All It Takes Is A Little Love

Just a day or so ago I was rising from my slumbers before the sun rose over the horizon. I was filled with energy, accomplishing multiple tasks before anyone else in my home awoke from their slumbers. By way of Facebook I learned who were my fellow early morning compadres. We’d be communicating and planning out the course of our days with enthusiasm. All it took to deflate my work ethic was the semi-annual demand that we all artificially change our clocks by moving the time one hour ahead of where it might otherwise have been. In that one stroke of the clock I felt like a jet-lagged tourist attempting to get back into the swing of things after a glorious trip abroad. My brain was confused and so were the dogs I was watching when we arose in what the clocks announced was an hour later than usual. I was sluggish for the rest of the day and I resented losing that hour to some unknown corner of the universe. 

I’ve been grinching about the twice a year time change for as long as I can remember. It has never made sense to me to artificially disrupt our inner clocks over and over again. Statistics show that more people will be racing to emergency rooms on these days, often with heart attacks and other serious medical problems. There will be more wrecks and no doubt more misunderstandings between grouchy people whose bodies tell them that something is just not right. As a confirmed believer in routine adherence to daily practices I know that I will be out of sorts for several weeks before my body readjusts to the new timing of everything and I won’t be in peak condition until that happens. 

I suspect that if we had a national vote tomorrow the majority would want to pick one way of timing things and then staying there forevermore. Most seem to like Daylight Savings Time but I don’t care one way or another as long as I don’t have to shift gears again in the fall. Just choose one already and leave us all alone. This is a torture that is totally unnecessary. It was only invented during a time of war to provide more daylight for manufacturing. It does not give more sunshine for growing things. That is a matter of nature. There are the same hours of light and dark no matter which system we use, so I say that we should stop pretending that the rotation of timing is somehow imperative for our national good. 

I tend to prefer standard time for the sake of our children. I awaken in the fall and winter to the sound of the school bus arriving on the corner of my street. It comes at 6:30 just as the first light of day is illuminating the area. When we change to Daylight Savings Time the children are standing in the dark at 6:30 and it will be almost an hour before the sun begins to shine. I find it disturbing and unnatural to ask children to arise before dawn and then catch a bus in the dark. Some how the standard timing feels more conducive to meeting their needs, but it we must insist on having more sunshine at the end of the day rather than at the beginning then let’s go for it and get our bodies permanently in sync with it. Just stop the biannual insanity.

I know that I always whine about have to change all of my clocks back and forth. It is a task that annoys me because it should be unnecessary. I gripe due to my brain rebelling and making me cranky because it is unsure of why I am changing my habits. My heartburn surges on the days of time shifts and everything about me feels sluggish. I know that I am not alone because I hear the complaints of others and I see the dip in energy on the faces of the people that I encounter. At least schools have learned to schedule spring breaks to coincide with the changing of time. Otherwise teachers would be faced with classrooms full of listless students slumped on their desks trying to regain that stolen hour of sleep that comes each spring. 

I know that there are worse things to worry about. I should be chastised for spending time on an issue that doesn’t seem to matter as much as the real horrors in the world, but it seems to me that the very reason for ridding ourselves of this inane occurrence is that it does not make any kind of positive difference. If we simply decided to never change our clocks again I doubt that anyone would have cause to complain. Winter would have its shorter days and summer would bring us more sunshine regardless of what are clocks are telling us. We would all be perfectly adjusted to whatever became the standard for telling time and might even become more creative in tackling the real problems that face us all. 

I don’t know what we have to do to send a message to the powers that be that we don’t like this silly process of flipping and flopping between ways of telling time. Surely those who decide such things feel the same frustrations that we do. So why is this something that we keep alive even as most of us hate it? For some reason we humans have a tendency to try something out and then keep it forever even when it obviously does not work well for us. We simply need to admit that this practice has no reason to exist anymore and then dump it without regret. 

Spring is a busy time for me so I am hoping to find my mojo again before the end of this week. I wish everyone luck in adapting to the insanity of it all. As for me I’ll just allow myself a day or two of being a slug and hiding in my shell until my brain and the pups I am watching all figure out what time it really is. Tomorrow will be another day and hopefully it will feel more normal. 

Time truly is relative and sometimes it moves both slowly and quickly in the same moment. We tend not to think much about time when we are young. It feels as though the possibilities of the world are at our calling and we will have decades to enjoy our lives in full measure. Then suddenly we are adults working to find ways of keeping ourselves alive and hoping that our choices are meaningful and exciting. If we are lucky our days will be measured with more joy than sorrow.

We tend to believe that we have a long way to go but that is not always the case. If we do survive the day will come when we leave our jobs to retire either because we no longer have the energy for our labors or we have planned for a time of slowing down and focusing on hobbies or travel or just rest. We never know how long the final sojourn will last. Some of us meet the endings of our lives rather quickly. Others continue on for decades. All along the way time is ticking and we are doing our very best to make the most of the hours and days and weeks and months and years that we have. None of us ever know what our share of time will be. 

I have always been a compulsive worker. I find it quite difficult to just be a slug, someone who goes from day to day without a plan for filling the hours with activities that make a difference in my life or the life of someone else. I need to feel that I am always learning something new, always contributing to the welfare of my family, my neighborhood, my world. I love vacations but view them as brief interludes between the times when I continue to be a productive person. I get anxious when I spend too much time not accomplishing tasks and goals. 

I have been generally blessed with good health. The times that I have been sick have been so few that I vividly remember them. I’ve only been to an emergency room once and my visits to a hospital don’t even account for all five of my fingers on a single hand. I have been fortunate in that regard because it has allowed me to feed my need to be constantly active. The choices that I make for filling each day with purpose have kept me busy and happy, but as the years go by I begin to worry that one day I will no longer feel relevant only because my body and my mind will fail me. So I rush and push to do as much as I can, even as I understand that at any moment everything might change regardless of my age. 

We all have to be ready to adapt and that is one of the greatest challenges of life. While I would prefer growing old like my Grandpa Little did, I also know that my ending years might not be as wonderful or as long as his were. He continued to be active in mind and body until the last few months of his one hundred eighth year. At the same time he wisely knew when to curtail certain activities like driving a car or living alone. He let go of the past and focused on the present and the future. He kept reading and learning and changing. He continued to use his skills to repair and remodel the home where he lived. He walked around his neighborhood and kept up with the progress of the world. He was able to do that because he had the good fortune of having incredible health. 

One of my aunts did not do as well. She lived to the age of one hundred but spent most of her last twenty years confined to a wheelchair while living in a nursing home. Her mind was a clear as ever but her body turned on her. The days became long and repetitive for her. There was very little stimulation that kept her sharp. She was unable to hear the people who came to visit her. She had to share a room with various people who sometimes died next to her. She often wondered out loud what purpose there was in enduring such a long life without the ability to find enjoyment in it. 

I don’t always dwell on the end of my time or that of anyone else but I now watch my father-in-law each day and panic at the thought of being his age and waking up each day to a sameness that seems to satisfy him but would drive me into a state of anxiety and sadness. I don’t want my final years to be like his or like those of my aunt. I find myself hoping that my genes have made me like my grandfather. I want to be productive and wise and independent and inspiring like he was. I suspect that we all wish to be that way. I wonder if Grandpa was an exception or if it is truly possible to grow older and older with joy and grace. 

My focus these days is on the young. I still enjoy being with them. I see how earnest they are in wanting to make the best of themselves. They are not the ignorant and selfish persons that some of my peers seem to believe they are. The keep me optimistic all of the time. I like being able to teach them mathematics and help them to move closer and closer to the adult world. I enjoy hearing their points of view and considering their ideas which may seem radical to anyone with a closed mind. They inspire me to smile at thoughts of the future. They keep time moving pleasantly for me. 

None of us have any way of predicting what will happen next in our lives. The clock of history just keeps ticking and we are part of it. The only thing we have the power to choose is how we will react to the times while our hearts still beat. We can fight and complain or learn to use each moment to be helpers however we are able. Whatever our condition we would do well to spread optimism about the future for surely it will continue on with or without us.  

I generally write my blogs many weeks in advance. On the day that I wrote this essay it was the Martin Luther King, Jr. holiday and much of the United States was in a state of deep freeze. I can’t seem to think of anything or anyone on MLK day but the great man who became a powerful voice of the Civil Rights movement. He was and always will be a hero to me. I cry with the same emotions of remembrance and gratitude for him that I feel for Abraham Lincoln and more personally for my parents, family members and beloved friends who had such great influence in forming me as the person that I am. 

My heroes are not perfect. Even Jesus had his moments of anger and doubt. So too did Dr. King, but that is what makes his life even more incredible. It is in overcoming our shortcomings to achieve a personal goal or to live a meaningful life that the measure of our character is most visible. Dr. King had a gift for speaking on behalf of people whose suffering defines some of the darkest sins of our nation. He spoke with resolve with his mesmerizing voice and brilliantly chosen words. He was a spiritual man, a minister who somehow understood that each of us is called to use the talents that we have for the betterment of humankind. In spite of moments of doubt and even fear he persisted in reminding us over and over again of our duty to live in peace and love together.

I sometimes wonder what Martin Luther King and Abraham Lincoln would think of how we continue to quibble and fight with each other in today’s world. They both longed for harmony and peace on this earth but understood that there could be no equivocation or compromise when it came to defending the rights of each individual to live a life of dignity and freedom. Such insistence on being moral often lead critics to point out their flaw, using them as weapons to undermine their messages. So it often is with heroes who place their reputations and even their lives on the line in a quest to do what they believe is right. 

Because heroes are not gods even the ancient Greeks understood that they would at times fail miserably. The measure of courage and moral fortitude of any person should be taken in the most challenging moments when they choose to take the righteous path in spite of their own human failings. Such incredible individuals are the kind of people who rise to a momentous occasion just when they are needed. A true hero may be the principal of a high school who risks his life attempting to save his students during a school shooting. We might see incredible bravery from a young girl who stands up to her peers and challenges them to do the right thing in a scandalous situation. We always remember the neighbor who uses his fishing boat to rescue strangers from the rising waters of a flood. We honor the young man who loses his life defending a woman being beaten by her abusive partner. 

Heroes abound among us and in most cases they are as imperfect as any one of us, but in a critical moment they find the courage to face danger. Something inside of their very souls compels them to overcome their fears even if it means dodging both literal and figurative bullets. While others turn away or even hide, they step forward to remind us that greatness and goodness stills abounds among us. 

Heroes are not always understood or celebrated. They confront truths that we sometimes do not want to see or hear. They risk their reputations and their lives when they choose to step forward, especially if their actions or words are controversial. It is a quirk of our natures not to want to hear unpleasant truths. We would rather poke fun at the young girl who warns us about the perils of climate change. We accuse a young man advocating for gun control after a mass shooting in his school of being an out of touch coward. We tend to feel uncomfortable with people who note that “the emperor has no clothes.” We prefer instead to ignore or even defend faulty thinking that hurts vast swathes of people. 

The heroes of fairytales and fables were created as a way of teaching children how to be moral adults. The parables and teachings of Jesus were meant to show us how we should live with one another. Still, we have to be careful not to idolize false heroes who also lurk among us. If we watch them closely we will see and hear the evidence that their showboating is not for the purpose of helping anyone but themselves. Such fakers are also part of our history. They are the antithesis of a true hero because their causes are meant to limit rather than to expand the possibilities and freedoms of all people. They pretend to be heroes only to enrich themselves. 

So today as I write I am feeling quite pensive. i remember the words of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. and share his dream of a world in which we no longer draw conclusions about people based on shallow estimates of their worth. Each of us is wonderful and special and so much more than the color of our skin or the place where we were born. We can and should rise above our imperfections and find the spark of heroism that lies inside of our souls. The time will surely come when we need to use our courage for the true betterment of someone’s life. Each of us can become a hero as long as we answer the call in the moment when we are needed.     

Most of us prefer to be able to plan the direction of our lives. We keep calendars to remind us of appointments and important events. We have a tendency to follow routines during the day although the exact timing of what we do will vary from person to person. It simply feels better when we are able to anticipate what we will be doing in a year, a month, a week, a day, in the next hour. Unfortunately all of us have encountered sudden dramatic changes in our lives that jolt us from our comfort. We know all too well that uncertainty is a certainty in life. Adapting to sudden interruptions of the way we normally do things tends to shake our confidence and may even send us into a funk. 

The past many years have been filled with the unexpected. If anyone had warned us that the two tallest buildings in New York City would fall from a terrrorist attack we might have laughed at the ridiculousness of such hyperbole. We felt confident that our children were safe when we sent them to school until it became apparent that we can’t count on being free from violence anywhere that we go. We tended to believe that worldwide pandemics that have historically wreaked havoc were a thing of the past. The march of Covid 19 across the globe affected our perspectives about the power of microbes. 

We have dealt with the emergencies that have arisen, but we all feel a bit battered and less certain about the future. We may want to think about tragedy tomorrow but wonder if it would be batter to seize the day with concrete plans of action in the event of the next big thing that rocks our world. It’s difficult to know how to live with the realization that we cannot adequately predict what is going to happen from moment to moment. We learn instead how to balance the joy of the here and now with our preparations for whatever our march through life will actually bring. 

Finding balance in how we react during unpredictable times can be daunting. If we worry too much we might tend to isolate ourselves to the point of feeling chronically anxious. If we simple ignore the warnings of dangerous days ahead we may end up in deep trouble with no resources for survival. The wise person takes precautions but then continues living with hope for the best. It’s really all that any of us can ever do. 

I personally have learned that attempting to stay informed about movements and events that affect us all is a good way to remain alert. Because my mother was a single parent she taught me so many life skills that have no doubt protected me from harm. She advised me to never park behind a building but instead to put my car in a place that is visible to the largest number of people. She showed me how to take note of someone following my car and what to do if I suspected that someone had bad intentions. She gave me safety tip after safety tip not to keep me in a state of fear, but to allow me to feel comfortable taking part in all of the enjoyment of life. She pointed out that if we follow a few obvious protective rules we are more unlikely to become the victims of foul play. 

Likewise I learned long ago to keep my car filled with gasoline, to have it maintained and checked on a regular basis. I have smoke detectors and fire extinguishers at the ready that I hope I never have to use. I get annual checkups with my doctors and my dentist. I carry insurance for a number of situations. Most of my safety measures have never been used but they provide me with the peace of mind to live without worry as a constant factor. I truly doubt that horrific things will happen to me but I will hopefully be ready if and when they do. 

I know individuals who have become so obsessed with fear that they take loaded guns wherever they go. They hear a loud bang and instantly believe that they are under siege. They nail their windows shut and won’t leave their homes if it rains or gets cold or is dark. They believe the worst of people and generalize their anxieties to entire populations. They predict war and famine and only see the downside of existence. I often wonder how they even pull themselves from bed each day. It must be incredibly painful to feel that way day in and day out. Sadly there are forces among us that play on their fears, using them to gain power. They paint a picture of the world that is dark and dangerous. They limit the joy of living that almost always outweighs the difficulties. They pound people into a false state of paranoia that leaves them filled with distrust, cynicism and anger. 

I would instead advise everyone to stay abreast of trends in geopolitics, study the changing world, keep up with the news and then embrace life with the kind of common sense caution that my mother advocated. After that it is best for each of us to take full advantage of every opportunity to celebrate the joys that unfold all day long. We can be ready for the worst and may even be surprised by the magnitude of it but worrying about possibilities before they happen should never define the way we live. Seize the day! Enjoy the moment! Be not afraid.

We all know someone who draws our admiration like a beautiful flower whenever he or she enters a room. Often if we are totally objective we see that person as someone with rather ordinary looks who has somehow transformed themselves. They become pleasant to both see and be around. It is as though that individual has been able to transcend all of the worries and flaws that plague most of us and look outward to the needs of the people outside of themselves. 

We all encounter bad situations in our lives. Sometimes our problems become chronic and threaten to steal our joy. We begin to second guess ourselves, wonder if we are to blame for all of our troubles. We play mind games that sap our energy and cause us to only see the mistakes we have made, the failures we have endured, We look in the mirror and see an anxious, weary unattractive person. We compare ourselves to others who appear to live in a chronic state of happiness and good fortune. We become our own worst enemies with our pessimism and self accusations. 

The key to those beautiful souls who seem to embody all of the positive characteristics that we so desire is often a spirt of optimism and self love. They have learned the art of forgiving themselves for life’s mistakes. They literally begin each day with uplifting meditations that may include reading, journaling, praying or even just repeating a few compliments or encouragements to themselves. 

I have a long time friend who has endured more than her fair share of tragedy and suffering but somehow she always makes it through such dark moments. She has a habit of keeping sticky notes nearby and jotting down inspiring quotes, prayers or self affirmations that she posts on the medicine cabinet in her bathroom. They are the first thing she sees each morning and by re-reading them she adjusts her attitude into the positive realm. Even though she has them memorized she keeps them visible lest she forget to message herself with encouragement every single day. 

She is not always a burst of sunshine. Sometimes she cries and wonders aloud why her life has been so tough, but most days she is able to look past the negative and set a smile in her heart that radiates from her face. She is almost childlike in her innocent and nonjudgemental embrace of every person she encounters. In making them feel better, she uplifts herself. Those little scraps of paper are her secret weapon over all of the disturbances that constantly push their way into her world. 

We know our inner selves better than anyone. We all have felt fear and anger and jealousy at one time or another. We soon learn that those kind of emotions are real but also destructive to our wellbeing. They cause us to question every aspect of our existence. They create a never ending circle of negativity unless we do something to break the cycle. The key is to begin the process of deliberately looking for the good that we have done. Self affirmation is not about being a narcissist, but about loving and understanding ourselves. A positive outlook about who we are helps us to move toward improvements in those areas that might need some adjustment. Constantly berating ourselves for past deeds that we cannot change is destructive. Self affirmation builds better character. 

Every single person in the world is searching for meaning, wondering why he or she is in a certain place. We want our lives to have impact and we attempt to find our talents and develop them but that is not always as easy a task as it might sound. We are constantly interrupted by global events, problems at work, family crises, personal tragedies. Our efforts get sidetracked. We ignore our own needs in the hectic pace of living. We begin to dwell on everything that feels wrong about us even second guessing our relationships with others. We forget to exercise our minds with affirmations that make us stronger even in times of crisis. 

Self affirmations can be as simple as looking in the mirror, smiling and saying, “I like you!” They can be reminders that we all make mistakes. They might include meditations in which we inspire ourselves to try, try again. Each person knows what personal aspects of their being is wonderful and what needs some repair. Focusing first on what is good provides the impetus to improve. A caveat should always be that in the history of the world no human has ever been perfect, so we have to learn to forgive the mistakes that we are bound to make. 

As far as we know there is no time travel that would allow us to go back in time to change a moment that did not work out well. It’s up to each of us to somehow move beyond the messes that we have already made. We can learn from them and change from them even as it will be okay to grieve them as long as we do not remain in a rut that leads to self loathing. Be that person who always seems to be the light in the room. Embrace yourself and all that is good about you. Remind yourself what those things are every single day. Then greet the world with the love that begins in your own heart. Those positive thoughts really do make things better.