All It Takes Is A Little Love

Those who regularly read my blogs may have noticed a staleness about them. I’ve been groping a bit to find good topics. Much of my lack of fresh ideas has resulted from four years of massive changes in lifestyle that have left me spending more time taking loved ones back and forth to doctor’s appointments than traveling to interesting places the way I have done in the past. I’ve had a few health bumps myself that have finally resolved themselves, but I have to admit that I miss my former life before Covid and January 6, 2021, and friends and family members dividing into political camps with little patience for differences. I often feel quite sad about the state of the world with wars in Ukraine and more fighting between Israel and Palestine. I long for calm and a moment when we can all just take a breath and love each other without rancor. Nonetheless I do understand that everyone across the world has been just as affected by the difficulties of the past four years as I have on a personal level. That is why I saw the summer Olympics as an opportunity to bask momentarily in an island of joy. 

The last time the worlds’ athletes were able to convene Covid was still taking thousands of lives each day. Everything about the event seemed to only highlight the sadness the we shared the world over. Spectators were not allowed. Athletes wore masks. Watching the pared down events was a reminder of the seriousness of what we humans were enduring. The prospect of seeing a more normal version of the Olympics was exciting given that my days of late have a kind of sameness of tempo and duties. I eagerly tuned in to the opening ceremonies last Friday with a the kind of childlike glee that is usually reserved for Christmas or a Birthday party. 

I found the extravaganza and creativity of the very different way of introducing the games to be refreshing and inspiring. I loved seeing the excited athletes from around the world in colorful boats sailing along the Seine River as thousands of onlookers cheered along the route. I liked the brilliance of the colors and the variety of the the musical acts. The fact that there was so much visible happiness even in a pouring rain made me smile more than I have for some time now. 

Lady Gaga was glorious as usual and so were the many people who were featured in vignettes that showcased the culture and history of France. I felt that I was on a grand tour of Paris, a place that I have often dreamed of visiting. The many hours of the program went by so quickly as I marveled at the inclusiveness of the talent and the themes of brotherhood and freedom that echoed the storied flow of the journey of humans aspiring to be better and better versions of themselves. I was so moved by it all that I posted a simple comment on Facebook to express my delight, “The opening ceremony of the Olympics is beyond fabulous!”

Later when the programming ended with Celine Dion singing her heart out once again I cried in big heaves. The miracle of her presence with her voice as strong and beautiful as ever seemed to me to be a metaphor for a good turn in the destiny of the world. Somehow as she sang and I sobbed I knew that we were all on the right track and that ultimately we humans would move past the death and rancor that has plagued us for far too long. Little did I realize that my post on Facebook would dust up a controversy that shocked and ultimately confused me and made me anxious. 

In the first psychology class that I ever took I learned the importance of perception. We each see the world around us in differing ways depending on our personal beliefs and upbringings. Perception is more influential in determining how we react to any event than actual truth. Even witnesses to the exact same happening will often walk away with dramatically different interpretations of what they saw. It is a fact of our humanity that we are constantly interpreting the input of our senses in unique ways because of our beliefs and experiences. Knowing and understanding the role of perception nonetheless did not prepare me for the volcanic eruption of differing viewpoints that my simple post inspired. 

I was almost immediately chastised by a long time friend for enjoying a ceremony that had supposedly attacked Christianity with an insulting reenactment of the Last Supper with Jesus and His apostles. In all honesty to this very moment I don’t even recall seeing that. I had to look it up in the hopes of jogging my memory but nothing worked. I suppose that it was one of the least memorable aspects of the outstanding entertainment for me. Why would I give much attention to a quick parody when I was treated to a rousing number by Lady Gaga and a tear jerking rendition of the French national anthem by a magnificent mezzo soprano? Somehow that little blip got past me and even if I had seen it I probably would have either laughed or rolled my eyes just a bit. Instead my friend was upset that I was not as incensed as he was. 

Other comments followed in quick succession from friends and former students choosing sides in arguments that seemed only to tell me that we are not yet as healed as I had naively hoped. In our hurt and loneliness of the past four years we have tended to choose sides and envelop ourselves in tribal behaviors which are generally unhealthy for us all. I wanted to be amused by the dust up, but instead the old sadness threatened to encircle me once again. I felt badly for my friends who so earnestly presented their personal points of view. I found myself thinking of the song Imagine by John Lennon and wondering if it is even possible for the world to be as one. As much as I want to be the grand diplomat who loves people regardless of how they choose to live their lives, I wonder if I am chasing a unicorn when I simply want us to try harder to do nothing more that just love each other. 

When all is said and done I have to think of the miracle of Celine Dion’s return to the moment that she has worked so long and hard to achieve. I have to consider the pure joy of the USA’s men’s gymnastic team as they worked together as a real and loving group determined to win a bronze medal. Perhaps it is in such moments that I see the key to bringing us all together. 

I am not angry at my friend for chastising me. I know him and so I understand that he truly wants to help me. I love my friends who so quickly jumped to defend me. I would tell them that all that I am okay. My perception has been fine tuned by years of caring for my mother, teaching students of every possible type, working with teachers striving to make a difference, enjoying incredibly diverse friendships, once again assuming the role of caretaker for my father-in-law. I have seen the hopes and dreams of many people, most of whom were different from myself. The one thing we all have in common is wanting to be valued and loved. That is what I saw in the opening ceremony of the Olympic games in Paris. I witnessed people from the world over celebrating life. That is why I loved it and did not take the time to pick it apart with little critiques. For me the beauty of it all really was beyond fabulous! 

I’m writing this blog on the last Saturday of July. I am a self pronounced lover of rain but this month has been utterly ridiculous with everything from a hurricane that took direct aim at my town to weeks of afternoon rain showers. It has certainly been a cooler than usual July which my plants seem to be greatly enjoying and the wet stuff falling from the sky is going to make my water bill more palatable than most summers Still, I am not much for excesses of any kind and as I write this I find myself dreaming of the sun more than I might normally do.

I suspect that when the rainless days and high temperatures return I will find myself longing for the long month of dreary skies and regular sprinkles from the sky. I know that one of my daughters would gladly trade places as she experiences a sixth year of drought and water restrictions that have essentially killed her grass. Now she carefully tends her few remaining plants with water that she recycles after washing dishes or taking showers.

With my own wet routine I am beginning to imagine swarms of mosquitoes growing exponentially in the moist areas of my yard. I wonder if I will one day be greeted by snakes or gators leaving the ditches around the area to explore the neighborhoods. Alas it is beginning to feel more like a tropical jungle around here than a residential area. I even worry that another hurricane will decide to come our way leaving more rain than our lakes and rivers and bayous can hold. The result will be flooded homes and so much loss. We simply need to dry out for a time to keep a balance.

I generally find rainy days to be incredibly calming but I suspect that there is a fine line between enjoying a certain type of weather and growing weary of the sameness of it. I like that we have seasons so that we do not have to be either hot or cold all the time. The variety of weather is what makes each kind seem so wonderful. Of late it seems that there are too many places that are either too wet or too dry. I prefer the Goldilocks way of preferring that things to be just right. 

The weather report promises a week of typical hot dry days to usher August into our area. I may enjoy the change for a time but if it too becomes too repetitive I suspect that I will be grinching once again. It seems that I can’t always get what I want, but I definitely don’t believe that any of us need feast or famine. 

We humans are sometimes a cranky bunch. We take simple things for granted until they are no longer with us. We do much the same with people. We rush around thinking that we will have plenty of time to tell that person who always makes us smile how much we appreciate him. Then he is suddenly gone and it is too late to deliver that message to him. We get so busy with the mundane aspects of life that opportunities to let someone know how much he or she means to us evaporate. Much like a preference for rain or sunshine we get too busy to just stop and smell the dewy grass or the feel of the sand under our feet at the ocean. We tell ourselves that we will think about those things tomorrow and rush about doing tasks that we might well leave for another day.

Here in the United States we are all filled with political angst these days. Each of us believes that we have the answers to what we need to do to improve our world. We engage in a lot of judging without actually listening to what is prompting the people around us to seemingly think so much differently than we do. I suspect that if we were able to take a breath and actually hear them without thinking of what our next argument will be, we might find that we are all more aligned with each other than we once thought. These days just as with the rain or the drought everything political seems to point to excesses one way or another. We even seem to apply our thinking to religious beliefs, chastising each other for having differing ideas about spirituality rather than understanding how deeply personal such things are. 

We know that our plants and our attitudes do best with both a bit of rain and a bit of sunshine. So too it is with the way we manage our relationships and our countries and our laws. Too much a anything for too long can make a mess of things. It seems to me that it is balance that we need in our lives and also the right mixture for each situation. If we want to grow rice muddy fields of standing water may be just the ticket but succulents tend to rot without a bit of drying out. We need to remember that If we refuse to hear the concerns of all we do not grow and prosper as people anymore than our plants do in the wrong environment. 

I do not know what lies ahead with either the weather or the political scene but I feel rather certain that too much of anything is generally harmful. I also know that we are totally dependent on each other and would do well to try to understand that some of us like rain, some of us like deserts, some love mountains, others prefer the ocean. We can be different and still get along. The trick is to find just the right balance.  

There are people in my world who bring me incredible joy without ever knowing how much they mean to me. They are not members of my family without whom I would be bereft. They are not influential individuals who create important ideas. They are simple folk who probably go about their days rarely being noticed, but to me they are the salt of the earth. 

One is the man who grooms my yard throughout the year. His name is Jose and he is one of the most conscientious and reliable people that I have ever known. There was a time when I did all of the mowing and edging and sweeping to keep my lawn looking presentable. Then came a moment when my lawnmower would no longer start and I was faced with replacing it with a new one. Somehow I shuddered at the thought of bringing a new machine to my garage and instead checked around to see if someone might recommend a good landscaper who would do that job for me. With a rave review from our school secretary I called Jose and he has been coming to my home since two thousand five. 

Jose works at a full time job during the week but when the days grow longer in the spring and summer he labors at people’s homes doing all kinds of work for them. He is an artist with a string trimmer and a perfectionist in creating a pleasing lawn. He keeps most of my cul-de-sac looking wonderful. I know that he will drive up with his trailer and with his assistant Angel even when I am out of town to maintain the look of my property and keep the members of the HOA from sending me letters complaining about weeds or overgrown flower beds. 

Jose is a pleasant fellow who does his best to do his work quickly and without bothering anyone. Years ago he began working for my father-in-law as well. He is reluctant to raise his prices even as inflation eats away at his profits. He apologizes for asking for a bit more when gasoline prices rise or if mulch is selling at a premium. If we ask him to do so he’s willing to hang Christmas lights or move heavy furniture from one room to another. I try to let him know how much I appreciate the work that he does. I can’t imagine not hearing his truck arrive each Saturday to so quietly and humbly ply his trade. He always makes me feel quite blessed.

Another person who has come to mean a great deal to me is a lovely woman named Kimberly who gives me a pedicure and manicure every five or six weeks. She helps me feel so relaxed and carefree. When I am with her my worries and troubles seem to melt away. We talk like two girlfriends catching up on stories about our families and the things that we have done since our last meeting. We laugh and solve the problems of the world.

Kimberly is a brilliant woman who came here from South Korea. She has a son who is in advanced classes in middle school. When she is not working she provides him with books and travel and experiences to enrich his mind. She speaks so lovingly of him as she recounts taking him to the library or watching him give a presentation in one of his classes. 

Kimberly works hard washing and massaging and beautifying people’s hands and feet. Her care and gentle touch is almost spiritual. It reminds me of Mary Magdalene washing the feet of Jesus and then drying them with her hair. It is a loving gesture that makes people feel good. In my case, it is worthy of two hours with a gifted counselor. I always feel somehow mended after spending time with this wonderful woman.

Kimberly is reading books written by Dale Carnegie. She learns from his wisdom and passes on her discoveries to me and other people she meets. She smiles and remembers names and conversations. She knows how to make everyone feel special and important. She has a special gift that not everyone masters. Perhaps it lies in her naturally loving and kind nature. 

There have been times when I have come to Kimberly in pain from an injury to my leg or feeling low because of challenges in my life. She listens to me attentively and almost always gifts me with a wise observation that seems to set everything right again. I look forward to being with her and hope that she understands how much I admire her hard work and her optimism. Somehow an extra nice tip does not seem to be enough to let her know how important her joy is to me and the people that she encounters in her work. 

There are people in our world who do not have impressive degrees or fancy titles who nonetheless become indispensable to us. They toil without demands and do work that we do not know how to do as well as they do. I suspect that we all know someone like that. It may be the janitor who cleans our office or classroom in the middle of the night. Perhaps it is the friendly waiter who makes us feel as though we are royalty. Maybe it is the crew that carries away our trash or the worker who restores the electricity when a storm makes our homes go dark. They are the heroes who keep the world operating the way it should and they do it with a smile and determination. I salute them all, but especially Jose and Kimberly. Words don’t seem sufficient to express my gratitude for them. They rock my world.

We may have come here on different ships, but we are all in the same boat now.   John Lewis

We had a hurricane here in the Houston area. In the aftermath of that storm just as with Hurricane Harvey from seven years ago we really did not think about our differences. Instead we knew that we were all in the same boat together and it had been a bumpy ride. We had a lot of cleaning up and repairing to do. After celebrating that everyone around us was okay we got to work sharing tools and brute force to get back to normal as quickly as possible. As we toiled in ninety degree heat we felt a commonality with each other. Our superficial differences of cultures, religions and races mattered not at all. We were simply a community of souls happy that we had somehow weathered the storm and its aftermath together.

As I drove around the city that is the home of six million people I saw the same camaraderie and resolve wherever I went. There were some tough jobs to do and some folks lost way more than others, but mostly we managed the four way stops at streets without traffic lights as politely as anyone might be. Houston was as strong and diverse and willing to pitch in to help those unable to do the work themselves as they have ever been. Somehow in difficult times we always put aside our differences and work together.

While the aftermath of the hurricane was sometimes difficult, it was wonderful to see people getting along so well. There were no discussions of our political divisions, no commentaries on the November election. For the moment we were simply focused on each other. We rallied to the challenges and overcame them together. We checked on our families and friends. It’s hard to imagine six hundred people mostly getting along so well, but that is how is was. 

As time goes by we will surely fall back into our routines and divisions. We will get sucked into disagreements over what is best for our city, our state, our nation as political candidates vie for our support. We may even forget how nice it was to just be a group of people with the common cause of making sure that everyone was alright. We will get busy being busy and perhaps only have enough time to wave as we pass by each other. We won’t feel as close as we do now until the kids fill the streets on Halloween or our neighbor, Patrick, has his annual Christmas party.  

We would do well to think about how great it felt to be working together the next time we get irritated with the political scene. Surely when all is said and done everyone across America is in the same boat just as John Lewis once said. We love our country and want  our democracy to thrive and prosper. We mostly hope to be able to celebrate the different cultures and ships that brought us to where we are now with unrestricted freedom. There should not be one way of doing things, one way of believing. Our ancestors came here fleeing from oppressive governments where they had little hope of enjoying the good life that we all have now thanks to their courage in trying something different. For some of us the ancestors never stepped foot on a ship because they were already here roaming the plains wondering who the invaders were on their lands. Still others were brought to our land in chains. Perhaps the ancestors even walked across a river or an imagined border hoping to find the same quality of life that we enjoy. However the people came to be here, we are surely now in the same boat. 

Our goal should not be to exclude a particular group or to elevate one segment of society over another. We should be dedicated to the same kind of idealism that drove our cooperation after the hurricane. We had to ration our water and our food but we shared whenever there was a need. 

I realize that resources in our world are finite. In America we are often blessed with more of them than those in other countries. We would do well to be conscious of our good fortune and to be willing to make do with with less so that more people will have access to the basic necessities of food, housing, and medical care. How much of a sacrifice would it require from us to help distribute our wealth to the sick, the infirm, the old? Most of us would never miss a dollar a day but that seemingly meager amount multiplied hundreds of millions of times would drastically change the fate of so many in this country. 

I’m hoping there will be no more hurricanes for a time. I am tired from bending and lifting and carrying the damage from the wind. It is very hot and will soon enough grow hotter. Those of us in Houston deserve a rest and a pat on the back. Once again we have done well, so why not pledge to continue to look out for each other in the choices we make at the ballot box. We really are in the same boat now, so let’s make the excursion a happy one for as many as possible.   

There are things that we humans do to others that I will never understand. Slavery is unthinkable to me. It is as obviously horrific as murder. There is no way, in no place or historical era in which I would have somehow thought it would be okay to treat other people like property, a source of labor and wealth. The same is true of true of believing that any one race or person or socio economic group is somehow superior or inferior to another. Why do we make so many aspects of our being into contests that judge certain features to be more beautiful than others? Can’t we see the innate beauty of each individual? Can’t we accept and respect people just as they are? 

Children are innocent when they are born and somehow over time we send them cues that make them believe that there are optimal ways of looking and being. We celebrate certain talents, skills, achievements, physical features. Whether directly or indirectly we also send messages that there are also human features that societies have deemed somehow less acceptable. The color of skin, the texture of hair, the symmetry of faces are lionized or even detested. Children see these things. They hear the praise or the insults and slowly internalize their feelings about themselves and others. 

I suppose that it is almost impossible to be totally neutral in assessing the people that we encounter but it would be so much better if we were able to see the beauty that lies below the superficialities of how genetics came together to create our images. Why do we literally find some individuals more attractive than others? Is this an innate or learned trait? Are we this way because of the sins of Adam and Eve? Would we be more innocent and loving if only they had simply enjoyed the perfection of paradise without bowing to temptation? Is their story simply a way of explaining why we humans become envious and sometimes even murderous like Cain? Did the ancient Greek tragedies foreshadow all of the horrific human made disasters to come?

If I had never experienced jealously or anger I might believe that it should not be so difficult to just get along with the people around us. Sadly I have known those moments when I was infuriated by someone’s slights or annoying behavior. I have known the green eyed monster of envy. I have met some people who came close to perfection but none that made it all the way. We all find ourselves saying and doing ugly or hurtful things. Our feet of clay sometimes set us off balance. Our shame and our apologies can’t always make up for the harm we have done. Bad behaviors strain our relationships or unravel them all together. In the worst case scenarios they inflict unforgivable pain. 

I have heard the religious explanations for why we are the way we are. I have contemplated psychology and learning theory. We humans have been studied for centuries by philosophers and doctors and researchers. We have some good ideas about how to raise healthy, happy children who will become mostly wonderful adults. We still struggle to understand what exactly creates a thief or a murderer or a dictator. Perhaps violence in childhood begets more violence as an adult but there are indeed cases of perfectly good families spawning a monster. I suppose that each of us is a complex product of our individual genetics and every single interaction that we experience. 

We will probably argue forever over whether we are born as sinners and have to be saved or we come to this world innocent and learn how to sin or not sin as we watch and learn from the people around us. it would be wonderful if there were some magical formula or elixir that might make everyone fair and kind. In a perfect world none of us would know what anger is. Everyone would be treasured as a unique gift in our midst. Life would indeed be a utopian haven of rainbows and unicorns. Instead we have to work at doing the right thing, being as upbeat and wonderful as we possibly can. 

The world seems to be a mess right now, but if we honestly look as far back as the first mutterings of written history we see that it has always been plagued with problems. We have improved many things but we can’t rest on our laurels as long as people anywhere are suffering because of their fellow humans. We really should base most of our decisions on what they will mean, not just for us personally, but for everyone across the globe. Our goal should always be to make the world safer and better. It’s nice if we have our comfortable homes and lives but we should never forget those who are less fortunate. There is always a way to share our bounty. 

Whether one is religious or not, the Beatitudes as writted by Matthew so beautifully describe the ways that we should strive to be. 

• Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
• Blessed are the meek: for they shall possess the land. 
• Blessed are they who mourn: for they shall be comforted. 
• Blessed are they that hunger and thirst after justice: for they shall have their fill. 
• Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy. 
• Blessed are the clean of heart: for they shall see God. 
• Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God. 
• Blessed are they that suffer persecution for justice’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 

We may not always live up to these ideals but we should certainly teach our children to strive to be their best and to be forgiving and merciful when they or someone they know is not. We are not likely to eliminate crime or war or even family conflicts but we can keep trying to get closer and closer to eliminating some of our very worst habits. There is no reason to give up on ourselves or each other. Goodness grows from on kind act at a time. Our goal should be to do no harm as best we can.