw me as a fair, strict person, the perfect combination.

I try to react in a similar way to everyone that I encounter. When I heard a friend recently railing against guns, conservatives, whites, seniors and Christians I did not take offense even though I belong to at least three of those categories. Instead I simply let him know that I had heard his cries of frustration and understood the depth of his feelings. When I told him that I loved him he immediately softened his tone and apologized in the off chance that he had somehow insulted me. We both left feeling okay with one another. It happened because I was willing to open my heart to a situation that might otherwise have resulted in the loss of a good friend.

Continue to love those who are close to you but don’t be so quick to condemn those who choose different paths than your own. Keep your heart open. Demonstrate your willingness to love even those who seem to contradict everything that you believe. You may soon find yourself feeling much more optimistic about the world. It really is a good place and in the end most of us want exactly the same things.

When We Would Rather Cry Than Smile

Published on May 23, 2016May 23, 2016 by Sharron BurnettLeave a comment

Most of us go about our business each day quietly bearing burdens that we rarely mention. We tend to downplay our worries and sorrows, instead displaying a stiff upper lip and carrying on as if nothing has happened. When things become too much for us and we feel broken, we may find ourselves unable to keep it together. We experience a moment when we confide our woes or shed tears without the usual filters that we place on our feelings. Then there are those among us who always manage to keep a public face of strength and optimism even when they feel as though they are dying inside. We each have our unique ways of dealing with death, disappointment and hurt.

In today’s world there are so many avenues for venting our feelings, sometimes anonymously. We may adopt a pseudonym and comment on Disqus without anyone ever knowing who we are. We write in our diaries and journals and then lock them away for nobody’s eyes but our own. It is when we take our thoughts to the places of public discourse that we open ourselves to the slings and arrows of misunderstanding and criticism. Casually written words lack the meaning and nuances of a one on one conversation. Our ideas become twisted into the perceptions of someone who doesn’t really understand us. There are no intonations or facial expressions to bring subtlety to the discussion. It becomes difficult to clarify our intent after the fact or to exclaim, “That’s not what I meant at all.” Once we have to defend ourselves the true effect of what we had hoped to say is lost. Others have decided who we are.

Most people use public discourse to simply keep in touch with the outside world. They maintain a lighthearted front and may even be just naturally happy and optimistic. Their posts show us the wonderfulness of their lives. They stay away from political commentaries or any subject that might be misconstrued. They have learned how to be wary of revealing too many of their private thoughts. We sometimes wonder if their worlds are as truly perfect as they seem to be.

Braver souls continually allow us inside their heads. They have learned that this may be a dangerous thing to do but don’t appear to worry about what others may think. If they voice their beliefs they are likely to anger those whose thoughts are different. If they open their hearts and let us see their pain and suffering some will turn away in discomfort. It is risky to be honest about how we really feel, especially when the emotion that is ruling us in a particular moment is anger. Many among us prefer not to see the fears and uncertainties that are a part of each and every one of us and yet it should not be so. The truth is that no matter how hard we try to create perfect images of ourselves, the time comes in all lives when we only want to cry or scream or lock ourselves away in the dark. We feel a profound need for human compassion and understanding at the very times when we feel the most uncertain that it will be available to us. Sadly, we are sometimes ignored, spurned and even judged by how we react to life’s horrors.

Mike and I watched a documentary on Friday called The Flat. It was an innocuous title for a moving film. It all began when a young man’s grandmother died in Tel Aviv. He and members of his family gathered at the apartment where his grandmother had lived to help with the task of culling through her possessions to determine what was worth keeping and what needed to go. It soon became apparent that the home was a treasure trove of memories and history that opened up many questions about who the deceased woman had really been. The young man, a filmmaker, began an emotional journey along with his mother that would take them back to Germany.

The story itself was intriguing but I was even more fascinated by the way that the people dealt with their emotions. The young man became intensely curious about his grandparents’ past that had always been mysteriously left unmentioned. His mother insisted that what had happened to her mother and father before coming to Tel Aviv was in reality none of their business. She insisted that her parents only wanted to move forward in life and that she had respected their wishes, never probing to find the missing pieces of their stories.

As the tale unfolded the young man was visibly moved at every turn. He was upset that his grandmother’s prize book collection seemed to be worthless to everyone save himself. He grieved to learn that his great grandmother had perished in a concentration camp. He wondered aloud how his own mother might be so cavalier about all of their discoveries. She in turn continued to act as though she had been unaffected by the revelations that had been so surprising to her son. Sadly not even the more emotive son appeared to notice that his mother’s eyes told a story far different from the one that she tried so hard to portray. They displayed a deep and enduring sadness that was impossible to hide.

Grandmother, mother and son each approached the world in differing manners. The elder woman lived as though her life had never been touched by unspeakable tragedy. Her daughter respected those wishes, never asking painful questions. She simply played along with the pretense out of respect. The grandson was from a different generation. He needed to know the truth and to grieve for a family that he had never truly known. Thus it is with all of humanity. We choose different ways of reacting to life.

I am not an expert in the psychology of emotions. I’m not certain what kind of behavior is best. I suspect that it must be very difficult to maintain a steadying composure even in the face of tragedy. A stiff upper lip may serve well at work but to also maintain it in private must be truly painful. Likewise respecting another’s choices is something that we all must do from time to time but denying the way that we really feel is no small task. I suspect that allowing the natural God given feelings that we all have to come to the surface is the healthiest way to live. Admitting that we are feeling despair or anger in a given situation is akin to accepting that we are human. It does not seem necessary or even healthy to always be strong.

It really is okay to sometimes admit that we feel lost or even unappreciated. There are things that happen that make no sense, that seem so unfair. We can’t be expected to accept every aspect of our fates with smiles. It is appropriate that we “rage against the dying of the light.” It makes sense that we admit to how much we miss someone who is gone. Our feelings are very real and if we embrace them when they are appropriate, they will help us to overcome the most difficult moments of our lives.

My mother’s psychiatrist once told her that the sadness and depression that she felt after her mother died had nothing to do with the depression that was part of her bipolar disorder. He encouraged her to cry over the loss of her mother, noting that in doing so she was demonstrating just how normal she was.

We should not fear our emotions. Each of them was given to us for a valid reason. We simply need to learn how to embrace them appropriately. Nobody is immune from experiencing the entire range of feelings during a lifetime. We should celebrate those who are courageous enough to free themselves from the artificial constraints that our society sometimes imposes on us. There is no dishonor in letting the world know that, at least for the moment, we would rather cry than smile.

Imagine the Future

Published on May 2, 2016 by Sharron BurnettLeave a comment

I grew up in an era when technology was still more or less within the realm of science fiction. When my father brought the first television into our home we made it the center of our family universe. It sat in its own room, dominating a wall, with chairs arranged in a semi-circle so that everyone might have a good view of the tiny screen. We watched the black and white images on that little square of light as though we were viewing the work of a magician. It was a far cry from listening to radio programs as we had previously done. The outmoded radio was moved to a dark corner and replaced by the more modern T.V. as the premiere source of entertainment.

Back then the television broadcast hours were limited as were the number of channels. Each evening the playing of our national anthem signaled the down time for programming. A strange looking test pattern lit up the screen until the next morning. We had no way of knowing that the shows that we watched would one day appear to be so amateurish or that the dull shades of grey would eventually be replaced with living color. We simply marveled at the wonder of the experience. A whole world of products were created to enhance our newest past time. There were T.V. trays to hold our food if we wanted to combine dining with viewing. Enterprising companies even created frozen dinners that only had to be popped into the oven to heat up while we consumed more and more of our time in front of the strange little boxes that so entertained us.

Of course my mother was far more circumspect about this marvelous new invention. We still had to eat homemade food at the kitchen table each evening and we were only allowed to watch one program per day. My father, on the other hand, was so fascinated that he often spent hours laughing hysterically at the comedies that were the bread and butter of those early days.

Eventually, of course, televisions became ever bigger and better as did the variety of what we might view. Color and high definition images allowed us to feel as though we were actually present in the places being shown. Today televisions are no longer just the domain of the family room. They might be found in any number of locations in the house. Interestingly, there are still channels that show the oldies from my youth and I have to admit that some of them are actually quite good even without all of the bells and whistles available today.

I am also from the time when writing a research paper for a particular class was a very complex process. It always required copious amounts of time spent in a library culling through a card catalog and leafing through dusty books and magazines. There were no copy machines or printers or computers or Internet or any of those things. Instead we came armed with index cards on which we hand wrote the information that seemed to be pertinent to our topic. It was tedious and time consuming and most often took place over a series of visits to several different libraries. So many sunny Saturdays and Sundays were spent inside windowless rooms searching for information.

Then came the writing process which was generally done on lined paper by hand. Editing involved scratching sentences and phrases out or using arrows to add ideas. It was a miracle if any of it was legible by the time that the typing began. Then the fun really started as we prayed that our fingers would hit the correct keys on the first strike. If we made a mistake it required carefully using whiteout fluid which the pickiest teachers didn’t want to see. I recall once taking more than twenty hours to complete the typing of a paper to the specifications of one of my professors. I don’t want to even discuss the problems associated with creating footnotes. Such memories send me into a state of unmitigated anxiety.

When computers with word processing software came along I felt as though I had died and gone to heaven. The ability to create a rough draft and then hone it until it was perfect was a godsend. When the Internet made research a more home bound project I was even more excited. A really coherent paper still required work in a library but even that was made more pleasurable with printers and copiers. The old index cards became almost obsolete. When I did use them it was to cut and paste printed pieces of information that was cogent. The new world order freed me from what had once been an odious task.

Now I have the capability of creating a blog while riding along the highway. I type away, able to correct my errors immediately. When I feel that my editing is complete I use the personal hotspot on my phone to get the wifi that I need in order to post my work. I can do this anywhere that I have cell phone coverage, which reminds me of yet another amazing device that we now mostly take for granted. Who knew that one day we would be able to carry a powerful tool like our cell phones in the palm of our hands? I still remember picking up the receiver of our home phone and hearing the conversation of a neighbor who was on the same party line as ours. We have come a long, long way.

The world is a truly amazing place and for those of us who have watched its evolution over the past many decades there is still a sense of awe at what we humans have managed to invent. I have seen so many things come to fruition that once seemed impossible. I now find myself believing that we haven’t yet seen the best of what is to come. Who knows what miracles will unfold in the coming years. If we go back and watch reruns of The Jetsons we might get a few ideas.

I wonder if we will all eventually get off of the grid, using energy sources like wind or solar as a matter of fact. Will there be flying cars? Will a pill or an operation cure mental illness? Will our adventures take us to destinations outside of our home planet? How will we live differently? Will we find newer and better ways of educating our young? It’s fun to imagine and to realize that we have probably only skimmed the surface of what is possible. I only hope that as we gain new insights into better living that we will also be conscious of our relationships with one another. We’ve never quite learned how to get along in total peace and harmony and maybe we never will, but it is nice to imagine what a cooperative world might be. If we can create wonderful things then we should also be able to conceive ideas that bring us more peace and security. We’ve been to the moon and back. Surely we can figure out how to bring harmony to our backyards. Every invention and idea began with a dream. Somewhere right now someone is thinking of the next big thing. We need to encourage anyone who mind works its way outside of the box to envision a better world. We can learn from looking back at the past but our focus should always be in moving forward. Our renaissance continues.

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