A Very Thanksgiving Treat

elliott-pecansI always loved visiting my grandmother’s house in November. She was sure to have enamel bowls filled with tangerines and pecans. Usually it was just chilly enough to warrant using her ceramic gas heater to warm the living room. It always felt so cozy being there with my aunts and uncles and many cousins. I came to associate such things with the month of November. To this very day I have to have tangerines in my refrigerator and fresh pecans in my pantry when the eleventh month rolls around. It just doesn’t seem to feel right without them.

My Aunt Opal made pumpkin pie all year round but unless it was November we were never certain that she would have any available when we came to visit. Not so, in November. She never failed to have one ready for us whenever we chose to spend time with her then. Hers were absolutely the best that I have ever tasted. She didn’t even need a recipe to whip one up. The directions were all in her head. I used to love watching her roll out the pie dough and mix the ingredients for the filling. She always had some interesting story to tell us while her weathered hands did their work. I can still see her working the dough with her old rolling pin and stirring the creamy mixture that would gel into pure deliciousness. My mouth waters just thinking about it.

My mother liked to take the pecans that were so plentiful in November and bake them up into a pie. She transformed those nuts into a delectable southern delight. She was rather famous for her special recipe. I recall a time when she took one of her pies to a party and placed it next to a pecan pie that somebody else had prepared. When a friend of mine heard that one of Mama’s famous creations was there she rushed in to claim a piece before the dessert was gone. She took one bite and spit it back on the plate exclaiming, “This isn’t your mom’s pie! Where did this come from?” Luckily the baker of the less tasty treat wasn’t around to hear her insult but my mother had caught the gist of the conversation and quickly came to the rescue with a slice of her pie. From then on my friend always checked to be certain that she was getting nobody else’s pecan pie but Mama’s.

Yesterday after visiting with my in-laws my husband and I ventured over to the Airline farmer’s market. We were greeted by the sound of the nut cracking machine that was busy opening pounds and pounds of fresh pecans. It is a sound that I have heard each November for as long as I can remember. It tells me that my birthday is coming soon and that Thanksgiving is just around the corner. Its click clack is so comforting. It is much like hearing a train rumbling down the tracks in the dark of night. It is a link to some of the most wondrous times in my past.

While at the market I also saw a huge display of tangerines. I rushed over immediately to fill a bag. The aroma of citrus filled my senses and told me that I will be enjoying juicy fruit in the coming days. I feel content in knowing that I am able to find such delightful items so close to my home.

We really do live in a land of plenty. I had a friend who grew up in Germany at the same time that I was experiencing a childhood in the United States. He often spoke of playing in the rubble of his city of Bremen which had been bombed continuously during World War II. He developed scurvy because of the lack of vitamin C. For most of his lifetime fruits and vegetables were a luxury. He told of a time when an aunt had a single tomato to share with the family and how it was prized as a precious delicacy. Each person took a thin slice and ate it as though it was pure gold. When he eventually moved to the United States he was astounded by the abundance that we all enjoyed. He never lost his appreciation for our country and the wealth that it provided him.

My mother always told me that her parents saw themselves as being rich simply because they always had good food on the table. They turned their backyard into a garden and raised animals for milk and meat. Even during the Great Depression they always had good meals created by my grandmother. Nothing was ever wasted. Even bones and peelings were boiled for broth for soups and seasonings. When the family ate fish my grandmother would consume the head and give the more savory parts to her children.

We sometimes forget how precious food was for our ancestors and rarely think about people in other parts of the world who are starving even as we fill garbage trucks with mountains of food that might otherwise save a life. We take our food for granted and rarely realize our good fortune in having a lovely orange or a bowl of nuts. We don’t want to think about small children with bloated bellies who are wracked with pain because they do not have enough sustenance. Thanksgiving simply doesn’t have the same meaning when we have never known want as it might feel like to truly experience grinding hunger.

In November I am thankful that my mother like her mother always found a way to keep our stomachs full. Sometimes our dinner was little more than a bowl of pinto beans but there was something on our table to sustain us even when our cupboard seemed to be bare. I often took egg sandwiches to school for lunch. At the time it embarrassed me because there were often complaints about the smell. Sometimes I chose not to eat rather than reveal my strange repast. I now think of how silly I was, especially when I consider the millions of people who would have thought themselves most fortunate to have something so tasty and wholesome to eat. In so many ways I have been spoiled.

It is in the small things that we feel the most delight. For me the tangerines, pecans and pumpkins that were the treats of my childhood Novembers are still a special treasure. When I eat them they are more than just tasty. They are ways of tangibly remembering some of the most happy times of my childhood and the special people who made it so. I can see my grandmother’s smile as she watches me enjoy a tangerine with the juice running down my chin as I laugh with my cousins. I can hear my Aunt Opal telling us wondrous tales as she shoves a pumpkin pie into the oven. I recall my mother whispering her secret recipe for making the best pecan pies. The taste of the food on my tongue jogs my memory and releases happy feelings that tell me just how wonderful my life has always been. It really is a great time of year to be thankful as I remember and appreciate.

By the Light of the Moon

Belarus Supermoon Lunar EclipseI love gazing at the heavens. Unfortunately I live in the fourth largest city in the United States and the proliferation of lights has made it rather difficult to see the stars in the sky. Only the moon and a few very bright orbs are able to overcome the competition from manmade illumination. When I was a child ours was a small town by most standards, surrounded by a number of farming and ranching communities which have now become heavily inhabited suburbs. I now have to drive a rather long way to reach a place where the stars at night are actually big and bright. Luckily the moon somehow manages to maintain its dominance over the night even where I live. As long as the clouds do not shroud it I am able to watch its phases cycle through a routine that is as familiar to me as the passage of the sun. I have never grown weary of looking skyward to see how the man in the moon is doing.

On Sunday evening I stepped into my backyard to watch an event that has not occurred since January of 1948, the year in which I was born. There in the sky was a bright and brilliant super moon so called because it appears to be much larger than the average full moon. That is because on November 14, at 8:59 Eastern time the moon orbited closer to the earth than it has at any point in over six decades. At that precise moment it was also as full as it ever gets.

My time zone prevented me from seeing the full effect of the super moon but I certainly got the idea. I found myself wondering if my mother or father had watched the super moon of 1948. They would not yet have known on that January evening that I would become part of their lives eleven months later. The seed that made me had not yet been planted but perhaps the idea of having a child may have crossed their minds. My mother often spoke of her natural inclination to have as many children as possible. She was in love with the idea of taking care of babies. She was only twenty one years old then and had a lifetime ahead of her. She would not have realized how difficult her journey would eventually become. She would have been filled with optimism, promise and perhaps a bit of romance. The world had ended a war not long before. She and my father were building a future that must have seemed as bright as that moon. I’d like to believe that they stood together holding hands, gazing at the night sky with great hope.

Who knew sixty eight years ago that we humans would one day walk on that very moon? How might anyone have imagined the changes and the progress that we have wrought? The era of television was not yet upon us. The idea of computers was still the domain of scientists and engineers. Telephones were tethered to outlets on the wall. Cars were devoid of seat belts and air bags. College degrees were the exception rather than the rule. Women still mostly stayed at home tending the children and the house. On warm summer days homes were cooled by fans that stirred breezes from open windows.

I would experience the sixty eight years of rapid change. I knew about the before 1948 only from books. I lived all of the time after from day to day as I grew from an infant to a teenager to a young adult to my middle ages to a senior. The progression has not always been smooth. There were times when the world appeared to be on the verge of a seismic shift, particularly when I was in my high school and college years. Most of my childhood was spent in a Cold War with the Soviet Union. I observed my elders worrying that there might one day be a nuclear holocaust. I watched the end of segregation unfold and spied on heated conversations between the adults who were part of my life. I boldly formed my own opinions and almost dared anyone to contradict my beliefs. I became my own person just as children have been doing since the beginning of time and will continue to do long after I am gone.

The day came when I was a young twenty one year old holding the hand of the man that I loved. I have been more fortunate than my mother. I have had the joy of growing old with him. He has been by my side through every phase of my adult life. We have shared the joys and the disappointments of living. We raised our children and eventually greeted our grandchildren. We have said goodbye to family members and friends who have died. We have grown in wisdom and understand the importance of counting our blessings and cherishing the moments that we have because we know that life is uncertain. The moon will circle our globe and we will move around the sun with regularity but all else might change in the blink of an eye. There is no time for taking our joys for granted.

The moon is beautiful whether it is the smallest of crescents or full. We associate it with humankind’s emotions. It is the stuff of legends and lore. It may engender romance or lunacy. On nights when it is at its peak it signals time for tiny creatures to engage in rituals tied to survival. Some believe that more babies are born during the full moon. Others insist that crimes and wars are more likely to occur on moonlit nights. Complaints of insomnia seem to increase when the moon is full. There are beliefs that more natural disasters occur under a full moon. Stories of old tell us of people who walked the night as werewolves or vampires. We somehow have a sense that the moon affects people much as it does the ocean tides.

It will be 2034 when the next super moon makes an appearance. By that time I will be eighty six years old if I manage to make it that far. I will know how things turned out with President Trump. I will have enjoyed watching my grandchildren enter their adult years and may have a great grandchild or two. Undoubtedly the world will have changed even more. The young men and women of the millennial generation will be running things. There will be new wonders invented that I have not yet imagined. Perhaps we will have found ways to keep our planet healthy. Hopefully I will not have to recall horrors or wars that have rocked our sensibilities but history cautions me to be ready for the unthinkable. Just as with the sun and the moon I will join my fellow travelers in the daily routines and rituals that move us slowly but surely into the future. I have enough faith in all of us that I truly believe that things will ultimately be just fine. It will be fun to watch history unfold even as I live it under the light of the moon.

The Sun Will Rise

sunriseI woke up this morning. While that may seem to be a minor accomplishment I know it to be something quite special, a blessing. I have one more opportunity to approach life with generosity and love, to do something outside of myself, to realize what is truly important, maybe even to impact someone who needs a little support to make it through another day. Last week was very hard for me. It began with very personal sadness and ended with worry and concern.

I should know better than most people just how uncertain life can be. I have awakened on a beautiful summer day only to learn that my thirty three year old father died in a car crash. I have watched my mother deteriorate so quickly from cancer that we never even had the opportunity to receive a definitive diagnosis. I have attended more funerals for loved ones and friends than I care to recall. Illness and death is a recurring theme in our world. We know that our days are numbered and yet we allow ourselves again and again to become distracted from focusing on the people in our lives.

Last week I received a frightening text that my son-in-law and my grandson had been in a terrible wreck. The car in which they were riding was totally destroyed in the blink of an eye. If the impact had differed by an inch here a foot there it might have been fatal for them as well. My grandson had difficulty even exiting his seat because the dashboard had pushed so close to him. Luckily all of the safety features of the auto did exactly what they were designed to do and both of my loved ones were okay, at least physically if not emotionally. Kind strangers went out of their way to help and in the end all went well but our family was still shaken by thoughts of what might have been.

Within less than an hour on the same day I received yet another message informing me that one of my cousins was receiving hospice care. He is someone who has been part of my life for as long as I have memories. He was born ten months after I was. We grew up together, sharing our childhoods, our teenage years and our lives as adults. He has been a constant source of laughter for me. He loves to tickle my funny bone with his sense of humor and corny jokes. Even a week after receiving this devastating news I can’t fathom losing him.

Last night there was a remarkable event in honor of another cousin who is battling lymphoma. She is far younger than I am, a mother of two small children who is really just beginning her adult life. She is a woman of incalculable faith but her strength is being tested to its very limits. Those who love her have rallied to her cause. She has earned their attention with the generosity of her heart. She presents a brave face to all of us but I can’t help but believe that there are many times when she is so afraid of what the future will be. I sense that she will be a courageous warrior for her children and I believe that she will win. Still I worry for her and find myself praying throughout the day that she will soon be healed.

The results of the election last week were shocking to me. I never would have dreamed that our next President would be Donald Trump. I stayed awake to hear the final announcement and even laughed a bit at the thought of this strange man leading our country. My inclination was to take his victory in stride. I learned long ago to be resilient. If I did not know how to roll with life’s punches I would have been destroyed by now. It was with great concern that I realized just how many people were suffering deeply because of what had transpired. Their pain was true and visceral.

I am above all empathetic almost to the point of overkill. I actually feel the hurt of those around me. It ties me into emotional knots that bind my mind. For most of the past week I experienced anxiety attacks, insomnia and spasms in my lower back. All of these things are related to the worry that I have for the individuals who feel so lost and confused over what has just happened. While I believe that many of their fears for our future are not going to be quite as bad as they think I understand why they are so worried.

I have written on multiple occasions about the undocumented students that I have taught. They were brought into our country when they were tiny children. The United States of America is really all that they have ever known. Whether or not this should have happened to them is of little relevance. What’s done is done and they had nothing to do with it. To suddenly punish them by sending them back to countries that are foreign to them seems particularly cruel. Most of them have been outstanding citizens. They have earned college degrees and worked hard, asking for little or nothing from the rest of us. Now they are fearful that all that they have ever known will suddenly be turned upside down by a man who has pledged to send them away. Even those who were born here worry that their families will be torn asunder. Their fears are so tragically real and I feel their pain deep down in my soul.

I have taught many Black children. They too wonder how they will be treated in the new political reality. It would be easy for all of us to dismiss their concerns as being unrealistic but I believe them when they tell me that they often suffer indignities. They are so beautiful to me that I sometimes forget that prejudices still exist. They know that even with their educations and their best efforts there will be those who consider them to be less than.

I am acquainted with people who are incredulous that so many of our citizens were able to overlook the offensiveness of Donald Trump and elevate him to the highest office in the land. At the same time I am familiar with others who believed with all of their hearts that Hillary Clinton was easily as bad. Many voters saw their choice as being the selection of the lesser of two evils. They did not pick Trump because they were vicious people but for reasons that made perfect sense to them.   

In the aftermath of the election I have been brokenhearted, mostly because of the animosity that I have seen from both sides of the voting public. I have witnessed people reacting in self righteous and smug ways toward their fellow citizens. I have read of instances in which people declared that members of their family were dead to them based solely on the ways they voted. I heard from a former student who is sincerely worried that a civil war will break out in the streets of our cities and towns. He is a young father who only wants his little girl to live in the safety and security that he senses might slip away if we do not find ways to become more united. My heart has felt as if it will break into a million little pieces. It all seems so very wrong.

We have been fighting with each other for far too long. We simply cannot continue to be a split screen nation. I pray for the soul of my country. While I am not a fan of President Elect Trump I want him to prove me wrong. I would like nothing better than for him to pull us together as a nation and bind the gaping wounds that are making us so sick. We need to be able to hear the many voices of our people whether they be liberal or conservative, straight or gay, white or of color, young or old, from the north or the south, the east or the west, urban or rural. I suspect that if we remain unwilling to find ways to reach out to even those whose ideas confound us then we will be in for years of chaos and hurt. I believe that we are better than that. It is time for us to show our better selves for the sake of our children. The sun will rise no matter what we choose to do but our days will surely be sunnier if we learn how to work together once again.

No Greater Love

vietnam-wall-120-jpg

Greater love has no man that this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.

I cannot even conceive of the courage that it must take to be a soldier. We all too often forget that many of our fellow citizens are in harm’s way in dangerous places even on this very day. They quietly pledge to protect our country and sometimes lose their lives in the process of doing a day’s work. Only last week a young man from Houston was killed in Jordan. He had attended Strake Jesuit High School and the University of Texas. He was known by his friends as someone who was fun and generous. He was bright and talented and had a whole lifetime of possibilities ahead of him and yet he chose to enter the military, an action that he felt was an honor and his duty. His friends and family grieve that he is gone and all of us should feel a sense of sorrow as well. It was for those of us that he never even met that he gave his life.

There were a couple of young men who went to my high school when I was there who died in Vietnam. One went to war shortly after graduating. He was a friendly fellow with an inviting smile. It broke my heart to hear of his death. The other soldier was brilliant. He had graduated from college and had a promising career but he wanted to help in the effort to maintain a democracy in South Vietnam. He too lost his life, a tragedy that touched me in a very personal way because his little brother was good friends with one of my siblings.

At the time that these two soldiers were killed it never occurred to me that theirs had been an act of love. I was too busy protesting the war and participating in rallies. I actually thought that they had been foolish to take part in the conflict. As the years went by I began to see their sacrifice as something sacred. I began to hold them in high esteem. When I visited the Vietnam wall on the National Mall I found their names and ran my fingers over the etching in the stone. I wept. I felt the love associated with what they had done. I spoke to their spirits and thanked them for their service to our country.

I came of age in an era of protest. I thought it noble and fitting to speak against a war that seemed unreasonable to me. It never occurred to me that it was so incredibly easy to do what I had done while the efforts of the soldiers who had been my classmates were monumental. It has been five decades since their passing. Their love of country inspires and humbles me.

I have a long time friend who served as a medic in that same war. I often think of the horrors that he must have seen as he fought to save lives. I suppose that I never expressed enough gratitude for what he did but I can imagine how important his efforts must have been to the soldiers who lived because he was there. I know that he never discusses those days. He came back far more serious and contemplative than he had been. His wife told me that he often had nightmares as he relived the battles and thought of the torn and bloodied bodies that he viewed.

We sit safely in our cities and towns and rarely think of what our fellow citizens of the military are doing. We complain about the unfairness of our country. We criticize and speak of being ashamed of our nation. We refuse to sing the national anthem or salute the flag. All the while the men and women of the Armed Forces are doing the heavy lifting that we don’t want to do so that we will have the freedom to make ourselves heard. They deal with uncertainties and danger as a matter of course. We all too often take them for granted, sometimes even neglecting them when they return home. Even worse is when we insult them by self righteously assuming that they are violent individuals who somehow deserve our scorn rather than our praise.

On this Veterans Day and everyday we should honor the present day military and those who once served. They are real heroes who deserve our highest consideration. They are mostly humble and silent about the work that they have done for you and me. They rarely bring attention to themselves. They will tell you that they were happy to be able to give back to the country and its people.

I see a great deal of whining in today’s world. People continuously complain about what they don’t have and tend not to count their many blessings. They take more note of slights than opportunities. They make degrading comments about our country, its leaders and our soldiers. They have little idea of how safe and secure they are because of the unseen, unsung men and women who are guarding us twenty four hours a day. They rarely think of our military if at all.

Take the time to remember our veterans and our Armed Forces today. Don’t just think of them. Thank them. They won’t ask for your gratitude but I can’t help but think that they will appreciate knowing that their efforts have not gone unnoticed. God bless them and their willingness to lay down their lives for friends that they don’t even know. There is no greater love.

Be What You Want Them To Be

nature-vs-nurture-or-bothEach of us is a product of nature and nurture. Our genes determine the color of our eyes, the texture of our hair, our proclivities toward disease and illnesses. It is our environment from which our points of view and beliefs derive. Day after day we are exposed to people and ideas who influence our thinking. We pick and choose from the many philosophies that are presented to us. None of us are born being hateful or racist. Babies are as innocent as anyone might ever be. They love unconditionally. They are sweet and pure. Those of us who are parents, teachers, friends place our marks on a growing child until one day an adult emerges with a set of values that are an amalgam of many experiences.

I am not and have ever been an exact duplicate of my parents in the way that I see the world because I not only heard their thinking but also that of others who impressed me with their wisdom. I weighed what I heard with what I already knew and either accepted or rejected ideas. Thus it is with everyone which makes each of us a kind of change maker even when we may not even realize that we are making a difference in someone’s mind.

Little things affect us. For example I had a broken chair and I set about attempting to find someone to repair it. One person suggested that I simply purchase a new chair from him all for the low price of $375. Another took the time to track down the original manufacturer of the broken chair and in the process learned that it had a lifetime warranty. All I would have to pay to make it like new again was $20 for shipping. The first man was highly refined and worked in a prestigious store. The second man was decorated with tattoos and appeared to be less than elegant. Nonetheless he was the one who most impressed me and taught me once again to never judge a book by its cover. His honesty was inspiring and when I purchase two more chairs which I have long intended to do, I will buy them from him rather than the man who had little time or patience with my dilemma.

My simple encounter with the two men reinforced a particular way of thinking in my mind. It reminded me that character is something that can’t be measured by outward appearances, something that I learned long ago when I was still a fairly young bride. I was living in an apartment project when I met a woman from New York state who cussed like a sailor and trotted around barefooted most of the time with a cigarette dangling from her lips. She had a rather colorful background and was not like most of the people that I had previously known. I was fascinated with her and made an effort to get to know her better. I learned that she had a generous heart and she was a gifted artist. I know that some of my friends and relatives wondered why I hung out with such a seemingly rough person but they did not know her like I did. She was literally someone who would have done anything for someone for whom she cared. She taught me to have the courage to be myself and to think out of the box. She also showed me how to love and support my friends and family.

I have picked up nuances from many people all along the road of my life. My friend Pat opened up my eyes to the world and pushed me to enjoy experiences that I had never even imagined. To this day many of the routines that I follow come from the things that she taught me. Most importantly she demonstrated the importance of always putting people before things. Her door was always open to me whether I called ahead or simply dropped in for a chat. She would sit me down at her table and brew some tea and then give me her undivided attention.

I have another friend who is a real life Heloise. I can ask her how to do or fix anything and she has an answer. Her knowledge is encyclopedic and even includes having recipes at her fingertips. I often tell her that she should write a book or a blog. She has a very small income and still manages to live large with her ability to transform virtually anything from broken to a treasure. I can’t tell you how many times her homey advice has saved me from an expensive repair or parting with something that I love.

I have enjoyed listening to political discussions since I was a child. My relatives were rarely in lockstep with each other so I heard many different philosophies and have found pearls of wisdom in all of them which has turned me into a very independent voter who has never been tied to a single party or individual. Most people have difficulty deciding how to classify me because I don’t fit into any category.

I was raised in the Catholic Church and that upbringing had a profound effect on me but I do not believe every single teaching that I have heard. I have to politely disagree with admonitions against contraception, homosexuality and in vitro fertilization. I seriously can’t see Jesus worrying about such things given His tendency to repeat His commandments of love as the proper way to live. I suspect that my thinking was heavily influenced by liberal priests who focused more on how to treat people than worrying about judgements. As a result I am comfortable thinking for myself while still adhering to a faith in God and His role in my life.

I have no doubt that I behave and think the way I do because of millions of interactions with thousands of people, some of whom I don’t even consciously recall. All along the way I was cataloging the things that I liked and discarding what didn’t seem to fit my comfort level. I remember a humorous moment when my mother noted that she didn’t raise me the way I actually turned out. She was referring to my tendency to use rather colorful language when I am upset and I reassured her that indeed I had never heard such words from her.

Long ago I visited Chicago with my parents. While we were there I saw African Americans dining and co-mingling with whites, something that I had never observed in then segregated Houston. It struck me even at the age of seven that the people of Chicago were right and those in Houston were wrong. I even confronted my parents on this issue. It made me angry when they didn’t take my concerns seriously and only reinforced my belief that we must one day live together in harmony rather than in separate parts of town. I’m not sure from whence came my ability to think for myself but there it was.

I suppose the point that I am attempting to deliver is that we are quietly influencing others all of the time. They remember our kindnesses and our hurts. They hang on to our wisdom or shun our ignorance. We are molding others with the way that we behave toward them. It is not a purposeful thing, just something that happens in our everyday interactions. For that reason we should all be more careful of the impressions that we are making. Our children are learning more from what we do than what we say. If we want healthy happy individuals to evolve from their youth then we must act the way we want them to be.