All It Takes Is A Little Love

The events of last week have left me in a state of sadness that feels incredibly oppressive. I was not a follower of Charlie Kirk. In fact I knew little about him. I had listened to a few of his speeches and appreciated his charisma and dedication to his beliefs, but I found some of his ideas to be the opposite of my own. Still, I am a believer in our first amendment rights of free speech even as I know that some of what he said was so different from what I believe to be true. He had the same right to speak his mind as I do to write my blogs. When he was killed it felt terribly frightening to me. I thought of the horror of it for his wife and children and in a sense relived the death of my father who died so suddenly and unexpectedly at an age similar to Charlie Kirk. 

My worries about the continuous stream of violence in our nation were made even more dire when there was a rush to judgement regarding who had done the horrific deed. From the very start supporters of Kirk felt certain that monstrous left wing influences had led to the assassination. Even our president said that he was going to find the people and the groups who had done this and hold them accountable. Lots of folks were accusing the left of being monsters intent on destroying our democracy. The airwaves were filled with anger at a perpetrator that they only imagined before any form of proof was forthcoming. Some even insinuated that the shooter must have been the work of a transgender individual because one of the bullets contained a cryptic inscription of arrows facing different ways that appeared to be a code for changing sexes. 

It took time before the shooter was identified. It was the young man’s family who convinced Tyler Robinson to surrender himself and when he finally did all of the stories that a professional shooter from the far left had engineered the hit began to fall apart. Tyler Robinson is a twenty two year old white male who is a resident of Utah. His father is a retired sheriff and his mother works with disabled people. Tyler’s grandmother said that the family has been supportive of Donald Trump and MAGA although the shooter himself had registered as an independent and never voted in any election. 

The story became more and more tragic as we learned more details. Tyler had been an excellent student in high school taking advanced placement classes, getting good grades and earning a large scholarship to college. Those who knew him in high school said that he was shy but that most people liked him and sometimes he seemed like a favorite of the teachers.  

Instead of toning down the wild accusations that a hateful and violent left winger had been been the shooter much of the media still insisted that the young man had somehow become a rogue leftist without any real evidence to support such a thing. The only facts that they should have considered were that after only one semester of college Tyler had dropped out. They were able to report that at the present time he was living in an apartment only a few miles from his parents and was studying to become an electrician. Some of his high school friends mentioned that they had lost contact with Tyler. Gamers recognized him and reported that he was an active gamer who belonged to certain groups who competed with one another playing various video games. Some noted that they communicated with Tyler and he with them as well. 

Some of the gamers began to give meaning to the cryptic messages that the shooter had inscribed on the bullets. They insisted that authorities were going down the wrong path in insisting that they be taken literally. They pointed out that the series of arrows of one of bullets was the sequence on the Helldivers 2 game that designated the order of moves on the controller for dropping a bomb.

Evidently Tyler was not forthcoming even after being arrested but his roommate said that he and Tyler had become romantically involved with each other. Tyler had also told the roommate where to find the gun and had admitted that he had done the deed. There are even some reports that the roommate is transitioning to a female but there is still much to be explained to determine the motive of the young man who pulled the trigger.

I have always felt that there are definite signs when an individual is traveling down a black hole that is leading to violence. In the case of Tyler Robinson it sounds as though there were indeed indications that nobody seemed to see. He was after all a seemingly good boy but behind his facade chaos was brewing. Perhaps the fact of his leaving college so soon might have been the first moment to realize that something might be wrong. Maybe his excessive devotion to gaming while withdrawing more and more from society should have been a warning that he needed some kind of intervention. It’s difficult to influence an adult who is living on his own but his very slow progress toward a career should have been a reason to talk more with him, find out more about what he was doing, get him out of his isolation. Finally those gamers who were witnessing his decent might have told someone before the worst possible thing had happened. I suppose that they felt that Tyler was just going through a phase and telling someone would have been a betrayal. Still, we have to start caring for each other enough to do difficult things to help them when they appear to be foundering. I know how hard that is because I had to intervene with my mother over and over again because of her bipolar disorder. In the end it is worth every effort. 

My heart is still heavy. I don’t know if anything or anyone might have stopped the trajectory of the Tyler Robinson’s life but I suppose that many of us will always wonder about the “what ifs.” So many lives are shattered. So many people will never be the same. Hopefully we learn from this and quit the quibbling and shouting at each other. There are people among us who are vile and there are people among us who are hurting. We would do well to focus on using facts to find both of them before another tragedy unfolds. We do no good when we jump to conclusions before we have studied every single one of the facts. I suspect that we will learn much more when Tyler eventually is tried for his heinous crime. We might to well to wait to hear everything before pointing fingers and turning against certain groups.  

The earth has music for those who listen.

My favorite time of day is in the early morning before the sun rises and the only sounds are the wind or perhaps the pattering of rain on the roof. Now and then the doves who live on our back porch come to life and coo a good morning to the world. As the sun shows its glory on the horizon, lights begin to shine in the windows of my neighbors and an occasional dog that has been sent outside barks to announce his dominion over the neighborhood. 

Before long I hear the doors opening and the loving goodbyes of family members scurrying about to get to work or school or appointments. Car engines start and the drivers head to their daily destinations. Soon children gather on the corner, quiet at first, speaking only in whispers. As more and more of them arrive the chattiness intensifies into excited greetings and rounds of laughter. The school bus announces its arrival around the corner with the squealing of breaks and there is a hubbub of voices as the children scurry inside. Then there is silence again and I feel ready to begin the chores of the day that lie ahead.

There is a lovely pattern of our earth’s rotation that brings different sounds at different times and different places. All of it is music to my ears where even silence has its place. I relax hearing the cadence of my own breathing in and out. I think of how remarkable our human bodies are and how brilliantly the creation of ordinary routines have evolved and moved us forward in our thinking and our behavior toward one another. The sounds of both our sameness and our uniqueness are spiritual evidence of the goodness that comes from working together and honoring each contribution that we humans make to the world. 

We are presently in a period of carping with one another artificially created by politicians who are using our differences and concerns to enrich their own power and sometimes even their wealth. They have made us dissatisfied with each other, even fearful of each other when the truth is that most of the time we are all more alike than we are different no matter from where we have arrived. 

The street on which I live is a microcosm of the United States. We have neighbors whose origins and races are derived from every sort of place and belief. We are a tiny joining of nations, languages, personal points of view and yet we all go to work, send our children to school to learn, do our best to love and care for one another. Some of us are quite traditional white folks who regularly go to church, others are unique and even daring in the life choices they have made. All will come to the aid of others when needs arise. We have ignored the kind of artificial divisions that are fueling so much disdain for those not exactly like ourselves and living in a beautiful state of harmony. We happily and pointedly allow each other to live and let live. Our street is as close to utopia as one might ever experience.

When I leave my street either by way of tuning into the news or driving to another place I learn of the divisions that are being forced on us. I hear friends feeling concerned that they have to be afraid of what they say in their work. I can’t imagine feeling so inhibited in what I do or say. I thought that we left such horrific behavior behind in the years beyond the nineteen sixties when people were still judged by the color of their skin, the places from which they hailed, the languages they spoke, the religious beliefs they held, the decisions regarding their personal sexuality that they had made. We had seemed to be evolving into a kind and gentle nation in which every human was celebrated for his or her or their uniqueness. I loved being part of that kind of country. I felt proud of my fellow citizens but in this moment I hear the sounds of fear and sometimes hate much too often. It makes me want to retreat to my lovely cul-de-sac and hide until this horrific phase of our history is over. 

I know that running to my comfort zone is wrong. I cannot sit back in my own nirvana simply hoping that the horrors beyond my street will go away. If I do that it will only be a matter of time before they seep into the loveliness that I enjoy. I have to speak out now while I still have the ever narrowing freedom to do so and while my country is still mostly intact. The sound of my words and actions much be heard. It is up to me and all of the good people that I know to protect the people of our nation from the poisonous ideas that are sending us back to a time that I do not wish to see again. 

Thus I will do my part as must we all. I will voice my concerns. I will vote for those willing to fight to set things right. I will protest and resist when I see wrong doing. If millions of us add the sounds of our consciences together they will become as beautiful as the music of the earth and the whole world will surely listen.  

Love yourself because you are the only one guaranteed to be with you forever. — Unknown

I saw this quote and smiled at how true it is. We are born into a family. We go to school. We make friends. We may find a spouse to help us build a new family. Maybe we have children. As time goes by and we get older and older many of the people who were so important to us leave this earth. If we live long enough we may find ourselves becoming more and more alone. If we don’t really like ourselves that can make us feel quite unloved. 

My grandfather lived to the age of one hundred eight as many of my devoted readers already know. His parents, wife, and all of his children had died. Many of his older grandchildren had died, Friends from his youth and time working had died. He was left with an ever tinier circle of people who knew and loved him. Fortunately he was an optimistic and happy soul who felt that he had lived a very full life. He was confident that in spite of the many mistakes he had made he had been a mostly good person on balance. He liked himself and it showed.

He did not brag about his accomplishments or his intellect or even his good health. What was important to him was being someone who made a contribution to the world with his carpentry and the care he gave to family and friends. He had built state capital buildings and monuments to historic events. He had done his best to be a good husband and father and grandfather and friend. He kept his mind busy with learning for all of his many years. He was a calming force and a phenomenal teller of stories. He cultivated his personality and his talents and he felt good about how things had turned out. He did not boast about himself even as others found him to be remarkable. He outlived the people who had been most important in his life. Thankfully being content with himself made the many extra years that he lived more pleasurable. 

My father-in-law is ninety six years old. He is a gregarious soul as proven by the stories that he tells of his life. He liked to party and celebrate. He was always doing something with coworkers and friends. He liked to play bridge and golf mostly for the camaraderie. After his first wife died he rather quickly found a new woman to love. He created joy in embracing her children and grandchildren as his own. It would seem that he was rarely alone throughout most of his life, but for the past many years the number of his friends and relatives has constricted. Because he has only one son who is getting old himself he understands that he might outlive even his child just as he has so many others who once brought so much joy to him. He has had to learn to be content with himself.

We never know how many years we will have. Some die very young like my father who left this earth at the age of thirty three. Some die suddenly and without warning. Others seem to become immortal as year after year passes and they remain on this earth. It’s important that we be just as kind and loving to ourselves as we are with others but for some people that is somewhat difficult.

Nobody better knows our flaws, our weaknesses, our mistakes than ourselves. Dwelling on those things is toxic and just as bad as being a narcissist who is unable to realize his/her shortcomings. it’s easy to get down in the dumps and become self critical if we are not careful. It’s a natural tendency to be our own worst critics. 

I remember a time when I felt too skinny, too shy, too “un” this or that. My mother counseled me to just get out there with the people that I encountered and quit dwelling on my shortcomings. She insisted that few people would notice them because we are all walking around downgrading ourselves. I learned soon enough that she was mostly right. Sure, there were jerks who seemed to find joy in putting others down but most of the time people responded to a greeting, a smile, an offer of friendship without noting my superficial characteristics and imperfections. Everyone is looking for acceptance and a person who has learned to love himself or herself is usually so busy making other feel comfortable that the very idea of self hate is anathema. 

We all get down in the dumps. We all question ourselves. Those things happen to everyone. We have to be careful about nursing such feelings. It works out better to understand that each of us is unique and of great value. When we believe in ourselves our lives will be full no matter how short or how long they last.  

Before 1947, the military of the United States was run by two different departments, the War Department for the army and the Department of the Navy for naval issues. After World War II General Dwight Eisenhower and other military leaders suggested that consolidating the two departments into one would prove more effective in defending the nation. The new agency was called the National Military Establishment and included the Air Force which had become more and more important during the war. 

Before long there were jokes about the abbreviation of the new department, NME, which sounded a bit too much like “enemy, so the name was changed again in 1949 to the Department of Defense with the idea that war was the last resort but vigilance and continuing defense was necessary in an ever changing and often dangerous world. 

Those who had participated in the world wars understood that war was a terrible thing that should be avoided when possible. They had seen death and destruction firsthand and they hoped that the military of the United States would concentrate on being a deterrent to warfare. They eschewed the idea that it was a “War” department because that denotation implied that our country was belligerent rather than devoted to keeping the peace. 

Now we have Donald Trump and Pete Hegseth flexing their muscles and blustering that the United States needs to be out front with dominating strength. The President has singlehandedly added a new designation of the Defense Department by calling it the the War Department, a task that he does not actually have the power to do. It is the job of Congress to decide such things but as we have seen Trump just keeps furiously signing one executive order after another including changing the names of bodies of water around the United States. 

“What’s in a name?”, you may ask. Why does it even matter? Perhaps it is indeed a rather minor thing that does not really hurt anyone but the cost of changing all of the signage, stationary, etc. will be enormous. This seems particularly wasteful given that Congress keeps insisting that they are attempting to save money right and left by closing down government agencies, withdrawing funding for countless programs, reducing the number of people eligible for Medicaid and so forth. To then have the president turn around and spend public funds in a frivolous effort to rebrand a department that has done just fine with its 1949 name feels totally unnecessary. 

The other aspect has to do with words. Calling it the War Department gives the impression that our country is itching for a fight. It implies a kind of bullying bluster that will anger our allies and enemies alike. It is a kind of taunt and we all know that in the wrong situation at the wrong time taunts can lead to dire consequences. We should not sound like a nation that is eager to display our warlike tendencies. We should not be no better than terrorist nations that are always using threats to keep peace. Ours has been a very successful nuanced message that we are dedicated to peace but have the power to defend ourselves if needed. 

No real hero likes war. It is something to be avoided at all costs. Those who served in the Korean War like my father-in-law fully understand the horrors of watching buddies and commanders lose their lives. My uncles who served in World War II wanted nothing more to do with conflict once the war was over. War is hell, not some macho way of demonstrating manly traits. In a twist of total irony our president who never served in the military is an avid booster of the idea that being warlike like is a sign of strength. Those who have seen the realities of such events would more often than not beg to differ with him.

I realize that there have been times when we had to go to war. I am not foolish enough to believe that we should never show our strength when our safety is being threatened but war itself should always be a last resort. We should only go to war when it becomes apparent that there is no other alternative. Surely we learned these things in World War I and World War II. Surely our intervention into the affairs of Korea and Vietnam should have shown us that sometimes the people of a foreign nation would prefer to settle for peace than to keep fighting to the death. We know from our own Civil War that our nation has yet to completely recover from the anger and breeches of that conflict. War is not something to boast about or to desire. 

I suppose that in the grand scheme of things the name change is not the worst thing that has happened. It mostly just seems like a waste of time and funds. it also sends an horrific message that glorifies war, a state of chaos and death. I would much rather think that our military is there to defend us and keep us safe from such things. I don’t think that being aggressive is something about which to boast.

If we want people to speak honestly we must be willing to listen honestly

As an American society we are talking over each other. There are media outlets and individuals who are literally getting rich riling us up day after day. The result is that it sometimes feels as though we are feuding like the Hatfields and McCoys or a married couple on the verge of divorce. There is so much noise in the atmosphere that we don’t even seem to hear each other and we often misunderstand the reasons why each of us believes certain things. 

I often think of cat fights among immature young girls. They usually start over some small difference but grow as people take sides and whisper in the ears of the main participants only to throw fire on the already incendiary situation. The world has been filled with trouble makers for all times but it feels as though the efforts to tear us apart are far more numerous and invasive than ever. We talk over each other and make assumptions that may not be entirely true about how we each live and what we believe. We get angry and resort to fights defending politicians who generally have little or no real concern for us other than hoping to keep our votes. We each believe that we are on the right side of goodness and decency while being goaded by people who seem to enjoy getting us into tizzies. 

We all should know by now that the media outlets are set up to make money, so whenever they sniff out a sensational story they run with it and go out of their way to keep up our interest with interviews and news stories that are often over the top and filled with inaccuracies. The more divisiveness they can create the more interested we become and the more viewers they get, the more income they earn. Many people have become extremely wealthy and powerful by keeping us snapping at each other. 

I am still grieving over an incident of a few years ago in which a long time friend took a comment of mine as an insult and has not spoken to me since then. I truly regret that I did not measure my words before uttering them. If I had known how she would react it never would have happened, but I also sense that she was already growing weary of our political differences and finally decided that she and I were too different to make our continued friendship worthwhile. I would do anything to have a quiet moment with her in the hopes of explaining how dear she has been and always will be to me but the environment in our nation right now is so strained that I doubt that we will ever be able to really hear each other again. 

When I voice my political views they are not aimed at anyone that I know. They are simply an expression of concerns that I have about our nation in general. I sense that this strained atmosphere must be how it might have felt during our nation’s civil war and maybe during our revolution when many people were not totally sure that they wanted to separate themselves from England. Even those who created a new form of government had frequent and heated discussions about what form the laws of our new nation should become. We’ve been arguing ever since but the present moment seems especially heated. 

I tend to blame the swirling and constant propaganda that is creating fears on both sides of the political spectrum. Most of it is designed to generate support for a particular set of beliefs rather than encouraging compromise and understanding. I sense people’s fears no matter how they feel. I know that there are conservatives who want to protect their thinking and those of their loved ones but the same is true of the liberals. We have somehow forgotten that there is always a spectrum of thinking, a normal curve if you wish. Nothing is all good or all bad and no-one is all brilliant or all ignorant. We each have something to offer and how our government operates should not depend on who happens to be the winners of elections. Ours is supposed to be a far more stable democracy with strong checks and balances to keep the general intent of the founders intact while also evolving in a way that reflects the progress we have made in accepting and supporting citizens of many different stripes and schools of thought. 

To maintain our democracy we have to be willing to communicate with each other without coming unglued or attempting to dominate the discussions that will ensue. When all we can seem to do is quibble and accuse each other of foul intentions we are at a constant impasse and bad things tend to happen in such instances. 

We can do better and we might start by removing our attention from any source of information that constantly rants in favor of only one way of thinking. We should beware of individuals who immediately jump to conclusions before hearing all of the facts. it is important not to force every single person to share the same views and certainly we should be wary of anyone who seems intent on doing so. 

We are in a terrible place as a nation right now and it is going to take a great deal of change to set us back on track to a way of working and trusting each other. We would do well to take a breath and remember that we are not members of warring tribes. We no doubt have more in common than we may think. We need to begin conversing without preconceptions and with a willingness to hear the concerns of everyone, especially the youngest voters among us. it will only be through civil discourse with leaders willing to work together that we are going to set things right again. It’s time we turn off the noise.