What If?

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On this day in history in 1865, President Abraham Lincoln was assassinated by John Wilkes Booth, a Confederate sympathizer who thought that his action might somehow save the southern states from Union domination and tyranny. Of course public disgust with his murderous act not only derailed his ill conceived plan but also changed the course of post war reconstruction. Ironically it was Abraham Lincoln who had been the leader in emphasizing forgiveness and understanding for the rebel states and their citizens. Thus it has oft been argued that the schism between the north and the south might have healed more quickly under his leadership than it did without him. Instead the more punishing policies of carpet bagging only increased resentments that continue to this very day in some quarters of the south. Continue reading “What If?”

Saddle Oxfords and Loafers

57673c35aa639aa7978017349bd5007dMy mother was frugal by nature but when it came to purchasing school shoes for our feet money was no object. She often told us that such a luxury was impossible in her big immigrant family. As the youngest child she always wore hand-me-down shoes that were often so badly worn that there were gapping holes in the leather soles. Her mother cleverly inserted cardboard inside to keep them useful for a bit longer. Mama never complained about her childhood predicament but I suspect that it was a source of embarrassment for her. She rectified her own want by providing me and my brothers with sturdy, well fitting footwear that came from the finest makers of children’s shoes. In fact, we regularly visited the local Lippies’ Shoe Store where the parents of one of my classmates were maestros of quality procedures that insured that the shoes we purchased would hug our feet like soft gloves.

I appeared to have fallen arches so Mr. and Mrs. Lippies insisted that I wear oxfords with a steel support to hold my flat feet in the correct position. Finding just the right pair for me was a tedious process that often took well over thirty minutes of intense consideration of my physiological needs before the kindly owners of the store felt that I had the most perfect pair for my feet. Mostly the style never varied. Virtually every time that Mama bought me a new pair of shoes they were saddle oxfords that I might wear to school. I would then use them until I had outgrown them and my toes were pushing painfully at the edges. Continue reading “Saddle Oxfords and Loafers”

Happy Days at the Dime Store

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When I was growing up Saturday was a very big deal. My brothers and I arose at what seemed like the crack of dawn and we watched cartoons and kid programs while our mother slept late. Once she woke up and had her morning coffee it was time to begin our house cleaning tasks. We were all quite busy during the school week with lessons and activities so we generally let the house go to seed from Monday through Friday. We didn’t worry a great deal about mounds of clothes on the floor or dust covering the furniture. We knew that come Saturday we would get things back in tip top order. Continue reading “Happy Days at the Dime Store”

Cultivating the Roots of Family

5-Mistakes-Every-Parent-MakesIt’s been quite some time since I was the mother of elementary and middle school age children. I remember those days as being some of the very best years of my life. I love little babies and toddlers are quite cute but parenting them is extremely exhausting. Ten and twelve year olds on the other hand are pretty much at the perfect time of life. They mostly fend for themselves and they are still innocent enough that they are loads of fun. Still, being responsible for children no matter how old is always very hard work, a full time job. It’s little wonder that nature gave that task to young and energetic adults.

I’ve been watching three of my grandchildren for a few days while their mom and dad are out of town. They are incredibly good kids with old fashioned manners and a set of routines that they follow without question. I haven’t had to worry about feeding the dogs, overseeing homework or even getting them to bed at a decent hour. They are quite independent and understand what their daily responsibilities are. Nonetheless, it is very different to suddenly be back in a role that I haven’t had to play for so long. It’s much like roller skating or riding a bicycle and I have gotten back into the groove without much fanfare but I suspect that I am only doing well because my daughter and son-in-law have already laid such a strong foundation with their children. I am actually in awe of how respectful and obedient my grandkids are while still having their own distinct personalities and independent ways of thinking. Continue reading “Cultivating the Roots of Family”

Dancing Toward the Future

GDC_onlywayaroundMy grandfather was essentially an orphan. His mother died when he was only days old and his father left him in the care of an elderly lady that he called “Grandma.” When he was thirteen his adoptive mother died and he became a ward of the court under the guardianship of an uncle. Somehow in spite of growing up in a most unusual situation he became a great man whose integrity and love were legendary. My father-in-law was raised by an uncle and then later by a group of unmarried aunts. He too is an incredible man who has never had any problems adjusting to life and forming healthy relationships with people. Then there are my brothers and I who grew up in a single parent home plagued by sporadic poverty and mental illness. Somehow we all turned out to be just fine, actually even better than fine. What was the key to all us navigating through life without major problems? I suspect that it was just plain and simple love.

We have a tendency in our society to create definitions of how things are supposed to be. We describe the ideal family as being a man and woman who are married and dedicated to one another. There is certainly nothing wrong with striving for such situations but the reality of life is that not only are there other feasible alternatives but also sometimes the so-called traditional ways of family dynamics are actually toxic. Life is far too complex to insist on easy and inflexible methods of doing things. Continue reading “Dancing Toward the Future”